InsaneJournal

A Little Touch of the Flu
Title: A Little Touch of Flu
Author: Quill Lumos
Rating: PiG *grins*
Warnings: Shameless punning and crack(ling)
Disclaimer: I do not own anything Harry Potter, related nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story. It all belongs to JK Rowling. Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Inc., Warner Brothers and any other entity involved.
Summary: Ron has a touch of the flu

Literally just got home from my holidays, but I couldn't resist writing this...with apologies to Rupert, who is apparently doing fine now!





“But Severus,” Harry seemed distracted; he ran his fingers through his hair, leaving it sticking up in mad hedgehog-like clumps all over his head. “I need your help, only you can brew the potion we need."

He came over to where Severus was standing and kissed him gently on the lips, "Please?”

Severus sighed. “Okay then,” he couldn’t resist the Potter Pout ™, he doubted that anyone could, the boy was gorgeous, he still had to grumble a bit more though, he couldn’t be seen to give in too easily, he didn’t do his image any good for anyone - especially Harry - to know how easily he would capitulate to anything that his lover asked of him.

“But trust it to be Weasley!” he grumbled. “How did he manage to contract a Muggle flu?”

“I don’t know!” Harry was indignant, “but he has and he needs your help. I need your help.”

“I did say that I’d assist you.” It was Severus’ turn to feel like pouting now, he couldn’t understand Harry’s agitation, he had agreed after all.

“I’ll need to see the patient first though.” Harry flushed and looked away, Severus interest was piqued, his lover was looking downright shifty and that wasn’t like Harry at all.

“Harry?” Severus said, “what is it that you aren’t telling me?”

Harry wouldn’t meet Severus’ eyes, “Er…promise you won’t laugh?”

Severus raised an eyebrow, “What are you hiding?" Then when Harry still couldn't seem to meet his gaze, he sighed again. "Show me.” he said, softly.

The Weasley’s house was small and cluttered with books, hardly surprising in a house that Hermione Granger-Weasley lived in. She met them at the door, looking anxious. “Thank you for coming, Professor.” she said, looking anxious, “thanks for helping, I just didn’t know who to turn to, and then Harry said you might be able to help.”

Severus found himself smiling at her reassuringly, it was disconcerting to see the normally controlled Hermione Granger so worried, even more distracted than Harry had been. “Don’t worry, Mrs Weasley, it’s simply a touch of flu, wizards don’t normally contract it, but it’s easy enough to cure, I have a potion with me. One dose of this,” he held up a vial of potion for them to see, “and he’ll be fine.”

Now Hermione looked shifty. Severus raised an eyebrow, something was obviously going on.

“Erm…Harry didn’t tell you?” Hermione asked, she couldn’t seem to meet his eyes either.

Severus’ eyebrow quirked a little higher.

“It’s swine flu.” Harry blurted, “we think he caught it when he and Hermione were on holiday in Mexico, they spent a lot of time in Muggle areas.”

“So?”

“Swine flu seems to have an…er…unusual effect on wizards.” Harry told him.

Hermione sighed, “He’s out the back.”

The small back garden of the Weasley’s home had been divided by a fence, the grass was covered in straw and there was what looked like a large dog- kennel tucked in one corner. In another corner, rooting away, was a large pinkish pig. The pig had floppy ears and small bright eyes fringed with long ginger lashes and when it saw Severus it rushed over, looking hopeful - that is if pigs could look hopeful.

Severus turned to Hermione. “That’s Weasley?”

Hermione bit her lip and nodded shortly. “It seems that swine flu does something rather literal to wizards.”

Severus was sure that his jaw had dropped, he was certain that he would be able to brew something, that the bug which Weasley had contracted wasn’t dangerous. He also knew that he would have to brew an anti-viral potion for all of them to ensure that they didn’t catch the virus. But they all looked so hopefully at him and Weasley was just so believable as a pig, that Severus couldn’t help himself, he began to laugh.

"Severus!" Harry sounded scandalised, but Severus still couldn't stop himself dissolving into paroxysms of mirth

"Sorry, sorry," he gasped, when he finally stopped laughing. "But I always suspected that Weasley would be happier in a sty!

"Severus!" Harry said again. Severus still couldn't help snickering, it was just so funny.

He tried to stop laughing, he really did, but Hermione looked so cross. Then Harry put his hand over his mouth and Severus realised that his lover was trying not to laugh too.

"Oink," said the pig, sounding indignant, then Harry was giggling and so, to his surprise, was Hermione.

"Well," Hermione managed, between giggles, "He does eat like a pig."

"And he can be a bit of a boar!" Harry contributed

"OINK!!" Insisted the pig, causing them all to start laughing again.

Finally, finally, they managed to stop laughing, Severus' eyes were streaming and his sides ached, he hadn't laughed as much as this in years. The pig sat sadly in its sty, looking uncomfortable perched on its haunches with its head down, it was oinking miserably to itself and Severus felt a pang of sympathy for the man/pig/whatever-he-was.

"Don't worry, Mr Weasley, I will be able to help you." he reached over and patted the pig's head comfortingly.

The pig looked up at Severus, its expression hopeful once more. Harry turned to him and placed a gentle kiss on his cheek. "Do you know something, Severus, you are not such a swine after all, are you?"

Severus smirked, and placed a finger on Harry's lips. "Hush, Mr Potter, you don't want to ruin my reputation do you? Besides, It'll be quite useful to have Mr Weasley owing me for saving his bacon."