Sadie Lynn (sirenonstrings) wrote in repose, @ 2018-04-30 14:34:00 |
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Entry tags: | *log, nishka bariss, sadie marella |
Who: Sadie and Nish
What: A phone call to talk about things
Where: Their respective dwellings.
When: After the book plot, prior to busking in the Capital
Rating: Medium-High -- Talk of death, revenge, and murder.
Status: Log, Complete
The images from the book were still haunting her, coming to vivid life behind her eyelids when she blinked, when she slept. In a way, she’d gotten what she’d wanted. That vision...hallucination...whatever it was, had given her her revenge. But while it wasn’t real, inside, she felt that it was. She debated telling anyone about it. Talking about it would make it real. She still questioned her decision to let Mary in on it, but that had been a spur of the moment impulse. Involving Sadie, someone she looked on as perhaps a younger sister, someone she felt a strong need to shelter from such things, that was different. But she also knew, if anyone would understand, it would be her. So she turned on her phone and dialed. ---- Sleep was one of the many things in Sadie’s life that she’d have called a luxury prior to coming to Repose. Unlike some of the others however, things like hot food and a soft place to sleep, actually sleeping was still not something she was all that good at. Strange sounds, bad dreams, an inability to get comfortable on a bed, these were all the things that tended to oust her from the land of sleep and today hadn’t been any different. Sadie couldn’t have even said for sure what time of day it was just then. All she’d known was that she had felt tired and thought she’d try and get some sleep. She’d mostly been tossing and turning, barely at all asleep, when the sound of her phone ringing demanded her eyes open. It was a weird sound, what with how infrequently her phone rang, and it actually took Sadie until the third ring to find the thing, answer the call, and get her voice working enough to answer it. “Mmm.” She murmured, rubbing at one eye sleepily with her free hand. “H-hello?” --- Immediately, her heart sank. “Damn, I woke you, didn't I?” she sighed, glancing at the clock on the wall. It was early evening, but she knew Sadie had weird hours. Still, she was a little surprised to catch her sleeping around dinner time. “Long day?” she guessed. She glanced at the pile of files on her desk that needed her attention, but she was officially done for the night. It had been a long day for her too. Longer, given that she could just barely manage to keep her mind on her work, rather than the strange events of this past weekend. --- “Not really.” Sadie half groaned. “Still gettin’ used ta’ sleepin’ in beds on the regular like, plus all the noise of the Carnival.” She stifled a squeak-ish yawn into the phone. “S’how I missed the books thing goin’ ‘roun’. Jus’ can’t seem to get my sleepin’ on any kinda reasonable.” A soft turn was given as she sat up now, wiggling her toes as she dropped them to the floor in resignation that she wouldn’t be sleeping now either. “Glad you called though, what with all this not sleepin’, the old noodle just keeps goin’ in circles. Talkin’s good for stoppin’ me from goin’ right mad it is it is.” It was strange how easy talking to Nish had become and Sadie hadn’t realized how much she’d missed it since their last chat. “Talkin’ to you’s real nice like too.” She added with a smile at the end, even a touch of that sleepy affection she carried for the woman she now looked at like an elder sister. After all, who else would call just to ask about her day? When was the last time that had even happened? “Wouldn’ae call it a long day like, mostly just tryin’ to find a good fit for meself, figure what kind of playin’ goes best with the Carnvial like, ya’ know? Keep thinkin’ maybe I should just talk to some of the other folks, but then I don’t wanna go steppin’ on toes, plus wot the place is changin’ ‘ands and gettin’ a new bossman like…” She realized she was rambling a bit and she just shook her head as she plugged in the electric kettle she’d got for herself on their Capital trip and leaned against what passed for a counter. “How’s things with you? Still o’er at the B&B? Miss those beds I do, and the tele. I keep thinkin’ ‘bout gettin’ one for meself, then I think that’s just one more thing I’d ‘ave to move if I gotta pack outta town…” Another soft laugh at herself was given and she steered herself back to her original point. “Ye’ been doin’ alrigh’?” -- Nish smiled, her eyes slipping closed as the pleasant stream-of-consciousness talk washed over her. This was part of why she loved talking to Sadie, her soothing chatter that felt like a warm hug. She was so wrapped up in listening to Sadie talking about the Carnival that she was slightly startled when the talk turned back on her. “Uhh...yeah,” she started to say, but then sighed, catching her own lie before she let it go too far. “Actually...I did go to the book thing,” she said, using Sadie’s words, leaning into her hand and rubbing her forehead with a wince. “It was...weird. Like…” she sighed and shifted in her seat, leaning back and crossing her free arm over her stomach. “Okay, so I thought I might like to finally get around to reading Lord of the Rings, since I was too strung out in college to get past the first page. It wasn’t for lack of trying either, those movies...well, they’re a lot of fun when you’re high,” she added with a soft chuckle, casually throwing out mention of her drug use like it was nothing. Her brief smile faded quickly when she turned back to the point of the story. “I picked up the book when I saw it - a really beautiful first edition, and as soon as I opened it…Sadie, I was in the book…” ---- At first Sadie just hummed, curious to hear about the book event as she’d always loved stories. Plus waking up to a conversation with someone she cared about always put her in a good mood. It didn’t hurt either that the story got interesting, as Sadie could hardly imagine what about an event with books could be weird. A curious quirk of her brow as given at the mention of how the films were watched, but Sadie didn’t comment on it. Besides, it was vastly overshadowed by what came after it. “Say wha’now?” Sleepy as she was, her brain was simultaneously sure and not sure at all that she’d just heard Nish right. It forced another rubbing of her eyes with the back of her free hand. “ ‘Old—’old on, gunn’ae need tea for this’n.” Because if it was anyone else on the other end of that phone then Sadie would’ve thought someone was just taking a run at her gullibility, but this was Nish. “You mean like, you was in the story talkin’ with Frodo and Bilbo and Pippin like?” Sadie had always particularly liked the story. It had been a frequent request at bedtime and perhaps it was so because Sadie quite enjoyed voicing all the different characters. “...Was ye’ high when you went?” Her brain finally seemed to catch up. “Or was it like, did’nae someone say somethin’ about a dream machine or somethin’?” Even as impossible as she saw herself and Nish as, the notion that people could just step into books was...far fetched at best. Though, if she were being honest with herself, Sadie probably would have said a fair amount of her initial rejection probably stemmed from the fact she was now twice as bummed she’d slept so much recently, --- Nish winced a little, knowing exactly how what she’s said must have sounded. “Not...exactly,” she said, in answer to basically all of Sadie’s questions. “I wasn’t in the story itself, more like...in the environment. It was kind of cool, I was my own character, and I just...I knew her, you know? I was her, and I was living in Middle Earth.” She paused then, remembering how vivid it was, how green everything was. How fresh the air smelled. She remembered years of being a blacksmith’s apprentice, her father teaching her and guiding her in his trade. She remembered his murder and her vengeful hunt for the brigands who’d killed him. The spring of rich earth under her feet as she ran through the forest after them. And then the struggle. The sink of a dagger into flesh. The blood, hot and thick, coating her hands. She swallowed back a weak gag reflex in her throat. “In the story, my father was murdered. And I found the men who did it. And I killed one of them.” It wasn’t a huge stretch to say that it was her mind giving her what she wanted. Revenge for James’ death, which she’d always thought had been murder. ---- Sadie went back to listening, to trying piece together the story as it was being told to her while she put together her tea. All in all, she didn’t think it sounded too bad really. Maybe, had she known that could happen, she would have picked a story less rife with stress and troubles. She probably would have picked a kids book for herself, something silly like Dr. Seuss, but these were thoughts of a mind still drifting in and out of fully conscious and awake. It was enough for Sadie to shake her head, taking the first sip of tea to clear the last of the fog. “Well that sounds nice enough.” She mused softly, giving the commentary to show more that she was engaged and listening in the conversation than anything else. “I mean, if’n ye’ weren’t all caught up gettin’ killed by Orc’s n’alll. Might’a been nice to see the Tree folks too…” Her voice drifted echoing back from inside the mug. What followed though, stilled her lips around the rim of her mug. This wasn’t just some phone call to tell Sadie about a fun adventure. Her mind flashed back at once, remembering the rage and anger she’d felt, the fury she’d promised herself awaited the driver of that car if she ever found who had been at the wheel...but she was quick to shuffle that off. It hadn’t served her a bit to be so consumed by it…to imagine the righteousness in the act, in how justified she’d have felt scrambling his mind and not even thinking twice about it. She had to take another haul from her tea mug to thaw the ice the thoughts brought about. “And this….this was real like?” She didn’t sound so happy about it now, taking the cold reality of what might have happened and trying to put herself in Nish’s shoes. “Are you — are you okay?” Honestly she couldn’t imagine the toll that would have taken on a person. She honestly believed that all the anger in the world didn’t change who a person was and she very much saw Nish as a good person… And what Sadie did know, at least to some degree, was what that kind of thing could do to a good person. ---- Nish drew in a shaking breath. Somehow, listening to Sadie’s worried voice on the phone made it all real for her again, and she needed to take a second to reply. “Yeah...I mean, I think so,” she said, sounding not at all fine. She took another breath, sighing out slowly, hoping she could banish the image of her own bloody hands from her thoughts. “I mean...okay, I’m not,” she finally admitted. “It felt real. My head knows it wasn’t, but...my heart doesn’t. I think I was in shock for a while. In the...dream, or whatever it was, I threw up right after,” she said with a soft self-deprecating chuckle. “Fortunately I was able to keep it at just nausea when I came out of it.” She’d come back to herself at the Vade extremely nauseous and had to excuse herself rather quickly to the washroom, but fortunately she’d been able to settle herself after some calming breaths. “I’ve never done anything like that before. And...after the accident…” she paused again, gathering her thoughts, choosing her words. “I wanted revenge, but I don’t think I really knew what that meant. I think...my head knew revenge should come through the courts, but...I guess somehow my heart wanted...something else.” Her heart. Or rather, Loki. He’d wanted blood, and in a way, he got it. ---- There was an echo from her own past tucked into Nish’s voice and it was wound her own guts in a tight knot that made even tea seem like the most unappealing thing in the world. So much so that she had to put it down. She was quiet for a moment after, letting Nish explain the story, what had happened, and how she felt. She did her best to stay focused, to not get so tangled up in her own past, in the terrible feelings of guilt that weighed upon her conscience. She remembered it perfectly, the way she felt when she’d walked from the storm inside her home into the very real one on the other side of that old wooden door. She remembered the anger that burned through her veins, that made doing what she’d done seem the most right thing in the world. She remembered the sick feeling that had washed over her when that anger had subsided, remembered the way it racked her when it had turned to sadness and guilt over what she’d done. She remembered getting sick in the first alley she’d picked out to sleep in when stillness had made the feeling unbearable anymore… The memory made her now free hand wrap around herself in a tight hug, trying to trap what warmth she could against her bones. “No one says you ‘avta’ be okay” Sadie offered softly into the phone. “Things like tha’...they’re—” She didn’t really know what to say. There hadn’t been a soul in the world who’d been there when she’d gone through something about like this, where she’d stripped the life someone knew away from them. Maybe it wasn’t the same thing as dying, as killing someone, but it didn’t feel too different. “In your story, don’t suppose it matters which one we’re talkin’ about, someone took someone else away from you. Don’t think it much matters the reason, wager that’s...that’s part of bein’ angry about it. It’s not fair.” She sighed softly. “After...after what happened...I wanted the same thing...it felt like it was what was right, what was fair to do after what somebody had done…” It was the first time she’d ever really admitted it out loud, what she’d wanted… “Do—do you want to come roun’ for tea? Want me to come sit with you?” She was throwing out options now, trying whatever she could think of to patch what she saw as the holes, and hoping that something might serve as a better balm for what Nish had gone through. “Could come and stay for a few days if’n you think the company would help but….” Her voice trailed off just so. “What happened...what you want—wanted—...you thinkin’ maybe what happened….did it change what you want?” Because that seemed like the right question to ask next. Lost as she was, Sadie saw this moment as a chance to be there for someone who’d been there for her. ---- Nish wasn’t an overly emotional person. She reacted appropriately when things happened, got sad or angry or scared, but she didn’t cry at the drop of a hat. She wasn’t one of those girls. And yet, since James died, she felt like one. The strangest things would remind her of him, and she’d feel the now familiar sensation of tears welling up in her eyes, throat tightening up and heart beating faster. (When James had been around, he seemed to have been able to calm her erratic heartbeat just with his presence, pressing a hand to her heart and willing it to slow with calming breaths whenever it acted up. Since he was gone, she’d used her heart medication more and more to control its discordant beat.) She felt those tears now, stinging her eyes, threatening to spill, her throat aching with emotions she couldn’t name. “I think I’d like that,” she said, her voice cracking. “Tea,” she elaborated with a forced smile. It would be good to sit with someone who could understand. And maybe her voice could help calm her down. She swallowed and nodded, without hesitation, at her question. “I know it did,” she confirmed. “After the accident, I - well, part of me - wanted blood. But now…” she sighed and rubbed her forehead, exhausted. “I just want it to be over. Either way.” If she could bring the perpetrator to justice, she would. But not at the expense of her own health. “I’ll come over, and we can talk,” she said, sitting up in her chair, glancing at the clock. “It’s almost dinner time; I’ll stop and pick something up. Any requests?” --- Sadie, for better or for worse, had no real stomach when it came to folks suffering. It didn’t matter what the reason. It had taken root when Sadie had gone from being an only child to a doting big sister. Every skinned knee and dropped ice cream cone was a chance to fix something. It blossomed from there, though mostly stuck to the confines of her family for a long while, with the scope only really starting to expand when Sadie had realized that chapter of her life was gone forever. Now, if Sadie saw a chance to help make someone feel better, she couldn’t not do it. It was a sentiment of her personality that she’d grown into, trying to be someone who made her Mother happy and her Grandmother proud. The fact that this was Nish, someone who’d been there for her far more than Sadie sometimes thought she deserved, well...there was probably no more powerful a force in her world right now that could have pulled on her heartstrings. The fact that the two could understand the feelings that were ripped back to the surface of her thoughts? Well, it was impossible for at least one or two sniffles not to work their way into her soft voice as she spoke. “Folks — they’re always say there’s nothin’ what can’ae be cured by a right cuppa’ tea.” She forced a smile, something she wanted Nish to hear in the phone, as she reached back around behind her to turn the kettle back on. “I...I dun’ae if tha’s true’t time like this’un, but there’s all ye’ could want..” She paused, her hands returning to cradle her tea mug as she squeezed the phone between ear and shoulder. “Could put on a nice fry for ye’ too?...People ‘ere tend to say that fried chicken heals the world...me? I think it’s prolly a bit closer to bangers and some mash…ye’ jus’ worry about bringin’ yerself. Got e’erythin’ else what’s needed but you...” It was nonsense rambling almost, but Sadie couldn’t not say something. She remembered, sitting next to a dumpster, wishing for just such a thing. It wouldn’t have mattered what anyone offered her, she’d have taken it. Now, from where she sat, she at least had a chance to spare someone a piece, to make sure they had someone on offer, who’d listen and hug ‘em and give ‘em all the tea they needed, even if it didn’t fix a damn thing… She rubbed at her eyes, this time to help keep her composure, before she cleared her throat, took another sip of tea, and tried her best to be a good friend. “I...I dun’ae think blood’s gonna ‘elp it really. Least, tha’s the conclusion I came to eventually, and maybe I cann’ae be much help when it comes to Justice for what ‘appened to James….” She almost winced at saying his name, knowing if it were her it’d be the very last word she wanted to hear. “But wha’ I can’ae do is play you some music, make sure yer fed, and that you dun’ae think you’re on your own.” It was a piece of that Matriarch bleeding through the mouthpiece of the phone, of the woman who knew exactly how to tend a damaged heart and simultaneously let you know she wasn’t taking no for an answer. “You jus’ come ‘round when you wanna, yeah?” She leaned back against the counterspace. “Kettle will be on and water’ll be hot.. whenever that is, and the door ain’ gonna be locked neither. We’ll eat. We’ll talk. You can stay if’n ye’ like, or I can leave with you if ye’ dun wanna be alone right now…” She wished she had more to offer, but there was nothing...even things she didn’t necessarily want to think about...that she wouldn’t do if it’d help Nish. ---- Nish managed a smile at talk of tea being a cure-all. It certainly did help, but some things took a lot more than dead leaves in a cup. She was right though, blood wasn’t the answer, it was just a momentary release. She’d learned that in that book vision. The woman whose life she’d lived - consumed with thoughts of revenge - wasn’t far off from who she was after the accident. But the difference was that that other woman had chased it down and got what she wanted, only to be horrified by it after the fact. Nish now knew...that wasn’t who she was. It was, however, who Loki would like her to be. Sadie suggested music, and she knew that was yet another thing that could help. “That sounds nice,” she said, leaning against the phone and letting her eyes close for a moment. “Okay, I’ll be there soon,” she said, and hung up after their goodbyes, straightening and getting up from the couch, glancing around for her keys as she did. Not long after, she was in her car, driving the short distance to the carnival. And then she was at Sadie’s door, the enticing scent of fried chicken wafting from it. And then the door was opened and Sadie was there, and Nish couldn’t stop herself from enveloping her friend, her adoptive sister, in a hug that was probably more take than give. ---- Even with Nish’s assessment being true, that the hug initially was more take than give, that was just fine with Sadie No sooner did she realize just how much it was probably needed, than she poured the whole of her small self into it. Arms would squeeze with every last drop they had to give and she pressed herself tight against the woman she’d very much come to regard as kin. Time didn’t much matter in it to Sadie either and, until Nish went to reel back, Sadie would stay right there. Even then, she’d slip her fingers between the other woman’s, a gesture that came naturally to the girl who’d honestly loved little more than being a sister to anyone, and Sadie led her into the trailer without so much as a word. “Kettle’s on, water’s hot, and the tea’s waitin’ for ye’ to pick the brand.” She offered a smile, though her voice was touched with concern and a drive to make this situation better all at once. The latter, at least, she’d learned was impossible sometimes and that kept her from being quite so...all over the place...when it came to trying to help others. She’d learned to go slow, keep it simple. Feeding people, giving them tea and a safe place to just be? That was a good start. The tea was indeed ready and waiting too, with several of the staples (because one kind of tea was not enough for anyone) waiting next to a mug and spoon. There was a small thing of heavy cream, milk, sugar, and honey too, which Sadie kind of shrugged at sheeplishly. “Didn’ae know how you took it, so I jus’ left out everything. An’a food should be done soon if yer hungry like. Cann’ae say it’s the best, but thank ye’ for comin’ round.” It really did mean a lot to Sadie that Nish, who’d done so much for her, would reach out like that and Sadie had zero intention on letting this chance to repay that kindness go squandered. She tried not to hover then, to leave Nish to the tea, and instead picked out a spot where the two of them could sit and just talk. She’d set it up prior to arrival, complete with her own cup of, still steaming and untouched, tea. She made sure there was room for Nish to sit beside or across from her, and she’d even paced the food out well. She was glad she’d cleaned some recently just then, having only really needed to change the bedding in case Nish had wanted to stay over before the other woman arrived. It gave her time to just sit, to calmly and patiently wait for the tea to be done and Nish to sit… Her Grandma’ma woulda been right proud she woulda. --- Nish couldn’t help the smile at the array of dairy and sweeteners laid out for her. Sadie had certainly pulled out all the stops on being welcoming to a friend in need, and Nish was grateful for it. She didn’t often do things like this - go to a friend for what was very much a pity party - but the few times she had, this sort of pampering was well appreciated. She gave Sadie’s hand a squeeze before letting it go and rifling through the offerings of tea flavours, choosing something fruity and herbal and adding a touch of honey to it. She quietly put it together, letting it steep for a minute and then carried it over with her to sit next to Sadie, hesitating just a second before laying her head lightly on Sadie’s shoulder. “Thank you,” she said quietly, cradling her hot tea in her lap, enjoying being with her friend and taking comfort from her presence. “You’re a good friend...a good sister,” she said, testing that word carefully on her tongue, one she hadn’t said in many years. Thoughts of Heather flitted briefly around in her head, but she found the pain of her loss had dulled with the years and with other traumas, and that now she could think about her fondly but without the usual ache of that loss and her guilt. Loki had soothed the guilt, and time had soothed the loss, and all she had left were memories. And now, Sadie. --- Now for all the bad one might say about the waif sitting there, if there was one thing was true more than all else good, it was that Sadie loved her family like nothing else. Her Gran’ma, her Ma’, her Sisters and Brother, even her Da’, for all he’d done wrong and all the hurt he’d brought about, Sadie still held a real special place in her chest just for them. Since leaving behind that which she didn’t lose, to say there’d been a hole there wouldn’t have been inaccurate in the least, but Nish coming round for just this thing and what with the way she was laying her head on Sadie’s shoulder, in calling her Sister? Well if that didn’t spike her pulse and make her heart just want to spill out all over the small table in front of them. “Takes one to know one.” The words just...they slipped out, the same as how Sadie’s free arm would glide carefully over Nish’s shoulders, the same as the way fingers slowly pushed through the ends of Nish’s hair. The whole thing, all three parts, were identical to the ways Sadie had treated her own, younger, sisters. It was reflex for Sadie, instinct one could argue, and she’d roust Nish for nothing until it came time to make sure the food didn’t burn. Until then though, she’d just sit there, holding her sister like she’d done it a million plus times. Fingers carefully ran over the curve of shoulder blades, back and forth, and there was even a faint little hum, another thing she’d carried from her Grandmother, that spilled out into the room. There was tea to sip and feathers what needed smoothing over, raw and hard parts of someone she cared a great deal for here, it it was all the more real now that she could feel it emanating from the woman beside her. When it did finally come time to pull out the food, which so honestly expected to sit unattended and be sent home with Nish whenever she decided to leave, Sadie made short work of the time she spent away from that seat. She didn’t even hesitate to guide Nish’s head back to her shoulder then and she found herself thinking back on what she might do to be able to help, when all at once the idea struck her. “Kin used ta’ say tha’ bein’ sung to was a real good way ta’ get ‘bout feelin’ better…” She said softly, in explanation for what she was putting on offer. “Figure, if’n we’re gonna be sisters now, then this is part of the deal.” Because Sadie almost never sang, to anyone, and for very good reasons, but this? There was no better time for Sadie to put her voice to song really and, considering she sung for her sisters more than anyone else on the planet, singing for Nish...well, it felt almost like she was obliged to do so, if only on account that she wanted to do it so badly. “Dun’ae if it’ll help here but…” Sadie carefully slipped out from under Nish’s head, moving slowly to come to her feet and hold a hand out for Nish to take. “We’ll give it a try, aye’?” It was less careful then than maybe it should’ve been, but Sadie also knew (at least to some degree) that her usual abilities weren’t unknown to her new sister. Would this, the idea of curling Nish down on some pillows in her lap like she’d done with Brittany and Kelly-Anne, even work? Would Sadie’s ability with her voice matter if she was singing? She reckoned probably not but, seeing as their whole relationship had been built on a fondness for sounds of the Glen...well, Sadie had a notion that this might do the trick regardless. She took all the pillows (there were a lot, Sadie loved pillows and had gone without them for way too long) off her bed and very carefully set them in a big pile on the floor. She barely strayed a step from Nish’s side either, at least not until it came time to fold her legs down under her and sit on the floor. Then, a single pillow would be collected from the bunch and placed across her lap, before her hand would give a gentle pat of invitation. No sooner would it be taken than those fingers would immediately take up sweeping gestures through hair, moving this way and that, almost like she might start braiding, before going back to slow and gentle strokes. The song, chosen specifically because she thought it might soothe the most things at once, had been a song that’d been sung to her more times than she could count. Her Ma first, with her Grandma second during those first, confusing, years Sadie had lived with her full time and had gotten homesick. The point of it all though, the thing Sadie pushed into her voice more than anything else? Peace. Calm. Home. Safety. They weren’t easy sentiments to put into words, to help someone feel no matter how hard you hugged them, but the redhead would try with every last bit she had to put in that song. Maybe Nish really was immune to it, and no small part of Sadie had hoped that was true in her own way, but if there was even a small chance to help abate the suffering some? Well, Sadie was going to take it. It didn’t matter if that was tea, or fried chicken, or breaking one of her own rules about how she was allowed to treat people… Sitting here and doing nothing, for her sister, just wasn’t an option. With a bit of luck, or maybe just exhaustion from the events and retelling, it seemed to have the intended effect however and Sadie? Well, she’d sit right there with nary a complaint. Didn’t matter none that her own tea got cold, or that the chicken would be too. Didn’t matter none that she wasn’t rightly sure which thing might’ve lulled her new family off to a kind of rest either. It didn’t matter that hours might pass, Sadie would sit right there. She’d never stop running her fingers through Nish’s hair or humming, at least not until she had to lean back against her own bed and get some rest herself. ---- |