Re: Haven / Friday: After the Train
The voice was familiar even before Marta opened her eyes, and her next breath hitched a little when she inhaled. How could she not know the voice? She heard it nearly every day now that she was back at her job, telling her when things needed doing, giving her little encouragements throughout her shifts. She held her breath until she had to let it out again, and with it came the softest shaky whisper: "D--erek..."
She finally let her eyes blink open again in a flicker of dark lashes, grateful to see that she was right about who was there. She didn't think too closely about the woman that had been holding her had a few seconds earlier, and the way that hand had never left hers while her eyes were shut. You know me with a different face, she'd said, and that was apparently true. But for the moment, she was able to nudge the curiosity away and just try to accept the strangeness. Even with the flicker of light that seemed to come right from Derek's hand.
It was hard to give the answer to Derek's questions, not because her mind could find them, but because the words stuck in her throat like dry food. It was pain and ache and the absence of sounds for a moment, worse than she'd been in a long while. Definitely worse than Derek had ever seen her since her return. She shook her head instead, because it wasn't bad being the person on the train. So changeable, and able to be anything that other people wanted. Anything they desired, without anything they didn't want. She knew that it came at the cost of losing self, but would that really be so bad? She knew her doctor would likely say yes, and maybe... maybe other people would too? Even if she was still struggling with the thought for herself. And perhaps also with the thought of losing the opportunity to be a person that someone else wanted. She kept her eyes down, took another breath, and tried to name people in her mind that maybe would accept her as she was. There were a few (a very few) that came to mind, and she clung to the thought.