snarryswapmod (![[info]](http://www.insanejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} snarryswapmod) wrote in ![[info]](http://www.insanejournal.com/img/community.gif){kind=small} snarry_swap,@ 2008-01-27 12:00:00 |
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| Entry tags: | creation: fic, eeyore9990, rated: nc-17 |
Happy Daft Day, dingochow!
Recipient: dingochow
Title: 101 Uses for Frog Parts in Potions Making (or How Harry Almost Became an Ingredient)
Author/Artist: eeyore9990
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Jurassic Park science, threesome (SS/HP/RL), slightly cracky… oh, and Firewhisky: The Undeniable Plot Device of Doom. AU.
Prompt/Summary: Harry has difficulty mastering Animagus transfiguration; Remus and Snape are there to help.
Word Count: ~5100
Author/Artist's Note: This was entirely too much fun to write, dingochow. Thank you for the excellent prompts! Thanks also to unbroken_halo and kathrynthegreat for all the suggestions, opinions, and cheerleading, to my beta alisanne, and to the mods for allowing me to take part in the fun.
"Relax, Harry." The husky voice, speaking softly as if to a lover, drew Severus' attention to the window. Standing, he walked toward it, stopping only when he had an unobstructed view of the two men lying on the grass outside, Lupin holding Potter spooned against him as the young man's back arched in some extreme feeling. "Relax… if you don't, it could be painful. I don't want you to get hurt."
"I—I'm trying," Potter gasped, his eyes closing on an expression of pained concentration.
A few moments of laboured breathing later and Potter pushed away from the comforting circle of Lupin's arms with a bit-off scream of frustration. "I can feel it, but… It's no use, Remus," he said, his shoulders slumping dejectedly. "It's just not… big enough!"
"Harry," Lupin chided, his hands coming up to rub Potter's arms soothingly. "I've told you before, size doesn't matter."
Severus bit back a laugh at the scene unfolding before him and rested a hip against the widow sill, blatantly eavesdropping on his housemates' conversation.
"You said it would fill me up until I felt like I would burst, though, and it's so small."
Lupin sighed, rubbing one hand over his head lazily as he contemplated Potter's words.
Severus simply couldn't let the opportunity pass. "I hadn't realised, Lupin," he called. "There are potions for under-endowment. I might be persuaded to brew one for you."
Potter's mouth dropped open in confusion even as Lupin shook his head in gentle admonishment. Severus narrowed his eyes on Potter and began counting, reaching twelve (and a half) before Potter's eyes snapped with understanding and his skin became a mottled red. "I—I—we—"
Severus shook his head and tsk-ed, barely managing to maintain a straight face as Potter stomped off, embarrassed into submission.
"Severus, please. I've been trying to get him to relax enough to accept the transformation. This little scene has likely set me back by weeks." The reproof from Lupin made Severus grind his teeth together before Lupin sighed softly and said, "I suppose it's time to try Plan B."
Severus raised his eyebrows. "Plan B?"
"Hmm, yes. Firewhisky." Lupin sighed again. "Lots of Firewhisky."
Severus pursed his lips and shook his head. "Not tonight. You're too close to the full moon."
Lupin looked up into the pure blue sky, a hint of pain creasing his brow before he nodded and turned away. "Three nights from now."
Harry grunted and screamed, his eyes going wide as... as something pressed against his cock from the inside. It burned as it travelled up his cock and until felt like the tip was being stretched around a canon ball. With a final scream, he managed to push out whatever flaming fire ball of death and destruction had crawled up inside him... then the world went black. As he woke, groggy, he blinked up at the ceiling, and a left-over impression of pain from his groin made him wince and sit up, looking for Snape.
Seeing him standing in the corner of the room, his back to Harry, Harry said, "What the devil was that? Kidney stones?"
Snape turned, his lips twitching as he held up a small, water filled bowl. "Congratulations, Potter. It's a ... tadpole."
Harry woke from his nap with a gasp, a scream lodged in his throat. That was the oddest dream he'd ever had, bar none, and he resolved firmly never to have prawn flavoured crisps again.
Ever.
With a shudder, he rolled from the bed and went off to find Remus. Living with Remus was wonderful. They had spent many long afternoons talking about Harry's parents and Sirius and all the trouble the Marauders had got up to in their days at Hogwarts. More importantly to Harry, Remus had shared with him some wonderful memories of his parents' marriage, both before and after Harry had been born.
The entire time in this tiny cabin would have been idyllic if not for—
"Potter!"
Snape.
Harry bit back a groan and turned toward the man standing in the doorway of the kitchen, his arms crossed in front of him as he stood glowering down at Harry.
"Yes?" At Snape's narrow-eyed glare, Harry rolled his eyes and added, "Sir?"
"As the werewolf is unable to attend you this afternoon, I will be overseeing your transformation progress."
Harry blinked as he quickly translated that to normal English then grimaced as Snape's meaning finally became clear. "Yay," he said flatly. "I don't know why we're even bothering anymore. I don't think I have an Animagus form. Some people don't, right?"
Snape hissed in irritation and shook his head sharply. "The only setback to Animagus transfiguration is if a witch or wizard has strong mental barriers to outside stimulation. After our Occlumency sessions, I am fully qualified to say that you are more than capable of becoming an Animagus."
Harry made a face before sighing and slouching into the kitchen.
"Where are you going, Potter?"
Harry blinked and looked back at Snape, who was still framed in the doorway. "I thought we were going to do this in here?"
One eyebrow arching at him told him otherwise, of course. Harry sighed—earning him a roll of Snape's eyes—and said, "Okay, where are we going to do this, then?"
"I do not relish the thought of rolling about on the hard ground with you, Potter. The sofa in the sitting room will do."
Harry flushed slightly as he recalled the pointed barbs Snape had flung at him and Remus earlier that week. "We weren't 'rolling about on the ground,'" he muttered, but shrugged and brushed past Snape to walk toward the sitting room.
Snape stalked into the room behind Harry and waited until Harry sat down on the sofa before he sank onto the cushion at the far end. Harry awkwardly placed his hands in his lap for a few moments before he risked a glance at Snape and realised the man was sitting there with a look of resigned irritation. He wore that look a lot around Harry.
Slumping, Harry said, "What did I do this time?"
Snape lifted a hand to his head, pressing against his temples as he muttered something under his breath. Finally, he looked up at Harry and said, "What do you know of becoming an Animagus?"
Harry shrugged and said, "Just what Remus told me."
"And that is…?"
"Oh, that I would dream of my form at some point; that it would seem to fill me up until it burst from my skin and then I would become my form; that I need to relax and let it fill me."
Snape frowned during Harry's recitation and a long silence followed it, broken only when Snape said, "Did he tell you how he knows this?"
Harry blinked. "Yes, he said that Sirius told him. And my dad, I guess," he said, watching Snape for the explosion that always seemed to follow any mention of either of those men.
"I believe he may be wrong."
Harry sat up straight, instantly getting his back up at the thought of Snape slandering Remus when Remus wasn't even here to defend himself. "How would you know?" he asked sharply. "You're not an Animagus."
"Neither is he."
"Well… but he knows what it's like to transform into an animal."
"No, Potter, he knows how it feels to lose control of his humanity and become something he fears."
"But he…"
"What? He's not an Animagus but he intuitively knows how to be one? Grow up, Potter! Just because your sainted father—"
"Oh, there you go again!"
Suddenly they were both on their feet, in each other's faces as they yelled obscenities at one another.
"Well, this is certainly a new method of teaching Harry Animagus transformation. Is it working, Severus?" Remus' quiet voice cut through their angry words, making Harry start guiltily as he turned to see his mentor standing there, still looking rather weak and in need of rest.
"I'm so sorry, Remus. I didn't mean to wake you!"
"It's no matter, Harry," Remus said with a soft smile, his hand lifting to show the gold-foil covered bar of Honeyduke's finest that he held in his hand. "I have my chocolate. I'll be right as rain soon."
Snape rolled his eyes but managed to refrain from making a derogatory remark about Remus' chocolate. "This isn't working, Lupin. We may as well Owl the Headmaster and let him know Potter is too thick to grasp such a simple—"
Harry turned to Snape with a furious shout. "Too thick?! You can't do it, either!"
"Enough! Both of you! My God, you're acting like children. Harry, your age does not excuse you. I realise that Severus is goading you, but I do expect better of you."
Harry bit his lip, still shooting angry glances at Snape, but somehow managing to swallow the words that kept trying to escape him.
Remus sighed and ran a hand through his greying hair. "I need a drink."
From the corner of his eye, Harry saw Snape start at that remark. "Tonight?"
"Yes. Tonight."
"Very well."
"What's going on?" Harry asked, looking from one man to the other.
"Harry, the biggest impediment to your transformation is the fact that you either can't or won't relax enough to let your form flow from you."
"I'm—I don't think I'm ready for the transformation yet," he admitted, his voice small as he sank back onto the sofa.
"This is not new information," Snape said snidely, earning himself a disgusted look from Remus.
"Why do you feel that way, Harry?" Remus asked, stepping forward and placing one hand on Harry's shoulder.
"Well, I haven't dreamed about my form, yet, for one thing. I've been having some really strange dreams, but I haven't dreamed of any animals." He snorted out a laugh, then, remembering the dream he'd had that afternoon. "Not unless you count tadpoles."
Remus smiled. "Ah, no, I don't think I've ever heard of anyone becoming a tadpole, so you're quite safe there, I believe."
A glass hovering in front of his face made Harry look up to see Snape extending two fingers of Firewhisky in his direction. He blinked rapidly for a moment before slowly reaching up to take the glass. Snape released the glass just a second before Harry was ready for it, causing a few drops to spill onto his hand. Harry glared at Snape as he brought his hand to his mouth and licked the liquid off.
Snape pursed his lips, his eyes glinting oddly for a moment before he Summoned another glass and poured a more generous helping for Remus. Remus took his glass with a smile of thanks, though he shook his head and murmured, "I will likely end up regretting this."
Harry smiled sympathetically at Remus before he reached over and patted the cushion next to him, an open invitation to his friend to take a seat there. Remus sat, nodding at the glass in Harry's hand as he said, "Drink up. We likely should have done this earlier. After all, it's been what? Three months since your eighteenth birthday?"
Harry ducked his head, shrugging. "It's fine, Remus. We've all had other things to worry about than celebrating that."
They all fell silent after that and Harry found himself studying Snape as he tilted his head back to swallow his Firewhisky. As ugly as Snape was, it seemed unlikely that he should also be so very elegant, but he certainly was that. He licked his lips as Snape chased a drop of Firewhisky with his tongue as it slid down the side of his glass.
Remus shifted on the sofa beside him and his long thigh rubbed against Harry's own. Harry glanced at Remus peripherally, wondering at the flush in his cheeks. A soft chuckle gave him the opportunity to turn his head and stare full on at Remus, no need to pretend otherwise.
Soft greying hair fell against Remus' forehead and his eyes were bright with a heat that made something swirl deep in Harry's belly. Harry gasped and lowered his Firewhisky, looking at it for a long moment as he wondered at this sudden fascination he seemed to have developed with the men he'd been sharing a house with for the past month.
"When was the last time you wanked, Potter?"
Harry held his glass up, looking at the amber liquid inside it curiously before he carefully placed it on a low table next to the sofa. At Remus' murmured, "What's wrong?" Harry shook his head and said, "You wouldn't believe what I just imagined Snape said." He chuckled nervously at himself and pulled the collar of his t-shirt away from his neck, suddenly too warm.
Remus turned fully toward him, resting his own Firewhisky on his upraised knee as he stretched his hand out and ran the backs of his fingers down the side of Harry's face. "You didn't imagine anything, Harry. Severus asked when the last time you masturbated was."
Harry's eyes went wide and he backed away slowly. A thought hit him, though, and he stopped and relaxed fully, a long laugh rising up and spilling free. "Oh, I get it! I'm still asleep. Oi, I'm having such odd dreams. First I gave birth, now this!"
"You… you what?"
"Gave birth to—" Harry waved his hand in front of his face and said, "Never mind, it doesn't matter. I'll be waking up any moment now."
Snape stood up from his chair, tipping his head back as he drained the last of his glass of Firewhisky. Placing the glass to the side, he walked—still elegant, no wavering for him even in Harry's dream world—around the edges of the room until he was standing right next to Harry. Reaching out, he ran his fingers down Harry's arm until they were hovering over the thin skin on the back of Harry's hand before giving it a vicious pinch.
"Ow!" Harry shouted, leaping away from Snape and onto Remus, who caught him in a comforting hug. "What the bloody hell did you do that for?"
"You were becoming delusional, Potter. You thought you were dreaming and I was merely showing you that you were, in fact, not."
"But—"
"Mmm," Remus murmured against the back of Harry's neck, causing him to go stiff with alarm.
"Remus?"
"Wh—Oh! God, Harry, I'm sorry. It's just… chocolate and Firewhisky," Remus said, pushing himself out from beneath Harry and scooting along the sofa until he was curled into the corner of it, his legs drawn up onto the cushions.
"Chocolate and Firewhisky?"
Snape sighed irritably and said, "Did you learn nothing in Defence Against the Dark Arts?"
Harry blinked up at him, trying to decide whether to lie or tell the truth, when Remus snorted out a laugh and said, "Severus, did you meet some of his DADA instructors?"
A cold look passed over Snape's face before he inclined his head. "Very true. Potter, chocolate has the same effect as a low-level aphrodisiac even in Muggles, which is what makes it such a strong antidote to the effects of a Dementor attack. For a werewolf, it can speed the healing process after the change from wolf to man. However, when adding Firewhisky to that equation, it acts instead like a… a love philtre, if you will, and with that you have a very libidinous werewolf."
Harry turned quickly to Remus and said, "You're… uh, you're horny?" He blushed when his voice croaked a bit on the last word, but he let the question stand.
Remus licked his lips and dropped his gaze to Harry's chin before he sighed and said, "I can still feel you in my lap, Harry, and right now I'm only upset that you didn't squirm a bit more. You are… delicious."
Harry swallowed the lump of nervousness that rose to choke him. Letting out a shaky breath, he turned to Snape, only to find the other man kneeling next to the sofa, his face entirely too close to Harry's. Startled, Harry made to pull back, but Snape's hand shot to the back of his head, holding him in place.
"Wha—"
Snape's mouth sealed over his own, cutting off his words and turning them into a shocked sound that became trapped at the back of his throat. Harry's eyes flared wide and he raised his hands to press against Snape's chest only to find himself gripping the black cloth covering Snape's shoulders instead.
When Snape's tongue licked sensuously along the inside of his mouth, Harry let out a small breath through his nose and slowly closed his eyes, relaxing into the moment. As soon as he tentatively touched Snape's tongue with his own, Snape pulled back far enough to look past him at Remus and say, "Do something useful with that wand, Lupin, if you're merely going to sit there and watch."
Harry tried to turn his head to see what Remus was doing, but Snape took his attention again with another kiss, this one more than the last. More everything. More teeth and tongue and heat, more fingers digging into his scalp and suddenly more skin against skin. Harry gasped as he felt a cool draught waft over his chest and his ears rang with a buzzing sound as Snape's mouth moved away from his to kiss and lick down his jaw.
When the sofa turned into a bed underneath him, Harry fell back against plump pillows—Remus certainly was skilled at Transfiguration—and Snape's bare body landed against his own, pinning him down to the mattress. Harry shivered and arched into Snape's mouth as his nipples were laved and bitten and he twisted and turned, searching for more… more… just… ah, God, more.
He couldn't believe it; it seemed impossible for something that should be grotty to instead make his breath catch at the sheer sexiness of it. But that's exactly what happened when he felt the tip of Snape's big nose slide along the skin of his abdomen as Snape's mouth followed the thin line of hair that started at his navel and ran down to his groin. Reality skewed again when Snape's teeth—crooked, yellow, ugly—nipped at the ridge of bone at his hip.
It was fantastic and fascinating and his head fell back as he let the moan that had been building slide out of his throat.
This was the most thrilling thing he'd ever done, and the fact that it was Snape was so wrong. So wrong that somehow it was all right. Because it was Snape and hadn't he always broken the rules when it came to Snape?
He couldn't imagine anything feeling better than this. It was perfect and wondrous and ohfuckingGOD Snape was licking his bollocks and shouldn't he feel weird about that? Harry panted harshly, his hand sliding down to wind hesitantly in Snape's lank hair.
Snape. Fuck, this was weird. Perfect, but weird.
A third hand—not his own—on his thigh made his eyes snap open and he looked to the side to see Remus kneeling there, his eyes warm—no, hot—as he stared at Harry, his lips forming a question that Harry didn't catch before his face filled Harry's vision and then…
And then Harry was being kissed by the man who had stood in for the past few years as a father-figure to him. Did this mean he was twisted? Bent, he knew. But was he twisted, too? When Remus' hand found a nipple—already sensitive from Snape's attention—and tweaked it, Harry decided it didn't fucking matter.
"What…?" Harry couldn't seem to organise his thoughts enough to ask the question that was lingering at the edges of his consciousness, but Remus answered him anyway.
"Severus was rather annoyed that I wasn't putting my wand to proper use, so I decided to rectify the situation."
A low chuckle from the vicinity of his lap sent Snape's warm breath ghosting over Harry's cock and he let out a small whimper.
"Relax, Potter; you're tensing up again."
"Fucking hell, Snape, you expect me to relax?! Are you out of your mind?"
This time both Remus and Snape shared a laugh before returning to their new pursuit of driving Harry straight out of his mind. When Harry gathered enough wit to attempt to return the favour, however, Remus growled softly at him and grabbed his wrist, pinning it to the bed.
Harry groaned and tried to sit up but fell back against the pillows with a muffled moan when Remus' teeth bit into his shoulder. He let out a frustrated breath and said, "But I want—"
"The object of this is for you to relax, Harry. Let us help you do that."
As Remus spoke, Snape's fingers tickled at the crease of Harry's arse, pressing between his cheeks for a moment before Snape muttered something and grabbed Harry's hips, hauling him to the edge of the bed. Harry let out a small yip of surprise, but when he looked up, he saw that his new position had put him right under Remus and all he had to do was lift his head to—
"Oh, God, Harry… your mouth… fuck!" Remus shouted as Harry sucked on the tip of Remus' cock where it dangled above him. His lips stretched around Remus in a small smile of satisfaction before he reached up and gripped Remus' arse, using that handhold for leverage as he sucked and licked along Remus' shaft.
Snape spread something wet and slick around the rim of his arse then and Harry moaned at the shivery sensations that sent shooting through him. Remus hissed and bucked into his mouth, cutting off his breath for a moment just as Snape's finger wriggled its way into his arse.
Harry's head fell back to the mattress, his breath coming in gulps as he tried to breathe through the intrusion of Snape's finger—no, fingers now—but he failed completely in his attempt when Snape twisted his fingers and crooked them and hit…
"Yes! Ohmygoddothatagain!"
Snape hummed and complied and Harry felt the zing of pleasure as it shot up his spine and exploded in his brain again. Needing something to distract him from the overwhelming sensation that was threatening to make him lose control completely, Harry pulled Remus' hips back down to him and once again set his attention to sucking and licking Remus into a total meltdown.
Harry felt Snape guide his ankles to Snape's shoulders and relaxed his legs enough to help just before Snape eased his fingers free of Harry's arse. Harry whimpered at the loss but Snape smoothed one hand down his thigh soothingly and pressed his hips forward. Harry's eyes squeezed shut and his hands dug into the firm flesh of Remus' arse when Snape's blunt cock began pushing slowly into him.
With his mouth full, Harry could do nothing but moan and whimper, but Snape seemed to understand the sounds he was making and stopped occasionally to allow Harry to adjust to the size of his cock.
"That's it, Potter. Relax."
Harry released Remus' arse long enough to give Snape a two-fingered salute. That, however, was the last bit of coherency he was allowed, as Remus chose that moment to return the favour. Harry would have screamed his joy at the sensation of Remus' hot mouth surrounding his cock, but instead showed his appreciation by sucking harder on Remus' cock as it thrust almost awkwardly into his mouth.
"Lupin, turn your head or something. You're in the way," Snape said, the words washing over Harry and turning into mere background noise as Snape started up a slow, measured thrusting that served to open Harry for a deeper penetration. When Harry started thrusting back, Snape tightened his hold on Harry's hips and began slamming forward.
Harry moaned and sucked and thrust and the whole room seemed to shake and creak with the efforts of the three men inside it as they began fucking with abandon. Remus, having been stimulated longer than the other two, came first and the flood of come over Harry's tongue made him tense slightly. The sound of Remus' groans and the tightening of Harry's body spurred Snape into completion and the swelling of the cock inside Harry plus the vibration against his cock from the sounds Remus was making had Harry arching and shouting his way to his own orgasm.
As the other two men fell against the bed on either side of Harry, Remus' head near his feet and Snape stretched out next to him, his head near Harry's chest, Harry felt the relaxed exhaustion of satiation wash over him. His aching lips stretched into a small smile as the thought that Snape would never let him live down passing out flitted through his mind just before the world spun down into nothingness.
Severus, basking in the afterglow, started when the warm body beside him disappeared and something small and slimy landed on his chest. Sitting up with a shout, he grabbed whatever it was off his chest and threw it across the room. Just before it hit the wall, he realised that Potter must have finally found his Animagus form.
"Fuck," he muttered when he heard the splat of the—frog? Yes, it was a frog—as it impacted with the wall.
"Severus! Was that… Oh my God, you killed Harry!" They both jumped from the transfigured bed and crowded around the tiny frog, waiting, breath held, for it to move. When one of the frog's rear legs gave a pathetic twitch, Lupin made a small sound of relief. "Thank God he's okay. Harry, speak to me!"
Just as Severus was shooting Lupin a look of profound disbelief, a loud rrrreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeurk deafened them both.
"If the fates are kind, perhaps I knocked a bit of sense into him. You, unfortunately, are beyond help," Severus muttered. "Speak to me, indeed. He's a frog, for the love of Merlin. Here, Potter," he called, beckoning to the little, slightly stunned, green frog, his hand outstretched.
"Severus." Lupin's voice held a clear warning as he said, "Harry is not for use in your potions. Please remember that."
Severus' eyebrows rose nearly to his hairline before he saw the absolute humour in that and began to laugh, long, deep chuckles that caused Lupin to start in surprise. At just that moment, Potter lost his hold on his form and flopped, human again, to the ground, his breathing rapid and shallow.
"Excellent, Harry!" Lupin said, clapping Potter on the shoulder in pride as he helped him to his feet. "Well done!"
"I did it!" Potter's excitement could barely be contained, if his sudden bouncing was anything to go by. "What am I?"
Severus smirked. "You're a potions ingredient."
"Oh, hush, Severus. Harry, you became a frog!" Lupin's pleasure in Potter's accomplishment didn't wane a bit as he proclaimed the form.
Potter, however, didn't appear to be as satisfied. His face fell as he asked flatly, "A frog?"
Lupin maintained his beaming smile and said, "Yes! I'm not certain exactly what kind, but you appeared to be some sort of tree frog. Very green! The colour of your eyes, in fact."
Severus' lips twisted into a sneer at that. Trust the boy to be showy even as a tiny amphibian. "You won't want to travel to France in that form," he said, drawing Lupin and Potter's attention.
"What? Why?"
"They eat frogs in France."
Potter groaned and buried his face in his hands. "A frog. I'm a bloody frog."
"Only if you hop into my laboratory at an inopportune time."
Potter scowled at him even as Lupin said, "Harry, there's absolutely nothing wrong with your form!"
"Oh, yeah, I'm going to strike such fear into Voldemort when I transform. 'Give up, you evil bastard, or I'll smite you with my sticky tongue of doom!'"
Remembering what Potter had so recently done with his tongue made Severus shift position slightly as Lupin spoke.
"Harry, you weren't learning Animagus transformation to kill him with your form. You and I both know what could happen to you if you did that. It was meant only to aid you in getting close to him."
Severus clenched his teeth for a moment before admitting, however unwillingly, "I could take you with me in a pocket of my robes. No one would suspect anything unusual in a potions maker with bits of ingredients in their—"
"I'm not a bloody ingredient!"
"Of course you aren't, Harry. Severus, please stop teasing him."
"Do I look the sort to tease? I was serious, Potter. It would be the best way to get you close to the Dark Lord. Absolutely no one would suspect." Severus shrugged lightly before turning his attention to a bit of fluff that had fallen to the mattress. He flicked that with a finger while Lupin and Potter discussed the plan in low tones.
As they talked, Severus turned Potter's form over and over in his mind. Something had been niggling at him since he'd looked down and seen the frog in the bed. For the life of him, though, he couldn't put his finger on just what it was.
"I'm going to take a shower," Potter said, loudly enough to pull him from his musings.
Severus ran his eyes down Potter's nude form and nodded once. "Do you need help?"
Potter's cheeks turned a rosy red before he shook his head shyly and darted through the small house to the loo.
Listening for the faint sounds of the shower running, Severus turned to Lupin, a frown wrinkling his forehead. He'd finally realised what had been prodding his memory.
"Lupin, I believe we have a problem."
Lupin simply smiled, obviously lost in the memory of Potter's mouth around his cock if the renewed bulge of his erection was anything to judge by.
"Lupin! This is serious, man, pay attention."
Lupin blinked up at him, what passed for intelligence with the man swimming into his eyes. "Yes?"
"We have a problem."
Lupin cocked his head to the side and asked, "What is it?"
"I finally recognised Potter's Animagus form."
Lupin shot him a worried look and said, "Well, yes, he's a frog."
Severus waved his hand in frustration and said, "*Some West African frogs have been known to spontaneously change sex from male to female in a single sex environment.*"
Lupin opened his mouth to comment before snapping it shut again, his eyes going round with shock as he glanced in the direction Harry had gone. "Oh, dear God."
"Guess which species of frog Potter is."
Lupin didn't respond, simply sat down heavily on the bed and put his head between his knees.
The End
* Quote from Jurassic Park, the movie. 1993. Stephen Spielberg, Michael Crichton, David Koepp. Quoted character: Dr Alan Grant.
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