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snarrymod (snarrymod) wrote in snarry_games,
@ 2008-05-07 21:43:00

Entry tags:

entry, fitofpique, team dragon

TEAM DRAGON ENTRY: FitofPique "Made-Up Lullaby #43"
Title: Made-Up Lullaby #43
Author: fitofpique
Team: Dragon
Genres: Humour/Crack
Prompt: Baby Blues, Sleeplessness
Rating/Warnings: NC17 *AU, EWE, NOT MPreg*
Word Count: ~20,500
Summary: People who say they sleep like a baby don't usually have one.
A/N:Thank you to all the amazing members of Team Dragon, to my betas, tarteaucitron, pippinmctaggart, and schemingreader, and to cindyjade for loving and nurturing this story from start to finish.

"Made-Up Lullaby #43 by FitofPique"

Don't forget to review!

Mod note: POLLS ARE NOW CLOSED. THANK YOU FOR PARTICIPATING IN THE SNARRY GAMES.

Mod note: If you rec this story, please link to this POST, not the story itself, or the author/team will not get their proper vote tally or feedback. Thank you.

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(Post a new comment)

	stepmnstr 2008-05-08 01:23 am UTC (link)
	ooooh! i loved this! right down to last line! (Reply to this) (Thread)

fitofpique, 2008-05-08 10:02 pm UTC

gaycrow
2008-05-08 01:29 am UTC (link)

Oh, this is delightful! I love this type of humorous, slightly cracky story. Snarky!Snape and "Never give up"!Harry are just my cup of tea. And I loved the way they handled the baby, the way she wormed her way right into Severus's heart, along with Harry. ♥ Awwww. (Pink heart for pink baby.) :D

... and Severus realizes, as his hips flex involuntarily, as his hands slide down to grasp Potter's hard shoulders, that he has not felt this good in some time. Upon further reflection, he realizes it's more likely that he's never felt this good in his life.

How sad to think that he's never felt that good before, but how sweet that it's Harry who's achieved this.

"You're brilliant," Potter says, his voice muffled by the collar of Severus' shirt. ... "I was wondering when you'd notice, Potter," he says tartly.

And how lovely to know that Snape will never change! :D

(Reply to this) (Thread)

fitofpique, 2008-05-08 10:33 pm UTC

	simons_flower 2008-05-08 01:52 am UTC (link)
	That was an amazingly quick read for 20K! I loved the humor in this, the running jokes about her nappy, and the ending. Move indeed! (BTW, you must have named the baby Jessica to start with because there's one still there at the end.) Snape's snarkiness here was delightful, as was clueless-but-cute!Harry. (Reply to this) (Thread)

fitofpique, 2008-05-08 10:16 pm UTC

joanwilder
2008-05-08 02:35 am UTC (link)

Hey! Congrats! What a wonderful job with this prompt! It wasn't sappy or schmoopy. You had me from the moment Snape shouted, "Riddiculus!". HAAaaa! His ongoing monologue to himself, chronicling his downward spiral into caring was delicious to read.

Kudos on bringing Dudley in--nice touch, that. Telling the story in present tense worked really well too; there were places that I laughed out loud, and the two of them finally getting together at the end (god, I loved determined!Harry in that scene!) was hot and romantic and just so fulfilling to read. *happy sigh*

Great job, my Dragon! El Capitan is proud of you! ROAR!!!

(Reply to this) (Thread)

fitofpique, 2008-05-08 10:23 pm UTC

	joanwilder 2008-05-08 02:40 am UTC (link)
	Wait! Wait! Hold the bus! I forgot to mention the Quidditch lullaby! I loved it, am committing it to memory, and will heretofore sing that version for Viola! (Reply to this) (Thread)

fitofpique, 2008-05-08 10:25 pm UTC

	galad222000 2008-05-08 03:08 am UTC (link)
	Enjoyed this fic from the very beginning to the very end. Very cleverly done. I loved that Snape thought the baby was a boggart. still chuckling over that :~D (Reply to this) (Thread)

fitofpique, 2008-05-08 10:30 pm UTC

	gingertart50 2008-05-08 03:42 am UTC (link)
	Excellent fic! Loved the humour, the characters and the hot sex. Dammit, not allowed to vote. Go Dragons! RROOAARRRRR! (Reply to this) (Thread)

fitofpique, 2008-05-08 10:36 pm UTC

	sookail 2008-05-08 04:02 am UTC (link)
	Loved all of it! (Reply to this) (Thread)

fitofpique, 2008-05-08 10:39 pm UTC

	gifted_goofball 2008-05-08 04:58 am UTC (link)
	nice one! I was cracking up about Severus thinking the baby was a boggart. If that is not tale-telling... And I loved that he started reading out of the book to her. I would be asleep in minutes ;o) And I loved the songs Harry made up, really cute. (Reply to this) (Thread)

fitofpique, 2008-05-09 10:50 am UTC

	schemingreader 2008-05-08 05:14 am UTC (link)
	It's posted! It's posted! I don't have time to read it right now. I cannot wait! Eeeeeeeeee! (Will be back to squee more after I've read the final version of the story. eeeeeee!) (Reply to this) (Thread)

fitofpique, 2008-05-09 10:52 am UTC

	marguerite_26 2008-05-08 07:04 am UTC (link)
	yay!!! It's here! prints (Reply to this) (Thread)

fitofpique, 2008-05-09 10:53 am UTC

	centaury_squill 2008-05-08 07:49 am UTC (link)
	I've been looking forward to this ever since you posted your bunny on the team comm ;) Hilarious and hot! ROOAAAARRRRRR!! (Reply to this) (Thread)

fitofpique, 2008-05-09 10:54 am UTC

who_la_hoop
2008-05-08 07:56 am UTC (link)

Aw, hon, that was such a nice read! :) Sweet - but not too sweet - and funny and sexy (mmm). I love your Snape so much!

He can count on one hand the number of people who have elbowed him chummily ... and lived.

Hee!

For a moment Severus is certain Potter's going to hug him. He slips his hand into his pocket and grasps his wand in readiness.

Double hee! :)

Plus, I adore how there's a baby but it's not MPREG. *hugs you* The relationship between the three of them is so lovely. A really good read!

(Reply to this) (Thread)

fitofpique, 2008-05-09 10:59 am UTC

miriravan
2008-05-08 08:19 am UTC (link)

Oh, this is so funny, and so sweet. I love grown-up-but-still-pretty-clueless Harry, and reluctantly-famous Snape is hysterical. You do a really good job with Snape's dialogue, in particular, the perfect blend of funny/snarky/cutting/true.

Jessamine is adorable, and quite a character in her own right, which is an accomplishment, given her extremely limited vocabulary.

Dudley's appearance was a surprise, and a clever explanation for Jessamine's sudden appearance, and the 6 Months Later scene is awesome, from the inappropriate toys to the very last line.

Altogether a delightful story!

(Reply to this) (Thread)

fitofpique, 2008-05-11 02:24 pm UTC

	plantinshadows 2008-05-08 10:35 am UTC (link)
	ah this is really nice and funny! I loved that harry is going to therapy and his HAIR, that follows the object of its desire around.. dudley...urr who would have sex with him?? but there you go. (Reply to this) (Thread)

fitofpique, 2008-05-11 02:29 pm UTC

	klynie1 2008-05-08 10:37 am UTC (link)
	What a lovely, sweet story! I really enjoyed the slow build of the relationship (I nearly died laughing during the fist fight) and the fact that, while the baby brought them together at the beginning, it wasn't what brought them together in the end. And Dudley was hilarious! (Reply to this) (Thread)

fitofpique, 2008-05-11 02:37 pm UTC

alisanne
2008-05-08 10:59 am UTC (link)

Hahahahahaha!
Oh but this was wonderful! I really needed this laugh this morning. Snape's inner voice was spot on, and his one liners were perfect.
There are simply too many great lines for me to quote, so just suffice to say I am going to have a smile on face all day because of this story.
Oh, and I would be remiss if I didn't mention clueless!Harry. Even Dudley (and Ron! Heh) knew that there was something more between Snape and Harry before Harry did.
And the baby was adorable!
Excellent story. :)

(Reply to this) (Thread)

fitofpique, 2008-05-11 02:41 pm UTC

torino10154
2008-05-08 02:14 pm UTC (link)

OMG you had me here . . . He takes a large swallow of the truly abysmal chardonnay on offer and distracts himself by wondering how they convinced the kneazle to piss in the bottle. One of life's many mysteries. Then a fist fight! Severus's 'conversations' with the baby. Too perfect. Of course, the way they start dancing around one another, Severus fleeing (inevitable really). Harry knowing Severus was there-then going to him. Lovely.

But I have two reason's for adoring Dudley in this-one is that one thing I actually liked about DH was Dudley coming around in his feelings towards Harry. The other, entirely selfish but I can't resist mentioning it, is that I wrote a little piece for

phoenix_flies where Harry adopts Dudley's daughter. In a way it's just so logical-he would adore his niece, treat her so much differently than he was treated. So when I say I love that, I admit I am a bit biased. All and all a wonderful fic.

(Reply to this) (Thread)

fitofpique, 2008-05-11 02:50 pm UTC

	fbowden 2008-05-08 04:47 pm UTC (link)
	Oh wow, this was just fantastic! The humour, dialogue, snark, sex, cutest baby EVER and without mpreg :D Totally brilliant. I never wanted it to end; in fact I'm sort of hoping you'll write more fabulous tales of Harry, Snape and Jess as they move through life together. Well done!! (Reply to this) (Thread)

fitofpique, 2008-05-11 02:54 pm UTC

	sensine 2008-05-08 05:15 pm UTC (link)
	I was thinking, when I saw the epilogue, can this be any better? Then came the last three lines... perfect! I love every sentence and read as slowly as I could to make it last. (With the unwanted effect that I had to wait a bit for the hot stuff, okay ;) (Reply to this) (Thread)

fitofpique, 2008-05-11 03:41 pm UTC

sensine, 2008-05-12 01:38 am UTC

fitofpique, 2008-05-12 07:29 pm UTC

	treewishes 2008-05-08 06:47 pm UTC (link)
	Marvelous characterization, and I loved every single snark that Snape uttered aloud and his private thoughts even more! Fabulous story!! And excellent use of prompts. You win at humour! (Reply to this) (Thread)

fitofpique, 2008-05-11 03:50 pm UTC

	zephyr_macabee 2008-05-08 09:44 pm UTC (link)
	Very enjoyable read. I liked the way you went full circle from stripping for the fight at the start to stripping for sex at the end. Too many lovely, snarky lines to quote; I was laughing all the way through except for the little bites of angst here and there. (Reply to this) (Thread)

fitofpique, 2008-05-11 04:04 pm UTC

telwyrd
2008-05-08 10:09 pm UTC (link)

This was the finest vintage crack. Reading the opening paragraph, which was delightfully hilarious, I knew that the story was going be fantastic. It was a pure joy to read.

Your prose was sharp, your plot refreshing. I gulped it down in one sitting, wearing a silly smile the whole time. Good thing I was alone or people would think I was weird.

So many memorable lines! These are a few of my faves:

But if Potter thinks Severus will fight fairly, he is as stupid as his hair looks.

Hair! ::snickers::

Severus points his wand, clutched in trembling fingers, at the foul, loathsome creature. "Riddikulus!" he shrieks.

You…this… ::sputters:: hysterical… ::laughs&laughs&laughs::

His eyes are ringed with dark circles and his hair is sticking out in mad tufts. He looks for all the world like something the cat dragged through the hedge and deposited on the front mat.

Descriptively funny!

The lion transforms into a coil of green toy snake, and the baby soils her nappy in shock and delight.

This was a good one too! :D

Potter produces a pair of pink ankle socks and matching pink leather slippers with butterflies on the toes. Severus has never seen so much pink in his life. It's nauseating.

::shudders:: True, true.

"Potter, your hair is preposterous!"

Snape sure was hung up on Harry’s hair. ::hehehe::

Baby Jessamine was so adorable when she wasn’t doing her best to bring Harry and Snape to their knees with all of her antics.

Jessica shrieks and drops her digestive biscuit to the floor. Severus considers doing the same. Potter sets his teacup in its saucer with a clatter and takes a deep, shaky breath. "Really?" he asks, face stricken.

The appearance of Dudley was unexpected but well executed. I like how that played out. The ending with the horrifying specter of a visit from ::gasps:: Petunia Dursley! was the final cherry on top of this scrumptious story.

A tired old trope re-imagined and revitalized with Harry-isms galore and extra special Snape snark! Brilliant! Outstanding! Brava!

(Reply to this) (Thread)

fitofpique, 2008-05-11 04:12 pm UTC

	snarry_fan7 2008-05-08 11:43 pm UTC (link)
	So adorable. I love how they behave with the baby and how it brings them closer. Dudley being the father is amusing to me too, lol. Excellent, sweet work.~Sophia (Reply to this) (Thread)

fitofpique, 2008-05-11 04:23 pm UTC

dracofiend
2008-05-09 12:33 am UTC (link)

Oh, you are my absolute favorite fit of pique. Wow. This was...just no-words-for-it-amazing. Your writing! My, my. I loved the whole fisticuffs scene, with Harry introducing Severus' face to his knee, and the casual way of Severus' words as he punches Harry's stomach. I mean, the laughter!! I could almost see the bright yellow "POW!" and "CRUNCH!" popping up with each strike.

There were so many golden lines in here, I feel certain I can't get them all now. Believe me, though, they're not melting together in my heart like a delicious yet healthy cheese or chocolate fondue. Here are some of my faves that come to mind at the moment:

"Don't let it go to your head, Potter." Snape folds the towel into a compress and presses it gingerly to his blackened eye with a hiss. "I am very likely concussed."

Concussed as a verb makes this perfectly snappy! I love it.

His quiet words steal the outraged wind from Harry's sails. He shakes his head. "I don't understand you."

"Salubrious means healthy," Snape explains.

*laughs* The sheer deadpanness of this exchange was poignant and yet SO FUNNY. How the heck do you DO that?!?

When he's gone, Severus looks around the capacious kitchen, measures the distance between himself and both exits, and concludes that the contact was unquestionably avoidable.

What an acute observation by Severus, and just the kind of light touch that makes the whole story absolutely perfect.

There were also a ton of turns of phrase that I lingered over and found to be so pleasing to the eye--Harry muscle-ing a thought from his mind, the parliament of owls--and yet nothing felt reaching; it all came across as effortless and unstudied in a way that really complimented the story and characterizations. I know you had previously mentioned that you saw stuff in here you thought you could cut--but to be honest, I don't see it. I mean, this is really quite a gem--all of it. I also really liked Finch-Fletchley (buggering fuck!) and Ron, and of course, Dudley. :) I personally wouldn't call this crack; to me it's all romance, with humor, and it's splendid.

This is one for the memory box--I'll love it forever.

(Reply to this) (Thread)

fitofpique, 2008-05-11 04:56 pm UTC

dracofiend, 2008-05-12 12:50 am UTC

fitofpique, 2008-05-12 07:27 pm UTC

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