Ruby Fox (love_ruby) wrote in shadows_rpg, @ 2018-11-30 22:34:00 |
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Entry tags: | #november 2017, amelia, amelia x ruby, ruby |
Who: Ruby and Amelia
Where: Joyland Coffee Shop
When: Friday Afternoon 11/24th
Status: Complete
The farther she got from the previous weekend, the harder it was for Ruby to understand what the hell she’d been thinking when it came to Jasper. She’d been so sure of her feelings when she’d gone to talk to him, having pined over him from the moment she woke up that morning, but now it felt like some weird fever dream that she couldn’t explain or even relate to. Looking back at it, nothing about it felt natural or real-- not her motivations, her feelings, or even her behavior. She wanted to believe it would just go away, that things could return to normal, but if things were normal then she wouldn’t be avoiding Jasper, worried about what he thought of her. And she wouldn’t be so paranoid that Jules might find out and snap. Things had been quiet so far, but that didn’t mean it would stay that way, especially with Elodie knowing.
The worst part of it was that there was no one she could talk to about it, not without risk of spreading it farther. Jasper was probably her most trustworthy friend and he’d already dealt with enough of her bullshit. The girls at school were great, but she just wasn’t sure they’d understand. They’d most likely be like Elodie and think she was lying. There was only one person outside her own family that might be safe to talk to, which is what she was thinking about when she texted Amelia to see if she wanted to meet her for coffee. She had no idea if Jasper had told her anything, but maybe she could give her some advice on what to do next. Or at least just listen. Even that would help.
Amelia wasn't having a great day so the invitation was more than welcome. She could stand to get out of the house and out of her own head for a bit and coffee with Ruby was a perfect way to do that. Of course she had no idea there were problems, Jasper hadn't told her anything about what had transpired those few days ago and she hadn't seen Ruby at all. If it hadn't been for the Thanksgiving dinner she'd have felt very isolated and lonely this week so she was very thankful for Charlie suddenly being in her father's life.
She needed a little while to get ready but then she had Ruby pick her up, not in the mood to do the walk today. It was Black Friday and it would probably be busy as hell and she still felt a little weird about crowds so... it would help to have a friend with a car for a quick getaway if needed. They didn't really discuss much on the way there. Amelia needed food in her before she could really cobble together coherent thought and it wasn't until they were seated with some pastries and coffee that she felt even remotely human enough to talk. "So how have you been?" she asked, not for the first time but this time she was alert.
Ruby had answered the question vaguely in the car, not wanting to get into anything serious when she was focused on driving and couldn’t look Amelia in the face. Now that they were settled, she should probably get into it, but it felt weird to even talk about it. But then… if anyone would believe in weird things happening, it would be Amelia. “I’ve been okay-ish. I did something last weekend that I can’t really explain. I mean, I can, but it makes me sound crazy. And now I’m trying to get things back to normal and I don’t know if I can,” she said, alternating between looking at Amelia and her hands on the table. Her nails needed painting, which she only noticed because it was easier than focusing on the situation. “Did Jasper say anything to you about what I did?” She’d only asked him specifically not to tell Jules, though she felt like that kind of extended to everyone else. But Amelia was his sister, so it was possible he’d filled her in.
Amelia looked a little puzzled. Had Jasper mentioned anything to do with Ruby? She shook her head, eyes a little wide as she idly stirred her coffee and added a little more sugar just for the hell of it. "Do you want to talk about it?" she asked cautiously. It could very well be that that was why they were here but she didn't want to push if Ruby wasn't ready. It sounded serious and Ruby looked worried. It was a line her psychiatrist often used on her and Amelia liked it because it gave her permission to talk about things without feeling pressured into doing so. Maybe Ruby would feel the same way.
“If you don’t mind listening,” Ruby said with a little smile. “This probably sounds weird, but you’re the only person I trust with this.” She’d known Amelia forever, but only recently would she have called her a friend. And yet… she knew Amelia would listen with an open mind. Taking a deep breath, Ruby started in on it all. “You know how everyone was acting weird after the dance? Well, I woke up Sunday morning and had it in my head that I loved Jasper. Like, out of the blue. I’m positive I didn’t go to bed feeling that way, but I can only say that now, looking back. Sunday, my head was… cloudy, or something. He was all I could think about. It was like logic had completely left the building. But I didn’t realize how weird it all was until I told him.” Amelia might not have known what happened between her and Jasper, but Ruby was willing to bet she remembered Jasper running out to drive her home. It made her wonder how Jasper had been afterwards. She wished she could ask him, but so far all she’d been comfortable with was a few texts to let him know she was back to normal.
For a beat Amelia was confused because of course Ruby loved Jasper, they were friends after all, right? But then Ruby kept talking and it started to make more sense - or less sense as the case was. "Wait- you're in love with my brother?" she asked and if not for Jules that might have been okay but Jasper had a girlfriend and Amelia really didn't want to see Ruby get hurt. Though she kept talking about it in past tense so maybe the weirdness had stopped as quickly as it had started? It was hard to make out what exactly Ruby meant. "I mean, are you still...?" God she hoped not and now she had to wonder why Jasper hadn't said anything.
“No,” Ruby said, shaking her head as she sighed. “All I can think of is that, if we were drugged at the dance, it had some weird effect on me. Otherwise, I can’t explain it. It really was like… like I had some twenty-four hour obsession.” And if she’d been able to keep it to herself, it would have passed without incident. Unfortunately, Ruby had given in and gone to see Jasper. Even though she’d apologized, it still didn’t feel like things could just snap back to normal. “I always thought that it would be a good feeling, you know? You see all these movies that make it look amazing. But I can’t remember the last time I was this stressed about anything and I don’t even feel it anymore.”
Jasper had been okay the next day so Amelia didn't think it was the same thing that made them all weird at the dance but that didn't mean it couldn't be something else, something worse maybe. Messing with people's feelings and making them believe things that weren't true? Definitely worse than just making them honest and happy. "Well, it wasn't real," she suggested softly. "So maybe that's why it didn't feel good. Whatever it was, it wasn't real and it wasn't your fault... Jasper's not being an asshat about it, is he? I can talk sense into him if he is!"
“No, he was really, really understanding,” Ruby said. “But I haven’t talked to him since then, other than to text him and let him know things were back to normal. And I’m just worried things will be weird now, that he might not really believe that I don’t feel that way about him. Like, the girl that lives next door to you? Elodie? She overheard the whole thing and is pretty convinced that I’m lying, either to myself or to him. And I don’t blame her because I can’t explain it myself, you know?” She didn’t like the idea that she’d been drugged, but at least it was an explanation for her irrational behavior. She didn’t want Jasper thinking she was just making up excuses and lies because things didn’t go her way.
Amelia watched her with a sympathetic frown but what the hell did she know about any of this? She'd never even kissed anyone - that she could remember - and it all seemed so complicated and weird from where she was standing. "And you're sure it's not... that you don't feel that way? For real?" she asked quietly. "And does it matter what Elodie thinks?" She had to ask because it really didn't seem like it was anybody's business but Ruby and Jasper's what had happened so who cared if the girl next door thought it was a lie.
“I don’t feel sure of anything,” Ruby sighed. “But I know I didn’t feel that way on Saturday, at the dance. I remember thinking how happy Jasper looked, and he was there with Jules. I feel like feelings like that shouldn’t just crop up out of nowhere, then disappear again. Not if they’re real.” The hard part was that she’d been so sure of herself on Sunday, sure enough that she’d needed to tell Jasper. But it felt all wrong now, like her head had been scrambled for a day and now she was left trying to put things back together. “I mean, maybe I had a little crush on him, but I was cool with it never being anything more. Now, it looks like I was desperate, or trying to sabotage things with Jules, and it’s all just super fucked up,” she said, rubbing a hand over her face. “I honestly don’t care what Elodie thinks, but I don’t trust her. She could really start some shit if she wanted to.”
"Do you think she wants to?" Amelia asked and it was hard to understand whatever politics might be happening here when all she really had to build on was catty girls from when she was nine. She couldn't remember dealing with anything like this wherever the hell she'd been and she doubted she had. Right now she was trying to suss out what she knew about Elodie and it wasn't much. Next door girl, same age. New in town? She really hadn't been on Amelia's radar.
“I don’t know,” Ruby said, and that was what worried her the most. She couldn’t get a good read on Elodie. She thought she was cool, but she barely knew her. It irritated her that she’d listened in on a private conversation, and it frustrated her that she’d had to defend her feelings to someone that barely knew her. “She’s… kind of odd. A loner, I guess. I think it just bothers me that she knows when she’s not someone I would have told.” Luckily, she couldn’t see any reason why Elodie would tell anyone else, unless she just wanted to for shits and giggles. At least if she did, it would be her word against Ruby’s.
"If she's a loner she won't have anyone to tell," Amelia said and it felt like a logical conclusion to come to. "And if she tells anyone, you just tell them she's a dumb liar." She gave Ruby a little smirk before she sipped her coffee again. Of course she had no idea about the complicated politics of Ruby and Jules and their history as friends or their strained relationship now, that was the main problem and without it, this all just sounded pretty simple to her.
Ruby nodded and gave Amelia a little smile, hoping that would be enough. “I hope it’s that simple. I don’t want to end fighting with Jules again.” Last time she could tell Jules she was being irrational and had nothing to worry about. This time would be more complicated and harder to explain, even if Ruby still didn’t think Jules had any reason to worry. She wasn’t trying to steal Jasper from her and, even if she was, Jasper wasn’t interested. If Jules did find out, only Jasper could ease that worry. “I just want things to get back to normal and I don’t know how to get there.”
Normal was a pretty abstract concept to Amelia and she gave Ruby a somewhat sad smile followed by a shrug. "What's normal anyway? Jasper's still your friend, right? I can't imagine him not talking to you and if he acts stupid I'll talk sense into him. Promise." Ruby looked sad and it was hard not to get up and circle the table to give her a huge hug but for now Amelia settled on reaching across the table and grabbing her arm for a comforting little squeeze. "I'll still be your friend," she promised. "So he'll have to get over it."
Ruby squeezed Amelia’s hand back and gave her a small, hopeful smile. “Thanks,” she said. “Right now I just want to give him some space. I threw all these feelings at him, and then had to immediately take them all back, and I know it’s a lot to deal with. Or, it is for me. I feel like someone manipulated me, but I don’t know who or how.” She would have loved someone to rip into for it, but it didn’t look like that was going to happen. She just had to wait for it all to settle and pass and hope that there was no real damage done.
Amelia's eyes narrowed a little and she pursed her lips in thought. "I bet it was a witch. But why?" She was more thinking out loud than actually asking, her gaze drifting down to the table as she considered it but then snapping back to Ruby. "Have you pissed off a witch lately?" It didn't seem like it was something that needed fixing since Ruby wasn't still stupidly in love with Jasper out of the blue, but it did seem like maybe it was some small prank, something to fuck with her just enough to make her life a bit more difficult short term.
“I don’t think so,” Ruby said with a little laugh. “I don’t know if I know any witches. The only person I’ve pissed off lately is Mason and I’m pretty sure he’s over it.” Plus, he didn’t seem the least bit witchy, if that meant anything. Ruby had a hard time picturing any of her classmates as witches. Or anyone, for that matter. She knew they existed though, and that Jasper had gotten hex bags from one of them. She pictured him visiting some old lady with a cauldron in her living room, living in the side of a hill or in the woods, but she knew that was ridiculous. Life was not a fairy tale.
Amelia wasn't so sure this Mason guy was innocent. Ruby had rejected him and people didn't really like being rejected. It would be hard to prove though so unless something else happened she'd let that go. "Well, maybe he got a witch to put a small curse on you, let's hope it's over and that was all there was to it. That would explain everything and if nothing else? It's a good excuse." People felt better when they had a reason for things happening, that was why so many people liked going to church, for answers and reasons. Amelia liked going for the people and the way it felt to sit there in quiet, surrounded by optimism and love. She didn't really believe in the reasons the priest was feeding them anymore though, it was hard after what she'd been through.
If Mason had been feeling vindictive enough to hunt down a witch and curse her and this was all that had come of it, then Ruby considered herself lucky. It sucked big time, but she had the feeling that witches could do far worse if they wanted to. Like make all her hair fall out. It sounded petty, but that would have lasted far longer than a day. “Maybe,” she said with a twist to her smile. “This really makes me want to hunt down a witch and get some kind of protection charm. I hate the idea that someone could maybe do something like that, you know?” She knew everyone probably felt the same way, except so many didn’t even believe it was a possibility. “Maybe we should get one of those tattoos.”
"Oh you should have protection," Amelia said quickly. It hadn't protected her against the darkness but that was a bit like a seatbelt not protecting a person from a car exploding. It might still come in handy in a crash. "And yeah, we definitely should," she added and then smiled widely as she thought about it. "Do you want to go with me?" She had no doubts her dad would give her money for a tattoo if it was a protective one. Hell, even if it was just a stupid tattoo he probably would anyway, he had yet to say no to her since she got home.
“Yes,” Ruby said immediately, grinning back at Amelia. She knew she wanted ink of some sort, but she’d never quite decided what. This was the perfect reason, plus she liked the idea of doing it with Amelia. Part protection, part friendship thing. A few weeks ago, she would’ve never believed that she and Amelia might get inked together, but a few weeks ago Amelia had been nine. Now she was quickly becoming one of her closest friends. “Do you know what we should get? Or where we should go? Your dad won’t freak out, will he?” She knew he had ink himself, but some dads were weird about their daughters doing the same.
"I don't think he will," Amelia replied and she hadn't even considered that he might freak out over something like that. "It's for protection," she added with a little shrug. "He'll know what to get - or who to ask. He's like a book of protective things, you should see his body. Symbols, crosses, bible scriptures." Some of them had creeped her out when she was a child but today she thought they were cool. Hide me in your wounds was scary to a nine year old and kind of gross but today she could see the poetry in it. "I'll ask him. Will your dad freak out?"
“Depends on how big it is and where I get it,” Ruby smiled. “He’s not big on girls with lots of tattoos, and he doesn’t… he doesn’t believe in some of the things that I do, but he’ll get over it, so long as I don’t do something crazy. Like tattoo my face.” She suspected she’d get it somewhere discreet, especially if it was for magical purposes. She wasn’t ashamed of her beliefs, but she also didn’t want to show them off or answer questions from people who would never believe. It would be like trying to convince Elodie that she was drugged. “You ask him and we’ll do it. I don’t know if this was the result of a curse, but if it was, I don’t want anything like that happening to me ever again.”
"He'd never even have to see it," Amelia replied and scrunched her face a little at the obvious sexism there. Not big on girls with big tattoos? Like it was any of his business. "Depending on where you put it. I mean if you put it on your arm or neck he'll totally see it but your back or leg..." She wondered if tattoos like that needed a specific location to work. Over the heart or on the right arm - something like that. Hopefully her dad would know someone who could answer that.
“I’ll probably get it on my hip or something. Or my back. Depends on what it is and how much I like it,” Ruby said, curious about what the various designs were. She could always get another for aesthetic reasons later. This time she was looking for protection. “It’s not really his decision. He’ll get over it.” It was kind of sexist, but it was also her dad. Ruby knew she could argue with him, but that she wasn’t likely to change his opinion. He could be as stubborn as she was, and in this case she didn’t think it really hurt anything.
"Yeah he will," Amelia replied with a grin. That was the spirit. She leaned back as their waiter came around to refill their cups, then picked up her phone to see if she could look up some of the symbols she'd seen already. They could find some pretty designs and then figured out which ones were actually legitimate.
“Let me know when you find out what we should get and we’ll go,” Ruby said, glad to have a plan. It wouldn’t change the past, but it could prevent anything else from happening, hopefully. “And thanks for listening,” she added after a minute. “He’s one of my oldest friends, you know? I really don’t want to fuck things up with him.” Even if she did have those feelings, she would have never said anything to Jasper, not at this point. A mature person would just get over it and move on, not feel some weird obligation to confess their love. “So how’s everything with you?” she asked, picking up her fresh cup of coffee. “Anything new?”
Amelia had quickly learned not to talk about the things she remembered. Gavin always looked like she was physically hurting him and Jasper looked sad and worried. The only person she really talked to honestly about her problems was her shrink and she wanted Amelia to open up more. Maybe Ruby wouldn't look all sad if she talked to her about things but there was no guarantee and Amelia hated that look on their faces, the helpless and sad. Something small though, something relatable maybe. "Oh you know, struggling with learning stuff, feeling really stupid when I open up the school books my shrink got me. I'm so behind on so many things, it sucks."
“Don’t feel stupid,” Ruby said with a tiny shake of her head. “We’ve all had years of sitting through classes, being thrown information that we didn’t care about. Some of it we might never need. Like, sure, it’s great to know all the presidents, but it’s not really important in the grand scheme of things. The things you learned were way more valuable to you at the time. They kept you alive. You’re smart, so you’ll catch up on the things that matter.” She wished that Amelia had had a normal upbringing like the rest of them, but considering the circumstances she’d done the best with what she had. That she was alive was a miracle. And if she could survive in the world she’d been stuck in, she could handle catching up on school work. “I’m not much of a tutor, but if you ever want help, let me know. I’ll try my best.”
Having someone like Ruby tell her she was smart made Amelia feel warmer suddenly and she smiled back, thankful and a little surprised. Ruby made some really good points and she'd heard some of them before but they meant more coming from Ruby than they did her shrink. Her shrink was pretty much paid to make her feel better but Ruby had no real obligation to her, she was her friend. "I might need help, yeah, I'll try not to make you regret offering." Jasper was not a good tutor and she rarely wanted to pester him about these things - he hated school, that much was obvious.
Ruby was a decent enough student, though people didn’t really expect it of her. She did well enough that she knew she’d get into a state university, which was what mattered the most. It was college that mattered, not high school. One was just the gateway to the other. So she did what she needed to, but didn’t kill herself trying to make straight As. She had plenty of time to do that later. “I won’t regret it,” she smiled. “Just keep in mind I’ve never taught anyone before. I might not be any good at it. So if you can be patient with me, I’m sure I can be patient with you.”
"I will do my best not to scream in frustration and log my books at your head," Amelia said with a little titter. "Promise." She'd be patient, it would mean so much just to get a little help, it didn't matter if Ruby was 'good' at it or not. "In return you promise not to throw stuff at my head or tell me I'm being stupid. Deal?" She couldn't imagine Ruby doing either of those things but she really didn't have anything she wanted to demand of her so joking would do.
“Deal,” Ruby laughed. She didn’t usually throw things, even when she was frustrated, and couldn’t imagine calling Amelia stupid. She’d gone years without any formal schooling and had been living in some weird shadow world where survival was more important. That counted for a lot. “Maybe we can make it a regular thing and get together on one of the days I’m not working. I mean, you can always come hang out at Moxie’s, but it’s hard to concentrate in there unless it’s slow.” She’d enjoy the company though. Amelia was always welcome, even if she wasn’t trying to catch up on studies.
"That actually sounds amazing," Amelia replied and she really did need something in her life that was a regular thing, something other than her shrink appointments. She wouldn't be getting too many more of those either since they cost money and her dad certainly wasn't made of money. Having somewhere to go, something to do? She'd need it more than she let on. "You don't even have to help me all the time or anything, just studying with someone would be great." And she could come hang out at Moxie's when Ruby was working, it seemed like a good plan.
“Let me look at my work schedule and we can pick a day,” Ruby smiled. “We can hangout, study, whatever.” She liked the idea of catching up with Amelia weekly, even if they were doing homework and studying. All her other friends she saw at school so she didn’t really have to go out of her way to set something up with them, but she wasn’t going to just pop by Amelia’s house, especially after what had gone down with Jasper. Maybe someday they’d get back to that, but right now she was pretty sure they both needed some space. And she was willing to bet Amelia needed out of the house from time to time. “You want to do it at my place? It’ll give you a change of scenery, if that’s not distracting.”
Considering Amelia didn't have a room of her own, studying with someone else at her place would have to happen in the kitchen or living room and there was no telling if her dad or Jasper would be around. It was guaranteed to be distracting at least so she couldn't imagine Ruby's place being any worse. "Sounds good," she agreed, beaming at Ruby. "Thanks. For being my friend and just everything." It wasn't like she could go hang out with her old friends, they had sort of grown up with her in her mind so seeing them again, even from afar, was jarring. They were so little, so young. Even if Amelia's existence wasn't a secret she could never hang out with them again. It was heartbreaking and hard and it helped to have someone else to spend time with.
“You too,” Ruby smiled back at Amelia. “For listening and for just… being you.” It was good to have a friend she could trust, who believed her when things got weird. Amelia might not know her like some of her other friends did, but she was getting up to speed quickly now that they were close to the same age. Their life experiences might be vastly different, but it was their ability to share them with each other that brought them together. Ruby knew she could trust Amelia. And she hoped that, if she ever needed to, Amelia could trust her too.