Oh, you are my absolute favorite fit of pique. Wow. This was...just no-words-for-it-amazing. Your writing! My, my. I loved the whole fisticuffs scene, with Harry introducing Severus' face to his knee, and the casual way of Severus' words as he punches Harry's stomach. I mean, the laughter!! I could almost see the bright yellow "POW!" and "CRUNCH!" popping up with each strike.
There were so many golden lines in here, I feel certain I can't get them all now. Believe me, though, they're not melting together in my heart like a delicious yet healthy cheese or chocolate fondue. Here are some of my faves that come to mind at the moment:
"Don't let it go to your head, Potter." Snape folds the towel into a compress and presses it gingerly to his blackened eye with a hiss. "I am very likely concussed."
Concussed as a verb makes this perfectly snappy! I love it.
His quiet words steal the outraged wind from Harry's sails. He shakes his head. "I don't understand you."
"Salubrious means healthy," Snape explains.
*laughs* The sheer deadpanness of this exchange was poignant and yet SO FUNNY. How the heck do you DO that?!?
When he's gone, Severus looks around the capacious kitchen, measures the distance between himself and both exits, and concludes that the contact was unquestionably avoidable.
What an acute observation by Severus, and just the kind of light touch that makes the whole story absolutely perfect.
There were also a ton of turns of phrase that I lingered over and found to be so pleasing to the eye--Harry muscle-ing a thought from his mind, the parliament of owls--and yet nothing felt reaching; it all came across as effortless and unstudied in a way that really complimented the story and characterizations. I know you had previously mentioned that you saw stuff in here you thought you could cut--but to be honest, I don't see it. I mean, this is really quite a gem--all of it. I also really liked Finch-Fletchley (buggering fuck!) and Ron, and of course, Dudley. :) I personally wouldn't call this crack; to me it's all romance, with humor, and it's splendid.
This is one for the memory box--I'll love it forever.