InsaneJournal

---

They followed the dirt path for some while until they came to a large cobbled road. To make things worse, the road immediately diverged.

Which way?

“I don't know,” Remus said, shrugging.

You can't smell them?

He shook his head.

But you're a wolf!

“It doesn't work that way!” Remus exclaimed, this misconception was really trying his nerves. “And it's too far to the full moon anyway!”

I... don't understand a word you say. But I think you mean you can't smell them like good wolves should.

For a previously-inanimate object, the rope could be really annoying, Remus thought.

Remus tried sniffing and inhaling deeply at many points of the road, but each spot offered very little clue. It's just been too long since they passed this way, and or maybe those goons were clever enough to create a misdirection.

Stop sniffing!

Remus stopped, turning to face the rope, sunning lazily on a rock.

Use your tongue.

“What?” He wondered whether he heard correctly.

It'll help you scent better, you dimwit!

Remus stared blankly, unable to figure out what the rope's trying to tell him.

Tiamat's Tits! Stick your tongue out. Yes, like th... Wait. Your tongue's all wrong.

What? So you don't have forked tongue?

“No,” Remus answered. Perplexed, curious.

You don't have scent holes on the roof of your mouth?

“No.”

You don't lick the air or the ground to smell things better?

“No,” Remus said, quite amused.

You can't do all that?

Remus shook his head again.

What an inferior race. One wonders why you survived at all.

Remus glared at the rope. He was past amused and was well on the way to Irritated. “Do you have any ideas, then? Since we've established how impotent I am?”

Oh! Now you've decided to grow a spine.

Were Severus here, Remus thought, he'd be overjoyed. He'd finally grown a spine, which according to Severus, was always conspicuously absent from his lycanthrophic physiology.

“We'll use the broom,” Remus said finally, gesturing an approximation of flying on a broom. “We'll fly one way,” he pointed one way, “if that yielded nothing,” he crossed his forefingers, shook his head to emphasise, “then, we'll fly the other way,” he pointed the other way.

But of course you, in all your wisdom, left the bloody broom back at the hut!

Sometimes Remus would really like to chop the rope to tiny pieces.

Chopping it might not be a good idea, Remus thought as they walked back to the house. It might just turn into many little mouthy rope pieces. And if his luck held, they would be squeaky to boot.

So Remus thought about Teddy, Severus, and good things to calm himself down.

I bet Severus can lick his scent.

“No he can't,” Remus said, quietly under his breath.

I bet proper Slytherins can.

“No they can't,” Remus murmured.

I think I sense a fellow snake!

“No you d...”

There's a fat snake slithering their way, Rope Snake already hissing in delight.

(previous parts here)

Endthoughts: I think Ropey is veering precariously to the Mary Sue territory *sobs*. I mean it's basically an inanimate object, it's not supposed to... er, I suppose I could say Severus unwittingly made it a bad!rope, but then I have to justify why it's acting mean to people, why it's acting with personality at all. I didn't intend it to be that way tho, honest! I don't think it's even a girl. I think I'm having too much fun with it *cringes*. Thank you for taking this ride with me. *cackles*