|snarryhols (snarryhols) wrote in snarry_holidays,|
@ 2007-12-12 18:02:00
|Entry tags:||fic, post-dh: ewe, rated: pg-13|
Miscommunication, for bridgetmkennitt
Word Count: 3619
Pairing: Harry/Snape, Draco
Warnings: DH spoilers if you squint.
Disclaimer: I don’t own any of the characters, they’re all JK’s idea.
Summary: Harry is jealous of the amount of time Severus spends with Draco. After a particularly nasty fight they both realise how fragile their lack of communication has made their relationship.
Harry sat in the semi-darkness, staring at the lone candle in the middle of the elaborately decorated table. It was beginning to die out, dripping golden wax onto the otherwise pristine, and obviously unused white tablecloth. He looked at his watch. It was well after nine o’clock and Severus was normally home no later than seven, and that was when he was particularly late. Even with detentions, marking and extra research with Draco, he was never home this late and Harry couldn’t help the roiling feeling in his stomach. He obviously hadn’t been forgiven.
Harry couldn’t help his insecurities. They were a part of who he was and he had tried to be reasonable. He had tried to curb his jealousy and possessiveness, but sometimes it wasn’t easy. It wasn’t easy when he was constantly listening to Severus talk about Draco, his potions assistant. It wasn’t easy watching them together, making him feel at times as if he were the outsider looking in on their relationship. If he were honest with himself it hadn’t been very easy at all recently and Harry was beginning to feel as if he were surplus to requirements. He had tried to talk to Severus, had tried to arrange Draco-free days so that they could actually spend time together and be a couple, but lately it felt like there was absolutely no room for Harry in Severus Snape’s busy schedule.
Harry was happy for Severus. The man finally had a life of his own. After everything that had happened to the both of them, the last thing Harry wanted to do was give Severus a hard time when he was so happy, but it had gotten to the point where Harry felt like he was giving constantly and getting absolutely nothing in return. He was giving away his time together with his partner to Draco, his patience to Severus and all he was left with was loneliness.
He had never been in a relationship like this before, which meant he had no idea how to act in such a situation and it had all come to a head the night before when Severus had told him about a potions conference in Paris he planned to attend with Draco during the coming weekend. The ensuing fight had left Harry feeling worse than ever and Severus sleeping somewhere else.
“I really don’t like what you’re insinuating!”
“I’m not insinuating anything, Severus. I’m flat out asking you: are you sleeping with Draco?”
“How could you even think about asking me that?”
“How could I? Maybe because I’ve barely seen you for the last month? Maybe because you never talk to me anymore unless it’s about him? He’s always around, I don’t think we’ve spent a weekend alone without him in months!”
“You sound like a pathetic teenager, and you’re completely overreacting and exaggerating! I am home by seven almost every night and Draco never comes back with me, and it is because I make sure I am home and make that time for you that he and I often have work left to do at the weekends! If you cannot be mature enough to realise that you’re not the only person important to me in my life then that is not my problem. I shall not pander to your petty jealousies,” Severus snarled as he attempted to push past Harry and out of the living room.
He was stopped in his tracks by Harry’s resigned sigh. “Answer the question, Severus, please, and save us all from this awful situation. You obviously don’t want me anymore. Otherwise you’d want to spend your time with me instead of feeling like you’re obligated to instead of being with Draco. I understand that I sound pathetic, but I’m through trying to be mature about this. I haven’t said a single thing over the last few months when your time with him began to encroach more and more on our time. I may be young, but I’m not stupid. I can see what’s happening right before my eyes,” Harry snapped. He sounded utterly miserable.
“Well, you obviously are stupid, because nothing is happening between Draco and myself, and I thought you trusted me well enough by now to know that I respect you too much to do something like that. I thought you understood that what we have is sacred. Draco is a friend. He is my only friend. While you were off doing whatever you did with Mr. and Mrs. Weasley, we went through things together that have connected us in a way I thought you of all people might have understood.” Severus sounded utterly disgusted with Harry and it made the younger man flinch. He hadn’t considered that maybe Severus needed Draco in the same way he sometimes needed Ron and Hermione, when he needed to talk to someone who had been through the same things he had and who had come out on the other side.
“Draco is going through a difficult time at the moment. If you’d had the decency and patience to try and get to know him, then you would know that not only is he not interested in me in the slightest, he’s also desperately in love with Charlie Weasley and has been struggling with a long distance relationship with the man on and off since I sent him to Romania in April. Why do you think he spends his weekends here? Because he enjoys you sniping at him and belittling everything he says? He’s lonely, Harry. Surely you can see past your own self absorbed feelings far enough to notice that?” Severus was unrelenting as he continued, and the longer he went on, the more and more awful Harry felt.
“What about me?” Harry asked meekly. He was sorry Draco was lonely. Severus was right. If he had gotten to know the blonde man a little better then he wouldn’t have made such elaborate accusations, but this still didn’t diminish the fact that Harry had been feeling so utterly miserable recently without Severus around.
“What about you? I can see now you haven’t changed at all. You’re still blaming me for things I haven’t done, without taking the time to get all your facts together first,” Severus snarled while Harry stared at him with wide eyes. He was absolutely aghast.
“I’m sorry, Severus, but don’t you care that I, your partner, have been lonely too? That maybe you haven’t been around enough for me to get my facts together? I was hurt this evening because you were home late yet again, and just to tell me that you’re going to be away this weekend. I felt frustrated and I lashed out. Doesn’t it matter to you that I’ve rushed home from work to be with you just to sit here waiting almost every night recently, only then to have you say when you finally do arrive, that you’re tired and all you want to do is go to bed? I’ve just wanted us to spend some time together and I feel like there is no room for me in your life anymore. There used to be a time when I would rush home to find you here waiting for me. You couldn’t get enough of me.” Harry was practically whispering, desperately afraid of what Severus would say next.
“Grow up, Harry, would you? This is how relationships are. If you cannot deal with the fact hat I have other commitments in my life now, then maybe we shouldn’t be together!” Severus stormed past Harry in earnest now, making the younger man realise he would garner no sympathy from the other man after the way he had approached the situation.
“Wait! Where are you going?” Harry sounded panicked even to his own ears.
“Severus, we should talk about this!”
“I have absolutely nothing to say to you right this minute, Potter, so just let me go,” Severus snapped and didn’t even take a backwards glance before opening the front door and slamming it shut behind him.
“But it’s our anniversary tomorrow,” Harry whispered miserably to an empty house.
Harry had sat up for the rest of the evening, waiting for Severus to return, but he never did, and Harry hadn’t heard from him since.
Sitting there in the dark, he suddenly felt incredibly stupid. Of course he hadn’t been forgiven. Severus had an absolutely legendary reputation for holding grudges. Why would he forgive Harry and come back within twenty-four hours? What if he never came back at all?
Miserably, Harry stood from the table and blew out the final candle, throwing the room into total darkness. He felt utterly alone and desperately tried to ignore the prickling in his eyes. This was all his fault. Why hadn’t he just asked Severus about Draco? Why hadn’t he made an effort to get to know him, just as Severus had done with Hermione and Ron?
It was then that he heard the front door closing. Harry froze. He didn’t want Severus to find him sitting here in the dark like some pathetic lost child, even if that was exactly how he felt.
Harry sat back down. He couldn’t escape, and suddenly Severus was in the doorway.
“Harry, why are you sitting in the dark?” Severus’ voice sounded soft and tentative, almost apologetic, but Harry didn’t dare hope that he had been forgiven.
“I was waiting for you and the candles burnt down.” Harry’s voice cracked and he cursed himself for sounding so small. With a whispered ‘Lumos’ the room filled with light, leaving Harry squinting and hoping that Severus wouldn’t notice the moisture behind his glasses.
Severus took in the room around him, the burnt down candles and the untouched food. He sighed sadly and ran a hand through his lank hair. “It’s our anniversary, isn’t it?” Severus sounded mortified.
“Yes, but I understand why you wouldn’t have wanted to spend it with me. I behaved horribly yesterday. It doesn’t matter.” Harry smiled the best he could and to occupy himself so he wouldn’t have to see that same disgusted look on Severus’ face, he began to clear up the dishes.
“Harry, leave them.”
“I’ll only have to do it in the morning.” Harry’s mock cheery voice made Severus wince.
“Why? So I can listen to you telling me how vile I already know I am, Severus? I said I was sorry. I know I’m a spoiled, jealous, self-centred idiot. I’m sorry that you’ve had the misfortune to have gotten involved with me, but please, not tonight. Let me clean the dishes and go to bed.”
Harry’s hands were shaking as he attempted to gather together two soup bowls and suddenly Severus hands covered his, taking them and setting them back down. Severus ran his hands up Harry’s arms, making the younger man shiver.
“Please Severus, just let me go to bed. I’m sorry.” Harry whimpered, sure that Severus was just drawing out the inevitable argument and eventual break-up.
Severus gripped his shoulders and turned him around so they were facing each other. “I’m sorry Harry. I’m sorry,” Severus whispered as he attempted to get Harry to look at him.
The younger man looked like he hadn’t slept at all the previous night and his eyes were bloodshot and red rimmed. Severus felt awful. He had completely overreacted during their argument; Harry had been trying to tell him that he was unhappy in their relationship and instead of trying to work through what was causing his lover to feel so insecure Severus had only succeeded in pushing him further away.
It was not always easy for him to comprehend that Harry wanted him, and that he was in a relationship with someone. It was especially hard to get his head around the idea that he had to consider someone else’s feelings.
It wasn’t until he’d been curled up on Draco’s sofa in the dark, reliving the argument, that he’d realised he was completely to blame. Why hadn’t he just told Harry about Draco being upset and wanting company recently? Why hadn’t he told Harry that every time he was away and working late that all he thought about was being curled up in bed with him, soaking up the warmth of the younger man’s body? Severus had become so used to hiding his thoughts and feelings that he’d forgotten how this might affect the person he cared about the most.
He had no idea that Harry had been feeling so inadequate, that he had made Harry feel so inadequate. His pride had been wounded when Harry had said he was unhappy and lonely. He couldn’t believe that he had been so uncommunicative, inarticulate and surly when it came to their relationship, so much so that Harry thought he didn’t want to be with him any longer, that he wanted Draco. He had promised himself he would do better, that this would be the relationship that lasted because after all, he would have nothing, no war, no spying to blame it on if it went wrong, only himself.
He had never looked at Draco in the way Harry had implied. Despite Draco being the same age as Harry, Severus had always considered himself to be somewhat of a father figure to the blonde former Slytherin. The fact that Harry had even insinuated that there might be more between them had genuinely shocked him, so he’d done all he could do as Severus Snape and that was lash out and make Harry feel bad. It wasn’t until he’d had time to think that he’d realised why it was Harry could have drawn such conclusions.
“Harry, would you please look at me?”
Green eyes flickered up to meet his own dark ones and Severus winced inwardly. They were glassy and dead looking, so unlike Harry’s that were normally so vibrant and alight with mischief.
“Can’t this wait until tomorrow, Severus? If you’re going to break up with me, I’d rather it not happen on our anniversary, but then I guess that might be nice ironic and ironic,” Harry barked mirthlessly.
“Didn’t you hear me, Harry? I said I was sorry. I’m not leaving you. If anything, it should be the other way around after the way I’ve behaved recently.”
Harry stared at him suspiciously. Severus still didn’t find it easy to apologise and it didn’t happen often, but he recognised when he needed to do it so it was no wonder Harry wasn’t buying it.
“I should have made more of an effort to talk to you about Draco, about why I was spending more time with him and I’m sorry.” Severus sighed.
Harry was still looking unsure, like it couldn’t be that easy, that Severus would come home and apologise and that would be that.
“The things you said about me not changing,” Harry offered. “I’m trying to be more mature. I’m trying to be someone you can be proud of, Severus, but all you seem to do is push me away recently.” Harry sighed sadly.
Severus rubbed his shoulders soothingly before drawing his hands up to cup his head and force the younger man to make eye contact with him. “I am proud of you, of us, and I don’t ever want you to think otherwise. I reacted badly to what you said. As you can imagine, I’m about as experienced with this stuff as you are. I’m not particularly adept at expressing my feelings without getting angry. I’ll try harder. I’m sorry.” Severus rubbed Harry’s scalp with the tips of his fingers and was glad when he began to slightly relax into Severus’ touch.
“I thought you weren’t coming back,” Harry whispered sadly.
“I’ll always come back, Harry. Always. I was late home tonight because I was waiting for the conference people to owl me about the weekend. Apparently, I can bring a significant other and since the lectures seem to last for only four hours a day and seem to be in the morning, I was wondering if you’d like to come?”
Harry couldn’t help but smile slightly; Severus really was making an effort. “Will Draco be there?” He had to ask.
“Of course, Harry. I need you to understand that Draco will always be in my life. After you, he is the most important person to me. He’s like a son. I’ve known him since infancy. I couldn’t even dream of cutting him out of my life.” Severus sounded so worried that that would be exactly what Harry wanted.
“I know that, and I would never dream of asking, but it would be nice if you could make me feel involved. I know you have your work, but when you’re at home and he’s here, I feel like I don’t need to be.”
Severus nodded. “I understand. I’ll try, and maybe you could make more of an effort with him also? I know you’ve had your differences in the past, but he’s my family, just like you are.”
Harry nodded and smiled genuinely for the first time all day. “Are we going to be okay?”
“Yes, as long as you forgive me for forgetting about today. I’m sure I can make it up to you. I’m going to make everything up to you.”
Severus pulled the smaller man into his arms and pressed a kiss to his forehead as they stood in the mess that was their anniversary.
It was late on Friday evening that Harry opened the door to let Draco into their house. They were all taking a Portkey to Paris and it was due to activate at ten o’clock. It was the first time Harry would be seeing him since his and Severus’ fight and he was anxious.
Things had improved a great deal since earlier that week. Severus had been home on time. They had really talked and had even made love for the first time in over a week. Harry finally felt like he had his partner back, and was scared that all that would change as soon as Draco arrived.
“Hello Harry.” Draco smiled almost shyly as he stepped into the house, dropping his backpack by the stairs while Harry closed the door behind him.
“Draco.” Harry attempted a warm smile but wasn’t quite confident he also achieved it.
“Where’s Severus?” Draco asked as Harry led him into the living room.
“He’s upstairs finishing up his packing. Apparently, seven books are not enough to occupy him for the weekend,” Harry joked and sat on the sofa as Draco took the armchair near the fire.
“Sounds about right for him.” Draco smiled.
Harry attempted to tap down the jealousy that spiked every time Draco made a comment like that about Severus, the kind of comment that suggested he knew Harry’s lover better than Harry did.
“Actually, I’m glad we have a moment to talk. I just wanted to apologise. I had no idea that having me around was affecting your relationship so much. I just assumed that you were always so hostile because we hadn’t gotten on in school. I can’t imagine what you must have thought of me.” Draco ran a hand through his hair and blushed. “I respect your and Severus’ relationship a great deal and I’m so glad you’re around. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him this happy. I don’t think I ever really saw him happy at all, before. Now you’re all he talks about. He loves you a great deal and to think that I almost came between the two of you is just horrifying!”
“Draco, it was all just a bit of a misunderstanding and it’s sorted out now. Severus considers you family and I want you to feel like you can come here whenever you want to. I want us to be friends. I don’t hold any grudges about school or the war. I know you were as caught up in things you had no control over as I was.” Harry smiled genuinely now and Draco smiled back.
“Thank you. It means a lot. Thank you.” Draco leant forward and held out his hand. Harry took it firmly in his and shook it twice just as Severus entered the room.
“Oh, this looks ominous. Two of the biggest rule breakers in Hogwarts’ history shaking hands over a deal.”
Harry smiled; he could see the nervousness on Severus’ face despite the jokey comment.
“Oh, don’t look so nervous, Severus. You’re not going to find frogs in your bed or anything.” Draco grinned and Harry couldn’t help but grin along with him.
“Why does that not reassure me in the slightest? It’s almost ten o’clock. Do you have everything?”
Draco dashed from the room to grab his bag while Harry went to grab his from the side of the sofa, but Severus snagged his wrist, making Harry meet his gaze.
Severus smiled softly. “Thank you, Harry. This means a lot to me.”
Harry grinned back. “I told you, your family is my family. I am so sorry I jumped to conclusions and I want to move forward now it’s all sorted out.”
Severus tugged on Harry’s wrist, making the smaller man fall against him. Harry pressed his lips to the corner of Severus’ mouth, his tongue sneaking out to run along the seam of the older man’s lips, making him moan just as Draco walked into the room.
“Oh. I’m sorry. Do you want me to wait outside?”
“No Draco, come inside. We need to go now anyway.” Harry smiled and beckoned Draco forward. He was going to really try. He had no reason to feel threatened by Draco. Things would be okay. He just had to adapt.