Re: [Portal: Holly & Noah]
Holly wasn't thinking logically, right? I mean, he was unthinkingly employing techniques he'd learned over the past few months, but it wasn't an active-thinking thing. He shoved himself into the base of the tree, and he hugged his knees. He heard the buzzing loudloudLOUD, and he could tell something was outside. Not like Noah could, not in any way that let him know what the thing out there was or wanted, but he could hear it. He could hear the crunch on dead leaves, and the space around him wavered in this way that made him thing of horizons that looked watery. It was fucked up, and he pressed the back of his head against the inside of the tree, and he tried not to think about things... not, not think... he tried not to feel things, because something about this place made him angry and cold, and like he wanted to grab onto his hair and yank, scream, run out from his hiding place and just lose his fucking shit.
So, right. He focused on Noah instead. Another couple seconds, he repeated in his thoughts. He could do that. He could stay still don'tmove for another couple seconds. He didn't want to, but he could.
And, look, so all those thoughts? The fucking drowning and endless sadness, the bottomless yearning that couldn't be fulfilled? Was fucking awful, and it was still better than what Holly was feeling in that tree. Because it was his, right? It was about him, about being missed, about being wanted. It was validation warm in his belly. It was this hurt, yeah, but it was hurt he didn't want Noah to actually feel, and so it made Holly more determined to make it the fuck out of here. Right, a couple more seconds of gut wrenching pain okay, okayokay, okay.
Okay. Go.
Holly didn't even wait to be certain he didn't hear anything. He trusted Noah that much. So, Noah said go, and that was what Holly did. He scrambled out from inside the tree, gunk and goop clinging to him, soaking his hair and his clothing, but Holly didn't even stop to brush the stuff from his face. He just ran, but he slipped twice, and he cursed, because he knew it was loud. He knew it. He fucking knew it, even if he couldn't hear it for all the ringing in his ears.