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snarrymod ([info]snarrymod) wrote in [info]snarry_games,
@ 2008-05-21 21:34:00

Previous Entry  Add to memories!  Tell a Friend!  Next Entry
Entry tags:entry, rakina, team dragon

TEAM DRAGON ENTRY: Rakina "The First-born Child"
Title: The First-born Child
Author: [info]rakina
Team: Dragon
Genres: Alternate Reality *Hover/Click for Games Definition of Alternate Reality*
Prompt: Anniversary, Possessive
Rating/Warnings: NC17 *Coercion. Underage (Harry is 16.)*
Word Count: ~70,337
Summary: Come, my friends, and listen to the tale of a flawed hero; the tale of Severus Snape who loves Lily Evans and is determined to have her. But when Lily passes beyond his reach, Severus manages to salvage something for himself: Lily will give him her child. Her first-born child, to be his own, his wife, and his love. Lily only has one child, and she comforts herself that her contract with Severus is void, for Lily's first-born is a son, and Severus had wanted a wife: a girl just like her mother. Severus thinks rather differently; Lily owes him. But in acquiring Harry Potter he discovers, belatedly, that love cannot be coerced or bought however desperate your need; that love is free, and the most valuable thing in the world.

A/N: Firstly, A big thank you goes out to my regular beta, Hel Bee, whose steadfast support has kept me going through thick and thin on many occasions. I also had input during the Snarry Games from my fellow Dragons, whose help is hugely appreciated, especially Lilyseyes and the most excellent Svartalfur.

Next, please note that this story is set in a parallel reality slightly skewed from our own. Do not assume everything here is the same; it's not. Here, Harry's significance to Severus lies in being Lily's child, and nothing else. There is no prophecy and no Dark Lord out to kill him, although there is a Dark Lord. I wrote it this way because, to me, Harry's significance for Snape was always his parentage, the rest be damned.

The Games is a wonderful thing to be part of, and owes its existence to [info]djin7. Much love to you, Djin.

(Almost) lastly, I must mention the mods of Team Dragon, who have been endlessly helpful; most of all our Team Capitan, [info]joanwilder, who is made of so much awesome that sometimes I get lost in my head contemplating her.

And finally... I should shut up, because this reads like an Oscar speech and you need to get to the story.
Disclaimer: The characters from Harry Potter belong to their creator, J K Rowling, and not to me. But the bard's mine.





"The First-born Child by Rakina"


Don't forget to review!




Mod note: POLLS ARE NOW CLOSED. THANK YOU FOR PARTICIPATING IN THE SNARRY GAMES.


Mod note: If you rec this story, please link to this POST, not the story itself, or the author/team will not get their proper vote tally or feedback. Thank you.




Mod note: Due to the length of this story, we will not be posting another until tomorrow evening. Thank you!


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(Post a new comment)


[info]ex_lilyseyes671
2008-05-22 05:40 am UTC (link)
OMG - they've been saving the best fics!! This is an absolutely brilliant and beautiful story, Raki! You paint a picture of the world you create in such a vivid way that I can picture it in my mind so clearly! I loved the way your characters developed and amazing story your Bard wove around them!

This story is gorgeous and well worth taking the time to read it!

(Reply to this) (Thread)

(no subject) - [info]rakina, 2008-05-22 08:03 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]joanwilder, 2008-05-22 08:37 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]rakina, 2008-05-22 09:46 am UTC

[info]sookail
2008-05-22 08:39 am UTC (link)
Wow. Second the opinion about saving the best fics ;)

(Reply to this) (Thread)

(no subject) - [info]rakina, 2008-05-22 10:34 am UTC

[info]mac_tunes
2008-05-22 09:30 am UTC (link)
Oh My Goodness! That was most brilliantly done. You're the best storyteller ever! Such long and juicy story and it almost, almost but not quite made me regret reading it so early and so quick. *sniffs* I want to read this again! A veritable story that can stand on its own. Snape was such a heartbreaking misunderstood man. I'm glad that Harry can lighten him up. Your story was weaved so lyrically that I was literally taken for a ride in a rollercoaster! Love it! Great JOB! And now, I want to re-read again... Thank you!

(Reply to this) (Thread)

(no subject) - [info]rakina, 2008-05-22 11:46 am UTC

[info]localfreak
2008-05-22 09:37 am UTC (link)
Utterly gorgeous :)

(Reply to this) (Thread)

(no subject) - [info]rakina, 2008-05-22 11:49 am UTC

[info]jellybean_slash
2008-05-22 10:45 am UTC (link)
I cannot believe how this story completely and utterly controlled my evening. The vibrant, fully-formed world you dropped me into, Severus' heartbreak and pain, and your amazing storytelling... I am in awe!

Thank you so much for the wonderful hours of reading. Even at the end, I felt like I could go on reading for another 70k.

(Reply to this) (Thread)

(no subject) - [info]rakina, 2008-05-22 11:52 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]jellybean_slash, 2008-05-22 12:44 pm UTC

[info]eriador117
2008-05-22 02:08 pm UTC (link)
Oh, brilliant, just brilliant! You could almost imagine yourself sitting by the fire, hanging onto The Bard's every word. You're quite a bard there yourself, wonderful, wonderful storytelling! (Even if you are on *that* team, LOL!) Such a well realised world.

take care,
Annette

(Reply to this) (Thread)

(no subject) - [info]rakina, 2008-05-22 03:04 pm UTC

[info]torino10154
2008-05-22 02:50 pm UTC (link)
Brava! Bravissima! Dedication first, as to my mind, the story itself was only half the work. The tale, spun by the Bard, keeping the POV right, and adding the little commentary to the townsfolk (and readers) adds the equivalent of several thousand more words worth of work. (Perfect last line too!)

As for the story itself-When he was going to kill James and then got Lily to promise her child-oh, god the feeling was palpable of James's fear, Lily's desperation, and Severus's total obsession. Harry ever the brave, facing the unknown so beautifully and yet, the earring how horrific, feeling at times like just another possession. Absolutely beautiful and heartbreaking that Harry made love to Severus before he left.

I loved the little details that for me also "fix" canon-James growing up after he saved Snape for one. And that Severus would grow to love Harry more than he ever really loved Lily. That's really what it's about, isn't it? ;)

Fabulous tale, Madam. I tip my hat.

(Reply to this) (Thread)

(no subject) - [info]rakina, 2008-05-22 03:13 pm UTC

[info]snakeysnape
2008-05-22 04:22 pm UTC (link)
Oh, I have been waiting for this! And I'm delighted to say it exceeds my expectations by far. But then, that's Rakina for you. Full points to the Dragons, m'dear, though this tale is deserving of more. :-)

(Reply to this) (Thread)

(no subject) - [info]rakina, 2008-05-22 06:37 pm UTC

[info]centaury_squill
2008-05-22 04:33 pm UTC (link)
I am in awe at how you have created a complete world for your fic. I love its framework, with the wandering storyteller and his asides to his audience. I was there with them, listening to the wonderful tale of obsession, and love lost and won.

You are one of the best storytellers, my dear!

(Reply to this) (Thread)

(no subject) - [info]rakina, 2008-05-22 06:39 pm UTC

[info]witchdragon
2008-05-22 05:41 pm UTC (link)
Rakina this is so beautiful!!! I loved the Bard- how fun, and unique! And chickens yay!!!

(Reply to this) (Thread)

(no subject) - [info]rakina, 2008-05-22 06:40 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]witchdragon, 2008-05-22 07:01 pm UTC

[info]k9asylum
2008-05-22 07:22 pm UTC (link)
THE BEST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Took 3 hours to read(dogs go in and dogs go out) and well worth the time!!!!!!!!! YAAAAAAAAA for the Snarry-ness!!!!

(Reply to this) (Thread)

(no subject) - [info]rakina, 2008-05-22 11:07 pm UTC

[info]soshoni
2008-05-22 11:14 pm UTC (link)
Gorgeous. I don't have time to go in depth, but I wanted to make sure to tell you how much I enjoyed this story - you created a lovely and lush alternate reality, full of many small details that made it recognizable yet distinctly different. The small bit, of the house elves being true elves - Dobby, the not so little little man and his trousers and tunic - was just one of these details, but is the one that has stuck with me the most. This was a truly sweet love story with a delightful relationship between the two men. You've also brought across an interesting viewpoint on shades of white, black and gray - without focusing overmuch on the message. In that respect, I was happily in my mind of some of my favorite novels, by a gent named L.E. Modesitt Jr. Lastly, but not leastly, I'm quite as enamored of your bard as Maisie. ^_^

(Reply to this) (Thread)

(no subject) - [info]rakina, 2008-05-23 04:32 pm UTC

[info]aguella
2008-05-23 12:49 am UTC (link)
Honestly, there's not much more that I can say than that this is an amazing story, beautiful, and so well adapted to your own voice while keeping the truth of the characters in mind. Wonderful.

(Reply to this) (Thread)

(no subject) - [info]rakina, 2008-05-23 05:37 pm UTC

[info]telwyrd
2008-05-23 01:08 am UTC (link)
Storytelling at its finest! This was a wonderful spin on the HP-verse. You crafted a rich and vibrant world.

I loved the Snape depicted in the story: introverted, petty, mean, jealous, brilliant, inventive, and cunning. A flawed yet multi-faceted hero. Just the kind that I adore.

People learned that Dark and Light in balance can lead to a better world, a peaceful world, and that it is infinitely more rational to live and let live.

A wonderful coda to the story. Just perfect.

Love, happiness, and peace for all is always a good thing! Great story! Well done!

(Reply to this) (Thread)

(no subject) - [info]rakina, 2008-05-23 05:42 pm UTC

[info]zephre
2008-05-23 01:38 am UTC (link)
brilliant. from the narrative device to the alternate reality you created, the story moves forward with fantastic emotion and depth.
I loved the way the story is both a legend and lesson, and the beauty of the telling.
Yes, women do indeed make good storytellers!

(Reply to this) (Thread)

(no subject) - [info]rakina, 2008-05-23 05:45 pm UTC

[info]cadence_k
2008-05-23 02:56 am UTC (link)
This was lovely! So detailed and rich. As long as it was, I didn't want it to end. Thank you for sharing such an amazing story!

(Reply to this) (Thread)

(no subject) - [info]rakina, 2008-05-23 07:21 pm UTC

[info]wichie
2008-05-23 06:34 am UTC (link)
OMG ...

This is "Beauty & the Beast", the transcendent power of love, and do you have any idea how much I adore "Beauty & the Beast"???

This is amazing, and so brilliant, so, God, the detail, the voices - it all resonates so beautifully. You feel at once that you are there before the Bard, and that that you are within the greater story of magic and balance of nature, and the love, oh, Severus and Harry here are really brilliant, and Lily is an amazing character, so meticulously, er, is there a word for "given depth of character heretofore unexplored"? "Detailed" just won't do.

(Reply to this) (Thread)

(no subject) - [info]rakina, 2008-05-23 07:31 pm UTC

[info]booffra
2008-05-23 08:23 am UTC (link)
That was just beyond words. Fantastic, compelling, mesmerising, believable are just some of the words that don't do this story justice. Once I started I couldn't stop reading, you completely drew me into the world you created. Bravo and full marks to you. Booffra

(Reply to this) (Thread)

(no subject) - [info]rakina, 2008-05-23 07:36 pm UTC

[info]hambares
2008-05-23 01:47 pm UTC (link)
My biggest regret with this story is that it took me two days to read and I am having trouble remembering where all the wonderful little tidbits are in the story that I wanted to comment on. :0

Now - if that is my biggest problem, I am a very happy camper! This was wonderfully crafted, and yes, a woman does make an excellent "bard". You've proven that time and again.

I loved the way you kept coming back to love, and what it means and takes to be real. It was in some of those spots that I wanted so badly to underline and comment on, but didn't as I wanted to just keep reading. I think your Harry was brilliant.

Thank you for distracting me from the work I should have been doing!!

~Heidi

(Reply to this) (Thread)

(no subject) - [info]rakina, 2008-05-23 07:41 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]hambares, 2008-05-23 11:09 pm UTC

[info]ashenv
2008-05-23 02:59 pm UTC (link)
Hm, I read this last night, and I couldn't form a proper comment so left it for today but am still finding it problematic. Let me put it this way - I started reading your stories quite some time ago, and quite a few of them are on my favorite list, but this one gives off the feel of a real, professional author - it is so well rounded, that I had the feeling I read a book/novel and in a way shows your own progress as one.

The evolution of both the plot and characters had me pinned to my seat and made me read it all in one go, while I suffered with Severus, got highly annoyed with Lily and felt bad for Harry while at the same time admiring the lovely, lovely grey world you have created that simply screams believable and realistic both in plot and in characters. I love flawed Severus because that is what he is - a person whose internal moral struggle has captivated me in the books, as well as here. This is what I want to read as an adult because that is for my mind the real world.

For me the story was more that of Severus and his personal growth, and later his relationship with Harry, and I love you for it.

Anyway, I loved it, it was a genuine pleasure to read so thank you ever so much!

(Reply to this) (Thread)

(no subject) - [info]rakina, 2008-05-23 08:22 pm UTC

[info]igtow
2008-05-23 07:48 pm UTC (link)
I've been curious about this story ever since you posted the first part of it to the comm and I am so happy to see I wasn't disappointed at all. What a ride! And an unusual delivery, which made it twice as lovely. Definitely a keeper and going into my re-read list because it really is too complex to say I caught everything during the first 'sucked me into it, I can't stop reading' go-through.

I am soooo glad we are on the same team! Roooaaarrr!

(Reply to this) (Thread)

(no subject) - [info]rakina, 2008-05-23 08:25 pm UTC

[info]gingertart50
2008-05-23 08:14 pm UTC (link)
Oh yes! This has something of the feel of 'Master Snape's Community' to it, the same feeling of British countryside and farming and stone-walled buildings and humans and animals and birds all being a part of the land. I loved the romance of the relationship and the redemption of Snape. Another great Rakina fic! Go Dragons! Woot!

(Reply to this) (Thread)

(no subject) - [info]rakina, 2008-05-23 08:41 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]gingertart50, 2008-05-23 08:58 pm UTC

[info]sweetmelodykiss
2008-05-23 11:17 pm UTC (link)
What a wonderful fic, just exceptional! Kudos!

(Reply to this) (Thread)

(no subject) - [info]rakina, 2008-05-24 12:01 am UTC

[info]josan
2008-05-24 12:37 am UTC (link)
Going away for part of the weekend. Am printing this out to take along. Comments will come...eventually, I promise.

(Reply to this) (Thread)

(no subject) - [info]rakina, 2008-05-24 01:13 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]josan, 2008-05-25 05:33 pm UTC

[info]winoniel
2008-05-24 03:44 am UTC (link)
You have created such a rich, well-thought-out universe! I love the detail surrounding the perceptions of Light and Dark, the religious side of the Order, even the details of the Burrow (or its version in this universe)!

The warmth and dignity of Severus and Harry are also wondrous touches. Severus had every excuse to become a withdrawn, bitter obsessive, yet instead, while he waited for the fruition of his admittedly slightly deranged plan, he used his talents and skills to become a contributing member of society, recognized by both sides of the divide. Harry's naivete, sweetness, and capacity for happiness has rarely been so vividly written.

Beautifully done!

(Reply to this) (Thread)

(no subject) - [info]winoniel, 2008-05-24 03:46 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]rakina, 2008-05-24 09:00 am UTC

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