Re: anon/anon
[...] That's true too. I talked about leaving, but then it feels like I'm playing the martyr. I don't know. I try not to think about it as much as I can, but it's starting to seep into my relationships with other people in my life. It sucks. I'm sticking with my plan of staying away from now on. I saw him recently - he asked to come with me and someone else we both know on a trip, so that one definitely isn't my fault. We talked afterward and it went really bad. So no more talking, and the next time he wants to tag along with me, I just say no. [...] I just feel disgusted with myself even thinking about it. I'm obviously toxic, and I say the wrong shit, but I keep crossing the line without meaning to, or knowing why. So I need to not talk and not say anything. I even got in trouble for talking to someone else about it anonymously where people could see, because someone who knew him saw me talking about it and told somebody else. [...] Wow I'm really unloading on you, total stranger, I'm sorry.
That's really intense. I've met people who would want that, but I can't say I would. I had a friend [...] who can sort of do something like that help me out with a problem I had recently, but the conditions were really controlled, and we talked about it a lot beforehand. Even then I was really freaked out right up until I did it. I understand why you would want to make sure it didn't happen without someone's consent, but that sucks for you. Does it do anything to you when you do that to someone? Do you feel any of it?