rylee mears (itsjustafeeling) wrote in shadows_rpg, @ 2018-11-10 11:04:00 |
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Entry tags: | #november 2017, carson, carson x rylee, rylee |
Who: Carson and Rylee
Where: Home
When: Morning, Monday, November 20th
Status: Complete
Rylee had no idea what time it was when she woke up, only that it had to be early given the small amount of daylight that was starting to peer into her room between her closed blinds. She was warm and comfortable and hated the idea of it being a day she would actually have to get out of bed. Her body was sore in the most wonderful way and she could feel Carson in her bed behind her. All she wanted to do was curl up next to him and go back to sleep, so Rylee rolled over to scoot in closer to his sleeping form, her arm slipping across his stomach as she settled again. Despite how nice it felt, clarity was slowly starting to seep into the sleepy haze that was what Rylee would have probably called a sex hangover.
She couldn’t recall how many times they’d done it the day before but it hadn’t felt like enough, even now. At least at the time. It wasn’t clarity full of regret at all, because the love and warmth was still heavy in her chest. Rylee couldn’t exactly describe how she had been feeling the day before. Desperately in love, willing to brush aside every other aspect of her life if it meant being with Carson. Maybe she still felt that way, it just wasn’t so… obsessive? If that was even the proper word for it. What had happened? How had they both woken the morning before with the same thing on their minds? Should she find it weird? Or wonderful? Both?
She lay there, listening to Carson’s heart beat against his chest and her ear. Would he wake up remorseful? Happy? She was almost afraid to find out, but he was still in her bed. He hadn’t left her in the night to return to his own room. They probably had to talk, but not right away. The sun wasn’t fully up yet, so… there was no need to face it yet. Rylee pressed a soft kiss against him and relaxed again, her eyes closed as she breathed him in. It had felt perfect yesterday, but it still felt that way today. She wasn’t willing to give it up just yet.
Carson had slept like the most sexually satisfied rock in the world, nude and spent and slightly sticky next to his beloved Rylee. He had lost track of how many times they’d consummated their feelings too, though he knew they’d woken up late in the night at one point and had another round. It had been beautiful, in the dark with all the soft sensuality, and Carson was pretty sure he’d never felt so fucking happy. He’d been absolutely sure that they belonged together, and they were together, and that nothing was ever going to change that now. Through the day he’d thought a hundred times about how no one else in the world was going to measure up. No one else would accept him for who and what he was. Rylee was the only woman for him, and he’d always known that, hadn’t he?
As he slowly woke up again to her soft movements and kisses against his bare skin, those thoughts echoed through Carson’s mind once more. He didn’t feel any disorientation, there was just a surreal sort of haze over his memories of the day before. They’d finally done it, given in and broken down the barriers between them. At least the physical ones. He’d felt strange yesterday, driven straight into Rylee’s bed, unable to think of anything but her all day long. And now ... what? There was no guilt yet, no sense that he’d done anything wrong, it had all been too consensual and amazing for that. He just knew that things had shifted again, and Carson didn’t want to go backward.
He could tell that Rylee was awake because of her breathing, but Carson was content to stay quiet and just be with her a while. He slipped his hand up to stroke his fingertips slowly against her arm to let her know he was conscious too. It was barely dawn, too early to talk. Carson thought maybe they just needed to sit with what had happened for a while and digest it.
As soon as his hand started to move against her, Rylee felt a very brief, tense fear that maybe he would regret what had happened the day before. But his touch was soft and full of affection and honestly if he was going to have regrets, wouldn't he have had them as soon as that first time had finished? Instead, they had spent all day in bed together and there were many moments in which they just talked or dozed against each other. It had been wonderful, even romantic in a sense. Rylee couldn't even remember the last time she had cared enough about a man to spend all day naked with him. And this wasn't like the last times when they had been so wrapped up in various emotional turmoil while giving into carnal desires. This felt like... more.
He didn't seem eager to talk, for which Rylee was thankful. Instead, she lay there for a while, watching the light in her room grow brighter, though the blinds helped it from becoming unbearable. Eventually, she turned her face and pressed another kiss against his skin. How she would get through normal days without touching him every second was beyond her. Her hands felt inexplicably drawn to his body, a sure sign that she was probably addicted to him now, though that wasn't necessarily a bad thing. Rylee nuzzled his neck for a moment. "Good morning," she murmured. That was easy enough and maybe she could gauge his mood before talking about anything else.
It was so peaceful, laying there with Rylee, just breathing and being together. He remembered them declaring their love for each other the day before, saying they belonged together, but he didn’t recall making any solid plans about the future. They’d been too wrapped up in the glow that they’d both seemed to wake up with, falling in and out of sleep and fucking all sorts of ways instead. It had been really nice. Just like this was nice. Rylee’s face in the crook of his neck gave Carson a pleasant tingle, and his eyes closed briefly, his fingers sliding further up her arm. She was so soft and smelled so good, her body warm and solid against his, how was he ever going to sleep alone again? “Morning,” Carson rumbled. He shifted a bit until he could press a kiss against her upper arm and nuzzled her softly with his nose. “You okay?” he whispered.
The longer he stayed in bed with her, the more he touched her, the lighter Rylee felt. There was no regret or hesitance here and it helped her relax. Her skin continued to tingle where he kissed her and Rylee nodded softly, a small smile playing at her lips. "More than okay," she whispered back. "Are you?" The last couple of times they had submitted to the love they felt for one another, the days after had been tense and a bit awkward, the both of them avoiding until it grew to be too much. Carson had turned to someone else to feel normal again. Rylee couldn't bear the thought of that happening again, of Carson feeling abnormal with her. But she had higher hopes for their situation now, after everything they had said and done the day before. Maybe it was just important to make sure they were on the same page.
Rylee wasn’t the only one aware of how different this felt than the other mornings had. Maybe it was because they’d done so much more this time, maybe Carson was just in a different mental place, maybe it was just a delayed reaction ... but he didn’t think so. They’d finally done what society had told them not to do their whole lives, and it had been incredible. Drowning himself in so much love after so many dark and terrifying weeks had felt so healing. Carson didn’t want to give it up now, couldn’t fuck it up. Rylee loved him unconditionally, and had for years, and how rare was that? What did genetics matter now, when he was a fucking werewolf, haunted by some fucked up dream monster? Who was also hearing faint voices, more and more often. Carson gently shifted again, rolling up onto his side so he could slip his arm around Rylee and pull their bodies together, his eyes on hers. “Yeah,” he answered softly, then barely brushed their lips together. “Better than in a long-ass time.”
"Me too," Rylee said, aware that she had already answered. But she did feel good, despite everything. It felt like Carson was her lifeline, and maybe she was his and if they just clung to each other, they would be able to get past all the bad stuff. She would make sure he came out on the other side unscathed. As much as she could anyway. Slipping her arm over his waist, she stroked his back lazily, pressing a soft kiss to his lips. "I know it won't be easy, but... I love you. I can't go back to how things were before," she murmured. It wasn't the kind of conversation she wanted to have in that moment, feeling so warm and loved, not to mention her naked body pressed up against Carson's, which was distracting enough on its own. But it was a necessary one, especially now.
As much as he'd been able to think about anything besides fucking Rylee the day before, Carson had expected this conversation. It was inevitable and one they needed to have, and even if this wasn't the best place for it, it was better than waiting and wondering and Not Talking, which they were unfortunately good at doing. That hadn't been working out for them, had it? Carson gave a slight nod as he gazed at her beautiful face, feeling like he knew it better than his own now. He definitely loved it better. “I love you too,” Carson murmured to her. “And me either. I think ... I don't think we could even if we wanted to, y’know?” He'd felt kind of wild the day before, possessed with love and desire for Rylee. His insides felt calmer this morning, but Carson felt the same pull toward her. The gravity between them was undeniable, and maybe it was time he stopped trying. “I wanna be with you,” he whispered. “As much as we can be.”
Rylee nodded, understanding what he was saying. There was no way to turn back from what had happened the day before. Not without losing one another completely. If they had been living a normal, boring life, Rylee would have suggested moving somewhere where they didn't have to hide what they were. But they couldn't, not now with Carson dealing with so much. But they would make it work. They had to. She wasn't sure why she had been so worried about this when she woke up. This wasn't like the last couple of times, when they had tried to ignore what they'd done and how they had felt until it blew up in their faces. Rylee brought her hand up to cup the side of his face, a small smile playing at her lips. "How is it that we had as much sex as we did yesterday and I still want you so badly," Rylee asked, smoothing her thumb over his jaw. "It's going to be hard not being able to tell people that you're mine."
It definitely wasn’t like the last couple of times. Carson could feel the difference, the lack of anxiety and guilt. That feeling like he’d crossed all sorts of lines wasn’t there this morning, even if it was technically more true now than it had been before. The feelings from the day before ... they had been so intense and overwhelming, but they had been true. They were still there, just quieter. They’d always been there, he’d just been able to deny them for too long. Back when he’d thought he could live some kind of normal life. But shit kept getting weirder, and now he was cursed with being a werewolf, and that was apparently a lifelong thing. It made society’s rules seem much less important to give consideration to. What mattered were the people he cared about in his life, and the main one of those was Rylee. Carson wanted to grab hold of what good he could get, and she was the biggest good he had now. “Love’ll do that, I guess,” he murmured, giving her a crooked little smile. Carson kissed her softly. “But I feel the same way. About both. We’ll manage, though.”
They would manage. They just had to be careful. Very careful. Carson didn't need one more thing to worry about on top of everything else. Rylee slid her hand through his hair and studied him, a small smile playing at her lips. "Do you work today? Do you want to get some breakfast?" She paused briefly. "Have you had anything else happen lately? Anything I need to know about?" Rylee knew she needed to text Nick to see if he managed to find anything for her - for Carson. No, she didn't really want to talk about the Bad Stuff while she was still feeling the afterglow from the day before, but she wanted Carson to know she was still thinking about it, and she still wanted him safe.
Carson had been single for a while now, and it wasn’t like he had a dozen suitors of either sex beating down his door or anything. He didn’t think anybody would bat any eyelashes about him staying publicly single for a long time. He and Rylee already lived together, so within the four walls of their apartment, they could be whatever they wanted to be to one another. There was no doubt it would probably get difficult, but the alternative wasn’t working either, so Carson thought they could deal with it. They had to. He’d been about to answer her question about working that day -- yes, but not until the afternoon, and it was a short shift -- when Rylee moved on, and Carson blinked at her a little. His brow furrowed and he licked his lips, debating for a moment. “I’ve been ... hearing stuff,” he admitted slowly. “Like ... it’s weird. Sometimes it’s like I’ve got water in my ears all of the sudden? And I can hear this murmuring ... I can’t make it out, it sounds super far away, but it’s like ... kinda familiar at the same time. I dunno.”
Her brows drew together with concern and she focused solely on not jumping right into panic mode. There was so much going on right now that she couldn't automatically believe it was his meds failing, or... anything that could be treated by a doctor. "Murmuring," Rylee repeated. "You mean you're hearing voices?" Maybe distantly, but that's what it sounded like. "I... it always seems like the go to question now, but have you asked the others if they've been experiencing the same thing?" Because if they had, that would erase the need for a doctor. The downside was Rylee would much rather have a doctor than deal with more scary, unexplainable crap.
Carson made an ‘eh’ face, because they weren’t clear voices, and they never seemed to be addressing him. The hallucinations that had come along with his PTSD had been nothing like what he was experiencing now. It was so benign so far, compared to everything else, that Carson wasn’t really worried about it yet. It was just another thing. “Not yet,” he admitted with a bit of chagrin. “I’d kinda been hoping one of them would ask, but they haven’t yet. But maybe that’s just all of us waiting to see if the others will bring it up first. Plus I kinda been preoccupied.” Carson flashed Rylee a quick little smile. “I will, though. Today. Just to see.”
Maybe she could text Nic and ask. But Rylee decided to leave it to Carson. She didn't want him to think she was trying to control anything, or being overbearing. Leaning in, she pressed a kiss to his lips. "I just want you to be okay," Rylee whispered. "About everything. I don't know what I would do if I lost you. I almost did once..." She sighed, not wanting to think about the day she found out he had been hurt overseas. "If you need anything from me, just tell me, okay?" It didn't feel like he had been keeping anything from her anymore, so she was grateful for that. It didn't help the useless feeling she had, but at least she knew what was going on with him now.
Carson wrapped his arms around Rylee more solidly, slipping one of them under her so he could get a good grip. With a wordless little grumble, he rolled the two of them so she was on top of him, shifting her weight around until it was comfortable against his torso. Carson arched his neck up a bit to kiss her again. “I will, I promise,” he murmured then, letting his head fall back to look into Rylee’s eyes. “And I’m gonna be okay. We’ll figure it out, just like always. This is just ... another ‘new normal’ thing to adjust to. And I couldn’t’ve gotten through any of it this well without you, so ... if there’s anything you need from me, you gotta promise to tell me too, okay? I don’t wanna start fucking this up again.” He rubbed her back softly, looking earnest and a little hopeful.
Settled against his solid warmth, Rylee brushed a hand over the top of his head, loving how she could feel his heart beating against her chest. "You're not fucking up anything," she assured him, pressing another soft kiss to his lips. "And if I could take some of your burdens, I would. I'm just trying to adjust to the fact that nearly everyone in my life is... something else. It's like I've been blind my whole life and now I can see... only I don't know if I enjoy it at all. But I'll tell you if I need anything, Carson. Really, all I need right now is you." As if that much wasn't already obvious. Rylee had never been clingy with a man before, had never had the desire to be much more to them than a warm body. This was a new experience for her, but she wanted it, because it was Carson. It felt as though she had a lot more to lose now, but that just made her want to cling to him more tightly.
Carson loved having her naked body pressed to his, for more reasons than just the obvious sexual one. He’d always been a cuddler with lovers, craving that physical affirmation, and he’d always wanted more of it from Rylee than they could give one another. But now all that was different, and he could touch her as much as he wanted, and vice versa. It was like a knot in his core that he’d been living with for years had finally been untangled. It didn’t feel nearly as scary as Carson had always thought it would, at least not yet. “You do take my burdens,” he murmured first, a faint smile crossing his face. She’d always done that. “I get what you mean, though. It’s all just ... a real mindfuck, all of it. But you got me, I’m here.” He kissed her again and gave her a gentle squeeze. “Lemme make you breakfast,” Carson suggested with a tiny smile. “Pamper you for once.”
He was there, that much was true. All Rylee could do was hope things didn't too overwhelming for him, that he didn't start to unravel. She would try hard to keep that from happening. Smiling, she returned his kiss and nuzzled his jaw before nodding. "I'm not going to say no to that." She would feel lazy if she just lounged around in bed while he was up cooking, even if the bed was warm and comfortable. And she knew she had interrupted him earlier when she asked if he had to work, but even if he did, maybe they could get in another round before he had to leave. Rylee was going to have to work hard not to let herself become addicted to his body, if that was possible. Having him now, it still felt like they had years to make up for. "Are you sure you don't want any help?"
Carson felt the same urge to just stay in bed until he absolutely had to get up, but he was pretty hungry. They had time to enjoy being together some more after they ate, he was pretty sure. At least on his end, the schedule was kind. Carson slid his hands down to Rylee’s ass to give it a playful little squeeze. “Just come keep me company,” he told her. He wasn’t planning an elaborate breakfast, but he did want to do something for her. She did so much for him already. And now that they were as officially together as they could be, that impulse to do things to please her was even stronger. She was his girlfriend now, and Carson liked to spoil his partners. He had a lot of time and heartache to make up for with Rylee, too.
"That's fair." Rylee wiggled against him for a second before sighing and carefully rolling off of his body so they could both get up. "Am I allowed to get dressed for this one?" she asked with a grin. "It's a little cold in here." Her pajamas were still balled up on the floor from the morning before. They had taken the 'no clothes' rule quite literally yesterday. Not that Rylee minded it. She loved smelling like Carson. Loved that her bed smelled like him, and her room had a lingering scent of sex. It made her never want to leave it, but... real life beckoned. Unfortunately.
Carson hated that she had to get up and actually put space between them, but he did love to watch it. It felt so freeing to be able to actually ogle Rylee without trying to hide it, and fuck, was there a lot to ogle. She was so damn gorgeous. Sitting up himself, he laughed at the question, then sighed with false annoyance, like she was just asking so much. “I guess,” he conceded, then flashed her another grin. “If you must.” Carson scooted to the edge of the bed and reached for his leg where he’d left it the night before. He pulled the nylon sock onto his stump and started to put the prosthetic on. He would end up dressed too, but his boxers and robe were in his room.
"Temporary clothes," she assured him with a smile. Rylee pulled a t-shirt on that skimmed the top of her thighs and left the rest alone. Unable to help herself, she crawled over the bed to where he was sitting with his back facing her and wrapped her arms around him before kissing his shoulder. The overwhelming intensity of her feelings from the day before had dulled a bit, but they were still there, filling her with warmth and affection. She couldn't remember the last time she had felt this happy and Rylee was maybe a little terrified to venture out into the real world again, like going to work or talking to other people might somehow break this spell. "I love you," she murmured, nuzzling his neck. "Don't matter what happens, just don't forget that, okay?"
Carson’s eyes closed and he hugged Rylee’s arms where they wrapped around the front of him. He loved the feeling of her weight against his back. She was so warm. He had similar feelings bubbling under the surface, worry that this lovely hazy bubble they’d found themselves in would pop. That he would do something stupid and fuck it all up somehow. Carson knew he wouldn’t be sleeping with anyone else, so there was that, but he still had a knack for being an idiot sometimes. He just hoped Rylee continued to forgive him for that. He rubbed at her arms slowly, a happy little shiver running down his back as she nuzzled sensitive skin. God, he hoped she didn’t have to go to work early. “I won’t,” he murmured softly. “I love you too. You don’t forget either, okay?” Carson briefly leaned his head against hers. “You’re the best part of my life.”
"I won't forget," she promised. The day before, and this morning, was burned into her memory until the day she died. Rylee knew there would be tough times ahead for them, but she was willing to face them if it meant being with Carson. Pressing a kiss against his neck again, Rylee sighed softly and then smiled. "Okay, breakfast before I get you naked and tie you to my bed for the day." They had things to do and as much as she wanted to, Rylee knew they couldn't stop push pause on their lives.
He squeezed her arm and made a teasing little ‘ooh’ sound, like the idea of being naked and tied up was intriguing. It admittedly kind of was, but maybe not first thing in the morning. Carson needed to brush his teeth and put something in his stomach. And Rylee’s stomach too. He gave her arms a squeeze, then let her pull away. “Don’t threaten me with a good time,” he murmured cheekily. Carson went back to putting his leg on, then stood up. He was still naked, but he would stop off in his room to grab some boxers at least. He leaned in to press one more kiss against Rylee’s cheek, then started out of the bedroom. “When do you go in today?” he asked.
"Eleven, for the lunch rush," she said, watching him walk across her bedroom with obvious appreciation. "Plenty of time for breakfast though." And a shower and a couple hours of relaxation, she hoped. At least she knew she would be going to work in a fairly good mood, and knowing she would see Carson tonight would get her through the day. "How are you feeling? Do you want to catch a movie tonight? Or just order in?" They would need to contact Nick, and probably the other dreamers to work some stuff out, but Rylee desperately wanted to cling to normalcy for one more day. As normal as things could be, being in love with her cousin.
Eleven was hours away, and that made Carson feel warmly happy. He had time with her. Maybe not as much as he wanted -- that would take another day or five spent only in bed -- but it was better than nothing. “I’m, uh ... good,” he answered, a tiny bit of surprise in his tone. How long had it been since Carson could say that? Things were still insane, but something felt more balanced now. He leaned his shoulder against the doorframe and gazed at Rylee with a soft smile. “We can do whatever you want. I’d love to stay home, I’d love to go out ... as long as I’m with you, I don’t care.” Sometimes that answer was a cop out, but Carson meant every word.
It was the kind of answer Rylee would have given him had he asked the same question. So she smiled lazily at him, not quite ready to roll out of bed, though she planned to in order to help out a bit in the kitchen. "We'll see where the day takes us then," she said. Maybe it would be nice to just drive to the next town and have dinner somewhere where no one knew them. They could kiss and hold hands and not worry about anyone seeing them. Then again, they could do that inside this apartment as well, so at least they had options.