This was great! So many different things to like: + the humor - grumpy angel!Snape, ROFL + the Dursleys and Weasleys - terrific use of minor characters, all very IC, and I love Dudley going into the army. Oh yes, and you got Aberforth and Hagrid in there, too! + the very novel bedroom scene - Snape's sign-language cock! ROFLMAO! And the healing power of fumbling!top!Harry - using lube, or maybe window putty? Ahahahah!
Kreacher is great, especially being whirled around in the air by a grateful Harry. Manipulative Portrait!Albus is just so .. expected. The other portraits, too (That's Professor Snape, says Nigellus, RAWR).
Thoroughly delightful, rich with detail, inventive, and lots of fun! So nice of you to share this.