This was the finest vintage crack. Reading the opening paragraph, which was delightfully hilarious, I knew that the story was going be fantastic. It was a pure joy to read.
Your prose was sharp, your plot refreshing. I gulped it down in one sitting, wearing a silly smile the whole time. Good thing I was alone or people would think I was weird.
So many memorable lines! These are a few of my faves:
But if Potter thinks Severus will fight fairly, he is as stupid as his hair looks.
Hair! ::snickers::
Severus points his wand, clutched in trembling fingers, at the foul, loathsome creature. "Riddikulus!" he shrieks.
His eyes are ringed with dark circles and his hair is sticking out in mad tufts. He looks for all the world like something the cat dragged through the hedge and deposited on the front mat.
Descriptively funny!
The lion transforms into a coil of green toy snake, and the baby soils her nappy in shock and delight.
This was a good one too! :D
Potter produces a pair of pink ankle socks and matching pink leather slippers with butterflies on the toes. Severus has never seen so much pink in his life. It's nauseating.
::shudders:: True, true.
"Potter, your hair is preposterous!"
Snape sure was hung up on Harry’s hair. ::hehehe::
Baby Jessamine was so adorable when she wasn’t doing her best to bring Harry and Snape to their knees with all of her antics.
Jessica shrieks and drops her digestive biscuit to the floor. Severus considers doing the same. Potter sets his teacup in its saucer with a clatter and takes a deep, shaky breath. "Really?" he asks, face stricken.
The appearance of Dudley was unexpected but well executed. I like how that played out. The ending with the horrifying specter of a visit from ::gasps:: Petunia Dursley! was the final cherry on top of this scrumptious story.
A tired old trope re-imagined and revitalized with Harry-isms galore and extra special Snape snark! Brilliant! Outstanding! Brava!