Welcome to Plauen
...or, From Plauen to World Domination
Plauen Re-Established 2010 Twinned with Fictional!Essen
This once small town, renowned for its lace production, was known to many as the arse of nowhere but after a recent and unexpected coup of the city it has entered the history books as the world's first fangirl community.
History
Without doubt the coup was the most interesting thing to ever happen to Plauen, the second being the town’s brief mention in the popular show “Alles was Zählt” and the third being when Herr Müller’s goat escaped on Easter Sunday and ate the local school’s Easter display.
In the city centre, dwarfing the Easter tragedy memorial plaque, there now stands a 20meter high bronze statue of two men, dressed in form-fitting sportswear, locked in a passionate kiss. The inscription on this monument is written in an unknown dialect experts suggest may be based on the hitting of a keyboard randomly with a dolphin like flipper but this is highly speculative.
The new ruling body of Plauen, dismayed with the lack of interesting historical events, have quickly established the revisionist history of Plauen. This is said to have little or no regard for any historical events, with a focus primarily on over-dramatising events and stretching the historical significance of Plauen in world history. Far from upsetting historians many in the field are excited, welcoming the sudden boom in the normally steady field of academia and research.
[Notice: Archaeologists hoping to expand into the Revisionist History of Plauen are asked to wait until the agents of its creation are completed burying items of historical interest. Information will be available through the Dean of Revisionist History at Plauen University.]
Landmarks
Despite the current lack of places of historical interest Plauen now boasts a number of noteworthy landmarks of great interest to locals and tourists.
The Big Red Sofa Situated in what was once the Stadtpark, this sofa of monumental proportions was said to have appeared magically overnight along with the LCD Screen of Epic Proportions. Conversely it is reported that four men were killed in the placement of the sofa and their bodies remain buried under it, subject to the town’s Zombie Curse. Further clarification on this is unobtainable (when asked the Dean of Revisionist History shrugged and replied “depends what else is happening that week – we don’t really ask”) and so The Big Red Sofa remains a thing of legend.
This legend draws in much of the town’s new population every evening for soap viewing and discussion, although there are reports of unsavoury goings on. Tourists, who must view from the ground, wonder at the seemingly endless supply of snack foods, the random bursts of music and the many strange noises that come from the sofa. Rumours that dolphins or any other sea mammal are being held within the confines of the sofa are false and the town’s administration are eager to assure the world that animal safety is a top priority for its citizens.
The Swimming Pool Plauen is particularly proud of its pool, being the only Olympic sized swimming pool in the world where the water depth never exceeds 1.2m and is cleaned daily. The Plauen swimming pool also contains the world’s first intra-pool handrail system. Water aerobic classes are held twice a day, visitors are advised to bring their own pool noodles. Despite this impressive jewel Plauen is yet to promote a competitive swimming team but The Sport and Wellness Council are taking it under consideration.
The Ice Rink Located in the city centre is Germany’s largest outdoor ice rink. It is used for figure skating as well as ice hockey, often simultaneously. It offers supreme training conditions throughout the year and has already attracted many figure skaters of international acclaim, most notably Canadian shooting stars Brightman and Nealy.
The Bed In what was formerly Plauen’s market place, the new administration has recently installed a giant bed. Visitors are welcome to join the nightly pillow fights but should be aware that these often lead to mass orgies. Please remember to glove up and wear a blue suit to participate.
The Igloo Next to the ice rink the new town administration erected their headquarters, a glass igloo of extraordinary proportions. This is where the newly established town council resides. Tourists are welcome to visit the Igloo at their own risk. Please do read the warning signs very carefully before entering.
Education and Culture
Newly established Plauen University of Poplular Studies – PUPS – has a very progressive curriculum, covering everything from basic computer skills, internet ethics and privacy laws to creative vidding, fanfic writing and soap medicine. Students are expected to graduate in 2 years, a complete make-over is also included in the study fees. The University is multi-lingual, courses are held in German, Angry Turkish, Eskimo Lingo, English and Fangirl. For application details join the waiting list here.
Musicals are extremely popular with the new inhabitants of Plauen. A production of “Hair” is already underway, tickets for the premiere on June, 9th can be booked here . Click here for a picture of the cast. Plans for future productions include “Romita” and an original ice musical under the working title “Severus the Dragon Slayer”.
A Fanfiction Library as well as a Museum of Fan Art are still under construction. Donations and contributions are always welcome.
Healthcare
Please note that Plauen has only one doctor in residence. Health insurance companies have found a massive decrease in minor ailments, people formerly suffering from hay fever are apparently healed within a ridiculously low number of episodes weeks. There has been a notable sudden increase in Big Dramatic Injuries, Near Fatal Accidents, sports injuries and repetitive strain injuries, such as carpal tunnel syndrome. Occasional outbreaks of Voting Madness are not unusual and no major cause for concern. Unfortunately drug abuse and alcoholism have also increased dramatically, but the resident doctor is optimistic that a shipment of Mary Sues might miraculously heal his patients over night. There have been reports of accelerated child development which have yet to be confirmed. Safe sex is taken very seriously. Plauen is the first German town to hand out free all-body condoms to its citizens - mainly to contain the massive spread of Baby and Male Pregnancy Plots.
Crime
Generally crime has gone down in Plauen since the coup, but original residents have reported an alarming number of stalking incidents lately. Statistics also seem to show a rise in sexual assault, random groping and cases of public indecency. DI Koch, the local police representative, refused to comment on the situation stating that she was not authorised to disclose this information, but appeared to be concerned about isolated reports of heterophobic bullying.
Tourist Information (Information for Visitors)
Due to the increased interest in the formerly sedate small town, the new administration has recently established a rule that all visitors have to fill out this application form.
Please do note that while Plauen is generally a peaceful community, tourists from other fandoms may be mowed down for making seemingly innocent remarks. A 19-year-old tourist from Düsseldorf was allegedly tarred and feathered for stating: “But Chrolli have more chemistry.” The town council deny that any such occurrence took place under their administration and stress the openness and tolerance of the Plauen fangirl community.
Breakfast is the most important meal of the day for the new Plaueners, but there are also several fry stands, where locals and visitors enjoy Pommes and Currywurst 24 hours a day. Visitors are advised to consume only very limited amounts of Pommes, since there seems to be a connection between reported memory losses and the consumption of Pommes Schranke. This phenomenon is currently being investigated by Frau Scholz from Torchwood Germany.
I completely blame spaghettitoes for this who came up with the idea and wrote about half of it before she decided to take pity on poor uninspired me and shoved it in my direction. Other ideas were recklessly stolen from random sparkly Eskimos all over the place so if anything looks familiar... don't go blaming me. :P (Please do note that people linked to in this post are not to be blamed for anything either, with the possible exception of the Culpability Resource Manager... ) *hugs*