Gabriel's knees are always (skinned) wrote in rooms,
Re: House of Strays: Ronan/Ben
[It makes it worse, that brief flicker: Ben's arms reaching out to reel him in where he belongs, against the plane of his chest, the warmth of him, the way that they fit together like puzzle pieces or adjacent vertebrae -- and then the way it's ripped away from him, by something that Ronan has never felt before. Ben's anger. His disgust, the way that it makes itself known in the hard bite of his molars and the creak of his jaw from clenching so tight.
Ronan flinches even before the words come out of that mouth with its sour twist, squeezing his eyes shut. As if it's going to do any good. He feels like a little kid, cringing under the heavy hand of his father's rage that was really aimed at someone else - one of his brothers -, but bounced back to fall over him.
And until then, he thinks that they could have been okay, maybe. With time. Space, or whatever it is that Ben decides he needs. Until that laugh. The laugh rips his heart out, rough and ragged as it bites through the air at him with sharp teeth. He's shaking his head, but it's a silent act. That's not how it was, that's not what happened. He didn't think it was okay because it was a dream, it just was a dream, and in the dream he didn't have anyone. He'd been alone, with a hollow stomach and ribs that stuck out of his filthy clothes, and he wasn't loved. He hadn't even been deserving of love.
Ronan just shakes his head, grinding the heels of his hands against closed eyelids. He can't look up, he can't open his mouth. He's shut off the connection between his mind and Ben's: he can't hear Ben's thoughts anymore, because he can't stand it. And nothing further gets projected, because he's locked up tight. Tries not to even listen to any of the words that come after that bark of bitter laughter, so he turns on the bed and rolls onto his side, knees pulled up to his bare chest.
Against his will, he does hear Ben's words about talking when he gets back. But he doesn't let it register.