nishka//loki (nishka) wrote in repose, @ 2018-02-03 19:05:00 |
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Entry tags: | *log, nishka bariss, sadie marella |
Log: Nish and Sadie move into the B&B
Who: Sadie and Nish
What: Moving Day -- Ish
Where: the B&B
When: backdated to Sunday, January 14, 2018, after this.
Status: Log, complete
Well, whatever notion Sadie had once had about what this place might have been in terms of strange and different? All underlined that point was these days, ones where it seemed she’d not only netted herself a place of employment but two potential places to sleep. At least, that’s what she was telling herself. Truth was, there really wasn’t much way to know how the work other than her busking might go. That truth led to another where, if it didn’t work out, then options dried up quickly. ‘Course then Nish went and invited her to come along to the B&B, to stay with her some, regular like. Sadie had looked at her for a good solid minute without saying anything at that. What was there to say? Sure as the day had started, which was a might bit questionable given that Sadie wasn’t entirely sure she was not actually dreaming, this was something else. She wasn’t going to say no to it, not when Nish had made it more than clear she wasn’t making the kind of offers Sadie might have expected. Nish had let her sleep in the motel, all warm and comfortable, with nary an incident and Sadie saw no good reason to go passing up a safe place to sleep and company that didn’t mind her. There were questions of course, plenty of ‘em in fact. Nish had said she was just passing through, was she upgrading accommodations because these ones were that bad? Was it because Sadie was taking up too much room? That one in particular was hard to keep clipped behind her teeth, less she risk an answer that would have been hard to take. If the woman was upgrading to make more room for Sadie...well that was mighty nice of her and just...Well it’d been a bit since she’d felt such a thing and taking it without feeling bad? Not the easiest thing. Then of course would be other, more personal, thoughts and questions. Why was the woman passing through town suddenly looking for somewhere to stay longer? She didn’t pretend she had anything to do with that one. What it could have even begun to mean if it were true, Sadie hadn’t the foggiest. Largely though, she wrote such things off to her wild or guilty imagination. She was even smart enough to keep the whole lot of things to herself when she’d finally managed to get the workings of her mouth in order again to make words. Kind isn’ae even the word for it, what yer offerin’, an I thank you for it. Sadie wasn’t a hard girl to humble, but if she’d been wearing a hat she just might have started to wring the thing in her hands just then. Of course then there had been talk of paying, as Sadie had been. She was comfortable enough in her busking take and if her hopes did work out about the Carnival? Well then she’d have more than enough probably to cover her own lodging and Nish wouldn’t even have to worry about Sadie being in the way. Now, here they were, packing up what little things either of them had and moving somewhere all new. Sadie, who’d make sure to wash her clothes regularly in the sink, was dressed in a comfortable hoodie, jeans, and jacket. It was one four possible outfits she owned, and two were just variations with sweatshirt versus without in the times it was dirty to the point nobody should have been around it. Sneakers were laced up tight, her canvas bag slung over her shoulders while her violin case rested easily on her toes. “...Yer sure? ‘Bout this, I mean?” That part she couldn’t hold back, finding the nervous feeling in her guts demanded she do or say something. --- Nish smiled indulgently at her and picked up her suitcase, a backpack already over one shoulder. “Of course,” she said, leading them to the door so they could finally get the hell out of this horrible motel. “Seriously, I don't know how that place hasn't been shut down yet,” she complained again, closing the door behind them and leading Sadie to her car. “This other place is much nicer, but…” she hesitated, taking the time to unlock the trunk of her - what was James’- car. Her car had been a total loss, and while he hadn't had the time yet to change his Will, his parents had made sure she was comfortable after the funeral. Thinking about it, she was reminded that she really should call them. She wondered if they were back in Ireland by now, or if they had to stay to settle his estate. Snapping out of her sudden reverie, she shook her head piled her things in the trunk, slamming it shut and heading to the driver’s side. She belted herself in and started the car, waiting for Sadie to get in and get comfortable. “It's not far,” she said, completely forgetting that she had left the previous sentence hanging. “I don't think it'll be too much farther from the carnival from there.” Then again, she wasn't exactly sure where the carnival was. She pulled out of the motel lot and turned onto main street. --- “I’ve seen worse?” She offered with an idle shrug, content not to argue any further on the topic of Nish’s certainty. Well, perhaps content wasn’t the right word, but she’d keep any further questions or uncertainties to herself for now. The last thing she wanted to do was offend a woman, who was feeding her and keeping her warm, by asking questions about the goodwill she was offering. She’d ignore the trunk for now, preferring to keep what minimal possessions she had in her hands. It was something, like the way she hesitated before buckling up as if she wasn’t quite sure about the ride, that had become habit. She’d gotten in so many cars and she always gave it a look before she decided if it was safe to bind herself to the seat. “But what?” Because, while Nish might have missed it, Sadie had not and was more than happy giving her mouth some words to form that weren’t a shuffling of ‘Thank You’ and ‘You’re sure?’ for the hundredth time. It was also a million times easier to talk now, after spending a few nights together, and that probably had something to do with it too. Normally Sadie was quiet, hands folded in her lap, unless she was spoken to directly by whoever was driving. Nish though...Nish was slipping some of her usual defenses, bordering in on close as far as Sadie could have considered anyone she’d met in quite awhile and… And Nish was taking Sadie into account, commenting on things that had no reflection of her, and didn’t it make the waif smile. “Oh I wouldn’t worry about that.” She shrugged. “I’m quite good at getting around when I need to, figure I’ll get in the habit of walkin’ it in the mornin’s and at night, that way I should know how long it takes to get then and I’ll know how soon I need to leave if’n I have a performance or some-such.” She gave an affirmative nod. --- Nish had to take a minute to figure out what Sadie was asking her, glancing at her with a puzzled look, and then it came to her. “Ohh...when I was asking about somewhere else to say, people were warning that the place is haunted,” she explained, a grin tugging at her lips at the idea of it. “I mean really, people believe that?” It was a complete non-issue for her, but it didn’t occur to her until then that it might bother Sadie. “You’re okay with that, right?” she asked, her voice softening just a little with a touch of concern. She turned off of Main Street, spotting the building up ahead of them. “Well, hopefully it won’t be too much farther for you,” she said, “but I like the idea of walking around at night. I’ve never lived in such a small town before,” she commented, and then quickly backtracked. “I mean, not that I live here now,” she added, “it’s just a few more days. Maybe a week,” she added after some thought, not noticing that she’d already been in town for a week by this point. She pulled up in front of the building and parked, collecting her things from the trunk and locking up. “So the place is...well, it’s a little dated,” she explained as they walked up to the front door. “Everything in there is antique, the beds, the decor...but I guess that’s part of its charm,” she decided with a shrug, holding the door open for Sadie to walk inside. She took a moment to look around, then fished in her pocket for the keys. “We’re on the second floor,” she said, pointing to the stairs. --- Sadie didn’t say anything to, what she assumed, was a mere stumbling over words as they walked. She understood what it was like to be on the move all the time, to forget that you could put your feet up in the same place more than once. Heck, if it hadn’t been for Nish she might still have trouble recalling that very same feeling. More to the point however, Sadie didn’t say anything because she was far too busy going over the other facts that had just been presented to her. Apparently this hotel was haunted and Nish didn’t believe in that kind of thing. Once upon a time, Sadie would have agreed without question. She would have rolled her eyes at spooky ghost stories and shrugged her shoulders when anyone asked her what she thought of such things. Over the years, that feeling had diminished some. As time made more certain that Sadie felt like there was something wrong with her, she began to wonder. It became a comfort to think of the world of the Supernatural (which she very much considered fantasy for the majority) as a thing that was real. It gave her, at least as she saw herself, a place in the world. If she was telling the truth now though, the reason she’d flipped positions on ghosts so much was because, as long as the process wasn’t awful for the ghosts? Well...there were at least two people Sadie would have paid every coin she made for the rest of her life just to see them again, even if it was just as ghosts. “I don’t worry about ghosts, if that’s what you’re askin’, no. Figure they’ve never much given me a reason to.” She offered it mostly as a joke. “As long as they’re not runnin’ off with anything I need for the day or makin’ it so I can’t get no sleep, I figure there’s just not that much to complain about. Never met a ghost before tho’ so maybe I’m gettin’ jus’ a bit ahead of meself.” It was a sure sign Sadie had lightened up around the other woman’s company, what with the rather unfettered way she let herself talk now. She was still careful, but those tight reins were slipping as the two got to know each other. By the time they reached the B&B, Sadie was admittedly quite excited. A bit like a kid riding around in a car through a new city, she stopped just short of pressing her nose on the glass. She’d walked past the place on one of her late night circuits through town when she was trying to find somewhere to sleep, but that had been about it. “As long as the bed’s comfortable for you and the heat works.” She replied, stepping through the door while seeming all bright about it. That was a starkly serious assessment of her care about a place however. It needed to be warm and dry and Sadie would be happy. It got a million bonus points if it had a tub she could soak in though. For now, she’d just hover on the inside of the door until Nish was in too and then slip in behind her to go up the stairs. She had the key after all, and more things to carry, so Sadie saw no need to hold up the show by leading the way. --- “For you too,” Nish insisted, leading the way upstairs. “I figured you’d get a lot more pay out of people if you’re happy and well-rested,” she said with a smile. Part of her thought Loki was right, that she was being ridiculous taking this girl in like this. She had a mission, and when that was over she’d be leaving. It was almost cruel to give this girl a taste of a warm home and then up and leave in a week or so. But she also felt this was something she had to do. For herself, if not for Sadie. She was alone, and while that hadn’t really bothered her before, she’d just lost the love of her life. That bothered her, and that made the loneliness worse. She needed a presence, any presence, in her life to keep her from falling headfirst into that pit of despair that had ended her up in the hospital. Twice. And so, the price of an extra room was worth the staving off of mental instability. At least until she found her goal and went home. She paused in front of one of the doors and unlocked it with the key in her hand, pushing it open and leading Sadie inside. “So...this one is yours,” she said, looking around at the modest sized bedroom with a chair and a dressing table. “It’s a little smaller than mine, but this opens out into a living room between us,” she said, indicating a door off to the side of the room. She handed Sadie the key she’d just used and then pulled her own out of her pocket and showing it to her with a smile. --- Sadie just tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and was glad that, in going upstairs, she had a good reason to be staring at her shoes. Nish was the kind of nice it was almost difficult to accept it was so good. It was the kind of thing that Sadie had worried was a trap at first and now, that she knew it wasn’t, she just wasn’t sure what to do with it sometimes. Most of the time. All of it. She was getting better or at least that was what she liked to tell herself. She was feeling like they were more friends at least and accepting the fact that she was giving something to Nish too made it easier. Which didn’t change the fact Sadie hadn’t expected her own room. “You didn’ae ‘avta’ do tha’…” It was all quiet and tiny while she peeked at the room. “Really though, you didn’t have to do that.” She repeated herself, her voice cleared up all the sudden. Sadie was trying to make sure there hadn’t been some point where she’d somehow suggested this idea to Nish and was covering her bases. If she told her she didn’t have to do it now and she hadn’t wanted to do it in the first place, well, Sadie could at least hope the two things would cancel each other out. When that didn’t seem to have any effect, when it seemed as though this was something Nish had done all by herself, well that’d make Sadie shuffle her feet a fair bit it would. “It’s very lovely. Thank you so much.” The room was a good amount of space space for her, though still more of very own than Sadie had for herself since before her siblings had been born. Not counting outside or Grand’ma’mas, which was a space not really hers anyway. It was kind of like the B&B though, in that way. Her room there was a little smaller than this one in fact, but Sadie had done that on purpose, having not been quite sure what to do with the space. Sadie very carefully took the key and put it in the smaller, inside, pocket of her jeans. She’d keep it in her violin case whenever she left, but that seemed like a good enough place for the time being. She wouldn’t set any of her things down though, not yet. Instead she’d casually reach out to press her fingers down on the bed, testing it for softness and the all important bounce-ability. The results of it made her smile off soft and tender. T’was just the kind of bed her kid sisters would have loved it was. Didn’t even squeak. “Does it have a bath? This place?” Sadie assumed it was a communal setting for such things, which didn’t seem to both her any. She could be real quiet taking a soak at three in the morning if that’s what it came down to, but it seemed an important question all the same. “And I think you should have the keys when we’re both here.” She added quickly, the thought occuring to her and making tiny fingers go fishing the thing back out of her pocket. “That way, if you need company or anything, you can just come in, you don’t even have to knock.” It was an explanation that found its way halfway between blurted and an attempt to be thoughtful all at once. It wasn’t like Sadie would get up to much when she was here anyway, not quite sure what to do with a room…. ….And equally so the last thing she wanted to be was disturbing to any other guests. It wasn’t like she could play her violin inside after all and that meant it was best if she just avoided people and didn’t cause an incident. It was another thing that made her appreciate Nish all the more and made Sadie offer a gentle expression up to the other woman. “Can I see your room too?” She was curious now, more than anything, but there was a faint little smirk that followed. “Might still sleep on your floor, jus’ ‘cause that’s been a bit nice. Liked sharing a room, I mean. Was fun.” She was babbling again some and it, paired with the joke she’d made about sleeping on the floor in Nish’s room, could be argued to be good signs indeed. --- Nish smiled softly at Sadie’s thank-yous. If she was being perfectly honest with herself, having Sadie here was a bit of a selfish thing; sure, Sadie benefited from having food and a warm place to sleep, but Nish’s first thought had been ‘she reminds me of James. She reminds me of Josie. I’m fucking depressed and lonely, and I need this right now.’ Any benefits to Sadie were secondary to her own selfish needs. But another part of her was happy that she could - at least temporarily - improve the girl’s life. Give her somewhere to rest without worry, and a bath. “Yeah,” she said to Sadie’s question. “They don’t have one in every room though, but there’s a bathroom down the hall with a tub and a shower,” she said, indicating over her shoulder with a nod. “And you go ahead and keep your key, we can keep the doors between our rooms open if you’d like instead.” She was a little surprised at Sadie’s admission of wishing they could share a room. She’d assumed that she would cherish the privacy - she knew she would, in her position. Her brows rose a little. “I thought you would like your own space,” she said. “I actually thought you were uncomfortable on the floor,” she added with a hint of amusement tugging on her lips. She tilted her head towards the second door, in the room. “Come on,” she said, opening it into a small living room with a couch, a coffee table, a television, minifridge and coffee maker, decorated and furnished with the same antiques as the rest of the place. On the other side of the room was a door to her own room. She led Sadie towards it and unlocked it, pushing the door open to a slightly larger but very similar room to Sadie’s. She smiled and tossed her bags onto the bed, raising her arms a little as if showing it off to her. “It’ll be a little weird sleeping somewhere that feels at least a hundred years old, but it’s a bed,” she said with a shrug and a smile. ---- The news about the bath wasn’t a surprise really, most places had some way to get clean, but the idea that there was a tub clearly hit a high note. Bright eyes followed the nod and there was an easy acceptance of Nish’s compromise that they could just keep the doors open. That was a little less comforting and Sadie reasoned she might just leave the door unlocked when she was here, That seemed like something she could do at least without too much worry, though Repose it seemed was a place where that scale was already a diminished microcosm of her usual woes. At least here she was fed regularly and had been sleeping somewhere dry and warm with starting regularity. “Can do that.” Because what else was there to say about it as she trotted along behind Nish through the common room. She didn’t think she’d use it much, if only because it seemed like a place she’d run into too many people. She took in the sights just the same, in case she ever changed her mind, but the interesting part was Nish’s room. In particular, Sadie watched as the bag was haphazardly tossed and, for a split second, it made her wince because she couldn’t imagine doing that with her own bag. She was so careful with her things but...but maybe she wouldn’t have to be here? What a thought that was to have just then and it pressed tiny toes into the floor excitedly. Besides, the way Nish seemed to just cast everything? She did think it looked like fun. It was probably something she’d be trying, though never with her violin, the next time she schlepped her old and tired bag into the room. The sentiment Nish had expressed at sharing a room though, that was the first thing on her mind and the reply spilled out easy from her lips. “Oh I dun mind none really.” There was a warm nostalgia there as her own thoughts drifted back to so many nights of sleeping in a crowded bed because her brother or youngest sister couldn’t sleep and ended up snuggling up with her. It wouldn’t inevitably start a precession of all four of them trying to pile into one bed and, more often than not, with Sadie ending up sleeping on the floor beside the bed. For as weird as she sometimes felt like her brothers and sisters thought she was, that had always been a special memory for her — which was both obvious in her reply and why she decided to share it just then. “Used to do it a lot honestly. Kin’s a bit of a bed hog.” She smirked. “Only so many times you can take tiny feet kickin’ you ‘fore you jus’ give up and move your pillow down on the floor.” It wasn’t the whole sentiment expressed at once, but it was the picture of why Sadie had never cared much for empty rooms or space that felt like too much. It was why she didn’t like big beds, the kind where she could roll over and find empty space. It tended to wake her up in the middle of the night when it happened, though it’d been so long since then she had no idea if it still would. “I like it, the old of it that is. Reminds me of where I used to spend summers a bit, it does.” It was an easy sentiment to share then too, something she was finding more and more with Nish. ---- Nish smiled softly at Sadie’s nostalgic chatter. She was opening her shoulder bag, taking out things she’d need for overnight - the book she was currently reading (The Gospel of Loki, which Loki found at times both amusing and horrifying, and couldn’t help but comment on practically every line), a pair of pajamas which she unceremoniously dumped on the bed nearby, her toothbrush, hairbrush, meds, and other assorted ‘bathroom’ items which she neatly clustered on the dressing table behind her, her phone charger which was immediately plugged in. “I’m glad to say I only ever had to share a bed as a kid when we had company over,” she said, not realizing how that might sound to someone who frequently shared a bed. “It was usually my sister and I, crowded into one bedroom while the guest took one of our beds. Usually mine,” she added with an eyeroll and a smirk. It amazed her that, while thoughts of her sister used to immediately prompt a frown, a pang of sadness, or even guilt, it didn’t seem to do that now. She was sure Loki was partially to blame for that, after he revealed to her details about her childhood she’d missed or forgotten. But she also thought maybe she’d just reached a grief threshold...nothing else could make it hurt more, since she’d already been living with that pain for most of her life. And the fresh pain of James’ loss seemed to have replaced it. “Where did you spend your summers?” she asked casually, tossing her empty overnight bag in a nearby chair and then unzipping her suitcase full of clothes. There was a small antique dresser she’d put everything in, so she wouldn’t have to live out of the suitcase while she was here. --- Sadie did her best not to gawk or be intrusive as she stood there, still holding onto all her worldy possessions. The book was of interest, but books always were to Sadie. Reading had become one of those pastimes that, while she didn’t get to indulge it often anymore, was a good one. It was something quiet that she could do, a thing she could hide behind. The sight of the phone charger too would perk her interest and, all at once, an idea seemed to come to her that brightened her up beyond any kind of solid reason. So intense was the thought that Sadie, completely without thinking, rushed to set her violin case down on the bed. The snaps and locks were hastily undone in loud snaps and the instrument itself was yanked from inside in exceptionally uncharacteristic fashion. She needed to get to the little compartment underneath — she needed to like her bloody life depended on it. Spare strings, the little charm bracelets with bells on them, the washers tied to rubberbands, and the whole lot of things Sadie used as part of her performance were haphazardly tossed on the bed and not even her bed at that. Finally, though if she’d been slower she could have just carefully taken the thing out, she found what she was looking for. It was an iPod and the thing, though weathered, looked quite well cared for. With it were a pair of earbuds and a charger, the latter of which was probably the single most expensive item Sadie had actually purchased with her own money since leaving home. She’d sprung for a nicer one, something that wouldn’t get ruined by rain (not that Sadie ever let it get wet) and had to go to a special store because she didn’t have the slightest clue what she was looking for, but it had been worthy every last night of going hungry as a result. Without even a second of explanation, even going so far as to leave her violin completely unattended (a sign of trust in the other woman as much as it was a betrayal of her feelings in that moment), Sadie rushed back into the room that was hers. When she came back, all the bits were absent from her hands and she had a bit of a sheepish look on her face — at least as much as she could have with how decidedly pleased she looked at the moment. “Sorry.” She offered nothing more in terms of explanation and wouldn’t unless asked. Instead she just launched into the conversation where they’d left off, like the incident hadn’t happened at all. “S’always the big sister who has to give up her bed, ya?” Because that had certainly been how it had been in her house. Like Nish, she even managed to recall that memory without the usual long shadow that had come with it even. ‘Course, there wasn’t a force on Earth nor in Heaven that could have dulled her shine just then. “S’what Mum’a always used ta’ say anyway.” She offered the ending with a soft little smile, another thing she hadn’t done while talking about her Mother in quite some time. The second question, that was about the only thing that could close to dialing her back some, but Sadie dug her toes down into the floor and squished her guts together in a flex of muscles to keep it from happening. She quickly let her mind wander backwards, finding a toehold in the warmth of that time, then a space for her foot, then a perch for herself on the whole. She paired it with the songs she reminded herself she’d hear tonight for the first times in months, with memories that were just for her, and it kept that smile constant as North on a compass. “Spent them with my Grandma’ma, little place called Rathmullan.” She replied mostly without thinking, still somewhat entrenched in that bittersweet bit of memory as she feverishly battled with herself to stay on the honey side of the feeling. “S’in Ireland.” She explained, something she’d not shared with anyone in quite some time. “Her place wasn’ae very big…” She didn’t even catch the way the accent had rolled back, peeking through as all of Sadie’s energy was otherwise being spent keeping her emotional balance. “Smaller rooms than this they were, furnished all old and proper like. Gran-Pa-Pa, he liked this kind of thing I guess.” Which was a hint that Sadie had never met him, but had heard plenty of stories. “I Miss it a lot.” There it was, that tiny peek of a shadow as her eyes sunk just a bit and she went about carefully packing her things back up slowly. “Sorry ‘bout tha’ mess.” --- Nish watched her with an amused smile as she searched for her iPod and then dashed away. It even drew a chuckle out of her as she imagined the poor girl - who probably had very limited access to anywhere to charge the player - eagerly plugging it into the wall in her room. When she came back and apologised, Nish shook her head and put up a hand. “Don’t worry about it,” she laughed, “I’d be lost if my phone died on me, so I get it.” Any time without instant access to candy crush would just be awful. “I’m actually the youngest, but I was the one who always had to move,” she commented, pulling clothes out of her suitcase and shoving them at random into the drawers behind her. “Though it was kind of fun; my sister would tell me bedtime stories, and I used to love pressing my cold feet to her legs,” she added with another laugh. She hadn’t thought about that in years, and was happy to find that the memory wasn’t painful. Sadie’s story of home made her nostalgic for things she’d never had, and some things she did. She paused in her task and nodded. “I bet,” she said about missing it. “I have a lot of good memories about my grandfather. My grandmother died before I was born, but he talked about her so much I felt like I knew her. He had the best stories…” she trailed off. ’He was a good man,’ Loki put in quietly, ’It was an honour to share thoughts with him.’ Nish nodded just a bit with a secret smile, but covered herself by gesturing to the various items Sadie had flung onto the bed in her haste to find her iPod. “Don’t worry about it, I’m not exactly the tidiest person in the world,” she reminded her. --- Sadie’s teeth sunk into her lower lip for a moment and she did honestly debate sharing the story with Nish, about the girl who’d danced with her outside a coffee shop once, who’d lent her the iPod only to never return, and who had claimed songs Sadie didn’t play in public anymore, but she didn’t. It wasn’t personal or even to suggest that Nish hadn’t earned that sharing, some memories had just become things that Sadie selfishly hung onto just for herself. They were her security blankets, soft things she needed when the world got heavy and hard. Nish’s actions, the things she’d done for Sadie, they’d fall into that same category. They weren’t stories she’d trade with mirthful laughter among strangers, but pictures she’d store in her head for the inevitable nights she felt the deep cut of loneliness again. Sadie was relieved when the story seemed to switch gears all on its own and her eyes lifted to show she was paying attention to the story. She even managed a (admittedly surprising) burst of laughter at the bit about cold feet. “Ugggggh.” She groaned. “What is it about the wee ones and always havin’ feet like ice cubes anyway?” But she was smiling, appreciating the exchange of things from pasts and the warm bath that was a pleasant memory about her siblings. She couldn’t picture Nish as her little sister, but she could certainly see the act and draw the parallels. “Did you have any favorite stories she used to tell you? Brother, he used to love this one, Pickle Chiffon Pie. Always used to whine at me when I wouldn’t do the voices he would.” She sighed a bit at that, finding a bit of cold she hadn’t expected coming back up with the memory. It was easy to push aside still, at least until the second story came. “Yeah.” It was a quiet and somber understanding as Sadie went about smoothing her fingers down the length of her violin before sealing the case back closed. She couldn’t count the number of times she’d sat on her Grandmother’s porch, listening to stories and songs the woman would play. She remembered the way old fashioned shades of lipstick would stain wine glasses when the memories seemed to get heavy. She remembered crawling into that old rocking chair when it seemed like they got painful, wrapping around the woman like the smallest blanket. It, unlike the rest of the nostalgia, wasn’t quite so easy to sidestep. “S’how it was for me and my Grams too.” She appreciated the lack of being called to task on the mess she’d made but she looked no less sheepish about it, especially not now with the cloud that seemed to be partially blocking her usual rays of sunshine. Normally, she’d never have done something like that but...well...these were hardly normal times anymore. They were new, chalked full of big changes, good changes, but confusing. It was hard to navigate between the excitement, the apprehension, and the worry that all this was just going to get cut out from under her by another one of her own mistakes — or worse, by something she had no control over at all. It was the latter that, more and more, Sadie was finding not unlike stepping in deep river muck while trying to go for a nice swim. Some part of her though thought it was a good thing, that she was dipping into waters which had been avoided for so long because they had hurt so very badly. It at least meant that she wasn’t running from it quite so much anymore. Not that there weren’t a plethora of things in her history she ran from but...but if it worked out she didn’t want to run from the place she’d found herself now. Repose did well for her busking and, as evidenced by where she stood right now, it was good for her as a person too. She was getting to meet people again, to talk and have conversations, to eat regularly and sleep somewhere warm. She felt included, like she had a place even when she wasn’t playing her violin and...and it was just nice was all. “....Did you have a favorite, one of his stories? — if’n you don’t mind the askin’? — I understand if you do, don’t mean to pry — I just —.” She clipped the sentence back by another drop of teeth to lips, this one harder and more jarring, something to snap her back out of the place it seemed she was sliding into. “I like old folks stories is all.” She didn’t think it was the worst recovery in the world. --- Nish couldn’t help but chuckle at Sadie’s playful frustration with frozen toes. “James never complained about cold toes when we were together, but I’m sure they’re still - “ she trailed off, just realizing what she had said, and also realizing that she hadn’t felt the same stab in her heart she always did when she spoke about him. Instead, she was smiling fondly, remembering him but not actively mourning him. It was strange, but not altogether unwelcome, even though she was sure it wouldn’t last. She didn’t come back to herself until Sadie started asking about favourite stories. She smiled warmly and closed her now empty suitcase, propping it up in the corner of the room. “She was good at making them up on the spot,” she said, “usually made-up stories about us doing fantastic things. My grandfather...he told me the old stories,” she said, sitting on the edge of the bed and thinking back. “He came here from Norway when he was a kid, so he heard all the stories from his family when he was small, about the Norse gods and their adventures and all that. He passed them onto me and my brother and sister, but they weren’t really as interested in them as I was. I begged him to tell them to me every time I saw him,” she said with a chuckle. “I was only six when he died, but...it felt like I’d known him forever,” she sighed. ’There was a reason I chose you and not Rob or Heather,’ Loki said, his voice soft with what she was sure was fondness. ’They weren’t as open and curious as you were, something I still love about you.’ Nish couldn’t help but smile at that comment, and turned her head to hide the light blush dusting her cheeks, under the pretence of picking up her empty shoulderbag and tossing it across the room where her suitcase was. “Anyway,” she said, smiling over at her, “it’s getting late...I was going to get some takeout and veg in front of the tv before bed, are you interested?” she offered with a smile. --- Sadie listened to the story about James with an understanding in her own way. She didn’t say it, because she didn’t want to risk being the blade that cut at the heart, but the look was there in her eyes: Love didn’t care about cold feet. It was why, despite the way she groaned about it, she was smiling at the memory of her siblings, feeling that same absence of a stinging in her chest she’d come to expect from such reflection and nostalgia. She wouldn’t notice it so much in herself, not for days to come most likely, but there it was all the same. It was a look back in time unobstructed by the long shadows of grief and mourning, a sweetness undiluted by sadness and longing, and a genuine reminder of how very good that feeling was. It would continue on, setting a grand tone for the absorption of what came next. Perhaps it was unfair of her to see this as something they shared, something that made them a sense of family so soon, but the parallels were impossible to ignore. The penchant for stories, both real and carried from a world long gone, was something their Grandparents had shared and it was impossible not to smile as she thought back on tales of Banshees and Saints alike — even if the latter had drawn no small shortage of scoffing from her elder. Guilt washed over, her like a quick draft from winter’s door opened inconsiderately when Nish mentioned how limited the time had been, but Sadie carefully guided it away from showing on her features. How fortunate was she for the time she’d had? It was thrice over Nish’s experience and Sadie had to wonder just where she might have been without that. Surely not here. She would have had no skills to carry her through the nightmare years of her life, nothing that would have carried here to Repose where she found herself on the precipice of what was feeling like life again. The thought alone made her shiver and be very glad there was a topic change to follow it up. “Yes please.” A half beat was taken. “Could I pay this time? For at least part of it?” It wasn’t even humility that drew the question out of her mouth. Instead it was rooted in a fresh and new understanding. Nish mattered to Sadie. She mattered in a way Sadie hadn’t let someone matter in a very long time. She mattered in a way that made her want to go that extra, extra, mile, that made her willing to part with pieces of herself and kindnesses she hadn’t in about as long as she’d even thought to utter the phrase ‘this time’ — because so often she didn’t leave room for those opportunities anymore. For certain, Sadie half-expected Nish to say no. She’d accept the invitation either way though, just happy to be there for more time to spend with her newfound friend. --- Nish was slightly taken off guard by Sadie’s offer, and it was on the tip of her tongue to refuse, but then she thought better of it. Put herself in Sadie’s shoes for a moment. She was giving her a place to sleep, in a place that provided a good meal every morning to its residents. She could imagine that, if she had been in Sadie’s position, she would probably feel a little guilty or beholden to her benefactor, and want to repay the kindness, at least a little. Nish wasn’t looking for any repayment beyond Sadie’s company, but she understood. ’Come on, do you have to be so goddamn good, Nish?’ Loki complained, ’why are you acting so soft lately? You know she’ll be a drain on your savings, right? The least she could do is pay for dinner…’ Nish frowned slightly but didn’t answer him, nipping at her bottom lip and then deciding. “Alright,” she said finally, “I was thinking we could share a pizza and some wings or something,” she said with a smile. “Maybe watch something on TV.” There was one in the common room between them, so they could set up camp in there and find something to entertain them. They ended up watching a cartoon Sadie picked, something her siblings liked, over a quite satisfying dinner (and maybe a few too many of the mini bottles of booze for Nish), and when it ended they said their goodnights and went off to their own rooms to sleep. Nish blearily changed into her pajamas and almost fell into bed, the alcohol having gone straight to her head, despite the full meal they’d had. She curled up under the thick duvet, cradling her phone in one hand and scrolling sadly through the photos of James on her phone until her eyes slipped closed on her and she finally fell asleep. ---- “I think that sounds perfect it does..” Sadie chimed brightly, clearly elated that Nish had taken her up on the offer. “Haven’t had pizza in quite the spell, and can’ae even remember the last time I had wings. Do you like them spicy?” Sadie had mixed feelings on spicy food. On one hand, the heat and warmth was always welcome and it paired nicely with the nostalgia from growing up. Hot wings were one of her Mom’s favorite foods and there had been a very nice little place not far from home which had served some that Sadie quite liked. The fact that Nish wanted to pair it with TV and let Sadie pick what to watch on TV? There was a moment where Sadie honestly debated curling up next to Nish because that was the only thing that was missing in her mind. She remembered so many nights like this, where she and her siblings would curl up under blankets, watching just this kind of show, eating just this kind of food, where she was snuggled and warm and just...happy. The smile was evidence of that and it would remain a constant throughout the whole night. Unfortunately, if Sadie were to hazard a guess, that probably also played a large part in why her dreams were so bad. It was seemingly as if all of her loved ones were present. It started out nice even, a flashback to times long ago...but it turned to horror not long after, with the house twisting and stretching out into an endless series of darkened corridors where there was no one at all. No matter how many times Sadie cried out or shouted, no matter how feverishly she searched, there was nothing to be found…. ...At least this time, when the shade of a monster from her past reared its head, Sadie had the good fortune to wake quickly. It was a shuddering, cold sweat, sitting up all at once kind of waking and Sadie just...she felt like a kid who’d had a bad dream. It was hard to even process where she was too, what with the room suddenly being so strange and new, and that left Sadie functioning largely on a sleep deprived, nightmare induced, kind of autopilot. She didn’t even think about it (she couldn’t think at all really) as she shuffled her way across the common room and into the bedroom her feet told her was the right place to go. She just took their instruction as if it were law, half shaking, half shuffling her way right up to the side of Nish’s bed as if it were one of those very same kinsmen she’d just been hunting for in her dream. “I’m sleeping in here.” Her voice too had shifted, adopting patterns that Sadie consciously worked to keep buried. Those kind of words, those suggestions if not commands and statements, were things she was so careful about not doing these days. She’d feel awful about it in the morning (assuming she even remembered) but for now? For now there was no hope to do anything abandon her usual cadance. She was frightened, exhausted, and confused. All she wanted to do was curl up in that bed, to be close to someone. With where her brain was at, there was even a reasonable chance it wouldn’t have even mattered who was there and Sadie would have said the same thing — right before she helped herself to a small piece on the edge of the bed and went about trying to nestle her way into a cuddle that would hopefully grant her a respite from her night terrors. --- Loki woke her up. If asked, she couldn’t explain exactly how he did it, but her eyes opened groggily and a sense of having forgotten something important seemed to pull her at least part-way to wakefulness. She could see a shadow in the room, standing over her, and she would have been afraid had it not been for the familiar voice stating that they were sleeping here now. She frowned just a little in confusion, but Loki stepped in then, grabbing her attention. ’She’s pushing you, Nish,’ he said, sounding suddenly on guard, ’like we do.’ It was an interesting idea to her, but one her brain was just too sleepy and too drunk to think through. And she didn’t feel any different at all, so she questioned whether he was even right about that. There wasn’t any irresistible pull to comply to a command, or new ideas in her head that she felt compelled to fulfil. She didn’t know exactly how it felt to be pushed, but she could imagine, and she felt none of it. What she did feel though, was a sleepy sort of sympathy for someone who had obviously had a nightmare. She could relate, and she could also understand the need for comfort after that. So she sighed softly and shifted in bed, making room next to her and sliding to the other side of the bed, lifting the blanket a little in invitation. “Hurry up, it’s cold,” she murmured groggily, getting comfortable again in her new spot. --- Sadie wouldn’t waste any time, the autopilot of her existence was certain that it worked and strong enough to keep the recognition of what she’d done from registering in her mind just then. So, instead of fretting over it in a way that might keep her up for hours, Sadie just moved to occupy the space under the covers. Maybe it should have hitched some when she was the one squirming up against someone’s side, when she was chasing down a closeness that’d make her feel both secure and comfortable, but it didn’t. She just wanted to sleep, to rest, to put this whole awful dream behind her and be done with today. So it was that that was exactly what Sadie would do. She’d crawl right under that blanket and that arm, selfishly claiming both for her own sense of security and comfort. She’d wriggle her way up against Nish and not even think about it. It was just where she needed to be, what she needed in order to find rest and peace, and evidently there were still some parts of Sadie willing to act like a spoiled child in order to get it. Fortunately at least, she wasn’t the type to use cold feet nor snoring as a means of getting to sleep. She just needed to curl up, put her head down on the pillow, and let the warmth of another person do its job of lulling her to sleep. |