hikaru maxwell (hikaru_maxwell) wrote in soulfighter, @ 2008-06-22 06:59:00 |
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Current mood: | drained |
Current music: | Giokhae, Saranghae - Tony Ahn |
Entry tags: | a:hikaru_maxwell, fic, if a storm could drown your tears, jaemin, ot5, yunchun |
[fic] JaeMin, Yunchun, OT5 ~ If a storm could drown your tears...
Name: If a storm could drown your tears....
Author: hikaru_maxwell
Pairing: Jaemin, Yunchun, OT5
Warning: death!fic, experiments in writing without dialogue
Summary: 5-2 = ???
In my hand, like a sea of memories
I can hear you say my name
I can almost see your smile,
feel the warmth of your embrace
But there is nothing but silence now,
around the one I loved
Is this our farewell?
-Our farewell, Within Temptation
It seemed like forever since the last time he stood in this spot, staring out at the ocean from the jagged shoreline, the ocean an essence uncontrollable, it's futile efforts to overtake the shore an endless dance of give and take, pushing and pulling on the fragile earth, never quite able to win. The darkness in the skies mirrored his heart, threatening to break loose and shower the world with tears, a world already drenched with saline drops fallen from bloodshot eyes.
Three days, and his world had changed forever. Three weeks, and there was nothing left to say. Nothing left to do but weep, mourn, and move on. Three....there were only three of them left now. A lonely number for a man who was so used to being five.
The man shivered with the chill of a windless night at the shore, his gaze lifeless as it took in nothing of his surroundings, an inward eye pointed toward the past that could never be relived, a past that existed now only in memory and song. His ear listened to non-existent voices that he would never again hear calling his name.
It had not happened suddenly, the inevitable outcome of their secret heading toward conclusion at a slow burn, always lying behind their smiles, waiting to spring out into the open. They all knew it, but no-one would admit a word to anyone outside the group, the sacred five. The boys felt that there wasn't another soul beyond their small group who could understand, could truly grasp what it meant to be in love with your closest friends.
Five minus one. Five plus one. An equation to meet nothingness, and they believed it as much as their fans did. For them, the love was passionate and platonic all at once, and they reveled in their choice, their bond. There was an undercurrent to everything they did, a simple touch or glance carrying more meaning than any words could ever convey. And all of it, all of the beautiful synergy that lived like a symphony of their life came crashing closed with the sound of a gunshot, a jarring note in the melody that was once Dong Bang Shin Ki.
The sky wept bitter tears along with the man whose knees dug into the muddy and wet sand, face upturned to the sky as he fought with his memory, desperately grasping for happier moments that slipped away from his consciousness, dancing just out of reach as that one, terrible memory replayed itself for the nth time since the night his world fell away.
The news said it had been an anti-fan, intending to disrupt the concert, but she had missed her target, and hit Jaejoong instead. The shock of that moment would forever be etched in his memory, the sirens, the blood, so much blood. Hero never woke, his soul moving on without them, a result so unexpected that at first, none of those present were able to process what it really meant. And the four who remained were forced to live in a world where he no longer existed.
It was three days, five hours, and twenty-seven minutes after Kim Jaejoong left them that Shim Changmin left on a grocery run he was doomed never to return from. Of all of them, it had been hardest on him. In the days following the incident, he had had many close calls, his ability to focus on the present completely destroyed in the wake of losing the most precious person in the tall musician's life. In the end, it was this that caused him to follow the eldest into the sun, where none of those left behind could reach him.
It was Yunho that stood as a rock before the cameras, announcing to the world their intention to disband, shielding his remaining brothers from the harsh requirement of meeting the media, of having to come out of their shells of grief long enough to deal with reality. It was Yunho who held Chun as he wept in the depths of night, unable to sleep for more than a few minutes at a time, his mind haunted by nightmares. And it was Yunho who suggested that they take a breather, find their equilibrium and decide for themselves exactly how they wanted to go on from here.
Junsu did not attend the funeral, choosing instead to disappear, not able to face the weeping faces of his friends, of his fans. Instead, he shouted his grief and his goodbyes to a lifeless shoreline, drowned out by the waves, as the wind battered his body in imitation of the hurricane of emotion that threatened to drown his mind and heart.
Yoochun sought comfort in others, and in Yunho he found a rock to anchor onto, a lifeline to keep him sane and alive. Junsu did not begrudge them this, knowing that it was necessary for both of his friends to move on from this place they were stuck at, a perpetual loop of pain and numbness that he himself had no way to break free from. So he drifted on his own, letting the waters of the Pacific Ocean lap at his feet, and remembered.
Gah, sadfic......*flails* Why is it always sadfic? What happened to my crackmuse? I know, I killed off my favorite boys. Please don't kill me? *cowers and ducks the flying objects thrown from the peanut gallery*
Read and review, pl0x?