Re: [Log: Gym-to-be, Marta and Holly]
"If they can't, and I did, then I'm not." Her eyebrows were up, and wry sass filled her tone. It was only logic, and more proof that she didn't fit into the housewife mold. If this, then that - the format a vaguely remembered practice run for a test that she never took. No tests and no minivans, thank you very much. She didn't snort again, though she did laugh at Holly's rather subdued exaggerated waving. "No? No stilettos or zipper corsets either then, hm?" She was dealing shit right back to him, obviously enjoying it.
He had to go and get serious then, though. But that was okay too, because it could be that way. Life was that way. She managed to get a nibble of her sandwich as she watched the almost-dopey look on his face when he talked about Noah, and she nodded. Because with sobriety and time to think and more conversations with the both of them, what Holly was saying was something she already knew. "I know." She took a moment to think, because she felt like she should say more than that. "It was hard, what you first said. And hard to forget. It wasn't a good thing, all... red flags. But if it'd been true, you wouldn't be this." She hoped that made sense. "None of the stuff since then would've happened." She paused again, then gave the smallest nudge of a tease. "I wouldn't have a new cavity."
And as for the gym? She looked around again as he did. "I get that now."
If the moment before had been a bit more serious, the next turn was even moreso, as they dug into some of the still sore parts of her life. Or a bit more than just sore. "Something like that." It was one of the things that made some of her own thoughts difficult - there was never going to be a time when she was free of her past. There would always be that part of her life, and she hadn't entirely figured out how to have confidence that she could keep moving forward instead of back into it. She could say it to herself every day, build herself up as much as she could, but she didn't yet have enough faith in her own strength.
"Always pressure when. I think about." She took a breath, as deep as she could, even though it skittered around at the end. She looked up at Holly, still obviously annoyed by the betrayal of her own thoughts and mouth and whatever fucked-up connection lived between them. Another breath, this one a little gusty, and she lifted one finger, silently requesting just a minute. Hopefully enough time to find a centered balance again. In the gym, lunch with Holly, easy conversation, someone she'd known for a while and that knew her in return. It was okay. And it was okay too to let him see the struggle, even when she hated showing it. She closed her eyes for a long moment, words coming while she still shut out the rest of the world. "Haven't talked to him. Since that day. Talked about J-amie. Not... her." A pause of stillness, but she was done with her thought, and she gave a tiny little nod for herself as she opened her eyes again.