Re: NYC: Hannah & Hugh
She did mean it. He was a good friend, and she knew that sometimes she wasn't really easy to be friends with. She talked in circles and got lost in her head, and she had a lot of things that were confused and scared and trauma. She knew all these things, but he'd still been there for her, and he was good to her, and anyone who had him as a friend would be really, really lucky.
Quietly, she waited. She watched his face as he thought, and she knew he would think it all through, because he was thoughtful that way. She watched him turn the cup. She sipped from her own water, and when the waitress came she did ask for another cup of the sparkly-sweet wine. Just a little more. Just enough to make her sleepy, and it made the conversation easier, too. And it was a lot to put on him, but she didn't want to rage at Si. She didn't want Si and Jamie to argue because of her, and if she told Si then he and Jamie would absolutely argue.
"Thank you," she said when he finally spoke, because it was wonderful to have someone understand. "The person he told asked me not to be mad at him, not to be mad at Jamie, I mean, and I don't know how not to be. I also don't know how not to be hurt that he said he didn't know how he felt about me being his sister now. I understand, but it's still hard. Imagine if you woke up, just as you are right now, all the same thoughts and feelings, and you think you're you, and it turns out you're not. It's hard for people to look at me as something different. My sister jokes about my getting computer viruses and shutting down, and I know it's her way of dealing too, but it's still hard." And now she was talking too much, and the wine came, and she took a long, long swallow.
"I haven't talked to Jamie since he said he wasn't sure. I don't think it'll be trouble. I hope it won't be. But the more people that know things, then the more people they can tell, and that's dangerous."