Christine (spaghettitoes) wrote in spaghettific, @ 2010-10-05 15:41:00 |
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The clatter of fresh logs into the fire woke Merlin. He jumped, pulling the jacket in his hands closer to his chest and looking to the person beside him in shock. The kitchen maid smiled faintly at him, “Sorry Merlin.”
“What’re you doing here?” He looked around the room and to the crumpled fabric in his hands, “What am I doing here?”
Uncharacteristically quiet, May nodded to the table behind her before scurrying out of the room. Merlin looked to the table where Arthur was sitting casually with his breakfast.
“There’s bread and cheese if you want it.” Arthur announced, sinking his fork into a slice of ham.
“What did you say to make May so nervous?”
“May?” He looked to Merlin, “Oh the kitchen girl? I did nothing, perhaps finding you asleep by my fire this morning rattled her.”
“Why...” As Merlin moved the impact of a night’s rest on hard stone became abundantly clear. He groaned as he stood, stretching himself to his full length and awakening every muscle. “Why was I asleep by your fireplace?” He stopped at the table, pointedly avoiding sitting down.
“That was going to be my question.” sniffed Arthur, “But if you are volunteering to keep the fire burning, who am I to complain? You might even arrive on time in the mornings.”
“Funny.” Arthur’s normal, bristly tone relaxed him and he drew a chair across the floorboards, making enough room to drop himself with a sigh onto the seat.
Arthur pushed a plate across the table. Merlin inspected the food, realising Arthur must have requested extra for him, “Am I dying or something?”
Arthur’s eyebrow rose, “What are you talking about?”
“You’re being nice. Either I’m still asleep or something’s wrong.”
“Why ever would you dream about me being nice to you Merlin?”
Merlin said nothing, picking up the bread and tearing off a piece, trying to ignore the part of him that said Arthur was playing him again. Suddenly he coughed fiercely and almost choked at the thought that he might have talked in his sleep. What declarations and confessions had he uttered unknowingly?
Arthur laughed at him, “Chewing too difficult?”
Retaining what little pride he could, Merlin stood up, “Either you’re after something or you want to blame me for something. Either way I’m in no mood for games.” Defiantly he grabbed his plate, “Thank you for breakfast. But I have chores before…” he had turned towards the door, his left foot lifted from the ground to take his first step when Arthur stopped laughing.
“Sit down and eat Merlin.” He rolled his eyes but Merlin knew Arthur well enough to see through his boastful façade, “I was too tired to wake you last night. What harm did a night by the fire do you?”
“Besides my back?” He collapsed into his seat again.
Arthur laughed, “You would prefer a bed of hay next time?”
“I’d prefer a bed next time.” he snipped, taking another bite of bread before cringing to himself, too scared to raise his eyes to Arthur’s expression. When he received no angry reply, not even a condescending laugh, Merlin peeked apprehensively round at Arthur and watched him.
Arthur looked at his breakfast, moving it uncertainly on the plate with his fork as he thought and Merlin could see the worry furrowing his forehead. Without realising he turned his head a little to watch Arthur better and his concern grew. Picking up a piece of cheese he nibbled on it anxiously, hoping the weight would stop the knotting in his stomach, knowing that with one pleading glance he would sacrifice himself to help Arthur.
Just as his hand twitched and thought to reach across and reassuringly touch Arthur’s arm Merlin tugged it back and grabbed the piece of bread anxiously, “Something’s wrong.” He insisted as though mid-argument, “Did you want to talk about it?”
“Why would I...” Arthur rolled his eyes but when they fell on Merlin’s honest concern he stopped, sighing as his body shifted slightly to face Merlin, “This...Frey. What do you think of him?”
“You’re worried about Frey?!” laughed Merlin incredulously until Arthur’s surprise jolted his mind. Remembering Frey’s cover story Merlin composed himself, “He’s.....well he’s....what are you worried about? Your father...”
“I asked what you thought of him.” Arthur coughed and pulled himself back into his chair to restore his dignity, “My father’s opinion is clear on the matter.” He looked around with an apprehension that confused Merlin, a confusion that only deepened as Arthur nudged his chair down the table and drew them closer, “They were discussing us yesterday. We have no knowing what he said or what Frey might uncover.”
Merlin’s head tilted slightly as he looked at Arthur, accepting what he had said with a small but warm smile, “You’re worried about....us? Why?”
“I can trust you can’t I?”
“Of course.” Merlin answered without thinking, the words inconsequential when compared to the insistent frown on Arthur’s face; he wasn’t seeking trust but offering it instead. “If...if you want I’m sure I could talk to Frey on your behalf – really there’s no reason...”
“A sacrifice you’d bear gladly I’m sure.” He stood, the chair scratching across the floor as he pushed it away from the table, motioning for Merlin to follow him.
Merlin scurried after him hastily, his concern briefly replaced with a racing anxiety as Arthur led him into his bedroom. Arthur’s eyes never left his, not even when he crouched down and reached beneath the bed. Merlin stepped closer, waiting with baited curiosity to see what made Arthur so worried.
There was an inescapable sense of anti-climax as Arthur stood up and carefully held forward a non-descript book bound in aged leather. Merlin scoffed slightly as he reached forward and took the book from Arthur, “A book, this is about a...” he flipped the book open randomly, his eyes recognising in an instant what the words meant, “A magic book?” He dropped to the bed and sat balanced on the edge as he looked through the pages. “How did you...”
“Is that really all you can think about?” Arthur slumped onto the post of his bed, arms crossed as he scrutinised Merlin’s reaction, “What matters is that we get Frey away from Camelot before he and my father worsen matters.”
Merlin stopped, looking up at Arthur with poorly hidden joy, “You’ve been reading this haven’t you? Why...when?”
“I’ve been interested in it for a while; things I have...things we have encountered over time. I’m too old to assume my father is right – I wanted to know for myself. There’s nothing wrong with that is there? If I am to be king I should be my own man – not my father’s puppet.”
“Yes...yes, of course but...”
“I had to know.” He looked at Merlin, his eyes a sparkling blue, “If my mother really....” Arthur sank down, sitting on the edge of the bed.
“I...I...” Merlin could feel himself crumble and reached across to touch Arthur’s shoulder reassuringly. For a moment neither spoke; Merlin watched the fleeting moment of weakness on Arthur’s face, felt his pain and even opened his mouth to speak but before he could say his name Arthur pulled himself up with a deep breath, “I understand why you lied to me and I am grateful. I can’t kill my father - he is my father after all - but the things that he did...” Arthur stood up, angrily kicking his foot across the ground, “The things he continues to do! It makes me sick.”
“They do?” Merlin watched as Arthur paced around the room, uncertain if he was pleased at the revelation or concerned for his friend’s dilemma. The tremble in Arthur’s voice resonated with his heart so Merlin felt the same agony. When Arthur stopped at the window Merlin stepped closer, prompted by Arthur’s silence to question further, “Why?”
Arthur chuckled but it sounded bitter, “I’ve told you before - I don’t think magic alone makes a person bad.” He turned, his eyes catching Merlin’s for a moment before he looked back, “To let good people....innocent people, suffer and die.” He hit his fist against the window frame with such force that Merlin jumped.
“What will you do?” Merlin tried to hold back, to appear as collected as Arthur did.
Arthur turned from the window and he looked at Merlin with a reassuring smile, “Don’t worry Merlin.” His smile grew as he stepped closer and put his hand on Merlin’s shoulder, “Nothing rash. I think for now we must persevere with protecting those we can when we must. I hope I can enlighten my father with time. But if not...” he took a deep breath, “...if I cannot then...then I will have to consider what else can be done.”
“What else?” Merlin looked sceptically at Arthur who shook his head softly.
“I would rather leave those ideas alone for now.”
Merlin nodded and the two stood together silently for a moment. Merlin’s breath became heavy, almost laboured as his heart beat faster and he fought with the next question that played on his mind. He looked up to find Arthur’s eyes waiting to meet his but it only flustered him further.
“Are you alright Merlin?”
“Yes...Yes, I’m fine.” He moved unsteadily around the room, his head bowed as he searched his thoughts.
Arthur looked at Merlin with concern, “Is something wrong Merlin? Have I upset you?”
“No.” He shook his head fervently, “No.”
“Is there...” Arthur moved fractionally closer, “...is there something you want to tell me?”
Merlin crossed the room and stood on the opposite side of the window, his heart beating faster as he considered his confession. “You should know that....that Frey is a wizard.”
Arthur shook his head with confusion, “He’s a what?!”
“Frey is....a wizard. He’s court magician to King Hedrik.”
Arthur looked at Merlin with a startling intensely, “So why is he here?”
Merlin felt so relieved he laughed but quickly realised Arthur’s shock at his reaction and smiled reassuringly, “You didn’t assume he was planning something.”
Arthur frowned, “Is he?”
“He....” Arthur was becoming harder and harder to read; worse Merlin was losing grip of his self control. The honesty, the vulnerability that emanated from Arthur with the same convincing power he always possessed was intoxicating and Merlin didn’t know what to do. He watched Arthur for a moment, unaware how long passed until he faltered, “He’s here for....me.”
Arthur looked horrified and angry, “You?!”
Suddenly everything came crashing down on Merlin and he looked around nervously, Arthur’s reaction all the reality he needed, “Well, he....he just wanted to find out about Camelot really. Then...then I helped him and...”
“You helped him?”
“Just warned him, found him somewhere to hide...” Merlin rubbed the back of his neck anxiously, mortified at the honesty he couldn’t seem to stop, “And then he just arrived here.”
“And he wants you?”
Merlin laughed nervously, “Yes. I...I don’t understand but he’s offering to teach me about...”
Arthur waved his hand dismissively and frowned, “Are you going?”
Arthur’s question left Merlin speechless. He searched Arthur’s features for an answer, suddenly longing for Arthur to issue an order and remove all need for him to consider the options. He moved minutely closer to Arthur, concern and desire for an answer evident and suddenly nothing had to be said. Arthur nodded at him, a small, almost unnoticeable confirmation of his uncertainty. Merlin sighed gratefully and his arms dropped listlessly to his side. He wanted to fall against Arthur, sigh onto his neck and have arms wrap around his shoulders to remove all concern. Arthur managed to meet his eyes instinctively once again as Merlin looked up, his blush immediate. Regardless Arthur held his eye and Merlin knotted inside, forcing himself to step backwards as he grasped the remaining shards of his self-control.
“But I...I promise, I’ll speak to him again.”
“There’s no need to...”
Merlin shook his head, the soft tone in Arthur’s voice painfully reassuring, “No...no he has no right to put you at risk....you...you or anyone else.”
“Merlin...” Arthur tried to put his hand on Merlin’s shoulder but it slipped away as Merlin’s retreat continued, “Calm down. I’m perfectly capable of...”
“Let me do this” Merlin insisted, “I’ll take care of it.”
Once he was out of the room Merlin ran for the first place he felt safe, shooting into an empty room and falling against the door. His forehead beaded sweat and he replayed every moment since he had woken, thinking only of how open Arthur had been and what Merlin himself had nearly divulged, what he had come close to confessing. It took him a while to compose himself, laughing in disbelief before he focused his thoughts and forced himself to act. For all that he tried he still arrived at Frey’s room like an awe-struck child, talking at length about Arthur and relaying enthusiastically the details of their conversation. Frey smiled benevolently as he listened to Merlin, saying nothing about his grin or giddy exuberance.
Merlin rattled through everything, returning to certain things time and again, explaining in great detail Arthur’s expression, the honesty in his smile, the vulnerability he had allowed Merlin to see.
When he finally finished talking Merlin fell into a chair, looking into the distance in disbelief and Frey smiled indulgently. Soon the silence struck him and he looked to Frey, the smile bringing a question and he stood, moving quickly to the dressing table and the mirror where he looked with shock at his reflection and the golden shine in his eyes.
“How is this happening?” He turned, quick and nervous, “Are you doing this?”
Frey shook his head “I can only guess that your magic responds to your feelings.” He shrugged apologetically, “I have never met someone who came to magic as naturally as you do. Perhaps your feelings for Arthur....”
“Please, just...” Merlin hurried to the door consumed with doubt, “...don’t put Arthur at risk.” He sighed, “I seem to be doing enough of that.”
“Merlin” Frey hurried to his side and pulled him back into the room, “Sit, calm down.” He sat Merlin on the sofa and turned to collect a goblet from his table, the cup filling as he casually moved his hand over it and whispered. He placed the cup in Merlin’s shaking hands, patting his forearm reassuringly, “The balance is disturbed here.” he smiled with self-mocking humility, “no doubt the result of my presence.”
“A bit more than either of us knows maybe.” Merlin laughed, unable to still the shaking in his hands. He took a sip from the goblet and looked up; Frey stood thoughtfully by the fireplace, his eyes cast down as his mind turned inward. Merlin watched him, hoping to understand his thoughts and intentions. He couldn’t ignore the feeling that Frey knew far more than he told Merlin and he wondered how – why a stranger had such insight into his life. Sighing in frustration as he took another drink and hoping his thoughts or the world could stop completely.
Frey looked at Merlin suddenly, “I shall leave tomorrow. I’m sorry to rush your decision but if I don’t, it may be made for you.” All the expression had left his face and Merlin wondered at the thoughts that were now restrained.
Frey moved and stood behind the sofa, a reassuring hand falling on Merlin’s shoulder with heavy warmth. “You have the day to think it over, today’s demonstration might help: a little sport to lighten your mood.”