Re: [Club: Hannah and Caspar]
Hannah was clinging to hope on the edge of that smile. Please, please, please indeed, but it was a silent plea for him to not know her face, to not remember, and she'd never been the type of beauty Marcus preferred. She'd known that even early, even when she'd met the man she would marry. He'd always had someone beautiful on his arm, Marcus, and he'd been a lot older than her, a talker, wealthy and charming when he wanted to be. Her dad had loved him, and she'd thought that for once, for once she could have something stable and steady. She thought she could help Si for once, be the one contributing instead of Molly doing it all the time, and she'd believed a live spent comfortably was better than one spent in love. Mom and Dad had loved each other, and Dad had ended up broken into pieces, and she wanted care and not passion. Or she'd convinced herself, and she remembered Caspar. She knew he, Caspar, was a family disappointment, even though Marcus had never, ever talked to her about things like that. But she'd listened and heard, and no one paid attention when she was sitting quietly in a room. She didn't draw attention, and she knew now it was one of the reasons Marcus had married her. She'd been grateful, and he'd felt superior, and the rest was history.
But she hadn't seen Caspar often, and occasions slipped by and by in that life, and she could convince herself that Caspar didn't even remember her face. Why would he? She wasn't one of Marcus' buxom blondes covered in diamonds and pearls.
And he was saying not really...
And she was starting to breathe a relieved breath, and her client wasn't anywhere, but she was going to leave him. She'd just decided that it was worth the loss of a night's wages, and it was worth the loss of a repeat client, and she'd have to just take the loss of the bus ticket, but she could get out before remembering dawned like sunrise on Caspar's face.
"Oh," she said quietly, not too quickly, not like the deer in headlights she resembled. It was going to be okay, okay, okay, a litany of reassurance in her own mind, and she couldn't even remember she was Hannah in that moment. All that facade and false convincing had seeped away. "It was nice to talk to you," she added, and she began to turn, and then his eyes went wide and, once again, she froze.
As much as she wanted to be, in that moment she was no Cathy on a heathered moor. There was none of that daring in her limbs, and she licked her lips and motioned toward the exit. "I have to go," she added, and she turned, closed her eyes tight a moment, and then began to wind through the crowd.