TWEAK is making me post this in TWO! "I'd like to close the doors and set the place on fire."
"So, a drink, then?"
They really do belong together, don't they? How they read each other so easily!
"You're not the Ministry!" Snape shouted, one of his hands crunching the papers in a vice grip. "And even if you were, this isn't the war." He dropped the paper on the table and stalked to the door, away from Harry. "No one made you a murderer, you know," he said over his shoulder as he opened the door to the inner chamber. "You made yourself one."
Sigh. Makes you wonder why Severus still wants Harry!
He waved Snape up the stairs with his wand hand. Snape complied, but only after he'd grabbed the weapons case. "So there I was, three months ago in the back room of some filthy bar in Toronto, getting one of the worst blowjobs in the history of oral sex, when I thought about the last time I'd had a good blowjob."
Toronto? Harry has his epiphany in TORONTO! OMG! (Sad shake of head: you nearly lost me there. Toronto the Good? Sheesh! Next thing, you'll have the Maple Leafs winning the Stanley Cup!)
The glamour around Confidential faded from the feet up, and Harry wiped his brow with the back of his hand, watching as the last of the gray dissolved and he was left with a figure in a pink track suit with racing stripes down the legs. He followed the line of the body up to the head and stared dumbly into the dead eyes of Dolores Umbridge. A small locket around her neck glittered with the movements of a gilded kitten.
DOLORES UMBRIDGE!!! OMG! THAT came totally out of left field! I was thinking Severus himself...until the attack. But DU!? Never even crossed my mind. (Bravo!)
Of all of the shocking things today," Harry said finally, "that was the biggest." He nodded at the gun.
Me too. WOW! I had begun to think that Severus would have to come to the rescue once more, but with a gun? Nope. No way!
"Really, Harry, I've been hated by more than one faction of the Wizarding world for over twenty years. Do you think I'd be completely unprepared?" Snape released the magazine and pulled it out, looking at the remaining bullets inside.
Yep. Ever ready. Severus knows his world far too well.
Harry ejected the magazine and examined it. "It's automatic."
"Twelve hundred rounds a minute," Snape replied, almost stopping short when Harry glanced at him.
Harry stared at him dully. "I love you."
Snape took the gun from him. "You can't have it," he said,
LOL! And he knows his Harry far too well. Great exchange!
Your LATER and the EVEN LATER are nothing but lines that I adore!
The whole story was a hoot. I have to tell you that I really appreciated the way Ron appears in this. If the other characters grow and mature (well, Luna is still nevertheless Luna), then Ron has to as well. And frankly, he is scarey. If it had turned out that Confidential was Harry, I truly believed that Ron would have killed him. He'd mourn afterwards, but he would kill him.
Really pleased I printed this out. My bedtime binder is growing thicker.