Re: Sam A/Penny R
I was counting on him in a different way. I realize now the mistakes I made with her, like I said, but she was above being jealous, you know? Smarter than that.
He did, he told me a few times when things were hard. Usually as a result of my pushing his buttons too much. I just guess I tried too hard to be supportive and not firm enough about some things I saw wrong. You're not wrong I don't think, maybe we're all wrong about a lot of things.
You make me smile, honey. I'm talking way back when I first met him, you know when you meet someone and you think they're good looking with good hair and know you can either get yourself in loads of trouble with the married guy at work, or decide to keep it real professional and see what else the world has to offer you? I picked the latter. And I think I'm better for it believe it or not, that would have been an even more fucked up mess than the one I'm in. Friends stick around. Trying to shove your tits in the face of the good hair at work never turns out well, instead I got my best friend out of the deal.
It feels lonely. I just don't think [...] what I want or think matters much. Which sounds real stupid and lame. But in the grand scheme of things, it don't.
I feel bad just the same, Cris would kill me for laying all this on you, but don't worry about not telling him I don't think y'all need to be keeping things from each other either. I even pretend to understand what your situation is, I don't know that I want to know just now, but he cares about you, and me spilling all my guts all over the place, making matters worse ain't gonna earn me any brownie points anywhere with anyone. So yeah, I'm still sorry, you got a lot on your plate I think, and like you said, you don't know me - and I wouldn't be surprised if you don't want to after all this either. But it's real nice to be listened to without...someone knowing me.