InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "Love you too, everyone"

Damian is son & (heir) wrote in repose,
@ 2017-06-12 17:56:00

Entry tags:

*forum, cat dubrovna, damian wainright, dia pavaar, dick greyson, eddie nelson, jason woods, leena bertolini, louis donovan, misha bellamy, ra's algol, sasha james, stephanie miller, tim dawson

Group: Jason, Dick, Tim, Stephanie, Leena, Dia, Misha, Cat, Sasha, Eddie; Naila; Louis
[Locked to Batfamily+]
[He includes Catalone, Nelson, and Sasha deliberately.]

If anyone has died, say so now.

[Locked to Naila a-K]
[In Arabic.] I saw your memory.

[Locked to Louis D, can be read by Misha B]
Tell me you are not injured once more.

(Read comments) - (Post a new comment)

	Re: [louis d/damian w/misha b] tithe 2017-06-14 02:57 am UTC (link)
	They hadn't gone through things like the folks here. They wanted helping. Here, folks don't take to it real well. Out there, someone feels real awful, and you can make them feel better with a spark. Here, that ain't the case. I reckon. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: [louis d/damian w/misha b] strikethose 2017-06-14 03:00 am UTC (link)
	I'm sorry you found yourself in such a sad place, then. That must be terrible for you. Who trained you? Now you're the one who doesn't sound like you believe what you're saying much. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Re: [louis d/damian w/misha b]

tithe
2017-06-14 04:06 am UTC (link)

It ain't. I sound maudlin. I feel maudlin, but it ain't awful. In fact, it's real beautiful. There's something bout folks that go through things, real awful things, and still make it through and come together and still love on each other, that's real powerful. Humanity, it's all bout this real shining resilience, and the ability to bring something good out of dark things, and to revel real bright in good things.

I was in Heaven from 11 til last year, learning. It felt like forever, and then it felt like it was real brief.

I reckon I need to get back on my meds.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: [louis d/damian w/misha b] strikethose 2017-06-14 06:17 pm UTC (link)
	You also seem to possess that peculiar ability. Even in that very description. [...] I quite literally can't imagine it. I've never had much of a conception of what heaven must be like, aside from what they taught us as children. What was it like for a child? Why? Because you're talking about heaven? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: [louis d/damian w/misha b] tithe 2017-06-14 07:37 pm UTC (link)
	I can see it, but it ain't the same as having it, Honey. Quiet. It was real quiet. Or, more like absence. Like void, I reckon. There ain't no feelings there. Everything's still. No, on account of being sad all the time. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Re: [louis d/damian w/misha b]

strikethose
2017-06-14 08:44 pm UTC (link)

You strike me as someone who's been through some terrible things, made it through, and can still love someone fiercely and try to help others. Who tries to create good out of dark things, and appreciate the bright ones. Is that an inaccurate description?

That sounds [...] terrible. If you don't mind my saying so. Bleak.

We talked a bit about this before. It's an absolutely personal decision, one that only you can make for yourself. I'll say that sadness is normal, but if you feel sad constantly, and it's making it difficult for you to do anything, or engage with anyone, then it might be a good idea. You're the only one who can say that.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: [louis d/damian w/misha b] tithe 2017-06-14 08:52 pm UTC (link)
	I'm made for creating good thing. It ain't honest when you got an advantage, Honey. I hated it a whole lot, and I reckon I'd rather anything than going back to it. I been on meds or in Heaven all my life. Damian says this might just be normal some, but I ain't sure. It's new. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Re: [louis d/damian w/misha b]

strikethose
2017-06-14 09:01 pm UTC (link)

You think so? Is loving Damian a part of that as well? I somehow doubt it, if heaven is a place with no feeling.

I have to agree with you there. If that's what we all have to look forward to after a good life, the Puritans seem more beak to me than ever.

That does make a difference. He may be right - you may be better off simply giving yourself time to feel something you didn't feel before. Get a baseline, so you can tell what's too much.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: [louis d/damian w/misha b] tithe 2017-06-14 09:15 pm UTC (link)
	Loving is something we ain't meant to do specific, but it happens often. We think humans are real beautiful. They're the most beautiful thing we can fathom. For some angels, that makes them hate. For others, it makes them Fall. No, Honey, don't get me wrong. That ain't your Heaven. It's where my kind live. Your Heaven, that's made by you. You get sad often. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Re: [louis d/damian w/misha b]

strikethose
2017-06-14 10:41 pm UTC (link)

Is it one way or the other for you? Seeing yourself as human, or not human at all? You've never used that word before, angel, not to me.

The royal you, I assume.

I do. I've never been on medication for it. I won't deny that therapy might do me good, but I never saw that the causes of my sadness were something medication could fix. I've never been so sad that I couldn't get on with things. I haven't left the shop in weeks, but I'm carrying on. I make plans for my next steps, I work, I talk to family. But that's me.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: [louis d/damian w/misha b] tithe 2017-06-15 01:37 am UTC (link)
	Jude, he's trying to tell me I'm human, and I reckon I'm over-correcting on account. I ain't human. Human is one thing, and I ain't got a lick of it inside me. Your Heaven? Not really. It ain't that simple. Do you ever get real happy? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: [louis d/damian w/misha b] strikethose 2017-06-15 02:00 am UTC (link)
	I don't believe that. I believe you are what you say you are. But you seem very human to me. [...] Stop me if I'm asking about something I shouldn't. How is it, if it's not that simple? These days? [...] No, I suppose not. I feel better. I have good days. Euphoria is not a sensation I've had in a good long while. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: [louis d/damian w/misha b] tithe 2017-06-15 02:07 am UTC (link)
	You just think kindness is human, Honey. Heaven's what folks make it. It ain't something we make. How bout just happy. What small things bring you happiness? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: [louis d/damian w/misha b] strikethose 2017-06-15 02:36 am UTC (link)
	Not necessarily. I think vulnerability is, though. Self-doubt, too. [...] Does everyone who thinks they belong there go there? Is that how it works? Or are there entry requirements? [...] Talking to my family and friends, when things are good. A strong cup of tea. Telling someone about a piece from the store, the story of it. What about you? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: [louis d/damian w/misha b] tithe 2017-06-15 02:39 am UTC (link)
	I reckon most angels don't feel them things, or they ain't meant to. I won't argue with you any there. It's bout the life you live, Honey. Damian. Music. Making folks smile. Tell me bout something in the store. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Re: [louis d/damian w/misha b]

strikethose
2017-06-15 03:01 am UTC (link)

They may be difficult feelings, but they are very much human ones.

I think what I mean is [...] I don't think that's where I'm going, but I was curious what keeps people out.

Those are three very good things. [...] Well, there is a pitcher and wash bowl set in a case on the first floor made by a company named Royal Doulton. They're known for their exquisite porcelain, and it's a very lovely thing, white and blue with gilt accents. It's turn of the century, a little art nouveau, a little arts and crafts. Most of the items in the store were archived and then later inventoried by what I can only assume were two different owners of the shop. The more recent one says "Owner claimed pitcher to be former possession of Empress Elisabeth. Impossible, obviously." Empress Elisabeth I think would be Sissi. She was the Empress of Austria in the last part of the 19th century. She had a very sad life, and she was a strange woman, obsessed with staying beautiful. She spent most of her time travelling, without her husband or her children, and supposedly had many affairs. They say she was one of the most beautiful women of that century, perhaps of all time. A few years before she died, her son died in a very famous murder suicide they call the 'Mayerling Incident.' He shot his mistress, then himself. Then Sissi was also killed, while out travelling. She never stayed at home much after her son died, and an anarchist stabbed her while she was out on the street. No one even realized until she was dead that she'd been stabbed - she stayed upright pretty well until they cut her corset loose, and it had apparently stabilized the wound. They had no idea they were killing her. The irony of that, of this woman, obsessed with beauty, surviving just a little longer because her corset kept her stable, that has always stuck with me.

Regardless, the pitcher in the case can't belong to her. Royal Doulton didn't start producing the 'Aubrey' pattern until 1903, and she died in 1898. And if it did belong to her? It's an interesting mystery, as well as a good story.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Re: [louis d/damian w/misha b]

tithe
2017-06-15 03:22 am UTC (link)

The mind, it's real powerful, even for my kind. I don't look like this if I don't force it, and I reckon I can not feel if I let myself believe I'm what I really am. It's terrifying some.

How they live their lives. I know that's real broad, but it's the answer.

Why ain't it possible the pitcher is hers? It's a real striking image, this woman already dead and not knowing it. That happened a whole lot in the wars recently, where men were all ruined inside, but they looked fine outside and didn't hurt any, and no one knew they were already dead folk inside.

[After he adds the last bit, and having already written his question earlier, while reading, he leaves it.] Why do they think it was hers, I wonder?

Damian and I are going to try that pretty necklace you sent, to see if it makes us sad.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Re: [louis d/damian w/misha b]

strikethose
2017-06-15 08:32 pm UTC (link)

I know that feeling, on a much smaller way. I think all of us are deeply affected by the way we think of ourselves, even if the things our minds might affect are more complex than the average person.

I'll have to think that one over.

I think it is possible, after everything I've seen. And if it is, I'd love to hear what her story might be. I hope someone knows it, somewhere. I think it's just like that, yes.

I don't know. The initial archivist, who I must assume either owned the shop or a large portion of the collection that came into the possession of the shop owner, was rather vague. The second archivist usually sources their notes from old bills of sale or documents they found with the items, but wasn't there for their acquisition. I don't know if the second archivist is the person who left the store to me, or some earlier person. Most of their labels look as if they could have been written any time in the last fifty years. Perhaps the first archivist had a special connection to the objects? Or a way of identifying their origin other than the natural?

Be careful, will you? If you're already feeling down, I wouldn't want you to be weighed too heavily by it.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Re: [louis d/damian w/misha b]

tithe
2017-06-15 08:51 pm UTC (link)

I think it can cloud, how we think, but it can do the opposite too, and I reckon that's what we're all looking for. To be good to ourselves, and help ourselves to feel better some, even if it's hard plenty of the times.

Do you ever go hunting answers bout where that store came from? It's real old in the bones.

Don't you think some sadness can be good? I don't cry, or didn't til recent, but I been thinking it might be good to just cry it all on out.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Re: [louis d/damian w/misha b]

strikethose
2017-06-15 08:55 pm UTC (link)

That's as good a summary as I can think of - and some of us find it much easier than others. I envy those people, though they can also be completely oblivious, so maybe the rest of us don't have it so bad.

I've looked through the records still in the building, but they're fragmentary. I should try reaching out to the county clerk and see if I can find when it was established.

[...] I think it can if you need to get something out of your system. 'Cry it all out,' as you say. If you think it will help, please, by all means. But there is a point where sadness verges into complete despair, and that's never helped anyone.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: [louis d/damian w/misha b] tithe 2017-06-15 09:19 pm UTC (link)
	What are they oblivious bout, do you reckon? But you ain't done it. Why? You worried over what you'll find? I guess I want to know if what I got is just sad or something more, and I reckon the necklace might help. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Re: [louis d/damian w/misha b]

strikethose
2017-06-15 11:31 pm UTC (link)

People who think too well of themselves can be blind to their faults, I think, although I'm realizing now that's not exactly what you said. There's nothing wrong with being good with yourself. It's being full of yourself than can be tricky.

Honestly, there's just been so many other things happening that I am continually interrupted by a catastrophe every time I think I might look into it. I'll see if they've digitized any records, and whether they can be accessed remotely.

It might help you find a benchmark. Just make sure Damian is with you? In case it had a bad effect, so he can take it off straight away.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: [louis d/damian w/misha b] tithe 2017-06-15 11:34 pm UTC (link)
	I think real well of myself. Ask Damian. I'm real vain as can be. There's a place in the Capital that might could help you some. It's over near the Red Light, and it's an old library that only does nonfiction. I doubt real strong anything there's digital, but it might have something could help you. I reckon I can let Damian attend. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: [louis d/damian w/misha b] heir 2017-06-15 11:36 pm UTC (link)
	You are kind to me. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

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tithe, 2017-06-15 11:37 pm UTC

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heir, 2017-06-15 11:38 pm UTC

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tithe, 2017-06-15 11:39 pm UTC

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heir, 2017-06-15 11:40 pm UTC

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tithe, 2017-06-15 11:42 pm UTC

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heir, 2017-06-15 11:48 pm UTC

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tithe, 2017-06-15 11:49 pm UTC

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heir, 2017-06-16 12:08 am UTC

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tithe, 2017-06-16 12:10 am UTC

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heir, 2017-06-16 12:18 am UTC

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heir, 2017-06-16 12:20 am UTC

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tithe, 2017-06-16 12:23 am UTC

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heir, 2017-06-16 12:27 am UTC

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tithe, 2017-06-16 12:28 am UTC

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heir, 2017-06-16 12:33 am UTC

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tithe, 2017-06-16 12:38 am UTC

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heir, 2017-06-16 12:41 am UTC

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strikethose, 2017-06-16 01:23 am UTC

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strikethose, 2017-06-16 01:24 am UTC

	Re: [louis d/damian w/misha b] heir 2017-06-15 11:36 pm UTC (link)
	He is vain, yes, and I will be in attendance as the idea was mine to begin with and I am not stupid. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Re: [louis d/damian w/misha b] -

strikethose, 2017-06-16 01:23 am UTC

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