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[Jan. 10th, 2011|06:59 pm] |
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InsaneJournal pretty much just stopped for me for a couple days after the first part of our nice fat special and I'm a stupid asshole who is afraid of asking for help lone wolf of the Internet, hence the delay. But enough of my whining - do you want more quamp? Of course you do!
Continued from part 1:
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| "EEVEE TG TF" (AUDIO SNARK) |
[Dec. 7th, 2010|01:36 pm] |
In which Del and I haze formally induct our good friend Mae Bedlam to the Squad with a terrible, trippy story about Eevees and their makings (which involve root beer and "gender change sissors"). But just what kind of Eevee results? Listen and find out!
DOWNLOAD
[Mirror] |
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| VANJA'S WORLD PRESENTS: "BEHIND CLOSED DOORS" |
[Nov. 28th, 2010|10:59 pm] |
Delcat: A while ago, I was trawling /d/ for snark material and found an awful and nonsensical five-page Futurama comic about the girls being impregnated by a tentacle monster and laying a zillion eggs. This is nothing unusual for the given territory, but what was interesting was the glaring, ugly watermark on each page advertising the website it came from. I followed it back and found a treasure trove of terrible.
Zeiss Manifold: Note that we are linking directly to the page image files - this is because we care about you, dear readers, and feel that subjecting you to multiple JABcomix ads and pictures of girls screaming at photoshop layers filled with penises is unecessary as far as eyestrain goes.
Delcat: Plus we don't want the webmistress noticing where the hits are coming from and screaming at us in broken English. But also yeah, that whole love and caring shit.
Zeiss Manifold:
"Behind Closed Doors (B.C.D.) is a hentai comic series that consists of short comics (5 pages each) that tells about things that happens in the sexlife to several kinds of people. It's a kind of "who knows what people do at home when nobody sees them..." series. So far, these comics contains a fetish fashion and little bit of bondage hentai comic, a schoolgirl hentai comic, and a cbt hentai comic/femdom hentai comic ^_^"
Zeiss Manifold: But is the Ono-esque touch of "^_^" warranted? Read on and find out!
( Read more... ) |
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| FOUND STORY SPECIAL - "DANGEROUS BAD VAMPIRES ON LOOSE" AND "MAXWELL THE MAGIC MAN MANN" |
[Nov. 23rd, 2010|01:47 pm] |
We are back! It's a very special occasion for us, as we welcome a new member to the Squad in the form of Toastuh, who joins me and Del for a very special reading of two selections that were found outside of the internet - we give the full stories in the file, so listen and find out! [Mirror]
Follow along:
"Dangerous bad vampires on loose": Page 1, page 2
"Maxwell the Magic Man Mann": Page 1, page 2, page 3
Good night and have a magical life!
Credit goes to ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif?v=1) foolish_took for the Repairman joke. |
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| A FEARLESS SPORK SQUAD HALLOWEEN SHINDIG SPECTACULAR: JACK CHICK'S "STINKY" |
[Oct. 30th, 2010|10:32 pm] |
Delcat: Zeiss, the trick-or-treaters are almost here. Are we good on candy? I picked up an extra bag of Clit-o-Honeys, but I don't know if it'll be enough.
Zeiss Manifold: What, you want these kids to break their teeth? That stuff's like biting into granite Kix. Gummi dongs, on the other hand...kids love the taste and moms love the lack of opaqueness when they get to checking the candy for razors and shit.
Zeiss Manifold: And SPEAKING of something completely opaque, we've got a Chick tract to finish up!
Delcat: They were all sold out of most of the good shit, man. I nearly got trampled getting the last box of Pop Cocks.
Delcat: I think they're defective, too, they go off way before you put them in your mouth.
Delcat: Must we really? God, I think watching Saw VI again would be less painful, and I do not say that lightly.
Zeiss Manifold: It's for the children.
Delcat: Stupid children.
Zeiss Manifold: Stinky children.
( Part Two ) |
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| A FEARLESS SPORK SQUAD HALLOWEEN SHINDIG SPECTACULAR: JACK CHICK PRESENTS "STINKY" |
[Oct. 26th, 2010|10:53 pm] |
Zeiss Manifold: Ahoy, sporkers and sporquettes! It's getting near Halloween in our time zone - and coincidentally, in Jack Chick's as well.
Delcat: Again? Hasn't he done like five Halloween tracts already?
Zeiss Manifold: Even despite Chick's best-laid plans, there just keep on being more Halloweens.
Delcat: Look, I'm not gonna lie to anyone, here, Halloween is all about teaching kids about the joys of unfettered, high-fructose-corn-syrup-laden hedonism. BUT IT IS OUR GOD-GIVEN RIGHT TO DO SO!
Delcat: P.S. gentle viewers, one of us was born on Halloween and grew up in a fundie church with all the baggage that entails. This is gonna be a fun one.
Zeiss Manifold: Today's tract is "Stinky", about how even YOU can find eternal life with the help of Jesus, and more importantly, Jack Chick publications. Buy stock in tracts today!
Delcat: "Stinky"?
( Part One ) |
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| THE BAD PORN ROUNDUP - EPISODE 6 |
[Oct. 12th, 2010|12:33 am] |
ZEISS’S NOTE: College has slowed down the snarking business to be sure, but we do plan to kick back in gear soon. Here’s a good old-fashioned Roundup as an appetizer!
Delcat: Well, readers, I'm going to be straight with you this time: Zeiss and I are bored, so we are torturing each other with horrible porn. This is what we do. I know. I know. Stop crying.
Zeiss Manifold: It is a game of wit, and skill, and of squick.
Delcat: Normally I go in order of least to most painful, but I'm admittedly hard-pressed to rank my selections this time…
( i can stand the sight of worms, and look at microscopic germs, but fractal uteri filled with sperms is really too much for me ) |
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[Sep. 22nd, 2010|07:09 pm] |
Well, the first thing you should know about this story is that it’s entirely in bold. I love weird formatting, it just makes it that much worse.
The second thing you need to know about this fic is that it’s a Samurai Champloo/Inuyasha crossover. I debated on posting this or an Ed, Edd, N Eddy/Champloo crossover, but this one won when I noticed the author spelled the word “damn” as “damb.” Yes, I said to myself. This is gold.
( To liven up the comm, I give you a short solo snark :D ) |
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| "THE MORE THE MERRIER" BY QUAMP (AUDIO SNARK) |
[Aug. 22nd, 2010|10:34 am] |
We've been neglecting the comm a little as of late (as we're all getting ready to go back to college), and we know you've all been clamoring for some more Quamp, so here's a special treat: Me, Delcat and Narwhal snarking a terrible K-On! Quampfic via the magic of SPEAKING.
This was recorded with just Skype and Audacity, so it kind of sounds like I'm holding Nar and Del underwater while assailing them with horrible stories of three-pronged dildos, but we were all extremely giddy and excitable and it was a real blast to make.
"Get those pussies creaming!" |
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| "WIERD SORA" |
[Aug. 21st, 2010|02:36 pm] |
| [ | Tags | | | absolutely off the deep end, bad things happening to asses, delcat, fetish clusterfucks, furries, i have no idea how to categorize this, narwhal, not worksafe, tf is the weirdest fetish, the worst day at the zoo ever, zeiss manifold | ] |
Delcat: Ladies and gentlebutts, we are proud to have a Narwhal in our midst once more! Which...like, you already knew, but...shut UP.
Delcat: Anyway, you all know I'm a pervy bastard. So when a namefag on /y/ decided to dump all of his porn folders to Megaupload, well, I jumped at that like an alcoholic fish jumps at corn liquor, or however these charming country metaphors go.
Zeiss Manifold: So you've found us one of your patented Mystery Comics?
Narwhal: All I'm getting from this is that you frequent /y/
Delcat: Unfortunately, despite the promise of great yaoi, 99.8% of the folders actually consisted of horrible furry TF porn and other assorted horrors. You've seen some before (it involved a giant flash drive) and now see some more! Who knows what's inside? Just me! These other poor bastards are about to be taken by surprise! ...fuck, I sound like the back of a porn DVD.
Zeiss Manifold: ...You got any of that corn liquor left over from that metaphor? I might need it.
Narwhal: Furries: how to make anything unimaginably worse
Delcat: Without further adieu, here's "Wierd Sora", a tragedy in twelve pages.
( yes our pink elephant cocks are bared, be prepared~ ) |
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| THE BAD ALBUM COVER ROUNDUP, EPISODE 5 |
[Aug. 16th, 2010|10:06 pm] |
Zeiss Manifold: Hello all! We've invited our Special Guest Narwhal for another hard-rockin' bad album cover roundup.
Narwhal: Enough pillowtalk. Let's do this.
Zeiss Manifold: Yes, let's.
( a funny thing happened on the way to hell ) |
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| INCARNATE 03, PART III |
[Aug. 2nd, 2010|09:30 am] |
We have another treat in store for all you Quamp fans, but we need to overcome some technical difficulties in order to post it here. In the meantime, here's some more Incarnate to tide you over until then:
( can anybody find meeeeeee somebody to trace ) |
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| "WHAT IF KAMINA HAD LIVED?" BY QUAMP |
[Jul. 22nd, 2010|10:33 am] |
In honor of the sheer response we've recieved on the last Quamp snark, I've decided to go ahead and fine-tune another snark I wrote a while back - of the original "car crusher" fic itself. You've read his guide, now see how the man works!
( all the lights in the sky are quamps ) |
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| VINTAGE ARCHIE TIJUANA BIBLE |
[Jul. 19th, 2010|05:07 pm] |
Delcat: Zeiss, I don't know, it seems really unlikely you found a Hartley comic I wasn't able to.
Zeiss Manifold: Nah, it's not Hartley - it's actually one of the early Archies. I thought it would make a nice antidote.
Delcat: Really? Well, I dunno, I always found them a little bland, but that was in the nineties. I guess the earlier ones might have had some more pep.
Delcat: ...get it? Pep? Huh? Huh?
Delcat: Like the...name of the company that...oh, fuck it.
Zeiss Manifold: I'd hope not. Back then, pep was manufactured from coca leaves and the bones of factory workers.
( If you think this is dirty, you can go fuck yourself ) |
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