InsaneJournal

Ianto Jones: Invisibility
"A lot of people seem to think that invisibility would be a great thing. You could steal things, you could sneak into the girls' locker room, you could do all sorts of things without getting caught." He sighs. "Well, I've been invisible, and let me tell you, it's not really that much fun."

He walks up to the front of the room, really getting into his stride. "I can't just make myself invisible. I got turned invisible, against my will." He makes a face. "It was right in the middle of a date, too. A date at the zoo. My invisibility did stop me from becoming tiger chow, so I guess it wasn't all bad. Anyway, some people had gotten hold of some alien technology and didn't really know what to do with it. And as a result of a long and very complicated string events, I ended up invisible. But not tiger food.

"You would expect, in the face of some horrible and life-changing work-related accident, that you might expect a bit of sympathy from your co-workers. Of course, Torchwood isn't your usual workplace. Instead of sympathy, or even pretend sympathy, all I got were jokes at my expense. They tried to perform a medical examination on me, to find out if there was anything wrong besides, you know, being invisible. So, lots of things along the lines of 'The doctor will see you now....No, wait, he can't.' and clever things like that. Not that the examination went that well, since they couldn't see to draw any blood or anything like that."

He takes a deep breath. "It's really hard being invisible. No one tells you that part. But try, for example, getting off a hospital bed when you can't see how far your feet are from the floor. And don't even get me started on going to the toilet. Muscle memory ends up being much more useful than you think."

He strokes a hand over his sleeve, almost unconsciously. "Clothing was another interesting issue. The clothes I had been wearing when I got turned ended up invisible too. Of course, you can't have a medical exam with your clothes on, and trying to find them and put them back on afterwards....So I was basically stuck with the option of walking around naked, or walking around as a mobile suit. And let me tell you, it is shameful some of the things people will say when they think you can't hear. I did end up going with the suit though, because it was cold. And I think everyone except Jack was disturbed by the idea of me walking around naked.

"Food is another important thing to consider when you're invisible. Basically, things that are visible, stay visible, even when put into an invisible body. And since nobody wanted to watch me chew my food, or.....what would have happened to it after than, there was pretty much a veto on me eating or drinking anything. Not very fun.

"Of course, as I mentioned earlier, being invisible is very useful for sneaking into places undetected, which we ended up needing to do. Unfortunately, being undetectable also meant being naked. Of course, it was cold, and raining, and there was gravel. It's also very difficult to use a number keypad when you can't see where your fingers are. Of course, there is also the possibility that the invisibility will wear off when you are on said sneaky mission and you'll be left with nothing but a pad of A-5 paper to try and maintain what little dignity you have left."

He looks out over the cafe and hakes his head. "So, those're my thoughts on invisibilty. You can keep it."