only_gremo (only_gremo) wrote in slashy_hotness, @ 2007-10-04 21:21:00 |
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Current mood: | amused |
Current music: | Attack - 30 Seconds to Mars |
Entry tags: | actor/actress, picspam, review: film |
Alexander the Great
Hello there,
some time ago I posted a review and a picspam about the film "Alexander" in my personal journal. Because this community was born just yesterday and should not stay empty for long, I thought it would be great to post the whole stuff once again (slightly altered of course).
The film itself is something for the eye. No, I don't mean the landscape. I just say: Jared Leto and Colin Farrell!
On the other hand if I look at it objectively, the film is horrible. The monologues and dialogues are not just to give the viewer some information about Alexander the Great and his life, but to make me shake my head in disappointment. Old times in all honour, but this is just wordily. You can say little with much words. And Anthony Hopkins does so very often.
He plays old Ptolemy and is the narrator of the story. He is like my history teacher from school, he always finds more and more words for a simple matter. The film starts right away with his loooooong monologue and when I watched the film, I wished I could have shaken some sense into him. Maybe I am a little too impatient for his speeches, but hey, every minute he speaks, is a minute less for Jared Leto and Colin Farrell.
Ten minutes Ptolemy later, which feel like 2 full hours, the scene changes and we see Angelina Jolie, who plays Olympias, the mother of Alexander. There are a lot of snakes (she's kind of weird) and she tells the young Alexander some bullshit about how to touch a snake (I don't want to interpret the hidden meaning).
Change: We see Alexander in his youth. He is educated by more old men and the highlight of his daily life seems to be the wrestling matches with Hephaistion. More words with no sense are spoken by his wrestling teacher (*insert monologue*). Anyway: Hephaistion is introduced then (He-who-will-be-a-Jared-Leto-when-older!
And eventually: Time skip and we see Colin Farrell as Alexander. His hair still is ridiculous. We see Jared Leto as Hephaistion, damn he's sexy! You can feel the love between Hepha and Alex from the start. Passionate glances, light touches, protective behaviour.
Then there is the battle against the Persians and their king Darius. Hepha looks great in his armor, Alex loves to wear short skirts. Sand peeling for the legs?
The battle itself is chaotic. Alex is here and there and everywhere. I can't find Hepha in the mass, but I guess he is near Alex. In the end Alex has to let the Persian king escape (doesn't bring Darius any good, he'll be betrayed by his own people later).
But back to Alexander. He fights some more, both with his own people and his enemies. There are more monologues of his mother and old Ptolemy (Zzzzz). Alex drinks much wine, has weird sex with his wife (first she loves him, then she hates him because she catches Alex and Hepha out, then she tries to kill him and eventually she has sex with him) and treks farther and farther away from home (to the anger of his troops). In India he fights on unknown territory and looses (the battle, his horse and almost his life). He travels back home. Hephaistion dies, and shortly after this Alexander dies too (from poisoning).
The last scene is not the one of Alexander's death (unfortunately), but old Ptolemy again has to tell us some more words aka the loooooong monologue at the end.
Picspam
Despite the long story and story telling there were some positive aspects as I have already told.
For one, there are a lot of good looking guys (who don't seem to have the least bit against homosexuality).
Cleitus (Gary Stretch)
Cassander (Jonathan Rhys Meyers ^-^)
and of course: Hephaistion (Jared Leto)
On the other hand, there were negative aspects too:
Bagoas (Francisco Bosch)
I am not a fan of Bagoas. In my opinion he looks too much like a woman. And I just can't let him interrupt the relationship between Hepha and Alex.
No, Alex! Don't!
Oh yes! There is another fact I don't like at all: Alexander marries! Not just that, she catches him and Hepha out!
The black spot is her head. I like to blind her out and just watch Hepha and Alex.
But now I'll show you, why I didn't turn the dvd player off:
Hephaistion (Jared Leto!!!)
He is the best and most faithful friend of Alexander. They are in love, but throughout the film you never see them kiss or anything like that. I guess they have a level in their relationship they just can't pass. Shyness? The boundaries of friendship? Whatever! There is so much tension!
He goes to Alexander to talk to him (and he is wearing these clothes!!!)
First he massages Alexander, then he gives him advice and lightens his mood. And then? They go on the balcony and talk some more (See, what I meant with wordily?). My advice: Don't talk just kiss!
On the balcony: More tension! You see the hesitation! Hepha loves Alex, damn!
But he only gets this little gesture. Kiss him! Kiss him!
This means: Take me now, Alexander! Don't hesitate any longer! Here! Now!
And what does Alex do? He marries! And he breaks Hepha's heart, but Hepha shows Alex his feelings. In the wedding night he sneaks into Alexander's room:
Be quiet, Alex! Your wife is near, but I want to tell you something!
He gives him a ring as present. It's a symbol for his eternal love (and friendship) although he knows: Alexander can never be his completely, he is a king who lives for his duties.
Eternal love! He has to cry, because his heart is broken!
Caught by the wife. Hepha leaves the room and the wife asks Alex if he loves Hepha. He tells her that there are different kinds of love and he also takes off Hepha's ring (Asshole!), but later puts it on again.
Later, when Alexander is once again in a personal crisis, Hepha gets some kind of revenge. He denies Alex's wife the access to her husband's room:
Haha! Want to interrupt again, bitch?
Then he goes to Alexander in the sexiest way ever ...
Would you hesitate?
...and tells him what a wuss he is.
Hepha is worth way more than you, Alex!
Hepha even looks good in every daily battle situation:
Whohooooo!
And now the worst part of the film: Hephaistion dies! In the film poisoning was the reason, but I'll tell you my opinion.
Too many words, Alex! You could have saved Hephaistion, but you rather admire the landscape and talk about your future plans.
Now the film has no meaning anymore! Alexander runs amok and nobody is allowed to touch Hephaistion (or they are dead).
Too late! *Headdesk*
As promised in one of their talks, Alexander dies shortly after Hephaistion from poisoning. In his last breaths he takes of Hephaistion's ring and holds it up to the sky. When he dies the ring falls out of his hand to the ground.
That's the film from my point of view. I hope you take my warnings into account if wanting to watch the film (although there are the nice scenes)!