Long, and throwing caution to the wind.
I was attempting to keep my comment within the respective word count, so I perhaps left out commentary on the more 'artistic' side of things. Now I can probably remedy that here, but first let me say that from the first page, I knew it was your story because of the very way you use visual imagery. In particular, how it is not just a description of the 'visual' in its purest form, but a full body immersion into the tactile, audio, soundscape of the particular world. Or at least I would argue that - but then again the description of a visual to me connotes all of the above automatically. Yes, Lily is predominantly watching a visual medium to see the lives of Snape, Harry and herself, but at the same time I wish I had a television like that - she (or rather you) fill in the details to a point that makes every scene a grandly staged event (what with the camera zooming to close up and pan) but also something halfway between voyeur and participant. Quite interesting having the double filter of reader and viewer to visual imagery, and it makes for some remarkable moments - Lily and Severus in the bullrushes, any and all of the Snape in the hospital (holding his own hand, the viewing his own image, with Harry hugging him..), Snape's death and redux at the end (absolutely beautiful), in Azakaban, reading in his house, with the patronus (with quadruple layers as we already have that scene in canon: I loved 'Darkness flows over him, the darkness of the present moment. He gathers himself. It's mesmerising, like watching the black and white shadows of two decades race over him, fast-forwarding from youth into age, from hope to despair. Lily sees him gather his anger, his stubbornness, his cold brilliance and remorse, his bitter devotion, sees him spin them around himself and pull the net tight. The lines eat into his face as he grows spidery again, fugitive, too subtle for even the Dark Lord to catch.') in the park with Lily, and most of the parts in Lily's house. I could of course go on, but these are the ones where that slide between reader, viewer and participant make for the richest of imageries. Images that I find myself waking up to, or sort of etched into my mind's eye... but in motion. Its a lovely use off the regular third person. I was known to have been caught grinning in a sharl-like manner at several turns of phrase.