Burden knows that in life, one must (tithe) wrote in repose,
Re: In-person: Misha B/Damian W
[The loftiness made Misha smile a little more robustly.] I can even imagine you being real lofty when you reckon you're right. [But guilt came next, and Misha didn't have a real hard time reckoning why. He was high, it was true, but it didn't a whole lot to douse his understanding of this boy sitting so close.] We learn from each other. It's okay. It ain't like we had a whole lot to learn from 'fore, did we?
[He considered some. Slow, time stretching like taffy pulled thin at the beach, and Misha touched Damian's face as he considered. There was time, and it wasn't like he was going nowhere, and his hallucination sure wasn't 'bout to run off from him.] You didn't get me to any point. That's taking too much responsibility. I reckon my momma started putting me on the path to getting to this point, and my daddy, my real daddy, and my foster daddy, and Oliver, and me. I'm responsible too, for what I done. You're responsible for today, how 'bout that? Just like I'm responsible for today, and for yesterday, and for the things we done without meaning to. But you don't get to be responsible for more than that. [He cupped the other boy's cheeks again.] Damian, you got to try to understand that you don't make me feel like I ain't allowed to have issues. You ask me to talk to you 'bout them constant. You try real hard to get at them. You can't be responsible for me not giving. And you ain't responsible for me wanting to give. I want to help you. Helping you makes me feel good. It ain't a burden. Other folks can be, but you ain't. Don't you see? [He kept one hand on the boy's cheek, and the other tipped dark chin.] Helping you, it makes me feel useful.
[Damian dropped his gaze, and Misha followed it well as he could with his own blue one. The shadow of the wings 'gainst the wall drooped some. and Misha's eyes went wide when Damian insisted he wasn't being imagined.] I can't die. We both know that, and I meant I can sit here and know I lost you without wanting to hang myself. Not that I would've done so without the pills, because I wasn't that low. I ain't never that low. And you know why? [He ducked his head, trying to ensure Damian didn't look away any.] Because you're there. I don't even get close to that low with you there. We talk, and we touch, and the bad stuff goes and I feel hopeful.
[He was real slow to move, but he did move. As Damian talked, and if Damian allowed it, Misha turned him 'til Damian was sitting 'tween his thighs, back to belly and Misha's bare knees up 'gainst the boy's side. It was a position Misha liked real well, and he wrapped his arms 'round Damian's shoulders and closed his eyes as he leaned back 'gainst the side of the mattress with arms hanging limp and that green ring bright 'gainst spit-stick pale finger.] You leaning on me makes me feel strong, and you'll always come first in my mind. When Oliver asked me what love is, I told him it was loving someone else first, and then loving yourself, and trusting that person not to let you get lost 'long the way. I believe that. You'll always come first for me. [He nosed 'gainst Damian's nape.] And I wasn't never planning on killing myself. [It was reiteration that was perhaps unnecessary, but Misha repeated it anyway, and the shadow of the faded wings rustled real weak.]