Disclaimer: Harry Potter and Company belong to JK Rowling. No copyright infringement is meant.
Summary: Damon goes in for an annual check up and gets some information that could change his and Grant’s life forever.
Warnings: Possible Tissue warning
AN: Set Early in 2000, a few months after the events in Last Kiss.
Secrets That We Keep
Max opened the door to the exam room and smiled at Damon sitting on the table in his examination gown and boots. "Hey there Damon, how are you doing today?" he asked as he shut the door behind him and sat down on the rolling stool. Max knew how much Damon hated his yearly physicals.
"Your blood pressure is still up more than what I would like, but better than it was. Are you still getting headaches?"
Damon glared at the big Healer. "I'd be better if I wasn't sitting here in a damned paper gown." He growled. "Yes, I'm still getting the headaches but Sev is also still sending me the Pepper-up and that works well enough."
Max hummed to himself and made a note on the chart. "I'm going to change you to something else that should work a bit better and possibly stave off the headaches all together," he said and then looked up at Damon again. "Are you still having a lot of pain at night in your hips?"
Damon closed his eyes and thought about how just the night before Grant had had to push his hip back into place because it had sub flexed when he had been coming down the stairs. He hadn't been out of therapy from the motorcycle accident but a few months and there was no way he was going back to those sadists. They scared him and that was saying alot. "Grant had to put it back in place last night."
Max nodded again and looked thoughtful for a moment. "Damon, would you consider wearing a support to help with that?" he asked. The last time he'd suggested it, the older man had nearly swatted him one. "Does it tend to happen more at the end of the day?"
"It happened because I was going down the stairs." Damon snarled. "I still have the fucking cane, Max I don't need a damned support."
"I told you to not use the stairs, Damon. Didn't Grant move the bedroom downstairs?" he asked calmly, the older Dom was not going to get under his nerves today. "The more you keep doing those things you've been advised not to do, the longer it is going to take to get rid of the cane."
"Yes we did, however Grant needed something up in Sev's room and I went up to help him. You know he'll be here for Easter." Damon looked at the other man. "Look Max, I've been doing what you said and Merlin knows Grant's all over my ass about the damned diet and not doing things I shouldn't be but... none of that is helping." He sighed. "I am getting old, Max."
Max set the chart on the counter beside the sink and looked at his friend. "Damon, you are just now reaching middle age for our kind, far from old," he said and raised a brow at the man. "You've recovered remarkably fast from the accident, but there are going to be some things that will simply take time. You are going to get tired more easily because your muscles are compensating for what some of them cannot do well at the moment. I can prescribe a mood enhancer for you if you would like to give that a try."
Damon made a face. "A mood enhancer?" He snorted. "You do realize that Grant has all the mood enhancer I need growing out in the corn." He shook his head. "I don't think so, Max. I'll be just fine as soon as my body starts to work again," he sighed. "Are we finished?"
Trying not to laugh, Max shook his head. "You know we aren't, Damon. Now we do the part you love so much. I need you to bend over the table and relax," he said as he reached for the rubber gloves and lubrication. Time to check the prostate.
Damon took a deep breath and rubbed his face. "I hate you, Max." He grumbled but did as the other man had asked. "Are you certain you aren't a sadist in the closet? I refuse to buy that sensualist shit any longer."
Max chuckled. "If it makes you feel any better, I'll buy you lunch when we're finished," he said as he quickly did the exam and then sat back down. "Alright, back on the table with you. Any problems with sex from the accident?"
"Yeah right and not even a kiss from you, asshole." Damon sat back down gingerly his face flushed, slightly from embarrassment. Not about the question but from the exam. "No. Everything works." He grinned mischievously. "I can still make Grant peel the paint from the walls with his screams."
Max just grinned and shook his head, he well knew how much noise those two could make after camping with them for several years. He looked over Damon's chart once more and then looked up at the blond man. "Damon, your vasectomy was a Muggle one, correct?"
Damon nodded. "Yeah it was done in ‘68 just after I got out of the service. Why?" He squirmed on the table and tucked the gown around his legs. It seemed more often since the accident he had more problems if the joints in his hips and knees got cold.
"Did you know that it can be reversed by magic if you and Grant wanted to have a family?" Max asked as he flicked his wand and the room warmed considerably.
Damon looked at the floor. "Grant can't have anymore children, Max. That's why I had the vasectomy." He looked up at the healer, pain and hurt clearly written in his eyes. "You know that. That's why we adopted Sev." He said softly.
Max set the chart back down and scooted closer to Damon. "I went over all of Grant's medical records, Damon. I am pretty sure of what happened and how to prevent it from happening again. Grant is still young enough to provide children for you," he said carefully.
Damon shook his head. "No. You know what happened the last time and I'll not put him through that again. I won't go through that again. I will not lose him, Max." He shook his head and smiled weakly at the Healer. That's why we have Sev and you and the others we've unofficially adopted."
Max nodded, he understood. "I just wanted you to know that we could make it happen if you would like, Damon, that's all. I understand you not wanting to take a chance with him."
Damon stared at Max and wondered why the man had suggested it. Had Grant said something to him the last week when he was in for his yearly? His husband had asked for one liberty in their relationship and that was to keep his medical stuff private unless it was something major with his health. "Why did you look at Grant's medical records? Did he say something to you the last time he was in?"
Max looked at Damon for a moment and nodded. "We talked a bit and he mentioned that he'd only seen an herbalist Healer while in Japan and it made me curious. I asked him if I could have his permission to look over the records and he gave it and also gave me permission to share my findings with you if something seemed to be reversible," he said as he pulled a folded sheet of paper from one pocket.
Damon turned pale as he watched Max unfold the paper. "What... what did you find out?" He asked softly curious yet reluctant to get his hopes back up. Grant rarely let him know what all went on at the doctor visits and back then the man hadn't been allowed in the labour and delivery rooms. All he knew was what Grant had told him and the things he had gleaned from other men who had had pregnant wives and the things his mother had told him about. No one really knew exactly all about the Fleymann's that had almost allowed them to have their own children.
Max looked down at the paper and read his notes. "Grant's cervix is weak, but back then they wouldn't have known to check for something like that. Nowadays it is something easily taken care of with medication and sometimes a minor surgery to stitch it closed until the pregnancy has reached term. The herbalist suspected something and had him on several different things that seemed to have helped until the uterus grew too large and caused him to haemorrhage."
Damon nodded and hung his head as he digested the information the healer had just imparted. "Is it a sure thing that this medication and/or possible surgery can help him carry the child to term?" He asked quietly still not wanting to pin his hopes on modern medicine.
"It's a better than ninety five percent chance he'll carry a child to at least thirty six weeks, Damon. Grant told me that he didn't want to know the findings unless you wished to attempt to have another child," Max said. He could well imagine the difficulty Damon was going through with having to dredge up the fear and pain from the past attempts.
Damon looked up at Max. "That's not good enough. I can't take that chance, Max. Not with his life, I can't do that."
Max nodded, that was good enough for him. "Alright then Damon, I'll not say another word about it. I'll leave it up to you if you wish to tell Grant what I found. I will tell you this though. He blames himself for not being able to carry them," he said and folded the paper back up and set it beside Damon's leg on the exam table. He stood and picked up the chart once more. "I'll let you get dressed and then I'll take you to lunch, alright?"
Damon nodded and waited until Max left the room before hanging his head again and holding his face in his hands. He pulled his wand, locking the door and casting a silencing charm then wept silent tears for his husband and the lost babies, wondering how he was going to tell the little sub what he had learned. Max caught his arm as Damon left the exam room. "Damon... you don't have to tell him anything. I am going to respect his wishes and not tell him," he said gently. "You can just tell him it wasn't his fault if you wish."
Damon looked at Max and shook his head. "I don't know what to tell him, Max. He obviously needs something but I don't know what that is. All I want is for him to be happy and safe. I don't want him to lose him."
"Just tell him he is worth more to you than trying again," Max said softly, wishing Grant had never told him it was alright to speak to Damon. "I'm sorry Damon, I wish now that I'd never checked."
Damon nodded and smiled gently. "It's alright Max. You only did what you thought best for a patient and friend." He squeezed the man's shoulder. "Now, I believe I was promised lunch."
Max nodded and picked up his jacket and they headed down in the elevator, pausing to stick their heads in Grant's office. The small doctor looked up from where he was doing some charting and smiled as he saw his husband.
"Damon! Come in baby," he said as he tossed the closed chart onto a pile.
Damon left Max's side and walked slowly over to his husband and gathered him close to him, holding tightly to the younger man. "Hey, my Grant. Want to cut out and come have lunch with Max and I?"
Grant leaned into the strong chest of his husband and snuggled close to him. Max nodded and slipped back out to wait in Grant's waiting room, he'd give them some privacy.
"Everything alright with your physical?" Grant asked as he began to put things away so he could leave for lunch.
Damon nodded. "Yes and Max wouldn't even kiss me." He grinned at the small man as he puttered around the office. He cocked his head and stared at Grant. He wasn't quite certain how to approach the subject that he and Max had just been discussing. "Is there something you want to talk about, Grant? Something you need to tell me about your own visit from a week ago?"
Grant stopping what he was doing and ran his fingers over the shelf he was placing a book on. "I gave Max permission to look at the records of the last pregnancies when he mentioned I still had viable years left," he said neutrally and turned to look at Damon. He wasn't sure he wanted to know what had been said. "Come here, baby." Damon carefully sat in a chair and patted his lap. "Talk to me about it."
Grant walked to him and gently sat down on the man's lap, careful to lean forward a bit and balance his weight on his feet. "I'm too heavy to be sitting on your lap, Damon," he said softly and then leaned in to give him a kiss. "Max was just asking me questions about the pregnancies and if anyone had ever told us what had happened."
Damon shifted his hips slightly and then pulled Grant back further on to his lap. "If that day ever comes then I'll let you know." He captured Grant's mouth gently then looked up into the dark eyes. "Do you want to know what he told me?"
Grant though for a moment after Damon released his mouth, part of him needed to know, but a bigger part didn't want to think about it. "Was it something I did?" he asked in a small voice.
Damon shook his head. "No baby. Nothing you did or could even control would have helped us. In fact the herbalist tried and it still didn't succeed, shows us that it wasn't you." He hugged Grant close. "It was nothing you did, my Grant. You know I wouldn't lie to you, don't you?"
The little man breathed a deep sigh of relief and nodded against Damon's shoulder. "Okay. I know you wouldn't," he whispered and closed his eyes. "I don't have any patients scheduled this afternoon."
"Tom's already handling the bar tonight as well. Would you like to go on and have lunch with us and then we can go home and talk more about this?"
Grant nodded and looked at Damon. "There isn't really anything to talk about is there? I can't have your children and that's that," he said with a sad smile and stood up. "That's why I drag home every stray animal in the county."
Damon sighed and looked at his husband. He had never lied to Grant nor kept secrets from the younger man. He took a deep breath. "Max says there is a possibility that you could and he can reverse the vasectomy as well."
Grant nodded and looked at his husband. "He's certain it would work this time?"
"He says there is better than ninety-five percent chance he can get you to thirty-six weeks. That would still be a month early and there is a chance that you would have to have surgery to keep it as well." Damon swallowed and looked at his husband, giving him the chance to make the decision about this; he knew what he wanted but ultimately it was Grant's choice and Grant's body. If his husband really wanted to try again he would let him. It might kill them both but Grant had a right to know what his odds were.
Grant could tell how Damon felt about it from his voice and his body posture. "We have good lives now, right?" he asked softly. "We have Sev and the others. I can't imagine trying to raise a baby at my age. We'd have to shut down the practice and turn our lives inside out." He took a deep breath and looked out the window at the park across the street. "We can't do that."
"Pet... Grant..." Damon stood and made his way carefully to the other man and tipped his face up to met his eyes. "My Own, if you want a baby, I'll go back down and see Max. We are set up pretty good and it would be no hardship for you to close the practice if you wanted." He traced the high cheekbones and caressed the side of his husband's face. "If you truly want it, I will make certain you can have it."
"I know you would, Damon," he said and smiled, " If you wish it, I will do it, but if you are leaving it to me... then no. I don't think it's a good idea." He felt a little part of himself die with those words, but he knew a child would not fit into their lives anymore. They were past that point. "Take me home later and share a bath with me?"
Damon breathed a sigh of relief and pulled Grant to him. "Thank you My Own." He said softly and rubbed the small man's back. He swallowed hard and willed the tears from his eyes as he kissed the top of Grant's head and squeezed him tightly. "Anything you wish my Grant, I'll even put the strawberry bubbles in for you."
"I love you," he said as he leaned over in the man's grasp and pulled a brown paper bag out of his top drawer. "I'm ready to go."
"I love you too, Grant." Damon said and then scowled at the sack. "Put that away we are going someplace for lunch. Max's treat, he said so." He took the paper bag from his husband and dropped it into the trash bin beside Grant's desk. "Let's go."
"Hey... I can take that tomorrow," Grant laughed as he bent and picked the sack up out of the waste bin. "Can't waste perfectly good peanut butter."
Damon shook his head. "Put that back it was in the trash can. I don't know why you insist on bringing a sack lunch when you could come, meet me and have lunch with me at the bar or someplace else in town." He took the sack from his husband once more and replaced it in the waste bin then circled his arm around Grant's waist. "Come on now, let's get your hands washed so we can go and eat. Max has most likely started to waste away or he has decided on someplace that will serve us up a grease ball on a plate." He grinned at his husband. "I can't wait."