|Smichiko (smichiko) wrote in smichifics,|
@ 2008-05-16 18:44:00
|Entry tags:||abarai renji, fandom: bleach, het, kuchiki rukia, rating: pg, renji/rukia|
Character(s): Abarai Renji, Kuchiki Rukia
Summary: Renji can't bring himself to tell Rukia about his feelings.
Word Count: 213
A/N: Originally posted August 2006.
Rukia's a hard person to love. Renji learned that long ago.
It's powerful, and it drives him mad. It's more frustrating than anything else he's ever experienced. More frustrating than shinigami training, more frustrating than trying to change Byakuya's mind...more frustrating than trying to fit a square peg into a round hole.
There's always this unspoken tension; he likens it to standing on the edge of a cliff - it's like that feeling, just before you fall. He wonders if she feels it, too. Most times it's hard to tell, but other times, like when she's feeling especially vulnerable, he thinks that maybe she does. But it's always in passing, and she certainly never says anything about it.
She thinks she doesn't deserve to be loved; he can see it in her eyes. And he can never find the words to make her see that she does.
He's come close to telling her about the strength of his feelings many times. But he can never bring himself to do it, because somehow, he thinks the knowledge would hurt her more than it would help her. And he won't hurt her, even if it means bearing the burden of his feelings forever.
Rukia's already so fragile; he doesn't want to be the one to break her.