Apprenticed to Love 31/?
Title: Apprenticed to Love 31/? Author: Eriador117 Pairing: Snape/Harry Rating: Adult Summary: Six months after the end of the war Harry turns up Snape's apothecary to beg for a job; they both get more than they bargained for. Warnings: Au, angst, hermaphroditism, mpreg, slash, abuse. Disclaimer: JK Rowling owns the Potterverse; I just play in from time to time. Beta'd by Rakina, thank you so much :)
Harry held on tight to his husband as Severus Apparated them away from the Weasleys' orchard to their honeymoon destination. Since Harry didn't know where it was; they had to do a Side-Along Apparition. Not that Harry minded; it was yet another excuse to cuddle close to Severus without Severus realising they were in fact cuddling, for Severus was adamant that he didn't do such soppy things as cuddle. Harry gasped for breath as they arrived in the middle of a garden.
From the angle of the sun, Harry guessed it to be early morning. A pagoda was sitting amongst lush plants, most of which Harry didn't recognise at all. Underneath the pagoda was a stone-edged pool with steam rising from the water. To the side of the pool was a small stool, a wooden bucket, wash-cloths, towels and scrubbing brushes. Paper lanterns hung from the roof of the pagoda and there were a few glass ones dotted around the garden as well.
Further in the distance a red bridge spanned a small brook, and beyond that Harry saw a low-lying building which had a pagoda-style roof. Instead of windows, it seemed the walls were made of a similar paper to the lanterns. There was a wooden veranda all around the building with steps leading up to it and two large trees guarding what Harry guessed to be the doorway.
Everything was so lush and fragrant that Harry couldn't help smiling up at his husband. "It's beautiful, Severus. Where are we?"
"We're in Japan. This is a private onsen – a Japanese hot spring resort. Most have lots of public baths and rooms, but we are on honeymoon and I don't want to share you. It took a while to find. There are only a few wizarding onsens and of those only two were private. Would you like to see our suite?"
"Please." Harry nodded, stifling a yawn.
"It's the time difference," Severus said. "It's the next day here and you haven't been to sleep for hours. We'll rest for a while and then we can explore."
Severus led Harry over to the bungalow. As they neared it, Harry realised there were slippers set out for their feet and a shelf to hold their outdoor shoes. Harry bent down to untie his laces, but Severus batted his hands away.
"Let me, this is the only time I intend to spoil you rotten."
Harry grinned down at his husband, not pointing out that Severus had already spoiled him. Harry had wanted for nothing ever since he became Severus' apprentice, including happiness. Harry stood patiently while Severus divested him of shoes and socks and then put a strange pair of white socks on his feet. The toes of the socks were split into sections, one section for the big toe and another for the rest.
"They are called tabi socks," explained Severus. "They are traditional and usually worn so that you can wear them with thonged footwear."
"Oh, like flip-flops, you mean?"
Severus stifled a shudder and gave Harry a look reminiscent of those long-ago potions lessons when Harry had failed in his brewing yet again. "Flip-flops are a poor imitation of the real thing. Originally they were wooden or made from leather or plant fibres."
"Oh, right," said Harry. "How do you know all this stuff?"
"I read and I have also travelled quite extensively."
"You have? I've never been out of Britain before. So you've been to Japan before? Are you going to show me all the sights?"
"Yes, I will show you some sights, but first you need to sleep," Severus said just as Harry yawned again. Severus placed Harry's feet gently into the backless and flat-soled slippers before sorting out his own footwear. Once everything was done, Severus slid aside the wall to make a doorway.
"What are these called?" Harry asked, indicating the paper screens in their wooden-latticed framework.
"Shoji," said Severus as he placed his hand on the small of Harry's back and ushered him inside.
Harry had always admired Severus' intelligence, even when he had disliked him as a teacher. He wondered if there was anything about the world that Severus didn't know. Harry sometimes felt adrift in the Muggle or wizarding world; there was so much he didn't know and he hoped Severus didn't think he was stupid for not knowing lots of different customs.
As if Severus sensed what he was thinking, he wrapped Harry in his arms and reassured him. "Harry, I am a lot older than you, it's only natural that my experience of the world is going to be different to yours. You're young, you're also my apprentice as well as my husband, and I get to share these things with you."
"So you don't mind me asking all these silly questions?"
Severus kissed his hair. "Of course not, and they aren't silly. You can ask me whatever you want."
Harry blushed, and then shook his head.
"What is it?"
"Nothing, it is silly," Harry said.
Severus slid open another door. This room housed the bed, low-lying on the floor with a black quilt decorated with a golden floral pattern. Two low bedside cabinets sat at either side and on top of those were two paper lanterns, the shades in matching gold. Severus sat down on the edge of the bed, his legs almost at his shoulders as the bed was so low. Beckoning Harry forward with his fingers, Harry edged in between his husband's legs and grinned when Severus began undressing him.
"I thought we were going to sleep?" Harry asked.
"We are, unless you wanted to sleep in your wedding robe?"
Harry shook his head.
"So what did you want to ask me?" Severus wasn't letting up and Harry wished he hadn't mentioned anything.
"I love your voice."
"That isn't a question."
"No, I know. So – um – I was wondering if maybe – if you don't mind, could you tell me a story before I fall asleep?" Harry blushed again, wishing he'd never requested it. It was childish, wasn't it, to want a story before bedtime?
"No one's ever told you a bedtime story before, have they, Harry?" Severus reached up and kissed Harry softly on the mouth. "I'd be honoured to be the first to do so."
"Thank you," Harry sniffled a little and turned his head so that Severus wouldn't see. God, he was all over the place these days. Severus removed all of Harry's clothes except for his underwear and pulled down the quilt. Once Severus had completed his own disrobing, he climbed in beside Harry and opened his arms. Harry scooted across the bed to lay his head on Severus' chest, loving the security of hearing the strong heartbeat next to his ear.
"So what sort of story would you like, hmm?"
"I don't know. You decide."
"Very well. Once upon a time..."
Harry fell asleep long before Severus got to the happily ever after.
***
Harry was woken by gentle kisses along his neck and down his spine, but despite knowing that it was Severus who was doing these things to him, Harry froze in place, his breath coming in panicked gasps.
"Harry?" Severus' mouth stilled on Harry's skin. He turned Harry to face him, concern etched onto his features. "What's wrong?"
Harry didn't want to say, he didn't want to talk about this yet, if ever. But maybe that's why he kept getting the nightmares? Maybe if he faced up to it, really faced up to it, the nightmares would cease to be a problem. "I had a nightmare. About him. Malfoy."
"Ah," said Severus. "So I take it you are not in an amorous mood at the moment?"
"You could say that."
God, that was an understatement if ever there was one! Harry felt like a wet dishrag that had just been thrust through a mangle; the dreams always left him feeling as if it had just happened, not something that had happened in the past. "I'm sorry."
"Harry," Severus gently traced his fingers along Harry's face. "There is no need to apologise for how you are feeling. Didn't I say that we would go as slowly as you wish? There is no rush. You just need time."
"But what if I'm never ready for full sex? Would you still want to be with me?"
Severus chuckled and kissed Harry's nose. "Just forget anything about what constitutes full sex. What we've already done is sex too, Harry. There are many more aspects to it than just intercourse. We will only ever do what you are comfortable with, I promise. No means no, and I will never do anything to hurt you."
"I know that, Severus. I'm sorry for being such a pain in the arse."
"You're not. Would it help if you talked about it? You felt better when you talked to me about your aunt."
"Maybe, but it's so difficult to talk about. Even before he – he – I've never really been comfortable talking about sex. The Dursleys were very prudish. I didn't often watch television in their house, but sometimes it was on when I was cleaning the living room. If something came on and two people were kissing, they would make a big fuss and change the channel so that their little Duddykins wouldn't get corrupted. They already thought I was going to hell for being a wizard, so they weren't that bothered about me. Our primary school had a sex education class in our last year, but Petunia sent the school a note to have Dudley and me excused from it on religious grounds. I was very naive about all of it, Severus. I had no idea what was going on when I started getting hair on my groin and under my arms. When my – when I got hard, I thought I was dying from some strange disease."
"They never told you anything?" Severus asked, sounding appalled on Harry's behalf.
"Nothing, why would they? They didn't care about me at all. The first time I tried touching myself just to get some relief, Petunia caught me and – and – punished me." Tears dripped down Harry's cheeks and in the next instant Harry felt arms around him, tugging him close. "Sorry, sorry," he whispered to Severus' chest. There was no reply, but Severus rocked Harry against him until he'd calmed down somewhat. "I was thirteen that time; I didn't even know what I was doing, that it even had a name. She just kept calling me a filthy, dirty freak and scrubbed me raw in scalding hot water."
"Oh, Harry."
Harry's words dried up. He didn't know how to say what Malfoy had done to him; he didn't want Severus to see him as filthy and corrupted, even if that was how Harry felt a lot of the time. He felt soiled in some indefinable way that no amount of showers or baths ever helped. He wanted to be able to talk to Severus about anything, but this was just too awful that the words wouldn't come out. His heart was beating erratically and Harry just wished it had never happened.
"I can't – I can't talk anymore about this," Harry said at last, hiding his head even more against Severus' chest.
"Would it help if you wrote it down?"
"What, like in a diary or something?" Harry shuddered, remembering another diary from his Hogwarts years.
"Not necessarily. Any parchment would do. Perhaps by doing that you could exorcise some of the ghosts of the past."
"That might work, I suppose. Um, would you want to read it?"
"Only if you want me to read it, Harry. Whatever you wish."
"I might do that, Severus. Thank you."
Severus kissed him softly, not to arouse, only to comfort this time and Harry sighed into his husband's mouth.
"I love you," Harry whispered as they pulled apart.