Re: Phone Call: Seven/Marta
[It’s a “discussion” she’s tried to have more than once. She may not remember everything she’s done over the past few years, but she doesn’t feel it’s fair for her to be able to just brush it all away. She hasn’t yet been able to find a way to say it so that she can explain the whole feeling to her doctor, and she doubts she’s going to be able to now for Seven. It makes her sigh, frustration around the edges (and even that unspoken annoyance harkens back to older attitudes of hers - the ones that he might recognize).] Still did things. Still me doing. No... blank slate.
[He asks if she’s listening, and she knows this cadence. The rhythm of him telling, asking, moving on with what he wants to say. It’s familiar in a way that’s almost like her daily schedule: learned, memorized, comforting. She knows that he doesn’t expect much of a reply, so she only gives a little hum to prompt him on. And she listens, the way she does with her doctor, and the way she does in groups - closely, and trying to be as open as possible to what’s being said.
And it’s something that her doctor’s told her as well. It’s a theme she’s heard in her time there. Everyone there is working through things, often heavy things that are almost too hard to carry. She’s had to crack herself open more than once to dig and poke at things that she’d never wanted to acknowledge again. She hates doing it, but the fact that she has (and is still standing and sober) is at least a little proof of what he’s telling her. Even if the destructive little voice in her head wants to shout all the reasons he’s wrong. It’s an ongoing struggle for her.
She can tell he’s tired. Worn thin is likely more accurate. She wonders for a moment if he’s sleeping, eating, taking care of himself. She wonders if he has anyone other than Tommy to bully him into that self-care. She worries. But she’s pulled away from it by his not-fooling-her-at-all casual tone, and she stays silent as she shifts her position in the armchair she’s occupying, letting that thought settle over her.] ...oh.