|snarryhols (snarryhols) wrote in snarry_holidays,|
@ 2008-12-03 10:25:00
|Entry tags:||fic, giftee: jin_fenghuang, rated: nc-17|
Fic: Monkey Business
Title: Monkey Business
Word Count: ~8,000
Pairing: Purest Snarry :)
Warnings: EWE, live!Snape and hot buttsex of a top!Snape variety :D
Disclaimer: All Harry Potter characters herein are the property of J.K. Rowling and Bloomsbury/Scholastic. No copyright infringement is intended.
Summary: Trapped in a sort-of coma with only Harry Potter’s visits for dubious comfort, Severus Snape learns many things – including the beneficial power of irritation upon the healing process, and the positive things that can come from failing at Occlumency. (The less said about the monkeys, the better).
Author's Notes: jin_fenghuang, you asked for slash with yummy chair!sex and I was most happy to oblige! I hope you enjoy this fic, and a very happy Snarry Holidays to you! Thanks also to the mods, who are, as always, the absolute best. ♥
"Yesterday I met a baboon," Harry said. He said it thoughtfully, his hands crossed in his lap, his eyes raised towards the ceiling.
Did you now, Severus thought. Or did you simply look in the mirror and become confused?
Ron snickered. Severus thought that, in all his life, he’d never found anything quite as wearing on the nerves as the snicker of Ronald Weasley.
"His name was Terence," Harry continued. "He carried a banjo, and we danced the fandango."
"Oh honestly, Harry," Hermione said, raising her head from the book she was reading. "You’re supposed to be entertaining the professor, on the off-chance he can actually hear us, not babbling about baboons."
Harry shot Severus a nervous look. "You don’t think he can actually hear us, can you? He hasn’t shown any sign of it."
I’m in a coma, you utter moron. How exactly am I supposed to indicate my displeasure at your flippant remarks, pray tell?
"He’s in a coma, Harry," Hermione said. "Don’t be silly. Why don’t you read out the latest issue of that Potions journal you bought?"
Merlin, no, Severus thought, mentally screaming for mercy. He could vividly remember the last time Potter had attempted such a thing. He still woke up – or rather, his consciousness woke up – in a cold sweat every now and then, remembering the hideous way Potter had mangled the pronunciation of even the most basic of potions ingredients and processes.
Harry wrinkled his nose. "But it’s so boring, and I don’t get half of what I’m reading."
If you get even half I’d be ridiculously surprised.
"You should think more about the Professor’s needs, and less about your own comfort," Hermione said severely.
And you, young lady, need to grow a sense of humour.
Ron shivered. "I bet he can hear us," he said, staring hard at Severus. "He’s got that awful disapproving look on his face, like he’s about to take points."
Harry gave Severus a speculative look. "He’s always pulling that face though," he said. "It’s not like he ever smiles."
It’s not like you ever gave me a reason to smile, you awful child.
"Oh! I know a joke about a monkey," Ron said. "I bet it’d make even Snape laugh."
"Snape laugh? You’ve got to be joking," Harry said, rather gloomily.
Ron grinned. "I am! Or at least, soon I will be."
"Just say it and let’s get it over with," Hermione said, turning over a page of her book with a loud rustling noise that Severus expected indicated extreme annoyance.
"Right. What do you call an exploding monkey?"
"Er, I dunno," Harry said. "What do you call an exploding monkey?"
"A baboom!" Ron laughed loudly and smacked his thigh. "Geddit? A baBOOM."
"Hilarious," Hermione said, rather coldly. "Absolutely hilarious. Comedy genius."
Harry laughed, glancing over at Severus once more. "I really hope he can’t hear us, or we’ll be so down on points that Gryffindor will never win the cup again."
A nurse poked her head around the door. "Visiting time is over, I’m afraid. It’s time for Mr Snape to get some rest."
Some rest? What are you, some kind of moron? It’s not exactly taxing, lying here like a vegetable for hours on end.
"Yeah, okay," Harry said, standing up. "See you in a few days, Snape."
The worst thing about it, Severus thought, as he stared into the middle distance, was not the indignity of being seen like this. It wasn’t the tedium of lying immobile, trapped in a body that refused to work. The worst thing – the absolute worst thing about the whole awful, boring business – was that he was finding himself actually looking forward to Harry’s visits. And if that wasn’t a sign that his grip on his own sanity had loosened, then he didn’t know what was.