pekeleke (pekeleke) wrote in snape_potter, @ 2012-06-22 07:06:00 |
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Author: pekeleke
Pairing: Severus Snape/Harry Potter
Word Count: 6021
Rating: N-17
Summary: Four years after the final battle Severus Snape wakes up to HELL!
Warning(s): Strong language. Violence.
A/N: English is not my mother tongue so mistakes are to be expected.
Beta: None
Disclaimer: The characters used in this fiction are not mine. No money is being made from it.
THE VOICE UNDER ALL SILENCES. Chapter 25
"You accidentally disapparated?. Really?. Is that even possible?" Draco seemed shocked out of his usual elegant poise. His eyes were shot through with gray shards of true disbelief, his pale lips were pursed with a thoughtful kind of wonder.
"Actually... I don't really care if it's not possible!. You. Performed. Magic, Godfather!. Magic!. That comes to prove the fact that you can access it!. What were you doing when it happened?. Were you holding your wand?. Were you trying to use a related charm?. Something along the lines of an... Accio?
By Salazar! These are the most wonderful news!...”
Severus smiled on the receiving end of his precious boy's boundless joy. His gaze lowered and he concentrated on examining his own hands with something that was too akin to forced concentration to pass muster with the naturally suspicious mind of his godchild...
"I... No. I was not holding my wand at the time, Draco. I had it on my person, though. Fastened to it's holder, as usual, but... what happened was completely unexpected. Unintentional. A straight forward bout of... wish magic, if you will!"
Minnie's smile at that was a study in absolute delight!.
"You wished yourself at home and... here you are!. Doesn't it still astonish you just how beautiful a gift magic truly is, Severus?"
He blinked at her, perfectly shocked. Unsure of what, exactly, could have given her the boggling idea that he actually possessed the kind of simpering nature necessary to wish himself somewhere out of mere... fondness!.
Draco's clearly startled features reflected his own equally astounded disbelief but, thankfully, his boy didn't seem particularly inclined to burst her bubble!. They both looked at each other. Neutral expressions veiling the absolute hilarity that they were concealing behind their perfectly practised slytherin masks.
On his godson's right, Poppy's small frame twitched anxiously.
"It troubles me that you went through apparition, Severus!. I'd love to ran a scan over you. With your permission, of course, to assure myself that there's nothing untoward with your health!...
Don't get me wrong!, I love it that you are here!, But... all of this is just too irregular and we all have been so worried about you!...
It drove me spare to find you sleeping every single time that I managed to visit St. Mungo's!. Minnie assured me that she'd spoken to you herself, but... It's not the same is it?. To have you here!. To see you move!. To hear your voice once more!... Severus... You've no idea of how much I've missed you!"
He was utterly unprepared for the shock that he received when she, literally, shot out of her chair and launched herself at him!. Her wiry frame shook with the strength of unreasonable feminine sobs!. She squeezed him with a zeal that he'd never known she possessed, hanging herself tightly from his neck.
He patted her back awkwardly. Uncomfortably. A man utterly at a loss about how to deal with the inexplicable need for... cuddles... so often displayed by the female portion of his own species!.
Thankfully Rubeus took pity on him. Coming to his rescue with a gigantic, meaty hand that he placed carefully around Poppy, in order to lift her away from Severus's own frame.
"There, there, Poppy!. Yer don wanna put too much pressure o'er the Headmaster's lungs do ya?. He sure looks much too pale for tha' kin-o' thing!"
She smiled, waveringly, but with a bright, delighted joy that turned her cheerful blue eyes into twin pools of soft contentment.
"Oh!. Yes. Of course!. You must forgive my enthusiasm, Severus!. I bet I've just gave you a coronary with that display of mine!. But... It was genuine!. You do know that, don't you, my friend?. For all that stiff, formality of yours... there's something in there that must tell you when you are truly held in high regard!"
His smile to her was warm and genuine, too. A gesture very few people ever received from him.
"I have never doubted your friendship, Poppy!. I am, of course, glad to see that it has remained unchanged throughout my... absence!"
"I wouldn't have called that coma of yours an absence, Severus!. You make it sound like a sabbatical!. You were truly sick, you know?. Had us worried right out of our minds!"
Minnie got up to hug their co-worker tightly.
"Now, now, Poppy... You should calm down a bit!. Sit back down, will you?. Severus is here with us!. Is he not?. He has finally come home and there's no need to make him run away again, with all this drama!"
Everyone around the room chuckled. It was still early evening and they had decided to settle down in the teacher's lounge for a while, after the initial shock of Severus's sudden appearance at the school had finally wound down.
Classes had already finished for the day and there was still at least an hour left before dinner was served.
Everyone had received him with delight. He'd been shocked to realise just how much the staff had... relished... his sudden appearance. Minnie had arrived so fast, after he'd severed that uncomfortable mental connexion with Potter, that he was sure she must have been flying up the steps!.
She'd barely knocked on the door before she pushed it open and then had proceeded to, literally, jump on him like some bizarre imitation of a Tartan-wearing cloud!.
Everyone had been the same: From Fillius to Argus, passing through Cybil, Aurora, Poppy, Rubeus and, of course: Draco!...
There were some whom he hadn't seen yet, like Madam Pince, who was still busy in the library... and others that he'd failed to recognise, like the new muggle studies teacher: some young man who stared at him for two whole minutes, without blinking, before shaking his hand effusively!.
"Heard that the Headmaster's back home?. Were is he?. I'm dying to see his face, when he finally sees me and realises that I'm his Herbology Professor!" A dark haired man had swept wildly into the room. A wide smile was splitting his face as he strolled in with the confidence of one who feels truly at home.
The most awful case of sudden... indigestion... gripped Severus's entrails. It was either that or a straight case of plain, old-fashioned apprehension. And he refused, point blank, to quiver with terror before the likes of the man whom he suspected the unfamiliar youth to be!.
Even more disheartening certainty flared, within his gut, when his dark eyes raked over that awfully familiar frame.
He was dark haired and much taller than Severus remembered, but the slightly hunched posture as he walked was the same. The disgustingly grubby appearance of his fingernails had not changed, either. But the too-soft, almost shy enough to wilt under the smallest pressure, look that he used to direct towards the world had definitely vanished. This was a man who'd fought a war and had come out stronger. A victor for sure. A hero, as far as he'd been told...
"So it was, indeed, you that I saw outside of Potter's building, Longbottom!. I can't believe you're still tethered to this school, like a little puppy dog!. Am I never going to finally be rid of your constant hovering, child?"
Shocked silence fell around the room as those words left his lips. From the most distant corner of the lounge the one ginger menace still remaining, from the most demonic set of twins that he'd ever been forced to teach, snorted in the eerie silence with apparent disregard for the thick tension.
"That's two galleons, Malfoy!. The man exploded into grouchy moodiness straight away, without even bothering to hold in his opinion for the five minutes that you, so stubbornly, insisted that he'd wait!. You've cost some people money, potion's boy!. Half the room took your advice and bet against me!"
Minerva turned towards the corner with a thunderous scowl. Surprisingly, though, she did not berate the appalling behaviour being hinted at here, but seconded it most heartily!:
"I did not lose money!. I bet that there'd be trouble within the first five minutes!. That is not the same as implying that the Headmaster would wait until after that, Professor Weasley!. The art of betting requires a certain finesse with one's wording that some people find... impossible to master!'
Even more bizarrely Longbottom laughed.
"Don't pull your punches, professor. We all know that you were disparaging of us: real gryffindors!. Weren't you Minnie?. You've spent so much time dealing with our esteemed Headmaster, and his terrifyingly manipulating predecessor, that you've forgotten how to be truly straightforward!"
Severus couldn't take that disrespect!. Not even in the face of Minerva's own roaring laughter!.
"Mr. Longbottom!. I don't think that's an appropriate way for a young man, such as yourself, to address a lady whom has not only been your own teacher in the past, but also a former Head of House!.
You owe Minerva Mcgonagal a far greater respect than you've shown her so far!. If not because of her status, as a mentor of yours throughout your education then, at least, as an acknowledgement to both: her greater maturity and far higher position within the hierarchy of this institution!"
Titters rose all around him. The small, badly suppressed, almost snorted kind and he became absolutely livid with the lot of them!. Utterly enraged by their obvious descent into undignified childishness!.
His glare raked the whole room. Regaling his companions with the most powerful show of his displeasure that he could possibly project and a small but heartfelt sigh escaped Poppy's smiling lips.
"Aww!... Severus!. You've no idea of how much we've missed you!"
He was shocked, right down to his very bones, when every head shock in fervent agreement with her words. It didn't made any sense to him: Not a single one of them seemed to care that he'd just... berated their behaviour in the most sternly manner!. They were all... smiling!. At him!. Looking soft-eyed and... at peace with all the world!...
Longbottom collapsed noisily on the empty chair, next to Draco, and proceeded to... loop his arm, most audaciously, along the back of his godson's seat!.
Severus's black eyes narrowed. He stared at that arm rather pointedly and smiled, with utter satisfaction, when he saw it first twitch, and then, retreat entirely.
Draco's pale gray gaze clashed with his. His boy smiled good-naturally. The small, sly expression that fleeted through those eyes told him that the slytherin was being... pursued... by the gryffindor!. And that the nature of said pursuit might not necessarily be... completely unwelcome!.
His brows furrowed. A fierce sense of protectiveness surging through the whole of his being as he thought back on what he knew of the Longbottom boy: Pureblood. An Orphan. Reasonably well-off...
He'd been a clumsy, self-conscious child. A veritable genius in Herbology, or so Pomona had always claimed, but a menace of the worst order near his Potions!. How could this one man have managed to snare the attention of his fickle godchild?.
His eyes examined the gryffindor once more: dark gaze raking those grown features with a pensive kind of focus. He supposed that there was nothing wrong with the way Longbottom looked. He was a bit wide in the face, in that kind of earthly, masculine way that some found reasonably attractive. He had honest brown eyes and a look about the mouth that seemed to hint at a man who liked to smile. A lot!...
He was tall and broad shouldered, a particular weakness of Draco's. He had good teeth and a hair that was, at least, combed into some sort of reasonable tidiness...
He was not too bad, true, but... Draco was... beautiful. Far too beautiful, and refined, and much richer, and an absolute prodigy with potions!... he could have anyone he wanted!.
Could his godson truly, sincerely, be wanting the Longbottom heir?. Severus couldn't tell from his expression.
He could not even begin to imagine what Luc would have had to say at this development!. He felt a sudden and excruciatingly intense headache coming his way!.
"Severus? "
Minnie distracted him from his deeply troubling thoughts and his eyes abandoned the Herbology professor to focus gratefully on her.
"Will you join us for dinner at the Great Hall?. I imagine that the news of your arrival has propagated throughout the school like a wild fire by now!.
It'll be good for the students to finally see someone occupying the Headmaster's chair!. Unless you think that it'd be too much for you?. You do look a bit ragged... "
He swallowed down his trepidation. The particularly unwelcome request falling so far down the list of things that he didn't want to do, that it wasn't even funny!.
A million memories of the times when he'd sat upon that seat came back to haunt him. He'd been useless as a Headmaster!. Utterly incompetent!. He'd occupied the seat but had held no power!...
He'd meekly allowed the Carrows to run riot thorough the school!. Threatening the children!. Torturing them outright!. Punishing those who belonged to the wrong kind of families, or didn't have enough magical blood within their veins!...
"Godfather?"
Draco's voice had roughened with concern. A pale, elegant hand reached out towards him until it finally settled over his knee when his boy knelt, beside him, in order to look him straight in the eyes...
"If it's too much for you, I can come up and we'll have dinner in your rooms, instead. We'll catch up on all the things that we still haven't told each other, Godfather...
No one expects you to do everything on the first go, you know?. Tomorrow will be another day and, maybe, a small breakfast at the Great Table will be... less painful a memory to confront, than a grand dinner!"
His hand rose to close over his godchild's own in a gesture that was both: grateful and loving.
"Every memory of that year is painful, Draco!. Let's not add further insult to the injuries I've caused to this school and it's students!. To everything that Hogwarts stands for!...
I have courage enough to seat, once more, on that chair that I never honoured!. I can also face the children whom I allowed to come to harm, while I pursued bigger goals!.
I must grant them all the opportunity to judge me. To look me in the eye and find me wanting... I did fail them, after all...
It's the least that I can do, I think!. This much... This much I owe them. And you. I owe this to all of you!"
"Oh, Severus!..." Minnie's sigh was wretched. She sounded shattered, like glass. Awfully choked.
A silence followed her heartfelt gasp and they all remained just as they were. Stilled into motionlessness by some emotion or other.
Draco's trembling hand tightened on his. A warm and reassuring pressure that managed to ground him.
"It doesn't have to be done today, though. Does it, Godfather.?. Everyone will still be here tomorrow. Or the day after. Or even the day after that!. You... you must recover properly first. You... you look too pale!"
He could see right through that pathetically executed little lie. It was heartening, though. The way in which the child was attempting to... protect... him. But, in this case, it wouldn't do!.
"Leaving it for tomorrow won't make it any easier!. I'm sure that you still remember the advise I used to give you, whenever you were ill..."
Draco smiled ruefully and his lips parted to speak the words aloud. They both ended up uttering them at the same time:
"Taking your potions tomorrow won't make them taste any better!. And you'll have the added discomfort of having to endure the long night alone, while feeling wretched!. You'll condemn yourself to all this suffering for no positive gain...!"
What was left of the evening passed in a haze of reminiscent re-acquaintance with his old colleagues. Although he truly appreciated their company he soon found out, to his unending dismay, that he could not, actually, properly concentrate on any of them!.
The prospect of dining, once again, in the Great Hall terrified him a lot more than he'd let on.
He was beyond petrified at the very idea!. Absolutely daunted by his own inexplicable daring in having the actual nerve to present himself before such audience!. Dear Salazar!... He'd caused the children so much harm...!
Slowly the teacher's lounge emptied as, one by one, his companions excused themselves. The rush to prepare for the evening meal had arrived, and everyone was in need of finalising just that little bit left of grading. Or had the urge to take a shower. To change the clothes that they'd been using, all day long. Or simply to... unwind... before returning to the fray!.
Detentions would come as well. Eventually. And they too needed preparation, in some cases...
He was left thus: alone with his own thoughts. Trapped beside all his fears. Sharing the empty space with the ghosts of all those things that he'd been so very carefully refusing to confront, up until now!...
Draco had wanted to stay, but he'd convinced his godson to leave with the younger crowd. He felt as if he needed the solitude: a little respite to himself in which to prepare for the ordeal that awaited him. He shivered with cold as his dark and anxious gaze swept over the empty room. He felt lonely and afraid. Utterly abandoned. But he was honest enough to understand that this had been, like so many other things in his life, a choice that he had consciously made...
Back in his rooms he found himself opening the wardrobe out of habit, and was shocked to see that it still stored a few changes of clothing. Potter... Potter must have left all this behind...
His teaching robes were all here!. And all the specially warded frocks that he used while brewing highly volatile potions!. Most of his formal garments still hung at the very back of the rack. His old scarf, the one that Luc had gifted him on his seventeen birthday, was here too. Right next to his dragon-hide gloves.... A couple of hardly used woolly hats were neatly folded on a shelf, right next to the few jumpers that Cissy always insisted on getting him for Christmas. The very same ones that he never wore for exactly the same reason why she bought them: none of them were black!.
The attached bathroom looked also the same. His old, richly colored glass bottles still adorned the high shelf were the mirror should have been. He'd learned, long ago, to use the slightly obscured surfaces to check the accuracy of his shaving charm. Or use the uncomfortably distorted reflexions they projected to soothe the thousands of cuts, bruises and other injuries that he'd acquired over the years. He liked it better this way. Had grown to almost relish the comforting knowledge that everything that the old, tainted glass could reflect, absolutely everything, would be as ugly and distorted as his own face was...
That simple trick allowed him to... forget... how truly hideous he looked...
He entered the shower cubicle and turned on the water. Wallowing in the welcome knowledge that he had the place all to himself. There was no companion here to consider. Potter would not need the room for any reason, and he sighed with relief when that thought crossed his mind.
He grabbed his own familiar bar of soap and liberally applied it to his pale, emaciated body. Scrubbing himself mechanically as his mind shifted through the events of the day.
He was tired. Truly exhausted... and he knew that he'd be forced to face some of his worst demons before the day was done!.
He was shocked, though, by the ease with which the staff had received him. By the friendliness he'd encountered within the very same walls that had witnessed some of the most heinous acts that he'd ever committed!.
Everyone had ignored all that, though. And he'd been left to... flounder... in the discordant vacuum created by the difference between his own more recent memories and the time that had elapsed, since they had actually happened in the minds of everyone around him!
Potter's own behavior had shocked him, too. First that awful confrontation on the street and then... He didn't know what to make of this concession that the boy had, so generously, granted him. All the auror had to do was come to the castle and get him!. He himself had been ready to return back to London with the brat, without ever considering the possibility of remaining here and enjoying this... wonderful opportunity to catch up with everyone!.
It had caught him by surprise when the auror first suggested that he stay. He'd done it for no apparent gain that Severus could see. There was nothing, at all, in it for the boy!. Unless he needed a respite from his old ex-teacher's constant presence, too!...
It had been... excruciatingly intimate, though. Sharing his mind with the child in that manner. He'd been on edge all the time: uncomfortably aware of all those foreign emotions surging right through him!. How could the man live like that?. There had been so much of... everything!...
A shudder ran through him with just the memory. All that anger and that fear. All that patience and anxiety. All that... inexplicable... sadness...
It was a miracle, really, that Potter could function at all, while dealing with such strong, messy, and seemingly insurmountable... mountains... of sheer feeling... vying for supremacy within his being, all of the time!.
He abandoned the shower and proceeded to dry himself, still pondering on it. It was strange: to have visited another's head and seen their feelings in so much detail. It was... truly humbling to be allowed that much faith by another. To have them grant you ultimate access to their souls. Their hearts. Their minds...
He'd been frightened all the time. Terrified that Potter would attempt to cross a line that he'd rather not have anybody crossing!. He'd positioned himself, within his consciousness, in such a way that it was clear that he wished their interaction to remain on the very surface of his awareness. On the threshold of his mind...
The boy, though, had been open and sincere. There had been no barrier of any kind. No shadow of... unwillingness. He was certain that he could have tromped all over that mind, for as long as he'd wished, and Potter... Potter would have probably offered to give him the full tour!.
The mere thought managed to halt his every motion. He stood there, towel in hand, wondering about it for a very long time.
-Why?. Why does he trust me to that level?. Why does he care about what I want, or need, or even feel? What will he gain, from this... friendship!... that he is, so stubbornly, pursuing?-
His head reeled with the total lack of sense that defined the whole thing!. He could not begin to imagine what the universally loved Saviour Of The Wizarding World could possibly expect from him. HIM!. Who was, literally,... nobody!. Who had always been nobody!. Who'd lived and would, most probably, also die in the most abject obscurity!.
He was poor. He had no contacts. His personality was repellent in the extreme!. There was nothing about himself that he considered worth bothering this much to... obtain!.
If the child wanted someone to reminisce with him about his mother there was always Minnie!. Or Pomona.! Or about a hundred other people who'd been in school with them!.
He shook his head crossly. Utterly irritated with himself for even bothering to try and unravel the plainly rose tinted-expectations of a child who'd grown... away from his whole family!.
Potter was curious about Lily, of course!. He must be!. He'd only ever met friends of that waste of magic who fathered him!. Severus himself had probably been the very first person to open the child's eyes to the idea that his mother... His mother had been unique and... precious beyond measure!...
There hadn't really been any need for Severus to allow the boy to see all those memories of Lily that he'd passed along with Albus's last-minute instructions!. But... he'd thought that he was dying!. He'd found himself facing his last moments in that shack with nothing of any great value to account for his whole life!.
He'd seen... pity... in those green eyes. He'd seen anger. Hatred. Dislike. Distrust!... He'd seen nothing but the very worst emotions that a man could hope to inspire, and he'd wanted...
He'd wanted to show those eyes that he'd been... worth it. At least at one point in his life!. He had wanted to convey the fact that he'd... He'd been loyal, in his own way!. That he'd loved, also in his own way. And that he'd cared... even if he'd done it harshly!...
He'd known that, once he was gone, no one else would be left to remember his precious Lily!. Not in the same way that he could... He'd wanted to save those unique memories, the most beautiful things that he'd ever possessed, from the ghastly fate that he himself had been facing!.
He'd entrusted his treasures to the boy in desperation!. Certain that they'll find shelter with him, that he'll value them and protect them with the care that they deserved!...
Of course he'd never imagined that he was meant to survive!. Or that he'd be pardoned the unforgivable acts that he'd committed!. Or that the boy would have... discovered... within those memories something about Severus himself that, somehow, convinced him that his old ex-teacher was worth all of... this!.
That he was worth all the time that the auror seemed to have spent trying to cure him. Worthy of all the care that he was offered, in the simplest of ways, almost on a daily basis. Like whenever the boy insisted in cooking his breakfast. Or making him popcorn. Or waiting, beyond patience itself, for Severus to stop reading, at the book-shop...
Shaking his dark head in an attempt to get rid of those thoughts, he walked out of the bathroom and glanced at the clock. It was late already. He had spent far too long in the shower and now found himself in the position of having to rush through his preparations!.
He was glad, though. For the need to get on with his grooming didn't allow him time enough to worry too much about the coming ordeal.
He studied the robes that hung from his wardrobe. Focusing intently on the uniform mass of black cloth that stretched before him, in order to make the most appropriate selection.
He was nervous enough as it was and he refused to let that show, in any way!. He needed his armor to be fitting for the momentous occasion: He had returned!.
He was going to stand there, in front of the whole student body, and allow them all to see... him!.
He might not have wanted the Headmaster's position, but Albus... Albus had given it to him, despite it all!. And he'd be dammed before he allowed that crazy old man to look like a fool in the eyes of anyone!
It was important, then, that he looked the part. His hand settled over a robe that he'd never worn before. It had been a gift. The last thing that Albus had ever given to him!... And it was only now, as he stood in the silent room with the beautiful dark garment in his arms, that he finally understood why it looked so... normal!.
He'd received gifts from the old man before!. Ridiculous orange socks and even a purple hat!. Everything that he'd ever gotten from that particular source had been... garish, in the most distressing way possible!. So much so that, although he'd treasured them all, he'd never even bothered to unwrap them!.
This robe had been the exception. He had taken it right out of it's plastic covering at once, searching for the hidden design that he'd been convinced must be there!. He remembered that Albus had laughed at him. Smiling fondly, the old man had told him something that he'd forgotten until now:
"One day, Severus, you'll put these on and think fondly of me!. You won't have to play the role of a bumbling, forgetful old man, though. So I thought that formal dark velvet would become a far more fitting armor for you, child!. I'll be looking over you from somewhere, I'm sure!. And I will be so proud of you!...
You've been like a son to me, my boy!. You'll follow, were I tried to lead, wont you?. You'll continue with our work and you'll finish what we've started...
I know you will!. But you must remember to do so just as you are, Severus!. Don't ever listen to any one who tries to compare the two of us!. We are not the same man!. And we both can be right, without the other having to be necessarily wrong, don't you see?... There's a time to bumble along and there's also a time to get serious. You'll be perfect, Severus!. You'll excel, and you'll do so just the way you are!..."
The memory made him shiver and he stood there, dark eyes filled with pained longing for the friend that he'd murdered in cold blood.
"How can I be perfect as I am, Albus?. I won't be able to fill your shoes, old man!. Not now that there's peace!...”
His words echoed around him before sinking into silence. There was no one here to answer. No one to reassure him, or to disagree with him...
He could always run away. Hide, like a coward, somewhere far away and save himself the trouble of spending the rest of his life tethered to the school!. He could leave the whole mess behind him, while there was still time!. He could just... disappear!...
Minnie would be able to take over, if he showed himself to be so utterly untrustworthy. Wouldn't she?. The castle wouldn't want to hold out for him, then. Why should it?.
And Potter... Did he truly believe that Potter would harm Draco?.
No. No!. He had started to realize that the auror had indeed tricked him completely. He'd been had. Truly had. By a gryffindor!...
But the vow... the vow was another matter entirely. It was a magical contract in itself!. And those tended to be... remarkably tricky, in the best of circumstances!.
He'd sworn the thing on his godson's life!. He could not risk Draco's very existence on the off chance that he might never have to face the consequences of his actions!. He was not at all prepared to live with the kind of guilt that he'd end up carrying around, if he risked it and lost!. Not when it came to his precious godson!...
So he dressed in those dark robes with a heavy heart. He combed his long black hair. Found a pair of socks, his trusty high-collared white shirt, his heavy old boots...
And slowly armored himself. Hemmed himself in. Sealed his whole future...
He abandoned his chambers and walked: slowly, determinedly, and with a sickened sense of foreboding, along the empty corridors. Walked inexorably downwards, towards the Great Hall of Hogwarts.
It took him less than he'd expected. And he stood for a long time, with his blank eyes fixed on those huge closed doors.
After a while most portrait subjects began to gather in the paintings that where hung along the hall to gape at him. To whisper!...
He felt rooted to the spot. Cold, like a sculpture made out of thin ice, and absolutely petrified!.
It was then that he heard it: that one voice that he'd missed the most in this utterly bizarre moment of his life:
"Severus, my boy!... I'm here!"
His head snapped towards the sound. Black eyes searching the paintings for the white bearded mentor whom he'd destroyed...
"Albus!... Albus!. I can't do this!"
Albus's portrait pushed a few old ladies aside, in order to come to the foreground of the painting that he'd hijacked. Bright blue eyes twinkled slightly behind the familiar half-moon spectacles that he used to wear while he'd been alive!.
There was a small smile, rueful, but also loving in that old face. The white long beard could do nothing to hide it from the slytherin's gaze.
"Of course you can, Severus!. They are all waiting for you!.
Look at you!... I told you that those robes would be perfect. Didn't I?. You couldn't be more right for this school unless you were made to order, my boy!. There's nothing to fear here!. You'll be fine!. Just... open the door, Severus!.
Open the door and join the rest of your life, child!...”
He swallowed uneasily. The huge lump that was lodged in the middle of his throat was refusing to move a single inch. His resigned sigh ended up sounding like a pathetic, little whimper of sheer terror and his hands trembled as he attempted to grasp the doorknob. He took a very deep breath and decided to trust this old man who'd... loved him. Dearly. When it counted...
"I'll do this for you, Albus!..."
The painting smiled brightly at him.
"And I'll look over you, my boy!. I'll glowing with pride while I do that, too!. This is where you should be!. Whom you need to become!. This is where the life that you lived, so far, has been trying to lead you and now you are finally here!. I couldn't be happier if I tried, Severus!"
The door gave under his fingers at that moment, robbing him of the opportunity to respond. Blinding light flooded his senses with the power of about a thousand candles and he could hear not a word as he stood there: blinking dazedly as he waited for his dark eyes to adjust to the bright light.
That was when he heard Minnie speak. Her voice was firm and warm. Welcoming.
"As I am sure that you've already heard: someone very special to us all decided to pay a visit to the school this afternoon. I believe that he'll be ready to resume normal duties starting this coming Friday!. For now, though, he is still recovering!. He's a welcome visitor among us!. A dear friend who has finally found his way home!.
Student's of Hogwarts: I'm delighted to be finally able to present to you, Headmaster Severus Snape!"
His frame froze by the doorway. Startled eyes focusing on his deputy with a sudden sense of abject panic.
She had dragged every eye towards him now. Every person, every ghost, every painted gaze was riveted on him and he... he felt as if he'd throw up at any second!.
The first clap sounded like a loud explosion. His head turned towards the sound and his breath halted. Students were starting to rise along the tables: one by one they stood and... clapped, while their eyes remained fixed upon him!...
He began to walk, then. Taking one small step after another being barely able to swallow or even breathe!. His whole throat was tight with emotion!.
He felt humbled. Overwhelmed, and truly... floored. He did not believe himself to be deserving of this show of... acceptance!. But he was receiving it now and he wasn't about to reject it!.
By the time he reached the high table he was shaking like a leaf!.
The Great Hall was, literally, reverberating with thunderous clapping. Every student, every teacher, every portrait and every ghost had come to a respectful stand and he looked at them all. Truly looked!.
His dark eyes filled with a veritable flood of burning tears and his aching chest contracted, when he finally realized that what he saw, on every face, was nothing short of welcome!. He was here. He was home. He had found... true acceptance!. At last!...
TBC...