Re: cottage; ren & adrian
Adrian listened. He was focused today, whatever else was happening inside him, on listening to Ren and working with him. It was easier to stay connected to the momeny and the challenge with a kind teacher, particularly one he had come to trust so much.
"I just wanted to move it in any direction. I didn't choose a target, so it chose one for me. Or instinct did, I suppose - whatever it is that guides it." That he still had no answer for. "It is power," he said.
It was difficult to tell where his eyes were focused with that pall over them. Then the dark disks underneath would move, and the shade of his eyes would shift from one edge to another, giving a hint of where he had fixed them. Right now he was looking at Ren, at his face, and fighting with the sour feeling in his stomach whenever he spoke of the thing out loud. He had to get beyond it. Nothing would progress if it couldn't be spoken of, no matter how strong the whispers in his ear that said it shouldn't be talked about, should never be seen, should be buried and hidden and held. "Where I went to school, they talked about them as a history lesson, as something that no longer happened. But they did say that they were like a parasite. That they acted on unconscious desires and feelings. Rage and misery, in particular. So I don't know if it thinks, really, or acts on its own. It acts for me. In a sense...it does what I want to do, at least in the beginning. I wanted to move the rock, so it moved it, I think." He ran a hand through his hair, grasping it at the nape of his neck. It was getting so long. "I'm sorry. I can talk about telomeres and gene therapy for hours. Something about talking about this. It still turns my stomach. I don't know why."
He took a breath. Visualizing and focusing on what was around him. Could he actually imagine himself lifting the rock? It was a good question. It had been years since he had accessed that power in any other way. "Theoretically...yes." He looked at the mark the rock had made on that distant tree. It was already healing itself, closing over like an old wound. "Can you describe to me what happens when you do it?"