Joy Lost In Memory by starduchess Title: Joy Lost In Memory Author/Arist:starduchess Pairing: Severus/Lucius, mentions Lucius/Narcissa Rating: R Word Count: ~2060 Warnings: none Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. The characters and their worlds belong to their original writers and no copyright infringement or offense is intended. No money was made from this story. Summary: Snape still loved Lucius, but only in memories. A/N: Written for promts “Nothing says Happy Valentine’s Day like a bloody Malfoy smirking on your doorstep” and “He took the phial of memories and smashed them on the stones.” Beta by the wonderful roozetter. Thanks for letting me get this in late. {Ed: Goonies never say die, yo!}
Joy Lost In Memory
“You know, there are many pleasantries that can be had among … friends,” a still-young Lucius was saying to a young Severus, who was getting ready to leave on a trip for his Potions Mastery work. “A plethora of ways to celebrate before your departure.”
Severus gave him a dubious look. “I’ve got much to pack -- all my potions supplies, cauldrons, mountains of books, quills, inks, and parchment, new robes, the list is endless -- that I don’t have time for dalliances.”
Laying a perfectly manicured hand on Severus’ arm to still his movements, Lucius leant in closer. “All of that can be done in mere minutes. Come. There are better ways to spend your time.” He placed his other hand lightly on Severus’ jaw, working his fingers up the curve into the black, lanky hair.
Severus’ eyes widened. “Lucius, what is the meaning of this?”
“I’m propositioning you. You are too stressed, and I could use a distraction from my harrowing business activities.” His thumb on Severus’ arm started circling lazily on the inside of his wrist, the sensation bypassing Severus’ brain and connecting straight with his cock.
“Look, I’ve already mentioned --”
“Yes, yes,” Lucius cut him off dismissively, “you have no time,” then claimed his lips in a firm kiss.
Shock was followed by warmth, and he melted into the other man’s arms. Lips and tongues explored mouths and necks, while hands ran up and down arms and torsos, all seeking pleasurable sensations and sharing in the growing warmth. Lucius’ hands came to rest on Severus’ thin buttocks, enjoying the small roundness of them. He gently pulled Severus flush with him, the greater contact adding some urgency to the pleasant glow inside them.
Within moments Lucius had banished their clothes and guided Severus onto the bed. He never broke contact, lips and fingers touching everywhere, stroking places Severus thought no one would ever touch, fanning the fires between them. It took very little time or effort to prepare him; Lucius’ attention to his nipples helped to ease the way into his center. They rocked and rode out their passion together, Lucius never letting up on the gentle kisses all over Severus’ skin, which glistened with sweat. Severus clung to Lucius, overwhelmed by the heat and the need within him, until it was too much. He groaned in release, with Lucius following a few seconds later. They lay there panting as the world faded out.
----
There was no talking this time, other than the usual small talk that occurs over dinner. As soon as they got back to his rooms at the Manor, Lucius raised locking and silencing charms, then grabbed Severus and plastered him against the door with fierce, possessive kisses.
Severus groaned in abandon, bucking into the firm body before him. There was no gentleness in either man now, just raw need.
Robes were quickly cast aside; Severus lubed, stretched and lightened by magic. Lucius lifted him up and back against the door, both moaning as he impaled himself in the tight heat. He thrust with urgency, Severus biting and clawing in return. It only took a few moments before he came inside Severus’ hole. In gratitude he grabbed Severus’ cock from between their bodies and pulled with firm, quick strokes. It wasn’t much longer and Severus was coming all over them both.
A figure in the background stood in awe watching them.
----
“All in all, you are doing very well for yourself,” Lucius said. They were sharing a glass of fine wine over Severus’ completion of his mastery.
But Severus wasn’t all that happy. “In terms of my studies and future career goals, yes, but in other parts of my life …” he trailed off.
“You will be taking the Dark Mark soon, I have no doubt. Surely that is a blessing, my friend.”
“I’m not talking about social climbing, Lucius. I know the status of being in the Dark Lord’s inner circle will open up avenues of opportunity for public advances. No. I refer to the private ones.”
“I’m not sure I understand what you mean,” he responded, deliberately being obtuse.
Severus pressed him. “When are you going to acknowledge me as your lover?”
Lucius took a gulp of wine in nervousness before sighing. “I can’t. I’m pureblood. My father has already arranged a marriage with another pureblood to secure our line.”
“And you think this little trollop, Narcissa Black, will make you happy?”
He shrugged noncommittally. “I have no idea, but that is irrelevant. I have no say in the matter.”
A snort sounded from some feet away at the absurd comment.
Severus didn’t notice it, but he did appear to agree with the sentiment. “Circe’s tits, Lucius, you should have every say in the matter. It’s your life, not his. And I wish to be a part of it.”
Lucius drew himself up into his haughtiest. “I do not expect you to understand. This is a matter of Malfoy pride and position. It is required of me and I will go through with it, but that does not mean I have to lose my … pleasures. I can still take you to my bed, she will not mind. She may even have her own gentlemen or lady lovers, so long as she does not become pregnant by them.”
“And what if I mind? I don’t like to share.”
“Then it will be impossible for us to continue our liaison after the wedding. For now, let us not argue and simply enjoy the moment.”
Severus sneered at him in hurt. “Perhaps I should leave you to your indulgences, then.”
Lucius held out a stalling hand. “No, my friend, please don’t. This is your night and we should celebrate to the fullest.” He lifted his glass. “A toast to excellent prowess and witty intelligence with the hope of future creativity.”
Reluctantly raising his glass, Severus sighed and drank to the toast, as he did want to celebrate tonight. The pleasant warmth from the wine masked the bitter hurt underneath, and Lucius’ caresses and gentle kisses seduced him to a night of ecstasy. He let the wave of heat consume him as Lucius used his body to their mutual enjoyment all through the night.
The figure in the corner brushed angrily away at tears which threatened to fall.
----
It was the night of Lucius’ stag party, and Severus wanted no part in it. He was in a sour mood and morosely stalked around the Manor, the favoured firewhisky in his grip only adding to his irascible attitude.
Lucius found him in an empty foyer on the first floor. “Ah, my friend, there you are. I hoped you had not left yet. I had to give my other guests enough of my presence so as not to alert anyone to the mysteriousness of my departure. I played the drunkard well enough; I’m sure they all think I’ve passed out on my way to the loo,” he chuckled.
“Oh, smeg off, Lucius. I cannot abide your romantic drivel. I only attended here out of social necessity. If the festivities are concluded, then I will be off.” Severus set his tumbler down and moved to exit the room.
Lucius blocked his path. “Oh, no, dear Severus. You cannot leave just yet as it is part of your masculine duties to make sure that I am completely sated before tomorrow’s binding ceremony.”
Severus growled. “There are several others here who can facilitate your needs. Get out of my way.”
“There is no need for you to be rude. That will not get you anywhere in social circles, as you well know, and I have ample status to bestow if only you are willing to cooperate.” He gave Severus a pointed look and waited for his words to sink in.
Severus, for his part, could not deny the truth there. Lucius could make or break his reputation. He could rant and rave and fight and get nowhere, or he could surrender to these demands and grow in social standing. With a curse in his mind and a pang in his chest, he turned to the bridegroom and nodded his acquiescence, with one caveat, “This is the last time, Lucius. I will not stay once you marry your witch.”
“Of course, Severus,” he said a little too assuredly, but it was enough for now. He made love to Severus twice that night, the first time slow and gentle, the second a bit rougher and more desperate. For Severus, it was bittersweet, the reality of the coming dawn burning like acid in his heart.
The lone figure who watched them shook its head to dispel the anger and melancholy as the images slipped away.
----
Headmaster Snape pulled his head out of the pensieve. He didn’t know why he did this to himself. It hurt to revisit these memories, the pain of rejection still as fresh and raw as when it had happened, but it was also a useful distraction -- even a little stress relief -- from the pressures he was under running Hogwarts for the Dark Lord while still working undercover to help the Light. Sometimes he emerged ready for a good wank session, but today was not such a time. He had viewed too many of the later occurrences when there had remained no future for them, and it left him feeling even more dejected now.
He had just finished placing the memory strands back into their glass phial when a knock sounded outside his office. “Come in,” he ordered, flicking his wand to unlatch the door.
And who should stumble in but the very object of his ruminations. Looking the worse for wear after his stay in Azkaban and with the Dark Lord encamped in his own home, Lucius no longer had an air of smug confidentiality, but he was still handsome and pretty by Snape’s standards. This admission galled him since it added new salt to his festering wounds.
“What do you want, Lucius?” he sneered.
Bloodied but nevertheless smirking with good humour, the blond answered, “It seems my dear wife is tired of my stumblings and dark moods. Hexed me right out of the Manor, she did.”
“And you felt the need to darken my doorstep instead?”
“Don’t be so cruel, Severus. I thought this might be the proper time to … renew our association.” He threw out his hands in an open gesture, which fooled no one.
Snape’s eyes narrowed. “You are expecting me to come to your pathetic rescue, but it’s far too late for that. Get out. I have no time for you.”
Lucius smiled, a fake placating smile, and stepped a few paces forward. “Please, Severus. I have been so good to you. The least you could do is --”
“So good that you went and married that little tart, even going so far as to procreate your little progeny with her? Oh, yes, I can see all the merits heaped upon my head.” His voice was laced with fury.
“You were the one who broke off our arrangement,” Lucius returned, some anger entering his own speech. He took another step toward Snape. “I was perfectly willing to continue bedding you.”
“Oh, yes, so I could be treated like a common harlot. No, thank you. Now, leave. I have many things --”
“Severus, wait!” Lucius reached for Snape’s hand to pull him back into the argument. The motion knocked the glass phial out of his hand, and it went sailing through the air.
“NO!” Snape shouted.
He immediately extended his magic to catch it before it hit the floor, but he missed, and it shattered with a tinkling sound all over the stones. He stared in horror as the memories dissipated into nothingness.
Both men stood frozen for a long minute. Snape recovered enough to whisper, “Get out. Never come back here,” but he did not move.
Lucius hesitated, wanting to say something, but thought better of it. He shuffled out the door without another word.
It was a long time before Snape moved to banish the mess. He felt numb, empty, resigned to fate and the hopelessness that was his daily existence. He prayed Potter would hurry up with his search and kill the Dark Lord. Then, perhaps, he could slink off somewhere and die. It would be better than living this half-life, devoid of any joy, no longer even in his memories.