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The Sirius Black Newsletter

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BloMo26: Like rolling thunder, this post.... [26 Nov 2020|12:52am]

[ mood | geeky ]
[ music | Whedon's Much Ado ....wish I felt better about Whedon these days ]

I intend to update this post throughout the day with random thoughts. We'll see if intention becomes reality.

First, a life funny. I have officially eclipsed all people who have stood there asking where their glasses are while said glasses were perched on their heads.

Yesterday, I was ducking about, looking all around and under the bed, wondering where my underwear went. The S.O. informed me I was wearing them.

We haven't laughed that hard since March. I think we've had too much naked time during the pandemic!

I'm ridiculously looking forward to Christmas by Starlight tonight because it stars both my favourite Hallmark Female lead with my favourite Hallmark Male lead. And neither have been in a TV show I followed! They have become my favourites by the parts they've played in countless other Hallmarks.

I've noticed that some actors are either typecast or choose similar projects. Paul Campbell can't help but be funny and disaffected. He plays a very different kind of Male Lead in Hallmark movies, therefore, his movies are always more interesting to me. The one time they made him play serious and brooding - ugh.

I see myself in the characters Kimberley Sustad plays. Shy, awkward, smart, unable to say No, trying to be as invisible as possible - that is all me, at least until I warm up to you. Then I am still just like that, but hiding it better.

These two were in a spring movie that just didn't "land", but I have high hopes for tonight!


are you innocent?

BloMo25: As the saying goes, I'm not obsessed, I'm focused.... [25 Nov 2020|11:22pm]

[ mood | calm ]
[ music | The local news...*sigh* ]

Part of why I keep watching Hallmark movies is that they're shot in Vancouver, which means I get to see a lot of actors I've enjoyed over the years in other productions from networks that shoot shows there. I'm thinking of X-Files and everything that was on the old WB, UPN, and current CW shows.

Right now, I'm watching Marc Blucas from Buffy and a woman I used to watch on Days of Our Lives the one summer I babysat the same kiddos for months. Many of the movies are like little homecomings between me and actors I used to see weekly.

OK, I can't help but sound obsessed with Hallmark movies when they're on 24-7 for two months!

We went to an area park today for a little more substantial walk than we've been able to get in lately. It was drizzling, which means we had the place to ourselves. I love a nice park when there's no one around to witness me trying to use it. ~_^

We picked up some smoked turkey breast and a few sides from a local butcher shop. I had in mind that we'd do fish or something really different for Thanksgiving food because it will just be the two of us, but we couldn't seem to break out of the mold. Plus, we have the other days of the long weekend to attempt some of my alternative meals. Shabu shabu, anyone?

love, lore

are you innocent?

BloMo24: It's the little frustrations that count.... [24 Nov 2020|11:32pm]

[ mood | frustrated ]
[ music | #%@$ godwink &(%#! ]

Man, I missed posting yesterday, but I'm liking this feeling of not sweating it, which I gave myself permission to do when I decided to BloMo. My internal promise was that as long as I got back on the wagon, I wouldn't feel bad.

In the bad habit of merely diary-ing, it was the last day of earning this week, but it was a typical last day before a holiday - no one was in, yet one person, that one person*, found a way to torpedo my day and not get everything done I'd planned to finish for a fresh week on Monday.

The S.O. had his last class for the semester, and, gee, his mood was considerably brighter tonight. We ran out and had a too-short walk (man, I am not just out of shape, I'm outside the lines!), a little PoGo adventure and a semi-sensible dinner.

I guess I will sleep in tomorrow because the S.O. has said no less than 4 times today that I will sleep in tomorrow, despite me saying I'd like to get up early enough to get some seriously good daylight. This time of year, that means getting out the door at 10, which is to when I'd normally sleep in! Both are things that he knows. Hum.

Last thought - Why do I keep up with the Godwink Christmas movies? They've added a terrible Bring-a-ling noise every time there's a supposed "godwink". UGH.

love, lore

*There's no particular person who is the One Person that train-wrecks my day. The One Person is a concept that never fails.

are you innocent?

BloMo22: it's going to pick back up, promise.... [22 Nov 2020|11:41pm]

[ mood | awake ]
[ music | Wizard of Oz!! ]

If I'm being honest, yesterday was too long a day, so I slept in and poked about the house today. I mean to write a post on what I've been reading, which is its own miracle, and I had other ideas that haven't come back to me yet. It would help if I started before 11:45, too. ~_^

love, lore

are you innocent?

BloMo21: What it says about highs and lows during a pandemic.... [21 Nov 2020|11:18pm]

[ mood | drained ]
[ music | bad late night tv ]

Not a horrible day. The SO got enough school work done to play a Pokemon event with me without stressing. The fact that he spent the last two hours of the event in the car with a work emergency over the speaker phone, though, sucked because that was my time, too. But still, we were not in the house all day. So an unhorrible day.

love, lore

are you innocent?

BloMo20: It's a picture embed kind of day.... [20 Nov 2020|11:23pm]

[ mood | wiped ]
[ music | I can hear the SO rewatching Buffy in the other room without me ]

It seemed like this week lasted 5 years and it's not even the holiday weekend. A lot of stuff happened, nothing earth-shattering, but I'm wiped.

Friends Zoom tonight consisted of just one friend, me and the SO. It still turned out kind of nice. I think that's the longest we've talked with that friend one-on-one, ever.

love, lore

are you innocent?

BloMo19: lore says YES.... [19 Nov 2020|11:41pm]

[ mood | ditzy ]
[ music | Clearly, Seth. Happy Place. ]

Amber Ruffin might just be my favourite person on any media platform right now.

She has incredible energy. It just pours out of her and goes straight through the screen. And I always, always laugh - even when the topic is painful.

love, lore

are you innocent?

BloMo18: Liking TV again while still rejecting it.... [18 Nov 2020|11:37pm]

[ mood | stubborn ]
[ music | Trying to find the best Jim Croce compilation on CD. Yes, my old is showing ]

I'm beginning to think that a long break from regular TV was just what I needed. I'm still enjoying the few reality shows I will watch. The Voice is making me laugh, which it never used to do. And I'm finding the Amazing Race more wondrous than before.

What I struggle with not watching are prestige shows where women are imperiled in some way. I'm not watching Big Sky, for example, even though the show comes with quite the TV Pedigree, including creator David E. Kelly, whose shows I've enjoyed in the past.

I'm just tired of watching shows about saving women or dead women or kidnapped women or tough women with deeply fatal flaws. I've hit the wall in watching my gender serve plots that feature mostly men and mostly unhappy endings for many of the characters. I'm not being wussy for not wanting to watch these shows. I just feel beyond them. The real world holds enough peril for women. I'm not entertained by it anymore.

So far, the only show I started watching in the "new season" was quickly canceled. I don't have any patience for canceled shows from streaming services - How can I get into a story that I know won't continue and isn't set-up to be closed-ended?

The SO and I are looking for something good to binge-watch over Thanksgiving. My hope is to find something light, maybe even funny, and yet smart, but not intellectual for intelligence's sake. I'm thinking we should finally finish The Good Place, but I'm open to suggestions.

Just, no Schitt's Creek. It's been over-sold to me at this point and will need a cooling off period before I'll feel like approaching it. ^_^

love, lore

are you innocent?

BloMo17: Hallmark enters the 1990s.... [17 Nov 2020|11:25pm]

[ mood | geeky ]
[ music | Meh ]

I *think* the "Gay Hallmark Movie" is going to be on this Sunday. I can't quite tell from all the plot preview and two men touching foreheads.

I have a feeling it's going to be obvious and a little painful, but that just means it will fit right in to the Hallmark Movie family. I learned a good lesson from a movie this summer that featured two women in the B-plot. At first, I had my outrage on at how Hallmark was using the couple as a marketing tool. The approach seemed pointedly on the nose, and, in my head, these are the stories Hallmark should have been telling long before 2020.

But then I read the social media comments and there were so many gay women and men commenting on how nice it was to be represented in the Hallmark formula; to watch an over-the-top romance and see themselves. I took back my criticism, not by deleting it, but reforming and reiterating alongside some credit to the channel.

It doesn't matter how hammy Sunday's movie will be - they all are hammy. What matters is finally seeing a wider spectrum of relationships in Hallmark movies. And not saying the wrong thing in a live tweet, ending up Internet spanked!

love, lore

are you innocent?

BloMo16: Of drool and the privacy of our future with some butt thrown in.... [16 Nov 2020|11:44pm]

[ mood | mischievous ]
[ music | Late night with Seth Meyers my intellectual crush ]

Today I asked for a short idea to write about from the SO and he actually gave me a topic! EEE, yay!

I read Facebook only a couple times a week because it usually makes me cringe, and I have better things to read. Misinformation, hate, blackmail (if you love me you will repost...), country cute, over-the-top adorableness, and baby pictures do not make for appointment reading.

It's the baby pictures that give me the most pause (well, those and wanting to explain to my extended family why the Constitution doesn't work that way , etc.). All I can think is how I would feel if my image was splashed all over the internet; the good pics mingling with my gap-toothed maw, making me look like Quasimodo's daughter for all to repost until time ends. *shudder*

I was there at the Early Morning of the Internet, during a time when your nickname was your shield against Just Anyone knowing your private information. To this day, I can't understand how we even got to Facebook, sharing our entire lives online - genies we can never put back in the bottle.

I'm wondering about 15 years from now, when the Facebook babies are grown. Oh, they'll be embarrassed, but will our culture have shifted again? Will there be a Facebook generation of grandparents, full of regret or post-grads outraged at their stolen privacy?

It could happen. And I'm relieved that my part in it is limited - all butt-shots aside. (Because, really, who doesn't love a good candid, especially of friends hanging over a railing, shot from the back? At least I didn't put them on the Internet!)

love, lore

are you innocent?

Blomo15: Talk about talk.... [15 Nov 2020|11:24pm]

[ mood | worried ]
[ music | John Oliver because that's what I should be watching to end the weekend ]

I put a * on an item in the last post and then forgot to define it. The * meant to refer to the fact that some of you might recall that the SO and I have been having communication issues. And not the kind people normally face, like, "I said 7!" "I thought you meant 7 am, not pm!" He just doesn't have much to say to me these days.

We used to talk more, now we don't without me forcing the issue and it's been that way for a few years. It's not that he doesn't want to talk to me, that much I can tell, but that he doesn't think to talk to me. He's gone silent as he's grown older. I can't tell if it's because he's under too much pressure from work/school/life or if he truly has nothing to say.

My father would go to work at 6 am before any of us got up, would come home at 6 pm, eat dinner on the couch and then fall asleep on it for the rest of the evening. At some point, he'd get up and go to bed. Repeat 5 days a week and sleep on the couch except for meals all weekend.

Sometimes weeks would go by between the times my father would have something to say to me. And what he had to say would never count as conversation.

I'm a little afraid the SO is turning into my father. They say that some women marry clones of their fathers, but that wasn't me and the SO when we first married. I'm trying to wait until classes are over for him in a couple years before I completely lose it and toss us into some sort of program. I hesitate to call it counseling because we both are leery of that. But we need to structure some sort of solution to this lack of talk between us. I don't want to be enjoying the silence at 60. It's going to take some work to find our way back to simple conversation.

love, lore

are you innocent?

BloMo14: I might as well hang my head out the car window.... [14 Nov 2020|11:17pm]

[ mood | good ]
[ music | bad Hallmark movie ]

Ooof. I've hit the mid-month "don't know what to say" malaise. We were up early (for us) and went on errands. I really like going out on the Saturday errands with the SO during the pandemic, if I can wake up in time. I also tend to use the weekends to catch up on sleep. But if I make the errands, I feel like I get more "day" in, and I get a little conversation out of him.*

He shops at the local farmer's markets. We're already down to just one for the winter because many of us are boycotting the city-run market. They keep allowing known white supremacists to vend there, saying it's an anti-discrimination issue. I would agree if the vendors would keep their political views to themselves, but they have been known to talk up their groups to people shopping and have even followed people around the market with their materials. They don't do this anymore since the news went wide about their actions.

Still, to me, the damage has been done and the city is being craven, hiding behind anti-discrimination arguments. There are 8000 rules to vending at that market and they already broke several of the rules - boot them. I am all for ideology that doesn't match mine, but that doesn't mean I want that ideology in my face. That I could be approached or hear rhetoric while I'm trying to pick up tomatoes bothers me.

Anyway! An independent group runs a market during the winter. The venue is enclosed, but it has several garage door-like panels that they had open today to keep the venue air circulating. I hope they will continue doing that into the winter. Sadly, global warming hit another milestone this week, so chances are good the doors will be open all winter. *sigh*

Sadly, I now hide out in the car at actual venues because I'm the more susceptible to COVID of the two of us. We usually find a secluded spot to take a short walk and get some air, too. It rained all day today, which kept us in, but rain is its own reward. I love rain.

love, lore

are you innocent?

BloMo13: Sub-Holiday to my Birthday Day! [13 Nov 2020|11:47pm]

[ mood | hungry ]
[ music | Head Like a Hole - NIN ]

I've always considered Friday the 13ths to be sub-birthdays and lucky for me. I took the day off and had a lazy morning and we ran some errands in the afternoon. The S.O. bought me a present that will take a few months to get here.

We just got out of our weekly Zoom chat with friends. This is why I missed last Friday - we say it's going to be short and the last couple of months we've been going later and later.

My friend that teaches says COVID is coming down the hall at him; the teachers in the rooms before his coming down with it day-by-day. I definitely know more people testing positive and having symptoms now than I did in the spring.

We have to take this more seriously, but some people never will.

love, lore

are you innocent?

BloMo12: There's venting and then there's this.... [12 Nov 2020|11:26pm]

[ mood | bitchy ]
[ music | No music; someone has homework due at Midnight ]

Anytime someone tries to tell me what a good person I am, I just have to think about how deeply I hate that the SO is in grad school, and I know better.

Because I do hate it. I do. I should be completely supportive of him finishing his undergrad and earning a grad degree alongside. It's a wonderful opportunity and getting the degree will make him feel much better about future employment. He's in tech and the lack of an undergrad was starting to catch up to him, so the mental relief alone will be worth it to him. I want him to have that peace of mind.

I just wish it wasn't taking so damn long. He's a useless creature when classes are in session. He works a full-time job, takes two classes at a time, and tries to maintain his fair share of our life together. Guess what gets the short shrift when his brain is frazzled?

It doesn't help that college has changed so much. All these online courses and half are being made up on the fly by profs and TAs who don't know what they're doing. The emphasis in online courses is on Busy Work. Prove you're doing something because you're doing it from home and no one sees you working. He spends one night on each class making and replying to blog or forum posts. Then read 300 pages and then write a 3-page paper on the reading, due every weekend like clockwork. None of it overly hard, just designed to suck up your time. Your WEEKEND TIME. (OK, the grad classes are more of the real deal, but still)

I'll admit it, I'm not very supportive. I try to stay out of his way. I've offered to help if it isn't cheating, offered to help him study, helped him pay for classes by maintaining my job despite all frustrations, and not much else.

I resent the time school has stolen from us and I resent him waiting until this late in life to finally go for something I'd been asking him to do for the previous 15 years when we were younger and had more energy.

I'm the worst. Really. Don't make me turn off the comments.

love, lore

P.S. If I made myself look even a little good in the above, I did something wrong.

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