I love this story, it's so different and new. Way to write empowered and wise Harry. All through out the books I've waited and wanted for him to wake up and see the things and inequalities around himself or just freaking do something about his ignorance. I mean he was a boy made to fight a war to the death, he should have freaked out and attempted to do something about his lack of knowledge and skill. Plus he seemed to have so much power and potential that he wasn't using at all. It irked me to not end.
I think your Severus is not really the man that JKR made but still has that spark which defined him and initially attracted me to his character. Just as I like your Harry very very much I like your Severus much better than JKR's.
Characters aside the story was very satisfying with it's slow but reasonable development that just drags you deeper and the pointing out of the little holes in Wizarding society. I would personally like to see much more of it as it seems to me like a most wonderful beginning.
Whatever else it might or might not be, I think it is an awesome gift. togsos undeniable lucky. Brilliant work!