The Fountain 5/?
Title: The Fountain 5/? Author: Eriador117 Pairing: Snape/Harry Rating: Adult Warnings: I am not putting warnings as I do not want to give away the plot. Everyone is over 18. Summary: Non-magic AU. Severus Snape is a world renowned archaeologist and needs student volunteers for his new project. What the students and Snape don't know is what it is they are searching for and Lord Thomas Riddle intends to keep it that way... Disclaimer: JK Rowling owns the Potterverse; I just play in it from time to time Beta'd by Rakina, thanks so much!
Harry woke up with the taste of mud and ashes in his mouth. His bedclothes had been kicked down sometime in the night and his feet were freezing. He yanked the covers back up and sat huddled against the headboard, his knees tucked up against his chest. The nightmare lingered in the darkness and he didn't want to go back to sleep, no matter that it was still the early hours of the morning. Ron's snores soothed him somewhat; it helped knowing he wasn't alone. Harry didn't wake Ron; he never did when he had a nightmare. It made him feel somehow weak to still be having nightmares at his age. He'd always had them though, ever since he could remember, and as he got older he’d hoped they would ease off. They hadn't, in fact they seemed to be getting more frequent, but strangely Harry could never remember what they were about when he woke up. All he remembered was his sense of terror as the events in the dream had unfolded. Maybe he would feel better if he'd been able to talk to someone about them, but he'd relied on himself for so long that it was difficult to start trusting other people, even if they were his friends.
Harry knew that the nightmares usually happened when he was stressed and his visit with Sirius a week ago was still preying on his mind. How could Harry even ask for any advice when Sirius didn't even want Professor Snape's name mentioned in his hearing, never mind anything else? Harry wanted to confide in someone; no, he needed to confide in someone, but he didn't want to lose his friends either. They didn't know that Harry was having feelings for someone… for another man. Would it change their opinion of him? Ron and Hermione had never given any indication that they were anything like the Dursleys, but the three of them had never really talked about anything intimate with each other, so he didn't know for sure. Harry was afraid to risk it.
Harry had never had anyone he could call a confidante as he was growing up. He and Dudley didn't really get on despite being around the same age, and he'd seen Sirius too infrequently for them to have deep and meaningful conversations. Harry's mind was in turmoil and he had no one to talk to about it. His heart felt far too big for his chest, he felt as though he couldn't breathe as he sat huddled on his bed.
There was no way he was going to get back to sleep tonight. He could go to the library and use the university computers. Most of the other students had their own laptops, but Harry and Ron couldn't afford them. Harry did most of his assignments on the antique typewriter Sirius and Remus had given him for his eighteenth birthday. The 's' key stuck and always ended up as a subscript or superscript every time he wrote something. He found himself deliberately trying to think of words that didn't have 's' in them just so that his papers would look tidier, but it was impossible and in the end he just gave up and wrote what he needed to.
Harry got out of bed and pulled on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt before heading down to the library. The libraries were never closed and Harry wasn't the only insomniac out tonight. A few students were sitting by the large tables, books spread out in front of them with pens and notebooks or their laptops beside them. Harry nodded at a few people he knew by sight – and thankfully Draco Malfoy wasn't anywhere in evidence tonight – before heading off to the computers at the far end of the room.
Harry sat down and pulled his student library card from his pocket; he needed the number to access the internet as well as for printing things from any of the computers. Once he was logged on he stared at the search engine and wondered what he should search for. He knew the university computers were blocked against porn sites and such, but it wasn't porn he was after, it was advice.
He typed 'coming out' in the search bar and a few seconds later he was inundated with results. He clicked on one which seemed to be an agony aunt site, where troubled people wrote and got advice from both the agony aunt and other people. Harry was tempted, more than tempted to write to some stranger, so desperate was he for someone to talk to. But what if people knew it was him? How would he ever live it down? It was one thing to wonder if he was gay to himself, but to let other people know what he was thinking? Harry wasn't sure he was ready for that… if he would ever be ready for that. He didn't think Sirius and Remus would mind, well not the gay part anyway, but Harry knew Sirius would go mental if he knew the things Harry was thinking about Severus Snape. Sirius hated Professor Snape, how could Harry ever reconcile the two? Then he berated himself for a fool; it wasn't as if Professor Snape was even interested in him like that! Who would be? Harry was too inexperienced for anyone to think he was a good catch.
God! Why did things have to be so bloody complicated?
Finally, Harry turned off the computer and went back to his room. Once there he lay fully clothed on his bed until it was time to get up.
***
"You look terrible, Harry," said Hermione when she joined him and Ron for breakfast. A large parcel was tucked under her arm. Harry and Ron's parcels were on the table beside their breakfast dishes.
"I didn't get much sleep," Harry admitted, stifling a yawn with one hand. Their parcels were from the Riddle Foundation, detailing their acceptance onto the project along with a list of things they would need for their trip and, as a surprise to all of them, a platinum credit card from the Foundation. They could only use the card for stuff they needed to get for the trip, as misused funds would not be reimbursed, but it was still a bit of a shock.
"How will they know if we don't use it for the trip?" asked Hermione.
"We can only buy the stuff that's on the list," said Harry. "It's tents and camping stuff mostly. I think they'd know if we spent all their money on champagne dinners."
"Well, if we're all having to buy tents, maybe that means we won't have to share," said Ron, glancing down his own list. "Beats being stuck in a tent with Malfoy any day."
"True," said Harry, who'd been dreading that very thing himself. He really wished Malfoy wasn't going, but he knew that decision wasn't up to him. It was up to Professor Snape. Harry sighed as he thought of the austere man. He hardly knew him and he had a crush on him already! It was going to be a long summer.
"What's wrong, Harry?" Hermione asked, perceptive as ever.
Could Harry tell his friends? Should he tell them? He didn't want to lose their friendship but he didn't want to keep this secret to himself any longer. Harry felt as if he was going to explode if he didn't tell someone soon.
"Do you two want to go down to the lake after breakfast? I've something to tell you but I prefer it to be a bit more private than here in the dining room."
Hermione looked worried, but Ron nodded, already tucking into his bacon and eggs and Harry couldn't help laughing at his friend. As long as Ron had food he was happy. Maybe Harry should bring a sandwich with him for Ron to eat during his announcement. Unable to eat much, Harry nibbled on some toast, his leg tapping against the floor as he waited anxiously for his two friends to finish their breakfast.
Down by the lake they sat down around the base of a beech tree, with Harry's back to the tree trunk and Ron and Hermione sitting in front of him. "I don't really know what to say."
"Out with it, Harry. You can't just say you need to tell us something and then don't tell us! Is your godfather all right?"
"Sirius is fine, Hermione. No, it's me. Um - I'm - well I'm not sure, not exactly. But I think I might be - um – I… I'm like Sirius!" he finally blurted.
"You mean you might be gay?" Hermione slapped him on the arm. "Harry James Potter! You nearly gave me a heart attack! I thought you were really ill or dying! Don't scare me like that!"
"Blimey, Harry! It was about bloody time you figured it out!" Ron said, grinning like a madman.
"So - you're okay with this? It's not too freaky?" His relatives' rants were still echoing in his head, that it was 'unnatural', 'immoral' and all the rest of it.
"Of course it isn't freaky!" said Hermione. "Some people feel attracted to the opposite sex, some to the same sex and some to both. Whichever way, it's perfectly natural."
"That's not what my aunt and uncle say," said Harry softly.
"Oh, Harry. And you were scared to tell us because of that?" Hermione scooted up to the tree and wrapped her arms around him, soon followed by Ron.
"What, you're not afraid I might try and seduce you, Ron?"
Ron shook his head. "Nah, I'm not your type."
"I have a type?" Harry asked in surprise.
"Yep, it's how I knew you were gay, or at least suspected you were."
"How? When?"
"At Easter, when you stayed with us at the Burrow. You couldn't keep your eyes off Charlie and Bill; you blushed every time you saw them."
"Oh God, kill me now!" Harry moaned. "Do you think they noticed anything?"
"I think they both found it flattering actually, but Mum would have killed them if they'd acted on it. You being a guest and all."
"So your brothers are gay?"
"Charlie is; Bill's a bit of both."
"So what is my type? Redheads and freckles?"
Ron chuckled. "No, or you’d go for me, wouldn’t you? No, you like older men, don't you?"
Harry didn't deny it, he couldn't and he blushed even more.
"But who in their right mind would fancy Snape?" Ron didn't seem to get it at all. "He’s got all those scars, he’s ugly!"
"Oh, I don't know," said Hermione with a glint in her eye. "He's got that tall, dark, mysterious thing going on. There's something about him. Presence or charisma, whatever you want to call it. I can understand why Harry is attracted to him."
"You two are completely mental," said Ron, hugging Harry tighter. "But I love you both anyway."