You are not a fuck-up. You have not been a fuck-up for some time from what I can see. You've clearly been put through the emotional sodding wringer, after having been through a rocky emotional rollercoaster of your very own.
Where are you? And before you tell me to fuck off, do you really want to toss it all in? Because if so, I am going to start driving around this town and knocking on all manner of doors.