Who: Laura & Caspian & Caitlyn What: Giving up and giving in When: Friday, March 29, afternoon Where Laura’s apartment, Caitlyn's school, pet store and back Rating: Low Status: Complete
As promised, Caspian was at Laura’s apartment. He knocked on the door to her place. A rabbit was a big deal but if this was what his daughter needed, if this was what they all needed, he would do it. The amount of stress on him lately was weighing down on his shoulders but he did his best not to let it show.
He wasn’t entirely sure what he was going to do.
Outside one of his SUV convoys was waiting though he was driving this time instead of one of his usual assigned men.
Casual. He was dressed more casual today to offset the usual attire.
Stepping back from the door, hands found their way into pockets of his jeans for a moment as he waited for her to open the door.
Expecting Caspian, Laura answered the door shortly after the knock. She was dressed casually as well, an oversized sweater that kept slipping down to expose one bare shoulder, low slung jeans, her hair pulled into a loose braid out of her face. She’d greeted him with an anxious smile but it faded the moment she saw his face.
Laura could say she knew little in life, but she knew Cas. Maybe better than she knew herself. Something was wrong. And that scared her. They were just beginning to repair things. Things were supposed to get better.
Stepping closer to him, her eyes studied his face with worry but she was unsure what to say. “Hi…”
When she appeared in the threshold where the door had once been he brightened visibly. He wouldn’t weigh her down with his trials, she had plenty of her own, nor did she want her to feel afraid for him or for herself or their daughter. Life could be stressful, he’d work through it.
“Hello,” he replied softly, “You look lovely. Are you ready to go?” She knew he would be there shortly, he supposed if she wasn’t yet ready she would be done soon.
They didn’t have to get Caitlyn for a bit but with traffic you never really knew how long it would take.
Laura hesitated before nodding once. Taking a step back from him, she grabbed her purse and stepped out into the hall. Her arm was still bandaged, more securely than before, she must have gotten it checked. Locking the door behind him, she dropped the keys into her bag and let him lead the way.
She wanted to talk to him, she wanted him to talk to her and get everything off his chest. She wanted to relieve his burden, but she bit her tongue and stayed quiet. It wasn’t her place anymore, despite how badly she wished it was.
Hoping they could at least have some small talk, she looked up at him once they were in the elevator. “How has your day been?”
He waited for her to gather her things and secure the apartment. Last time he had come the door had been unlocked, barely closed enough to matter so it was refreshing to see she was diligent in keeping herself safe with a locked door. A bit of that weight seemed to lift and he emitted a breath of relief.
Twisting around he walked alongside Laura down the hallway, the only sound between them the echo of their footfalls bouncing off of the floors and the walls.
At the elevator the button was pressed, he held the door for her and stepped inside only after she had. “It’s been alright, thank you for asking.” The doors closed and he settled there beside her for the quick trip. “What about you? Those bandages seem fresh. Did you get your arm looked at?”
Walking with him in silence felt ominous and uncomfortable. The last time she’d seen him, he was softer, warmer. The walls were up again and things were stiff, formal, and detached between them. It made her heart sink, but at least they weren’t fighting.
Her eyes dropped to the floor at his initial response. It seemed like he was determined to keep her at arm’s length. Taking a deep breath, she nodded to the question. “Yes. It’ll be fine, just in longer than I expected.”
Those blue eyes watched her, observed every motion of her frame. He noticed the way her eyes dropped to the floor as if something there were more interesting or perhaps that she needed a distraction. A heavy breath. Work was getting in the way again, he promised not to let that happen and here it was habitually creeping upon them again.
“Good. You’ll be back to yourself before you know it.” His words fell softer, more concerned.
Before the elevator could come to a halt at the lobby he reached out for her good hand, taking her fingers if only to earn back a bit of that attention.
Laura nodded again, wondering if being back to herself was a good thing. She didn’t know who she was anymore. She knew who she wanted to be, but that was out of reach.
When his fingers found hers, Laura looked back up to Cas hopefully, a small smile returning to her lips.
Looking at her, seeing the color in her eyes warmed a place in his heart often left cold and dark. “I don’t mean to worry you,” he began, shaking his head at her. “We can talk about it later. It’s work related, I promised I wouldn’t bring that to your doorstep so I apologize.”
He squeezed gently her fingers. The elevator car came to a pause and the doors slid open. Easily he tugged at her hand, guiding her out into the lobby itself.
When he spoke, Laura squeezed Cas’s hand lightly. “Don’t. Please. Don’t shut that part of yourself out. I want…” She stopped herself, knowing that she should censor her words. “You can talk to me about anything. I don’t want us to be closed off so much any more, it only made things worse.”
She followed him out of the elevator quickly. She would have followed him anywhere, if he wanted to bring her along. She wasn’t afraid of anything when she was at his side.
Explaining what was on his mind meant spilling everything out to her, laying himself down and hoping to God she could handle what he was telling her. It wasn’t that he didn’t think she was strong or capable, he knew full well he could never measure his own problems up to the stress of her ability, but finding out that the person you thought you knew was different than they’d led you to believe was a hard pill to swallow.
Two steps into the lobby and he stopped again to heed her words.
“Why don’t we talk about it in the car, yes? I’m not comfortable approaching anything standing right here.” It wasn’t a hard yes, but it was a compromise. A start, and it would give him time to figure out exactly what and how much to soak her with.
Gentle tug at her hand and he lead her out of the lobby and into the afternoon. A quick motion of putting on sunglasses and Caspian drew her toward the black SUV, got the door for her and then climbed in to the drivers side.
Laura nodded in agreement, it was a reasonable request. She intended to hold herself to the same standard, she wouldn’t shut him out again like she had before. That was the biggest mistake of her life and she’d never do that again. If it made a difference now, she couldn’t be sure.
Following him to the truck, she climbed inside and buckled her seatbelt. Laura never did get used to the changes in Cas that had occurred over the years, but now she just went with it without question. He might not be the man she first met all those years ago, but she still accepted him without hesitation.
Trying to explain was stressful in and of itself; dragging Laura through the mud that was his life had never been something he’d wanted. Even before all of this downward spiral into oblivion he’d never wanted to put her in jeopardy. All of these years on his reclusiveness he felt he’d been protecting her, though it seemed all he was doing was shutting her out.
Instead of turning the vehicle on he sat there gathering his thoughts.
Finally he turned to her, “I suppose I should start from the beginning otherwise this might not make much sense. Fair warning, this is not an easy story to tell and while I can’t tell you everything right now I’ll give you what I can.”
Clearing his throat, Caspian removed the sunglasses and set them aside so there was no barrier between them at all. “You are also welcome to leave this vehicle at any moment during this story. We have a bit yet before we are due to get Caitlyn, but I’ll be quick anyway.”
Twisting some to better face Laura he began his story at the start. “You know that I have mental abilities, telepathy. I can’t recall ever telling you about the mneumokinesis. That’s a fancy word for mental manipulation. I can and have toyed with people’s memories. They will believe whatever I want them to believe. Not everyone, mind you. I’ve never tampered with you or Caitlyn, but my Mum and Da — they’re not who they used to be and they’re better off for it.”
A soft breath and a moment to lick over his lips and he went on, “My Da was a drunk, you see. Abusive. Mum never left him and she put up with his shit. When I figured out I could wipe them clean I did. I was tired of the abuse. I never felt like I had a family. So I sought refuge elsewhere. I joined a small gang in New York who promised to take me in, to care for me, to give me a family. I never really fit in there but they were all I knew. It’s because of them I am where I am now. I started small, worked my way up through manipulation to where I am now.”
Laura remained quiet as he spoke, taking his hand in support. She listened intently, her eyes never leaving his. When he finished, her hand was still in his, holding it firmly. She didn’t run from him, she had no plans to.
Questions sprung up mind, but she sorted them aside to the most important ones. “How long? Have you always been a part of this gang, since we first met? Why didn’t you tell me before?” Her tone was gentle, she wasn’t angry or afraid. She just wanted the truth.
“Yes,” he admitted, glad for her touch and the consideration she gave. “Before I met you I was there. One of the people in that gang gave me the name of the bar I found you in. I don’t know if you recall, I’ve told you part of this story a long time ago but the truth of it was that I was the only one who didn’t have anyone. When you’re in a group like that you’re expected to be akin in many ways and without a girlfriend to brag about or talk about I was portrayed as weaker. But I believe still that something was looking out for me that day.” He squeezed her fingers.
“I didn’t want you to be frightened or think I was some brazen gang banger,” he laughed, “or that my rabbit hole went a bit deeper than that.”
Moving on, he gathered the courage to approach the rest. “I’ve dealt mostly in drugs since I can remember, even before I met you. It brought in the most income. It got a little worse after you and I fell apart. I ended up getting shot,” his free hand lifted, touching at the place at the shoulder where a scar now was absently. “But survived. Part of the gig, I suppose. I’m still part of that gang now, but I run it. They answer to me, and we still push drugs. Divinity is what mine is called.”
She did remember, the part about a friend telling him about the bar, him telling the friend about meeting her. And pharmaceuticals. She’d wrongly assumed what that meant. “I’m not frightened.”
When he mentioned being shot, worried flooded his features and she looked to where he motioned. Knowing that he ran the gang gave her a strange sense of ease. It was dangerous, yes, but there was also a sense of power she control that Laura has never really experienced. “What does it do?”
“It’s an enhancement drug,” he explained, “essentially it takes your powers and turns them up to eleven. It can be dangerous. For humans I’ve heard it creates a mental simulation of powers, makes you believe you can fly even though you really can’t, or that you might have super strength, are invincible.” It killed people and he knew it. “It’s also highly addictive. I’ve taken it myself but not often, I don’t like it.
The flap of his sport coat came open and he showed her the holster with his Ruger nestled in it. “There’s this. I always carry it around with me. Sometimes powers don’t work in certain situations so firepower is my go to.”
Settling back in his seat he looked at her, surprised that she wasn’t unsettled by all of this. “I have more money than I know what to do with. Most of it I tuck away for Caitlyn and her education. I don’t have social media because I prefer laying low and keeping to myself.” His business ventures which he used to launder money were lucrative.
“And I’ve managed to upset one of the more powerful rival gangs in the city. No idea how that’s going to play out.”
Laura was curious to try it, but she knew it would be a bad decision. She was dangerous enough as it is, and that was still with extremely careful control. But the idea of being stronger was alluring.
She didn’t bat an eye at the gun. He said he’d been shot, it was only sensible to carry protection. And the money, well, it all made sense now. Not that she’d ever questioned much before.
Looking down to their hands, she sighed heavily. It was a lot, it made sense that he was so stressed. “How can I help?”
“Be cautious of who you get close to,” he breathed. It was a fair warning. He didn’t want her paranoid but for the sake of their daughter both of them couldn’t drift into the darker shadows of the city. “Always make sure you’re there for Caitlyn. I might not always be able to be around for her, she is going to need you to be there.” That was not a giving up, it was a reality.
“There is a powerful group of mutants in New York, they’re always looking for powerful people to tempt into their ranks. The betterment of mutant kind is the credo. What they fight for. I’ve been with them for a long time. Stay away from them if you can. While they can be unorthodox in their methods it’s best not even to tempt their hands. Fight for what you feel is the right thing. I’ve always run with groups, it’s in my nature to cling to whatever resembles a family but I don’t want this life for you or our daughter.”
While Laura heard the warning, it struck her as very hypocritical. He could do these things, but she could not, she should be there for their daughter, but he could not promise the same.
“So, you choose them as family, but we’re to stay alone and fend for ourselves? You’re the only one I’ve ever truly let myself get close to, and now you’re asking me to never trust anyone else again?” She wasn’t arguing with his point, but maybe repeating his words would help him realize how ludicrous it sounded.
Slowly drawing her hand away from his, she looked out the window as she prepared herself for the answer she didn’t want to hear. “What do you want from me? If anything.” Her voice was a whisper now.
“I didn’t mean it that way exactly,” he explained, trying to find the right words. “They’ve been there for me for years, Laura. I neglected to do my part for you and Caitlyn. You don’t have to be alone. I’m just asking, begging you to be careful. I can’t be there for you and for her if I’m no longer alive which in my line of work is a daily possibility.” He wasn’t trying to tell her what to do with her life only that he didn’t live forever and neither would she. “And I am trying to be more available to you both. You asked what was on my mind and I’m trying to be honest with you.”
As the space where her hand had been grew cold Caspian frowned. Her question was a loaded on, complicated and he wasn’t sure how to answer without everything crumbling to dust that they’d built.
“For you to be strong for Caitlyn, and to let me try to fix all of the things I’ve broken apart over the years. I’ve made a lot of mistakes, many which I can never resolve or repair. Be receptive, be open, and don’t take everything that I say personally. I think I would be out of my mind if something happened to you that was my doing.”
Laura just nodded, swallowing back her disappointment and hiding the sinking feeling in her chest. Smoothing back a stray hair into her braid, she spoke softly again, a faint falter in her voice. “Thank you for telling me the truth.”
Her injured hand tended, nails digging into her split palm. It was easier to focus on the physical pain and keep her emotions in check that way. “I suppose we should go. We don’t want to keep Caitlyn waiting, she’ll worry. I didn’t tell her we’d both be there, I thought she might like the surprise.”
A breath and he nodded, turning away. The sunglasses were slipped back on. He felt on par with a toxic plague, no matter who or what he touched he caused pain. That weight settled back upon him and the key to the vehicle slid into the ignition.
Seatbelt on, the shifter was eased into the appropriate slot and he slipped the large vehicle out of the space. It cruised into the road during a break in traffic.
“She will like that, I would imagine.”
It didn’t take too long to get to Caitlyn’s school. He rode there in silence letting the radio play whatever it wanted to serve as noise. He was afraid to say anything more lest he unload additional pain and disappointment onto her already burdened physique.
The silence between them felt like a river separating them further and further by the minute. Clearing her throat, she spoke hesitantly. Anything to make it feel better again. “I’m not sure a bunny is a good idea. I know she has her heart set on a puppy and I don’t want to disappoint her. But it is a lot of work.” And money. The expense worried her. Another mouth to feed, canine or otherwise, would be difficult. Not to mention vet bills. “I can do my best, though. I can keep it when she’s with you, if it’s too much.”
Maybe a puppy would help with the loneliness. It would certainly be another thing to keep her busy.
He pulled into the line where the children would be taken for pick up, and when he was idled there safely in the long string he put the vehicle in park to better suit the conversation. Glancing over at her through the sunglasses, he shook his head, “I don’t mind taking care of the cost. Whatever she needs as long as it’s worth the effort.” He didn’t want to keep an animal alive if there was no hope for Caitlyn’s sake.
“Nor do I mind sharing this with you. Rabbits are easier to take to apartments, they don’t require nearly as much exercise or a yard to relieve themselves. But if you’d like to get a dog I will do what I can if it’s at my flat.” He wouldn’t ignore the poor thing.
Looking down at her hands, she ignored the red splotches that suddenly stained the white bandage. Shifting her arm to hide it, she finally looked back to him with a bit of embarrassment. “I have to confess. I have no idea what it takes to care for a rabbit. Or any animal really. I never had a pet growing up.” I basically was a pet, she thought but didn’t say out loud.
“We’ll see what she thinks.”
“I didn’t really either,” he explained, amused at the idea of being a beginner at such a common thing. “However I am glad to be sharing this journey with you, love. I couldn’t imagine hosting a pet with anyone else.” Rabbits had never been something he considered a pet - dogs or cats - as they seemed more exotic to him.
“If I was asked, honestly, I have no clue whether or not I’d even be a dog person or a cat person. I dislike them both equally but perhaps only because I’ve never had the experience of caring for one.”
Laura looked out the window at the other parents eagerly awaiting their children. They made it seem so easy. “I’m afraid I would kill a pet, by accident of course. It’s challenging enough to care for a child and I fail at that every day. A small animal, that can’t tell me what it needs or wants, that’s intimidating.”
The subject changed slightly, her eyes still fixed on the school door. “Have you talked with her about it? The telepathy?”
“You don’t fail at caring for your daughter,” he assured her, shaking his head. “Animals have a pretty good sense of themselves. Who knows, there might even be a rabbit whisperer in town that we don’t know about yet.” That was mostly a joke but with the array of abilities it could have been rational.
“If you need me to come by to help you you know you can always call. Dorian can handle the business, he knows you’re important to me. Caitlyn too. I’m here to help you sort this out.”
When the subject shifted he nodded, “Yes and no. I have told her I can hear her if she’s ever in danger, but Caitlyn is smart. I have a feeling she guesses more than she’s willing to admit. I don’t want her to feel invaded or that I’m prying.”
Laura wasn’t convinced. She never felt very good at anything, other than pouring drinks and anyone could do that. She worried about her parenting ability from the moment she discovered she was pregnant. He had no idea how deep that ran, there was a lot he didn’t realize. And in their time apart, things had gotten worse, not better.
Clenching and relaxing her hands again, she glanced up to him. Her eyes were filled with worry. “She’s not like me, is she?”
He reached over and grasped her fingers again delicately. “I don’t know yet. Most of our powers seem to manifest somewhere around puberty, I’m no scientist though. Looking back that’s when mine began to arise. I can’t say that my parents had any abilities to speak of, but then again both of them were always distracted or numbing themselves.” A shrug was given.
“Can I tell you something? I know a mutant with power negating abilities. He and I are very close.” It was off of the subject but he knew how sensitive she could be about the gift she’d been given. “So even if Caitlyn did end up with your abilities we could use Dorian to help her manage them.” He didn’t want her having his abilities with no guide or proper training.
The car would come out of park only enough to move up a few spaces in line before idling again.
Laura nodded slightly, looking away again but this time in shame. Her warm fingertips grasped his hand but she forced herself to pull away. “I just don’t want her to go through what I had to.” She couldn’t even say the words, but she would do anything to protect Caitlyn from that.
Staring at the dashboard, she started speaking before she realized what she was saying. “Sometimes I catch myself, fantasizing about things. Having another baby, being happy again…” with you “but then I remember the risks. And I guess it’s just better off that there’s no chance for that now.”
Caspian let her go when she pulled away, moving to set his hand on the steering wheel for something to do with it. “We are here to make sure she stays safe, Laura. We’ve been through what she will go through inevitably.” He wasn’t saying he was any better than her or invalidating her concerns, he was just offering support.
He had turned to look at the road ahead, pulling up another few spaces when she’d uttered those words. He nearly plowed their car into the one before it, stopping abruptly. The thing went into park and he turned to look at her with interest. “You have?” He wanted to ask if she meant with him but he felt silly considering he knew the answer already, or at least he thought so.
Funny how he had thought about that very same thing several times. But putting a baby in between parents who couldn’t get themselves together wasn’t fair. It hadn’t been fair to Caitlyn. He’d thought about asking Laura to marry him too, a long time ago, and for a while he’d gone to look at overpriced jewelry in hopes of finding something for her. That had never came to be though.
Her injured hand shot out to keep her from lurching forward when the car did. Wincing a little, she looked to him with a smirk. “Yes. With you. But I know that things are different now. I missed my chance.” He seemed so shocked that she assumed it meant he didn’t think of her in that way anymore.
She was relieved when she spotted Caitlyn emerge from the school. That was the distraction they both needed.
Her words confirmed what he had suspected. He couldn’t help but feel humbled and depressed at the same moment. “I think we both missed it. Precious years wasted on fighting with each other instead of making amends and figuring things out.” He was as much to blame for that as she was. She was still young enough to have children, he was pushing forty. A baby would be exciting but trying to keep up? Having the energy?
Before he could say anything else he saw their daughter appear. Easing into the spot where they would pick her up, Cas rolled Laura’s window down so the girl would recognize them.
“Mummy?” She inquired, looking at the black car. “Da! Mummy!”
The vehicle went into park. Caitlyn climbed into the backstead, excited and curious. “Did something happen?” She inquired, wondering why both of them were there when before it had been one or the other.
“No, love. Your Mum and I decided to come and get you together today.”
Caspian’s words sunk Laura like a stone. She felt so stupid and foolish for hoping that there might be a happy ending for her. He said it so clearly though, the chance had passed. There wasn’t anything to hope for now.
She wiped at her eyes quickly, just in time to greet Caitlyn with a smile that disguised the pain. Turning to look at her in the backseat, she suddenly saw Caitlyn in a different light. She regretted not being about to give her better.
“How was your day at school?”
Caitlyn looked at her mother with a brightness she had but one which had not shimmered so radiantly before today. “We did so many things today,” the girl replied, putting her seatbelt on before forgetting about it. Caitlyn chattered on about the activities at her school. “They’re having an end of the year program,” she offered, excited about it.
“That sounds exciting,” Caspian chimed, glancing over at Laura, “Don’t you think so?”
He would leave it up to Laura to break the news about the animal either way, willing to follow her lead on it.
Laura had to smile, Caitlyn’s life and enthusiasm was impossible to ignore. She nodded to both of them, turning hi faced forward once the car pulled out of the pick up line. “It sounds wonderful.”
She let her daughter chatter on until she was through with the events of her day. Glancing to her in the rear view mirror. “So, your father and I have been discussing the idea of a pet and we’ve agreed that you can choose something. You can bring it back and forth but you’ll still be responsible for the basics of taking care of the animal and we can help with the difficult parts.”
She had opened her mouth to say something else when the bombshell was dropped on her, causing Caitlyn’s face to brighten visibly. Her eyes widened, mouth formed an ‘o’ shape in surprise. “Really?!” Nearly squealing the girl was bouncing up and down as best as she could in her seat. “A puppy? Or a bird? Not a goldfish, please mummy.”
Caspian couldn’t help but be pleased. Her reaction was infectious, it put him in a mood which was rare.
“Slow down, darling. Let your mum finish.”
Caitlyn laughed, nodding as she awaited the verdict on the pet. “What can we call it? Can we call it Bertram? Like Peter’s Dalmatian?”
“Not a goldfish.” Laura would avoid the thing like the plague. “We can go to the pet store and you can choose, but you should think carefully about what type of pet you’re ready to take care of.”
She glanced to Cas, hoping what she’d said was alright.
Caitlyn was clapping with excitement. “Thank you mummy! Thank you daddy!” It was rare she called him Daddy, usually it was Da, but this time something had changed. “Can we get ice cream too?”
“For now we should start with the pet store, yes? Go from there?” Amusement laced his words, happiness. A moment or two without feeling the burdens of the day, of his life. This was what he wanted, what he craved, their little family being whole and depending on each other, taking care of each other.
The trek to the pet store wasn’t too long. Once in a while he hummed along to the radio - only once breaking out into song with Caitlyn when Lady Gaga came on - and then they were at the destination.
Laura remained silent for the rest of the ride. This was what she wanted too, this real family. But she knew these lovely little moments that made her feel like living were all too short and far between. So for now she just watched and tried to remember it and enjoy it until it was over.
Parking was easy.
As soon as the car was off the girl was flying out of the car, shoes squeaking against the pavement with excitement. Cas was out, getting the door for Laura. “Alright, Alright, calm down.”
“Hurry hurry!” Caitlyn beckoned, waving both of them over as if her life depended on it.
Another moment and they were in the pet store. Caitlyn had moved ahead to check out what was available. “Could you imagine having a mouse for a pet?” Cas inquired conversationally to Laura, peering at one of the glass cages with mice in it.
Laura followed them inside, keeping a close eye on Caitlyn but letting her go on ahead because she was so excited. Stopping beside Cas, she looked into the cage with a small frown. “I suppose it’s better than them being trapped in a lab, or scavenging for food in a kitchen.” It made her uncomfortable, and felt a little too close to home, so she moved on quickly. Stepping on ahead, she stopped to watch the birds flitting about a cage.
He didn’t quite understand the appeal - it was a mouse, after all. It wasn’t as if it could do tricks but then again he had never been partial to rodents. It was the same with lizards, snakes, frogs. Just, why? “I suppose that is true,” came the easy reply. He lingered another moment before following after Laura.
Moving up beside her he took a look at the birds. “That one there is lovely,” he said, motioning to a blue Macaw which had yellow and green accent feathers.
Caitlyn had looked at the rabbits, the guinea pigs, a few hamsters. She looked into the pen of ferrets for a bit before also moving on.
Laura was just now coming to realize that she’d never set foot in a pet store before. There’d never been reason to. Or maybe she was unconsciously protecting herself from something. She was having a very visceral reaction to being in this place with so many creatures locked up in cages.
Trying to ignore a wave a nausea, she stared at the birds but wasn’t really seeing them. She heard Caspian but has no idea what he’d said. Closing her eyes shut tight, she rubbed her forehead to stave off the headache that came out of nowhere.
Taking a deep breath, she opened her eyes to look around for their daughter. She didn’t want to rush the little girl but she wasn’t sure how much more of this place she could handle. Following behind Caitlyn, she tried not to look at the animals. “Have you seen anything you like?”
Caitlyn pointed at a small puppy in a pen. The dog was excited, pawing eagerly at the caged area where Caitlyn was. The sign said it was a mixed breed, Boston terrier and bulldog. The short nose, stout, brindle coloring, and large pointed ears stuck out.
“This one, mummy!”
Moving to where Laura and Caitlyn were, Caspian peered down at the little dog. “You’re sure, then?” Caitlyn nodded and smiled, “Yes! Yes please!”
Looking to the puppy, Laura smiled faintly. It was clear Caitlyn was already smitten with the dog, and it was a cute little thing. Laura carefully reached out a finger from her bandaged hand for the dog to sniff. The animal calmed noticeably, but his little tail continued to wag furiously. Laura showed Caitlyn how to do the same, to let the dog catch her scent, but the moment the little girl did, the puppy when back to being overly excited, licking at the child’s fingers.
Laura looked up to Cas with a little smirk. “Looks like we’re getting a puppy.”
“Seems that way,” he mused, nodding. The rascal was admittedly quite adorable, he gave it that much. “Alright. I can handle this part, if you’d like to help Caitlyn pick a few things for the dog.”
Caitlyn didn’t want to leave the puppy, her lip pushed out in a pout, but then the idea of accessorizing seemed like a great idea.
“Come on, mummy! Let’s find doggy some things!”
Laura was relieved that they wouldn’t need to keep a caged animal, that would have been more triggering than she’d realized. Taking Caitlyn’s hand gently, she glanced around before leading them in the appropriate direction. Laura had no idea exactly what things they’d need for a dog other than food and water, but apparently the store was well stocked with plenty of other things.
She released Caitlyn’s hand to let her browse, standing nearby. She glanced across the store, watching Cas from afar. It was easier to focus on him and Caitlyn, despite her regrets and disappointments. If she paid too much attention to their current surroundings, Laura knew something bad would happen.
Cas had taken the dog from the pen and began to examine it. He was no veterinarian by any means but one could look at another to determine if it was well fed, happy, and had a good personality. All he needed was some mongrel dog attacking Laura or Caitlyn - but overall the pup seemed pleasant. It wiggled around in his arms trying to lick his face.
Offloading the canine into the arms of the clerk for preparation for the journey home he wandered over to the two most important women in his life to see what they’d found.
“Looks like the dog is a gentleman, choose wisely.”
Laura smiled faintly, watching him with the dog. Caitlyn had been asking her something for a moment, and she quickly looked back to the little girl with a blink. She held out two different collars to her mother, and needed help choosing just the right one. A hand went to her own throat as she suddenly had trouble breathing.
When Cas joined him, Laura reached out to take his hand, her own usually warm touch suddenly ice cold. She coughed a little before speaking. “I think we need some help deciding, which do you think is best?”
He was glad for Laura’s touch though he’d been expecting the usual warmth from her fingers and not the icy chill which was what he’d received. A look of concern was offered.
And then he peered at the collars. “This one seems a bit more his tastes, don’t you think?” It was blue with little white paw prints, which had room to expand as the dog grew.
As Caitlyn nodded, putting the other collar away, Cas turned to lean toward Laura, speaking softly into her ear. “You alright?”
Grateful for Cas’ input, it didn’t seem like Caitlyn noticed the change in her mother. Doing her best to focus on Caitlyn’s excitement, Laura motioned over to the neighboring wall filled with pet toys. “I think he’ll also need some things to play with. And maybe a bed? Although I have a feeling you’re already planning on him sleeping with you.” Still, the pup should have a place of his own, it only felt right.
Once Caitlyn was out of earshot, Laura shook her head no and turned to Cas, whispering just in case their daughter tried to overhear. “This place reminds me of… things. Not positive things. I think I just need some air. But I don’t want to leave her, she’s so happy I don’t want to miss this.”
At the ideas, Caitlyn went on her own to get a small basket to hold everything before making a beeline for the toys. “Everyone needs toys, mummy,” she giggled.
Cas frowned at Laura but not with anger or distaste. He felt concerned, “I can stay with her if you need air. Trust me when I tell you this mood won’t wear off for a bit, I doubt there will be much to miss. If you need a breather, love, take one. I can handle her. We can come find you when we’re done.”
Laura smiled faintly at Caitlyn’s response and watched her go off to make the next choices.
Laura debated the options. It could be easy to run away, but she wasn’t sure that would necessarily be the safe options. Left alone, she didn’t always make the wisest choices. Sighing, she shook her head. “Thank you, but I want to stay. It’s easier to stay in control when I’m with the two of you.”
A nod and he left it alone. If she wanted to go she could and he wouldn’t stop her, not when she needed air. He made sure to block any view of the Aquariums or the fish section because of her aversion to water.
To Caitlyn he turned and spoke softly, “Alright, love. You have everything you need? I can get food on the way, why don’t you and your Mum go pay for everything?”
He let go of Laura’s hand, fumbled for his wallet and offered Laura a substantial wad of cash. “That should cover it. If not, I’ll get the rest when I come back with the food.”
Laura reluctantly took the money from Cas. Now what he’d said before really made an impact. He wasn’t kidding about more money than he knew what to do with.
Taking the basket from Caitlyn, she looked over all the things she’d picked out before giving her daughter a smile. “I think he’s going to love these things. Have you come up with a name yet?”
Leading the child to the register, Laura handed the things over to be scanned. Her hand idly moved through Caitlyn’s hair, the gentle contact helping to calm herself.
Caitlyn shook her head, wandering off toward the register with her mother. “Not yet, but I’ll think of something good in the car on the way home.” She leaned close to her mother, watching the items being rung up. “Which home are we going to, mummy?”
Caspian meanwhile was getting food for the dog. He found something which looked about right - with all of the choices trying to pick one was like trying to find a needle in a haystack - and he met them at the register with the bag.
When it was all said and done Cas helped Caitlyn put the collar and the leash on the excited, stubby tailed dog. He got the food and followed the girls out to the car.
Laura wrapped her arm around Caitlyn’s shoulder, hugging her lightly. The question broke her heart, but she answered quietly. “You’ll go to your father’s tonight, I have to work. When you come home with me, we’ll set up everything there for the puppy, just the way you like it. Maybe I can find a recipe for homemade dog treats.” It sounded like something ridiculous she’d heard people in the coffee shop talking about.
As they exited the store, Laura breathed a sigh of relief. She was still tense, but the fear began to melt away. She kept a close eye on Caitlyn and the puppy as she followed them to the car.
She nodded, offering her mother a smile. “Okay, mummy. Da and I can try to name the puppy while you’re at work.” The prospect of making homemade treats for her dog had not crossed her mind until that exact moment. She loved to bake, especially with her mother there. Those small times that they made things together always stayed with her.
The dog food was placed into the trunk, Cas helped Caitlyn and the new dog into the backseat, and then got the door for Laura.
Once everyone was in and situated the car was started and Cas pulled out of the space, moving off in the direction of Laura’s apartment.
“Well, that was eventful, right?”
Glad that Caitlyn didn’t seem upset by the plan, Laura leaned down to kiss the top of Caitlyn’s head. She hoped she could make things up to her when they were together again in a few days. But Laura knew Caitlyn also cherished her time with her father.
Once in the car, Laura watched Caitlyn with the pup with a small smile. The pet did make her very happy, and that was all Laura wanted. Looking to Cas, she nodded a little. Reaching into her pocket, she left the remainder of the money he’d given her and spoke softly. “Thank you for that. I’ll pay you back.”
She knew that Cas would not complain about buying something for Caitlyn, but Laura still wanted to be able to contribute equally.
He shook his head as the money was extended out to him, “No, you keep it in case you need it.” It was pity or selfishness at which the refusal came, he cared for her and knew a little extra could probably help. If she wanted to pay him back he wouldn’t refuse it because it meant something to her, but right now he wouldn’t take the cash from her.
“I wanted to do it.” For both of them. For both of them because he hadn’t been contributing at all over the last few years.
Laura hesitated, but then returned the money to her pocket. She wouldn’t dare use it for herself, no matter how badly she needed it. But she might drop it into Caitlyn’s piggy bank or store it away to get her things she wanted.
Laura studies Cas for a moment before nodding and looking out the window. She was grateful that they were on good terms again, but she was struggling to understand him. If used to be so easy and now anything she tried to read of him was contradictory and confusing. She didn’t like it, but it was better than fighting.
The ride was silent other than the music from the radio or the sounds of the dog and their daughter bonding in the back seat. Once in a while a giggle would break up the monotony, he was glad for that. Outside the day was beginning to wind down. Twilight would nearly be upon them all soon, which meant Laura would be heading in to work.
“I wish you could skip work,” Cas sighed, peering up at Caitlyn. He watched her reflection in the rear view mirror for a moment or two. Asking her to skip work was unrealistic and unfair.
Before too long he was pulling up in front of Laura’s building, parking in a space.
For a bit of the ride, Laura just listened to Caitlyn and smiled at the sounds of her happiness. The comment from Cas surprised her, and she looked to him. “Is it because of the dog? I can see if I can get someone of cover my shift but it’s kind of late notice.” Before he could answer, she was digging her phone out of her bag to send a text.
He shook his head at her, “No.” Another bit of selfishness crept upon him, before he was waving a hand at her dismissively, “Don’t worry about it, really. It’s not important.” But she was already typing away on her phone and his hand lowered.
Twisting, he peered back at Caitlyn. “Would you like me to escort you upstairs to gather a few things?” She shook her head, clutching her new dog not wanting yet to leave it.
Arching a brow, Laura was confused. She needed to work, the two jobs she had just barely made ends meet. But if Cas or Caitlyn needed her, she would drop everything for them and figure out the rest later. “What is it?”
Looking to their daughter as well, Laura dropped her phone into her bag. “Do you want me to get your things? You can stay here with your dad and the puppy.” She didn’t really blame the girl, she was already smitten with her pet, why leave it if it wasn’t necessary.”
“Nothing,” he admitted, shaking his head, “I just like being around you is all. It’s selfish, really. Being out like this, all three of us.” Nothing to cancel work for, especially if she needed the money.
“We could all go up together? Maybe the dog wants a break from the car?” Cas inquired.
Caitlyn considered the offer and then nodded. “He probably needs to potty anyway,” she said, flinging the door open to the car.
The SUV was turned off. Caspian got out and then went around to Laura’s door, getting it for her. “We won’t keep you long, I promise.”
It wasn’t fair, he was being selfish. He wanted this family time, so did she. But he wouldn’t keep her long because he didn’t want to. He wanted this on his own terms, with the freedom to walk away and go back to his chosen family at any time. He was playing games with them, but Laura was glad that Caitlyn didn’t seem to realize.
Stepping out of the car, she kept her eyes downcast. Her head was saying to go to work, but her heart was begging her to stay. Turning to Caitlyn, she held a hand out for the leash with a faint smile. “I’ll take him for a walk so he can go while you two get your things. Is that alright?”
All of this was complexity wrapped in a sheath of simplicity. It should’ve been easy - a no brain required decision that took more willpower than he’d imagined - picking what was important to him. All of the signs were there. This was what he’d been craving for years and yet it seemed even now it was still unobtainable. He could touch the skin of the metaphorical carrot with the barest tips of his fingers but never quite grasp the root.
Caitlyn nodded, beaming. “Okay, mummy!” Handing over the leash the girl shouldered her backpack and waited for her father.
“You’re sure you don’t want to come along?” He inquired of Laura before turning to Caitlyn.
Taking the leash from Caitlyn, she returned the smile softly. She wanted to protect her from all of this, hopefully Cas would keep that in mind as well once all of it was said and done. Laura wasn’t going to fight him anymore, but she would never forgive him if he hurt their daughter.
Laura just nodded to Cas with a sigh and handed over the keys to him. While she was sure he had a set of his own, Caitlyn had one too just in case. But it was more away of showing surrender. Turning, she let the puppy wander ahead a little, following behind it.
He nodded, looking at the ground as he took the keys to her place from her. “Alright then. We won’t be long.” Turning, he peered at his daughter, gently ushering her into the building. Crossing the lobby they made way to the elevator and then to the apartment.
With a sigh he settled down in a chair as Caitlyn gathered her things for the overnight stay.
Phone out, he scrolled through some nonsense waiting.
Laura had left a partially packed bag for Caitlyn on her bed. It had the essentials that she would need, but allowed for room for her to take things she wanted to bring. In the bottom of the bag, discovered only if Caitlyn unpacked her things, was a little note from Laura, telling Caitlyn she missed her. She always left little notes and surprises like that, but the girl didn’t always find them.
It didn’t take Caitlyn long to finish off her packing. And downstairs, Laura waited for them to return. Sitting on the steps, she amused the playful puppy, letting it pounce on her feet and paw at her shoelaces.
They both made their way back downstairs - Caitlyn had packed quickly and each of them had retreated from the apartment. Footfalls came heavy and finally they came downstairs.
Burst through the doors she bounded down the stairs and settled next to her mother, a head rested upon her shoulder.
Cas came up behind them, standing over the both, peering down. “You alright?”
Hearing Caitlyn approach, Laura greeted her with a small smile, and kissed the top of her head when it rested on her shoulder. She handed the leash back to Caitlyn, the puppy already greeting his new owner happily.
Looking up to Cas, Laura nodded as she stood. She returned her attention to their child. “Do you have everything you need?”
The girl accepted the affection from her mother and also the leash. Small hand gripped the tugging, wound lead and with a radiant grin Caitlyn peered up at her mother with pride. Her animal lacked a name but one would come to her soon, she just needed time to think about it. Daylight would fade, night would come. She decided to have a name chosen for her pup before then.
“Yes mummy,” the girl breathed, a hand going to the strap of the shoulder bag filled with items for the time spent with her father.
Cas nodded, looking at Laura, “You’re sure you’re staying?” It was playful mostly, he expected no less than her going off to work. “I’ll have her text you when we get to my place.”
Caitlyn peered up at her mother, first offering what she could of a hug with a struggling puppy pulling one hand, and then a kiss. “Bye, mummy! I love you.”
Laura felt another pang of guilt at Cas’s question, despite it’s teasing nature. She wanted to stay, for Caitlyn’s sake if nothing else, but she knew it would only complicate things further. And Laura was exhausted with conflict and difficulty, she wanted a break. She wanted something good for a change.
Hugging and kissing Caitlyn back, Laura smiled softly. “I love you too. You’ll look after your puppy, right? And try not to let him cause too much of a mess at your father’s place?” She nodded to Cas and gave him a half smile. “Thank you.”
Honestly he hoped that Laura would have stayed but then again he was usually only thinking of himself, selfish was a good definition for it. It was probably better that she wasn’t. His mind came back again to what she had said earlier about being willing to bear another child, that the possibility after all of this time was still something on the table. Or had been, anyway. Often he had thought about what their lives might have been like up to this point if they hadn’t parted as such. This was not time to dwell on those things.
Caitlyn nodded. She smiled, hugging her puppy gently. “I’ll take good care of him, I promise!” The pup wagged its tail, emitting a soft bark of delight. Caitlyn scratched behind the dog’s ears and sighed softly with contentment.
Cas smiled at Laura, nodding, “You’re welcome, love. Be safe, please? Caitlyn and I will call you later, when you’ve got a moment before she goes to bed.”
With that, he waited for Laura to finish her goodbyes. When the vehicle was shut and ready both Cas and Caitlyn waved before the SUV pulled away from the curb and into the gentle traffic, heading for Caspian’s flat.