InsaneJournal

The blood was tacky and thick when he returned, and Harry felt ashamed of himself for waiting so long to come back for the man who'd helped to change the tide of the war. Despite knowing that Snape had started him on this path, he really couldn't be angry with him for it. He'd wanted many of the same things Harry had longed for, too.

With a sigh, he bent and placed his hand on Snape's cold shoulder. "Let's get you taken care of, sir."

He swished his wand, cleaning away the old blood and dirt, and gasped when fresh trickled from the wounds at Snape's throat. He didn't think it would be possible after seeing the amount on the floor.

"Snape?"

Snape's eyelids fluttered and a dark sliver showed. Harry leaned closer to him, watching closely. Snape's eyes widened, his pupils blown, and his lips moved. "Lily... you came. I waited. Thank you."

Snape sagged under Harry's hand. Screaming, Harry clutched Snape to his chest then Disapparated from the Shack, reappearing through the collapsed protections of the Hogwarts Infirmary.

"He's alive! Please, help!" Harry crumpled under Snape's weight as Madam Pomfrey and several healers from St. Mungo's ran toward him.

~*~
The scents are familiar even if he isn't certain how he made it back. The last thing he remembered was Potter's eyes. The battle is over because he can feel the sun on his face and hear Potter's voice.

"...if you take him, you'll take me too. I killed Voldemort. Used Unforgivables, too."

"I know you are awake, Severus; it's no use pretending."

Cracking open one eye, Severus looked at the speaker. Madame Pomfrey moved around his cot, flicking her wand over him.

"You are incredibly lucky," she murmured and he sighed, closing his eye.

"You could have left me to my fate."

"After Harry's vehement defence of you? I sincerely doubt he would have believed it were I to have allowed you to succumb."

"It wouldn't be the first time, and I have no wish to be indebted to a Potter again."

Severus could feel the intensity of her gaze on him, but chose to ignore it, keeping his eyes closed to her scrutiny. "I would not discount the second chance he is able to give you, Severus."

"I have no need of any more escape clauses either, madam."

"Then how about gratitude and an apology?" Harry inquired.

Severus sighed.

~*~
Harry's there for every trial, every funeral. It's rough for the survivors, the victims and those returning after fleeing, but life goes on. It gets better with time because only time can cure the wounds of the past and Harry does his damnedest to make certain that Snape is handled carefully. He's not entirely certain why, but he knows that the man is so bent that, if he strays too far, it will be the thing that finally breaks Snape.

Severus isn't quite certain when Potter's presence becomes the norm but he expects it now, and it's not nearly as annoying as it once was. His eyes aren't nearly as accusing and his features aren't quite as disturbing and he attributes it to the fact that his debt is paid in full, even though the ache still lingers. It's lessening, though, and he can't quite understand why, now, after all this time, it has chosen to leave him.

Harry can't believe he asked and Severus didn't know why he accepted. Kreacher made Grimmauld Place habitable for both of them. They share the house, moving about the place like ghosts. Only neither one of them has ever been this comfortable anywhere else except perhaps Hogwarts.

~*~
It's odd living with someone else. Not like when Pettigrew invaded his house on Spinner's End, but Severus can hear Harry moving about on other floors. They speak to one another civilly, sometimes, and others, it's almost as if the accord they made never happened. Severus hates those days. They make his stomach ache.

He's asked Harry to call him Severus and been granted Harry's given name, although it sounds odd to his ears. It feels weird on his tongue, too. Still, he uses it because that's what you do when you become friends, and that's what he thinks he wants from Harry. He's not certain.

His friends come by and, though Severus never joins them, Harry's asked him. He always hears the protest from them each time, but Harry's invitation to him stands.

The first time Severus does join them, it shocks most of them into silence. When he contributes to the conversation, Granger eagerly engages him. Harry laughs out loud and the smile that curls Harry's mouth stays with Severus long after he goes to bed. As does the gentle squeeze on his arm when Harry passes by him, climbing the stairs to his bedroom later that evening.

~*~
"I swear, you are so bloody stubborn, Lily!"

Severus' shout echoed in the room and Harry stared at him as he asked softly, "What did you call me?" It isn't the first time it's happened but Harry's fairly certain Severus doesn't remember doing it. And that hurts because he knows Severus doesn't feel the same about him as he does her.

Severus blinked and Harry could almost see him replaying then argument--what the hell had they been fighting about—in his head. The moment came and the words registered, and Severus' already pale face lightened even more and Harry just shook his head. He turned and walked away.

"Potter... Harry, wait."

Harry waved a hand at him and Severus grabbed his arm; his fingers circled his wrist, gracing his skin underneath his robe sleeve and branding him with the touch he'd come to crave in the last few months. It burned like fire on his skin, the protests of his friends came roaring back to his mind, and he snarled. Harry swung around, his hand clenched into a fist. Severus stiffened, waited for the blow to come, as if expecting and knowing he deserved it.

Harry couldn't strike him, though, so instead he Apparated away.

~*~
Severus is stunned Harry left, although he doesn't know why. Harry is just like Lily and she had no qualms about leaving him, so why should Harry. The same qualities that attracted him to her keep him next to Harry. What started out as a promise quickly morphed into something more. It didn't matter that Harry wasn't her, she was there in spirit, and then he saw differently. Harry was his own person and Severus wanted Harry instead.

He's not certain it can be called anything close to love because he isn't certain that emotion truly exists for him but whatever the feeling is, he knows he won't live through it again. Especially not since this is the second time the person he focused on has walked away. He should have known better.

That thought is enough to break the time stop the argument had on him. He turns and stomps up the stairs. His time, his life here, is over. He can't stay. He refuses to stay where he's not wanted any longer.

He's too old, too tired and too set in his ways to start over again, but he's done it before and he can do it again.

~*~
Fleur eyed him. "Many a mistake has been said in anger, in ardour, and you and Severus are nothing if not passionate men. Sometimes we say things of others that remind us of those qualities that we admire or disparage in ourselves. It is not always intentional, even if it is sometimes hurtful or truthful."

Harry swallowed and looked away, sighing before answering her. "He called me Lily."

"Ah, I see," she answered. "And this displeases you because he loved her."

"Yes," Harry ground out. "He—"

"Tut-tut." Fleur held up a hand, cutting across Harry's explanation. "It is not me that you need to tell this to. I can only offer you advice, but I will say this: if he loved her as much as I have been told, it makes me wonder what exactly you did to evoke that response in him."

Harry's eyes widened at her. It was rare that someone took up for Severus when they had one of their disagreements. It stunned him to see Fleur do so now. "I—"

"Non! My William and I have always told you that you were welcome here; however, I will not let you wallow."

"You don't understand."

Fleur laughed, and then poked a finger into Harry's chest. "Not understand? I have been in Severus' place. I know I was not Mother Weasley's first choice for my William. I was not blind to the derision of his family, but I did not let it stop me. I saw you endure the same thing. I refused to take part in any discussion of your affairs once it came to light you would not settle down with Ginny."

Harry scowled. "You don't know that he feels the same."

"Shush. You talk too much, Harry," Fleur scolded. "Love is the same. It was for me and my William, and so it was for Tonks and her Remus. It will be for you and your Severus. You must try. "

"I appreciate that you understand and can sympathize, but that doesn't help me with my problem," Harry rushed to get out before she could stop him again.

"You want answers; you must get them from the source. Severus is an intensely private individual, one you fought long and hard to attract and obtain. If you truly wish to keep him, Harry, then I suggest you continue to fight for, and with, him."

~*~
The house was ablaze with lights when he returned and Harry found one bedroom in disarray, Severus' trunks half packed. He searched the house, looking for Severus, and found him in the cellar.

"What are you doing?"

"What does it look like I am doing?" Severus continued to shrink containers and place them in one trunk while other bottles and instruments packed themselves into boxes and cases.

"Leaving me is what it looks like," Harry said and leaned against the wall.

"You left first," Severus answered and continued to pack.

"So, that's it? It's over?"

Severus turned and stared at him, and it took everything Harry had not to laugh. "There was nothing to end, therefore, how can it be over?"

"You know what I mean."

"I'm afraid I don't."

Harry screwed his courage to the sticking place and walked toward Severus. "Don't leave me."

Severus narrowed his eyes as Harry stepped into his personal space. "Step away."

"No," Harry reached up and touched Severus' face.

Severus drew in a breath. "You don't know what you're doing."

Harry shrugged. "Neither do you."

"It's doomed to failure."

"Only if we don't try." Harry pressed his mouth to Severus'.

"Yes," Severus sighed as he clenched his fingers in Harry's robes and rested his forehead against Harry's.