The Black Pot

The upcoming bank holiday has got me thinking about public holidays, or rather, the dismal lack thereof. I'm sure we'd all agree that there should be more public holidays, so my question to you is this: who or what do you think is deserving of a public holiday, and why?

The tag for this month is holidays, and you can claim your characters here.

This month I want to know what you'd all get up to should you happen to find yourselves invisible for a day. I realise that some of you may be able to make yourselves invisible at will, and so if that's the case, tell us about your experiences. If the idea of being invisible just doesn't appeal to you, tell us all about that instead.

The tag for this month is invisibility and you can claim your characters here.

Sorry for the delay, but you know how time flies when you're hiding in the pantry so you don't have to-. Well, I'm sure I need not go into details.

So, this month I think we shall all share our feelings on growing old. Do you see yourself growing old gracefully, or refusing to give up the robes you had when you were seventeen because they're of exceptional quality and they just don't cut them like they used to, thank you very much? Would you opt out of the aging process entirely if you had the choice? Or how about a bit of time travel?

The tag for this month is growing old and don't forget to claim your character here

I don't so much not believe in Destiny as I do refuse to acknowledge it. I don't like being bossed around, not by anyone and certainly not by abstract concepts. Abstract concepts like Fate and Destiny have about as much authority over me as Good Sense and Propriety do.

Still, none of that means that a smart bloke can't sometimes pretty clearly see the shape of things to come. Wouldn't be here if I didn't. Still, there's a difference between Destiny and being able to accurately follow things through to their logical conclusion.

All of this rambling does, believe it or not, lead us on to our topic of discussion. What predictions would you make about this new year we're all facing? What do you see coming? End of the world? Critical shortage of sausages? And if anyone's got the numbers for the National Lottery, pass 'em on to the hostile waitress, yeah?

The tag for this month is predictions, and please claim your characters here.

It strikes me as being rather wrong and unfestive not to have a holiday-themed topic of discussion for December, and so this month I'd like to talk about presents. Who doesn't love presents? So what I want to know is this: what would you like for Christmas and why? Or what's the best present you can think of to give someone else? A real present or a hypothetical one, I don't mind.

And, should you be inspired to give your humble waitress waiter a present, you should of course feel very welcome to do so.

The tag for this month is presents, and please claim your characters here.

No one's said anything yet, and Rusty figures it's been a while since he's opened his own piehole, so...

He clears his throat as he stands. "Best advice I ever got was this: 'stand on eighteen, hit on fifteen'."

He starts to sit down again and notices a few people eyeballing him like he's said something weird. "Seriously. That was the best advice I ever got." He gives a little half-shrug when his butt hits the chair.

So you're all fairly smart individuals with some interesting life experiences. And if you're not fairly smart and haven't had interesting life experiences, I'm sure you know someone who is, and who has.

The topic for discussion this month is advice. If you could offer one piece of advice, what would it be? And what about advice you've been given? Have you ever had any shockingly bad advice? Or has someone given you advice that has turned out to be a life-saver?

Share your wisdom, and let me give you this advice: avoid the bacon this morning.

The tag for this month is advice, and don't forget to claim the month for your character here

We're continuing the party-theme, kind of. We're going to talk about clowns. Evil clowns, specifically.

So clowns are regularly hired to entertain small children. And small children are regularly so deeply traumatised by the event that they carry the scars well on into their adult lives. Is fear of clowns crazy? Or is it totally understandable to you?

Are you afraid of clowns? Do you want to admit your coulrophobia in a safe and loving environment? This probably isn't the safe and loving environment I'd recommend for such a thing, but we could rustle up a cup of tea and a slice of cake if you really felt the need to come out.

Perhaps you might want to discuss Stephen King's contribution to the clown menace. Good taste might dictate that we leave all discussion of John Wayne Gacy aside, or maybe you don't hold with good taste and want to tell us all about him.

If nothing else, you might want to go hunting for (or draw) some pictures of truly terrifying clowns to share with us. We'd like to see some art for Halloween, with a clown theme.

The tag for this month is clowns, and don't forget to claim the month for your character here

seasidecafe turns 1 year old this month, and to celebrate the fact that we've managed to make it this far without anyone being set on fire/turned into a twiglet/died of food poisoning, this month we're going to talk about the most fun you can have with swizzle sticks and miniature umbrellas: yes, cocktails.

If you were a cocktail, what would you be? Short and sour? Long, frothy and sticky-sweet? Or would you just burn like paint stripper? If you're just that unique and would like to invent a cocktail that you feel sums you up, please tell us about it. You never know, we might even make it for you. Need a little help?

The tag for this month is cocktails, and don't forget to claim the month for your character here.

Regulus and me are spending the day by the sea tomorrow so I'm sticking up the new topic for discussion now.

Let's talk about war, particularly two areas for consideration. One, what is the best reason for starting a war? See, I was almost in a war because I have awesome sperm that was going to spawn the best baby ever who was going to save the world. So clearly, awesome sperm is a reason for starting a war.

And two, your preferred strategy for wars. Normally, I'd say the best defence is an offence, except I was aware that the war was going to go badly for me, in which case: best strategy equalled grabbing Reg and heading for sunnier climes.

You can answer one or both of these questions, whichever takes your fancy. You have until September to post and don't forget that from tomorrow, you can claim the month for your character here.

Tag for this one is war.

This month's topic is rather an oldy when it comes to discussions, but hopefully interesting nonetheless. We want to know the one thing you couldn't live without if you were to be stranded on a desert island. I'm sure you're all just dying to jump in with shouts of "a cup of tea from The Black Pot".

The tag for this topic is desert island.

It's that time of year when a young man's thoughts turn to sex. Or love. Though, to be honest, my thoughts tend to be somewhere in the vicinity of sex and/or love 366 days a year.

So, this is your chance to be loving, lustful, or totally jaded, cynical and lonely. Your thoughts on love. Philosophical, anecdotal or downright carnal. If you're not in love, don't approve of love, or simply want to be a killjoy, explain to me why love is a waste of time.

And no, this was not prompted by the jingly waitress.

The tag for this topic is love.

Regulus is jingling. He doesn't usually jingle; in fact he's usually quite opposed to jingling noises, especially when they signal work to be done. On closer inspection, he's wearing some rather jazzy socks, complete with ribbons and what are unmistakably bells. Not the normal Black attire, although if one can get used to the idea of a Black wearing an apron, then anything is possible.

"The topic of discussion for this month is traditions. For those of you that need even more proof that Muggles are a very strange breed, some apparently like celebrate May Day by dressing up in bells and silly hats and dancing around with handkerchiefs. Why, however, is still beyond me. Hence my bells. I'm in-te-grat-ing."

It's said slowly, slightly hushed, as if it's a very dirty word.

"Say a word and you'll be sorry. So. Tell me all about your traditions. Prove to me that there are stranger things out there than full-grown men skipping around and banging their sticks together. Whoever has the weirdest tradition gets a free cup of tea, if there happens to be one available that hasn't gone too cold."

The tag for this topic is "traditions".

Minor catastrophe in the kitchen, nothing to worry about and certainly nothing to do with jelly. Because we don't have any here. Definitely not.

Uh, topic for discussion. Bad habits. What's your worst habit? What personality trait most often gets you into trouble? Or, if you're like me and don't really have any particularly awful quirks, what causes people to complain about you most often?

The tag is bad habits. Tell us all about them.

Following on rather nicely from last month's topic of in-laws, this month you'll all be talking about stress, or rather, the relief of it. Ever been so stressed you accidentally turned yourself into a tadpole? Tell us about it - we could all use a good laugh. Got any tips for how to deal with stress? Then do share.

Or if anyone actually enjoys being stressed, then perhaps you can try and talk us round to why it's a good thing. Best of luck to you in that case, but I'm firmly of the belief that we wouldn't have sitting rooms if we weren't meant to sit in them. On that note, it's high time for my break.

The tag for this month's entries is "stress".

I don't want any comments on my lateness, you'd be late too if you'd had the week I've had. And I know some of you need to talk my ear off about stuff and I'm getting to you. Just drink some tea and try the eggs while you wait.

Right, Reg is off visiting his mother and it's fallen to me to come up with a topic for you lot to talk about. So, entirely unrelated to anything, let's talk about Mothers-in-Law. Is there anything more evil than a mother-in-law? How much does a man have to take before it becomes perfectly justifiable for him to bash the old bat's head in with a frying pan? What makes mothers-in-law so damn bossy and nosey and will anything one ever does live up to her ridiculous standards? Are they actually human or are they, in fact, a race of demonic nagging machines?

Feel free to share stories of other mothers-in-law you've known. Fathers-in-law too, any in-laws, in fact. Don't have to be yours. You can just talk about the concept in general.

If in doubt, give me a selection of your best mother-in-law jokes. Or, if you're completely deranged, you can give us a talk about why mothers-in-law aren't that bad really.

You've got 'til March to give us your thoughts. The tag for this one is going to be 'in-laws'

All right, sorry for the delay, minor catastrophe in the kitchen. Ignore the smoke and flames, I'll sort it all out in a moment. And don't worry about the scorch marks on my apron, I'm completely unharmed.

Your topic of discussion for January is male pregnancy. How would your life be different if men were able of giving birth? Would this have a big impact on the world in general? Can you see any inherent difficulties in male pregnancy, or do you think it's about bloody time they shared the pain?

You've got 'til the end of January to give us your thoughts. And on an entirely unrelated subject, we're out of jelly so please ignore that on the menu.

The tag for this topic is 'mpreg'. :)

Since the festive season is almost upon us, this month we shall all be unashamedly getting into the spirit of things. Although there'll be none of those antlers with flashing lights on, please - especially ones that also play carols. I have enough of antlers during the rest of the year without novelty ones.

For this month's topic, your task is to recreate yourself as a snowman. There are a number of ways you might want to go about doing this: it could be a drawing, instructions on how to build your snow-double, a straightforward description of what you think your snowman should look like...

Feel free to go all out with this one. Are you feeling regal? Give your snowman a nice throne to sit on - I know that I certainly wouldn't mind one of my own. You have until the end of December to spread some festive cheer. There might even be mince pies if you're lucky.

The tag for this topic is "snowmen".

Hope you all had a good Halloween. Thankfully, no one was suicidal enough to try egging the Black Pot - just as well because nobody wants a repeat of last year.

Now, in honour of the day, you're going to be talking about saints. You've got two options here, really. If you're weird enough to have a favourite saint, you can tell us all about them and why you're a fan.

Alternatively, you can tell us what you'd be the saint of, should the Vatican or someone go totally mad and canonize you. If you go that route, what'd be really great is if you told us how the day in your honour should be marked.

You've got until the end of November to give us your response.

Tag for this one is 'saints'. Please please please make an effort to remember to use it!

Now that for better or worse we've all been properly introduced, it's about time for the next topic of discussion. In the spirit of continuing the ritual humiliation, sorry, sharing, this month we'd like to hear how you've been trying to fit in and make yourselves at home in Margate.

Yes, I know, some of you insist that you're not staying, but you all look pretty comfortable to me and so I won't be accepting that as an excuse from any of you. If I have to tell you all about how I've had to cope without a house-elf, then I expect the same from everyone else. Do you people realise just how many mugs need washing up on a daily basis? And what occurs if you might just happen to put them in an empty cupboard and forget about them? So, you have until the end of October to distract me from thoughts such as those.

The tag for this topic is "fitting in", so it'd be great if you could all tag your entries with this. Thanks!