Re: In-person: Misha B/Damian W
You could, [Damian acquiesced,] but you have not. [He sounded plenty sure of that.—When Misha came toward him, though perhaps he not ought have, the man took this as touching and closeness being okay. Implied consent. Was that the phrase? So that, by the time the angel was situated beside him, he was already trying to get to his knees. He let Misha take one hand, but otherwise, he forced himself between the boy's knees, between the cleave of thighs. He did not climb into lace-edged lap, but it was close.
He bit his lip and shook his head, frowning at the pale hand in his own.] No. I am weak. [He was. He could still feel it. If he looked at Misha too long, at black-eaten eyes, he wanted the high the boy had. It was difficult enough to hear the slur where it stuck to words like asphalt in summer without feeling his appetite whet. And that was stupid. Damian knew it was. It was pathetic and stupid, but he could not help it.—Too, he was still angry with Misha for choosing this option, for taking so very much, for thinking it was different, though he knew the boy had no ill-intent.—He did not desire to explain that Xanax, though a prescription drug, was oft-abused. He did not wish to admit that he had used it before, once or twice, when he had run out of other options.] You sh-should be able to do what you need to do, without thinking of me, always. [Damian kept his gaze affixed to hands. His lips were chapped and cracked from the cold.] Though you ought have allowed me to purchase them with you. I likely could have helped you bring the price down. Too, I would know how much you ought take. [HE shook his head, uselessly. It was not as if it truly mattered. It had already happened. And, anyway, Misha was not stupid enough to bring him to a dealer, not even for 'doctor pills.'] I want you to... I want... I want you to talk to me, Misha, [Damian finally managed,] but I do not... not when you sound like you are dead inside. Which you did. Like I had killed you with my selfish desire to be spoken to and included and—[He clenched his jaw and closed his eyes and shook his head.] I just wish to be there for you, as you are for me. I-I take so much. And it is always about me. And I... want you to-to feel supported... [He was rambling, and the number of 'I's being lobbed told him, too, he was being selfish now. So Damian shut himself up as best he could.]