|galateus (galateus) wrote in scans_daily,|
@ 2009-08-14 10:58:00
Lois Lane #55: "Superman's Secret Wife!"
I have a feeling this particular well of Superdickery has a well-beaten path between it and the Superman's Girlfriend Lois Lane offices. But... damn.
It starts with Lois being magically summoned in the middle of the night:
She's rescued from the cave-in by Supergirl, who reassures her there's no way Kal's keeping a secret that big; at the least, she'd know. And so Lois stays perfectly sane and rational... by Silver Age standards... until she sees Superman making a giant Super-Valentine heart out of a mountainside.
Then, the descent into madness begins.
Her first stalking victim is that "hussy" Lana Lang.
Then? Her own sister.
Finally, she starts dragging her employer down with the sheer depths of her paranoia--depths that go 20 thousand leagues under the sea, as she hunts down the mermaid Lori Lemaris. (I'm thinking she's bringing a harpoon.)
Lois dons a "frog-girl outfit," which looks exactly like a scuba suit, and discovers Lori's children--little Superman lookalikes just like in Circe's vision, except for their mer-tails. Apparently, not only can Lori telepathically talk to Lois, she can read Lois' thoughts, and though she doesn't seem to notice the CRAZY BALL OF CRAZY that is Lois' brain, she reveals that Superman is actually godfather to her two children with her husband, Ronal. Hence the super-outfits.
And then: proof! (Note that Superman and Lois haven't said a single word to each other all issue.)
Well, Superman does love to keep loved ones safely locked away with his trophies in the Fortress forever, where no one else can see or touch them... ever...
You'd think the secret-wife-and-kids would be enough to destroy Lois all on its own, but oh, it gets worse.
Yes, Super-Incest strikes again! It conquers all and takes no prisoners...
Current Mood: crazy
Tags: char: lana lang, char: lois lane, char: lori lemaris, char: lucy lane, char: supergirl/kara zor-el, char: superman/clark kent, era: silver age, in-joke: herodickery, title: superman's girlfriend lois lane
...Except it was totally all Red K and super-hypnotism the whole time. Since they have an incest taboo on Krypton and all.
Really, Lois, isn't this just what they'd want you to think? To Kryptonians you're like a fly tied to a stick, with your human "emotions" and "feelings" and fragile, fragile bone structures.