|snarryhols (snarryhols) wrote in snarry_holidays,|
@ 2007-12-11 08:47:00
|Entry tags:||fic, post-dh: ewe, rated: nc-17|
On The Verge, for shighola
Title: On The Verge
Word Count: 4777
Warnings: *AU, DH spoilers, somewhat chan, almost incest*
Disclaimer: This world belongs to J.K. Rowling. Not mine
Author's Note: Hope you enjoy this, Shighola! I wish I could have made this a lot longer and added in more of your kinks, but I ran out of time with the pinch hit. The beginning of this is a passage from Deathly Hallows with an added extra to fit into the story.
Prompt: Lily and Severus had relations back in the day (one-off or a relationship is up to you). As a result, Severus believes Harry is his son. A fact which Dumbledore knows and encourages despite it not being true. Severus has behaved abominably toward his son to keep him safe. (Harry still grew up with the Dursleys.) Now Severus is having inappropriate thoughts about his own son and is disgusted with himself. Dumbledore had died at Severus' hand, and Severus hopes the secret of his son will die with him in the upcoming battle. Harry, however, is determined to win the battle and the Potions Master.
Severus made a noise like a wounded animal, a terrible sound. He slumped forward in a chair and Dumbledore was standing over him, looking grim. After a moment or two, Severus raised his face and he looked like he had lived through a hundred years of misery.
"I thought...you were going...to keep her...safe..."
"She and James put their faith in the wrong person," said Dumbledore. "Rather like you, Severus. Weren't you hoping that Voldemort would spare her?"
Severus' breath was shallow.
"Your boy survives," said Dumbledore, after awhile of watching Severus.
A tiny jerk of the head made Severus look as if he was trying to flick off an irksome fly.
"Your son lives, the child you forced onto her. He has her eyes, precisely her eyes. You remember the shape and color of Lily Evans' eyes, I am sure?"
Of course he was sure. He had spent a lifetime gazing into her eyes, imagining he would spent the rest of his life staring into them. "DON'T!" bellowed Severus. "Gone...dead..."
"Is this remorse, Severus?"
"I wish...I wish I was dead..."
"And what use would that be to anyone?" said Dumbledore coldly. "If you loved Lily Evans, if you truly loved her, then your way forward is clear."
Severus seemed to peer through a haze of pain, and Dumbledore's words appeared to take a long time to reach him.
"What - what do you mean?"
"You know how and why she died. Make sure it was not in vain. Help me protect Lily's son. Your son."
Severus flinched. He had long made peace with the fact that his son with Lily would be raised as James Potter's son, and that the family he longed and dreamed of would belong to his enemy. Except now his love and the enemy were dead, and only his son survived. But he could not take care of his son, not when he knew that when the boy grew up, he would know the part his father had played in his mother's death. "He does not need protection. The Dark Lord has gone-"
"The Dark Lord will return, and Harry Potter will be in terrible danger when he does."
There was a long pause, and slowly Severus regained control of himself, mastering his own breathing. At last he said, "Very well. Very well. But never - never tell, Dumbledore! This must be between us! Swear it! I cannot bear...especially my own son, Potter's son...I want your word!"
"My word, Severus, that I shall never reveal the best of you?" Dumbledore sighed, looking down into Severus' ferocious, anguished face. "If you insist..." he turned to the side, so Severus could not see the glee written upon his face.
His plan was working.
This had to work. If it did not, he would lose her forever and Severus could not stand to think that. If Lily thought he was on the Dark side, then he would use Dark magic to make her his, before anyone like James Potter came along to take her away. He hurried under his hooded cloak towards the Potions room. Slughorn never kept the room locked, thinking that every student was as noble as a Gryffindor, and Severus would use that naivety well.
He opened the door, closing it behind him so Filch would not wonder if anything was amiss during his nightly patrols and headed to the potions cabinet. He did not need some Potions book to tell him how to make something. Severus knew exactly what he needed to make Lily his.
A phial of flobberworm mucus; the essence as well as a leaf of belladonna, scurvy-grass to befuddle her mind and promote her recklessness, a dash of powdered moonstone to temper her anger towards him as well as to balance the scurvy-grass; the list went on and on. Severus started a slow simmer of the ingredients in a cauldron as he searched for the last of what he needed - half the yolk of a runespoor egg.
Runespoor eggs were rarely found in potions shops and never in classes, runespoors were a protected species and the eggs had to be sold on the black market. But Severus knew Slughorn. The man craved specialty items and would have hidden them somewhere. Ah, there they were, hidden in one of Slughorn's 'secret' compartments.
Severus laughed. There was little in Hogwarts that was secret to him. He took the runespoor egg, holding it gently in his palms he cracked it open. He poured half the yolk into the cauldron and began to stir anti clockwise. It would take all night for the potion to simmer, but he could do without sleep for a good cause, and having Lily for his own was the best cause of all. For him.
It was nearly morning when the potion was completed. Severus decanted a phial's worth and destroyed the rest of the batch. He slipped the phial into his pocket before leaving the potions room looking as if it had never been touched.
Severus knew he could not put his plans into action until night fell, so he went to the Great Hall to eat breakfast, acting as if Lily had not torn his heart into two. He saw her sitting between Black and Potter, laughing at something idiotic Potter was telling her. He continued to walk to the Slytherin table and sat with his back to her. He took a large helping of food onto his plate and ate slowly as he imagined everything he wanted falling into place. Lily would not be able to resist the pull of the potion and he would have the first of many glorious nights with her. She would bear his children and they would be happy.
The potion guaranteed it.
Severus struggled not to stare at the boy as his first year students took their exam. The boy looked like James Potter, too much like James Potter, but he knew better. Lily must have used charms on the boy to make him not look like his true father. Like him.
Harry James Potter. It was a horrible name and Severus hated that Lily would choose that name for their son. If it was up to him, he would have given their son the name of Sebastian. It was much better than Harry. Harry.
Harry stifled a yawn as he pushed his exam forward. Severus watched the boy openly now, what was the point of hiding it?, and raised his eyebrow. "Potter, what are you doing?"
Harry looked up at him before staring down at his desk. "Nothing, sir. Just taking a moment to think."
Severus sneered. "There is no thinking involved. You should already know the material. Five points from Gryffindor."
There was a moment of uncomfortable awareness as Harry looked back up again and a flash of anger went through his eyes. Severus noted the anger and broke first, glancing away. The flash made him think of Lily, her green eyes flashing in anger, in love, in lust, and his body responded in turn. He was a monster. The boy was only a boy.
The boy was his son.
Severus threw Harry out of his office, slamming the door after him. He leaned his back against the door, rubbing his hands over his sweating face. That was close, too close. He could not allow his son to see that he was Severus' flesh and blood. More importantly, he could not allow Harry to see his dirty, filthy thoughts.
Severus groaned and took a step away from the door, allowing himself to adjust his pants. A normal parent, of any sort, would never imagine their child in a sweaty, lustful position such as seeing Harry panting on all fours in his office. Yet he had, and this was not the first of such imagined indiscretions.
He was a monster.
That did not stop Severus, however, from loosening his drawers as he sat on his chair. He momentarily paused to use his wand to ward and silence the room, before setting aside his ward to grasp his half- hard cock. Messy black hair and green eyes flashed before his eyes before Severus shut them tight, willing himself to think of someone else. Anyone else.
Blond hair with gray eyes appeared before him, and the sight of Draco's tiny lips pursing in pleasure came into focus. Yes, that would do. Severus continued to stroke his long shaft as he thought about Draco Malfoy. The boy was fortunate enough to have both his parents' good looks. There would be no lack of a partner for the young Malfoy and Severus' fantasy continued to manifest itself.
Draco would be sitting in front of him, on his desk, with legs spread open. He would be touching himself as he pursed those red lips of his, wanting more. Wanting him.
Severus stroked faster and faster. He was tired of this. He wanted to come. As his orgasm built up and erupted, the final image he saw in his mind was not Draco, but of Harry.
Severus sighed, wiping his come drenched hand on his pants before dropping his head onto his hands.
Harry was only a child.
Harry was his son. His son.
He was a monster.
And yet Severus could not bring himself to care overly much. Knowing those facts would not stop the lust or the fantasies. The only thing he had going for him was that no one outside him or the dead knew that Harry Potter was his son. And when he died, as he was sure to die by the end of this war from either Voldemort's, or the Order's, or the Ministry's hands, that secret would go with him to the grave.
It was the only thing that kept him going through this entire mess.
Severus stared one last time at Harry Potter before turning away. He needed to get Draco to safety and now. His son was safe, but he and Draco were not, not after he had killed Dumbledore. Severus took in a ragged breath and pushed Draco ahead of him. They had to keep running, Draco had to remain safe.
But he saw Harry's look as Harry gave chase and it wounded him. His son had no love for him. Not that it should have mattered. Severus would die soon enough, but not until he'd finished keeping Harry alive and the Dark Lord had been destroyed.
But still, Harry's hatred hurt and there was nothing to stop the bleeding of Severus' heart. It was for the best, truly, Severus thought as they ran through the forest. Someone such as himself did not deserve adoration from someone like Harry, or from anyone really. He lusted after children and the fact that one of those children was the blond running in front of him and another was his son he'd abused for six years as his teacher...well. Severus already knew what kind of monster he was. No wonder he belonged with the Death Eaters. At least he had not gone so far as to touch a child in his care, not like McNair had done or Fenrir would gladly do. Fenrir liked them young, and male.
Once Severus reached Malfoy Manor with Draco in tow, depositing the boy into Narcissa's grateful arms, he went to Voldemort to give his report. There was still much to be done before Dumbledore's plan would come to fruition. He needed to convince the Dark Lord that he, instead of the Carrows should become Headmaster with Dumbledore dead. The Carrows were mad and would let monsters like Fenrir run through Hogwarts without a thought, but Severus could not let that happen.
Dumbledore was counting on him.
Harry, though his son did not realize it, was counting on him.
Severus stifled a groan as he strode through the halls of the manor. Thoughts of his son, panting with sweat running down his face as Harry gave chase, made his pants tighten at the most inopportune time. It was not fair that a son of his should grow to look far more handsome than Severus could ever be with his greasy hair and large nose.
No matter. After speaking with the Dark Lord, Severus would simply return to his quarters and give in to his unspeakable lust. There were to be many more long, lonely nights during the rest of this year.
Severus entered the Shrieking Shack, thoughts of Harry swirling through his mind. He had seen the boy nearly naked as Harry dove into freezing waters for the Sword of Gryffindor and, Severus was almost ashamed to admit that he had purposely placed the sword under the water just so he could watch Harry strip off his clothes . He had almost stepped out from his hiding spot to save the idiot when the Weasley boy came out of nowhere to rescue him.
The sight of seeing the two young boys, no, they were adults now but only just barely, made Severus look away. He could imagine Weasley's freckled skin as he reached for Harry's own, trailing kisses down Harry's chest as Harry arched up into the touch...oh yes, Severus could imagine that.
But now was not the time for idle thoughts. This was it, the moment he'd been waiting for since he'd had that one night with Lily and realized she was carrying his child when she went to James Potter. He would go to his death willingly and hope that Harry's luck would keep him away from death, like it had for most of his life. If Harry died...
Severus shook his head, ready to face the Dark Lord. There was one more thing he needed to do before he died and that was to give Dumbledore's final instructions to Harry. He had not been able to find the boy after he flew away from the castle. He had to tell Harry that he was meant to
By some sort of wizarding miracles, as he felt his life blood drain away from the bite Nagini gave him, Harry appeared out of nowhere, his green eyes bright. Severus gave a silent thanks to Merlin and Dumbledore, or were they one and the same?, and offered his memories to Harry. He sweetened the memories with images of Lily, knowing Harry could never look away from those, and the scene of Dumbledore telling Harry what he needed to do.
Dumbledore needed Harry to die. Severus wanted his son to live.
His lids felt heavy and he pulled Harry closer. "Look...at...me," he croaked out. Severus could feel his life draining away, but he needed one last look at his son, his love; at both of his loves.
He wanted Harry.
The light was warm and cradled Severus in a way he never expected or imagined light could. However, the light kept him safe and loved, two feelings Severus had never experienced in his lifetime, and he curled deeper into the light, never wanting to leave.
Somehow he knew Harry had survived his encounter with the Dark Lord and the Dark Lord was dead. The world was finally free, Severus was free of his deep secrets, and the son he'd created with Lily would go on to marry and have children of his own.
Severus smiled, a real smile, the first he had ever done, at the thought of Harry finding a girl who looked like his mother and marrying her. Every boy needed a Lily.
Suddenly, Severus doubled over in pain, holding his stomach as he tumbled out of the cocoon he had created out of the light.
What was going on? The pain worsened and he continued to roll, moving further and further away from his precious light.
This was the one place that felt like home. Whatever was trying to make him leave the light would not take him, Severus refused to leave!
He struggled to no avail. The being that held him in its grasp was too strong for him and Severus was pulled away from the light.
His eyes shot open, a scream erupting from his mouth, though it was more like an echo of a cry. He saw a flash of green and, hoped it was the Killing Curse, and fell back into oblivion.
Severus' wish was not to be. When he woke, achy and groggy from potions stuffed down his throat judging from the aftertaste in his mouth and the fact he was in the hospital wing, the first thing he noticed was that same flash of green he saw before he passed out. As he squinted, he realized what it was: Harry's eyes.
He attempted to turn away, he was not fit to look upon his son, but Harry leaned forward and, lightly with his fingertips, drew Severus' gaze back to him. Harry gave him a shy smile and Severus' heart lurched at the sight and the touch.
"Hey," Harry said with a soft tone, as if they were old friends. "We thought we almost lost you there."
Harry's words made no sense. There was not a world created in which Harry Potter would say those words to him. Severus furrowed his brow, trying to figure out if his hearing was going or if he was just hallucinating.
It would not be the first time.
Harry laughed, a choking wheezing sort of laugh and he bent forward, lightly pressing a kiss on Severus' dry, chapped lips. Severus froze, uncertain what to do. It was like one of his fantasies coming to life, Harry slowly coming on to him before sliding on top of his body, pressing their groins together. Their kisses would be hot as Harry struggled to unbutton his robes while maintaining the kiss...no!
Severus lifted his hands and pushed Harry away. This wasn't a fantasy, this was real life, and he knew very well why Harry kissing him was wrong, so very wrong.
Harry pulled back, confusion written all over his face. He flushed red as he realized something, though what that was, Severus was not certain. "I'm sorry," mumbled Harry as he kept his gaze on the bed. "I-I thought, never mind. You still love her, don't you? After all this time, you still love my Mum."
"Of course I do," Severus spat out, before turning away in embarrassment. It wasn't because of his love of Lily that he did not want Harry to kiss him. "Potter, you need to leave me." You should have let me die, he wanted to say, but the boy looked so forlorn he did not have it in him to do that.
"That's what Hermione said, but I didn't want to believe her. You wanted to look at me." Harry seemed to fold into himself as he avoided looking at Severus. "I just thought, after all this time, there might be something in your heart for me that didn't belong to my Mum."
"Your mother-" he began, but stopped. How could he explain to his son that years ago he'd made a potion to bind Lily's will to his own and as a result of their one night together Harry had been conceived? How could he explain to his son that he'd been lusting after him for years, that he thought of his young, supple body against his own.
"I know, she was great. Grand even." Harry glanced at him, a shy smile on his face. "I know it's wrong to like you because of that, but I can't help it. I've changed, and you've always been hiding your real self from me. Isn't that enough?"
"Potter, you're making a mistake. Just leave this room, find your red headed witch, and leave me to die." Judging from Harry's stricken face that was the wrong thing to say. "There are many things you are unaware of, and to go any further is a mistake indeed."
"I know about you and Mum, how much you loved her. I know you can't think of me as her, and you shouldn't tr-" Harry broke off as Severus grabbed him, smashing their lips together.
Harry responded quickly, wrapping his arms around Severus' neck as he launched himself onto Severus' body. Harry moaned against Severus' mouth as he tried to get closer to him, Harry's hands struggling to unbutton Severus's shirt. It was exactly as Severus had always pictured it to be.
It was worse, because it was real, and Harry was his son. Severus pushed Harry away again, sweat running down his face as he gazed into Harry's green eyes. Lily's eyes. "We can't do this. You're my son."
"We can't do this. You're my son." Harry blinked at Severus, not understanding his words. Severus Snape was not his father, James Potter was. He looked just like James Potter, everyone said so. He looked like James Potter.
"I-I'm not your son. I can't be!" Harry backed away, staring at Severus in bewilderment.
"Yes, you are." Severus took in a shaky breath, cursing the potions and his near death experience for the shakes. "Using a potion, I forced myself on your mother and you were the result of that. Lily is, was very accomplished in Charms and she must have used advanced charms to change your appearance so you would look like James Potter. But you are my son; there is no doubt about that."
Harry laughed bitterly, shaking his head. "I have plenty of doubt. I am not your son and if I have to prove it, I will. We're not over, Snape, not by a long shot." Harry's eyes blazed as he slid off the bed and marched out of the Infirmary.
Harry found himself in the common room of Gryffindor Tower, waiting for Ron and Hermione to notice he was there. Hermione giggled as Ron whispered into her ear as she spotted Harry. She waved him over, a bright smile on her face. He smiled, nodding back to his best friends. "Harry!"
"Hermione, I need a favor." Harry glanced around, making sure no one else was near them before leaning in close for Ron and Hermione to hear him. "I need to find out who my father is."
Hermione stared at him with a curious expression on her face and Ron burst into laughter. "Oi, mate, I think we all know who your father was."
"No, I mean." Harry sighed. "I think that could be false and I need to make sure." He lowered his voice. "I think there are charms around me to make it look like I was James Potter's son."
"I don't think there are charms that even exist that can do that for years on end. Of course I'll help you." Hermione glanced at Ron who continued to laugh; she poked him in the side. "Both of us will. But why would you think James wasn't your father, Harry? Did you find out something?"
Harry hesitated, he did not want to reveal just yet about Severus Snape. He did not want his friends to look at him in horror at the thought that he was making out with his father. Alleged father. Harry wanted Severus, in a way he never thought possible, in a way he never imagined he could want Ginny, and it scared him a little. If Severus was his father...no. It was not true.
"Not really. It was something Voldemort mentioned before and I wanted to verify what he said. He could have been lying through his teeth, but I want to make sure."
After a week of lying in a bed, Severus was at last released from the Infirmary. He limped his way to his room in the dungeons, the urge to escape Hogwarts rising in his chest. Harry had never come back so he must have had the truth confirmed and Severus did not want to see the revulsion in his son's eyes. He got enough of that from looking into the mirror.
Severus used his wand to start packing. He would have his things shrunk and in his pockets soon enough and he could leave with no one the wiser. It was better for everyone this way once word came out that Severus was a child molester, on top of being a Death Eater. Harry would not be able to keep the secret of his parentage to himself and the entire castle would soon know.
He had to protect his son this one last time.
A knock on the door jarred Severus out of his thoughts and he went to open it. No one ever knocked for him unless it was an emergency. Perhaps one of his Slytherins had found himself cornered by a pack of rabid Gryffindors and needed a healing potion, or perhaps one of his Slytherin girls was pregnant.
It was neither, for he found Harry Potter on the other side of the door. "We have to talk," Harry said, pushing his way in.
Severus sighed and closed the door behind him. "No, we do not. Son."
Harry winced and that action confirmed everything Severus needed to know. Then Harry noticed the bags and the sparseness of the room. "Are you leaving?"
"Of course I am. I am a bad person and you do not need your father around hanging over you like a dark cloud."
"But that's the thing. You aren't my father!" Harry's eyes gleamed as he took a step towards Severus. "Hermione did test upon test while researching what you said. I am most definitely the son of Lily and James Potter, not you. So you see, we can be together;. I'm not your son."
Severus' heart clenched. It was good that he was not some sort of fiend who lusted after his son, but now he was a childless loner. He had not had a child with his beloved Lily and now he never would; again, he wished he was dead. "It doesn't matter. I still lusted after you when you were a child. I am not a good man."
"So?" Harry took Severus by the hand, pressing a kiss on his palm. "You never did anything bad to me like that while I was in school. You were never a child molester. And now I'm an adult and no longer your student. Nothing is stopping us."
"From doing what?" whispered Severus, not believing this was true.
"From this." Harry looked up and touched his lips against Severus' own. It was gentle and warm, everything Severus had always imagined it to be.
Except this was real and Harry could be his.
Severus yanked Harry towards him then, deepening the kiss and pulling Harry to his sleeping quarters. He needed to touch Harry, claim him as his own, before Harry realized what a huge mistake he was making. Severus pushed Harry onto the bed, stripping their clothes off as quickly as he could. The need to touch bare skin to skin drove Severus wild.
Harry grinned impishly and pulled Severus down for another searing kiss. "Someone's eager, I see," he whispered against Severus' lips. "I like that."
Severus growled and pushed Harry onto his back, spreading his legs open. "I've been waiting for you for a long time, boy."
Harry felt a warm surge inside of him at Severus' words. "What are you planning on doing?"
Severus' lips curled as he bent low. "Nothing special." With that, he took Harry's cock into his mouth.
Harry arched up, struggling to get more of his cock into Severus' mouth, but Severus placed his hands on Harry's thighs, stopping the movement. Severus ran his tongue along the head of Harry's cock, dipping low to lick under the shaft.
As Harry continued to move, Severus let go of Harry's cock with a pop. "Any more of that and I may have to tie you up."
Harry groaned and Severus' eyes glinted. "You like that, I see. We will have to investigate that at a later time. But first," he broke off to run his tongue down between Harry's arse cheeks.
"Oh!" Harry shut his eyes, trying hard not to fidget at what Severus was doing. "Y-yes. More. P-please."
More. Please. Words Severus never thought he'd hear coming from someone else's lips to him, wanting him as much as he wanted Harry.
Somehow he knew that this thing with Harry would not end this night, not after he made Harry come by thrusting his tongue deep into his arse or fucking him hard on all fours on the bed. There would be smiles and embraces and, yes, even anger in their future.
But there was a future for him. This night was the verge of something more.