Re: Derek's place: Derek/Marta
Marta had had surprisingly few physical fights in her life - mostly hers had been sharpened words and emotion. Nothing like the violence that Derek had known (that Marta wasn't aware of, though there was the memory of weapons on the woman that Derek had been so briefly the night of the train). As for being stuck between worlds - yes, Marta often felt that way. She wasn't nearly so stretched between as she'd once been, but there were still moments and even full days where she questioned her place in this particular place. Literally and figuratively. But those days were only ever mentioned to her doctor lately.
She knew Derek's opinion on the way she, Marta, wanted to smooth the paths between herself and others in her life. Though if there were ever an example of how poorly that was working, it was the conversations that she's just finished. A nod was all that she needed as a reply to Derek's question. But in reply to the concept of crossing everyone out? "I... can-'t." No, she was still too tied to the thought of living her life in a way that she could fit others into it. The thought of losing everyone - because that was what she pictured at the suggestion of crossing people off a list - seemed lonelier than she could ever imagine being able to deal with. She'd held that loneliness for so long, but she'd been able to dampen it with enough chemical interaction. Without that cushioning barrier... she shook her head again.
Her eyes lifted at Derek's soft hum, so that she was looking at the other woman at the next question. It made it easy enough for Derek to see the flinch that came with the words, and the next shake of Marta's head. Even with the negation, though, there were still thoughts of Holly's words that twisted together with Derek's. People that were shitty to her, things going wrong not being Marta's fault... "They're..."
Derek's next words didn't make her own thoughts any clearer. There was a vague memory of her reading about three women - one to spin, one to measure, one to cut - and it made Marta frown. It didn't settle her mind to know that everything she was going to do was already decided. Her voice was flat, a bit hopeless, when she got her next words out. "Can't change, then? Why try..."